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JJNot

Missing the UK

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1 hour ago, JJNot said:

Thank you for all your replies and concerns. I have been to speak to a GP and I am getting counselling. It’s just not what I expected - we came to Oz for a happier, healthier life but if anything I’ve never been more unhappy. I’m sure there is an element of PTSD although I feel it would be unfair to say this as when I think of PTSD, I think of war heroes, not silly whingers like me. Moving during covid with 2 small children was incredibly tough. As I was the main driver in it all, I do carry a lot of guilt for the heart of my family in the UK who miss my girls so much. And not having the family support here with my Dad and his partner that we thought we would, is like a double blow. I guess my question is, how long do I wait before I think about moving back? I wouldn’t consider it for at least another year given the state of UK with covid etc. But how long should I allow myself to feel this way? And has anyone gone back to UK and was actually really happy??

Good on you for seeking help! I hope you find a counsellor you get along really well with. 
How long should you wait? That’s really one of those pieces of string questions and posters will generally give you the “give it 2 years” mantra - personally, I’d  start making overtures to see what you could possibly reclaim of your previous life and how easy it might be for you to step back into it.  Start with jobs, could you/your OH get back into work? Perhaps let that drive your time frame. Start applying for jobs you would kill to get so you know that you’ll be moving with something in hand. It may mean you leave in a hurry but it can be done (I don’t advocate the 3 days it took us but a couple of weeks is doable!) 
We were back for nearly 9 years and I have to say it was the best thing ever. I got “me” back, I wasn’t depressed any more and my health- both physical and mental- improved out of sight. If we had been younger we might have stayed but we left it too late and it wasn’t financially pragmatic. 
I do hope that you don’t let any guilt get you down - and don’t let it drive you down one particular pathway or another. Move - or not - because it will be the best thing for you not because of what other people may be feeling.

Good luck with it all and look after yourself because nobody else is going to do it for you!  

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@JJNot I totally agree with Quoll.  

To answer the question in your original post, yes plenty of people have moved back to the UK and were really happy with their choice.  Some people ping ping between the 2 countries but I think they are in the minority.

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@JJNot, did you read the thread I posted a link to? Lots and lots of people go home and are very happy 

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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2 minutes ago, Toots said:

@JJNot I totally agree with Quoll.  

To answer the question in your original post, yes plenty of people have moved back to the UK and were really happy with their choice.  Some people ping ping between the 2 countries but I think they are in the minority.

I know a few families who have ping ponged but they seem to keep it quiet as they feel embarrassed! no idea why, each to their own and who's business is it anyway except theirs. On the flip side this is one of the reasons i personally wouldn't think of moving back until i had citizenship. It is just that bit more security for you / your kids to return without any hassle and hoop jumping at some point in the future if they wanted. 

  Cal x


If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place...

If you get a chance,take it, If it changes your life,let it. Nobody said it would be easy they just said it would be worth it...

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33 minutes ago, calNgary said:

I know a few families who have ping ponged but they seem to keep it quiet as they feel embarrassed! no idea why, each to their own and who's business is it anyway except theirs. On the flip side this is one of the reasons i personally wouldn't think of moving back until i had citizenship. It is just that bit more security for you / your kids to return without any hassle and hoop jumping at some point in the future if they wanted. 

  Cal x

Yes I suppose there is that Cal. Something to think about but a few of the posters are so miserable and depressed it's probably too much think about.

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On 26/03/2021 at 05:04, JJNot said:

Hi! So we (me, husband and two girls 5 and 1) moved to Perth last year during the height of Covid. It was very stressful, but we were so grateful to be able to get out of the UK and live normal lives here. Moving to Australia had been everything I wanted and worked so hard for. I wanted a better life for myself and my family. My Dad and brother live here and I had been out to visit a few times and loved it. I kept thinking this is the best place to raise a family. I know we'd miss family in UK but I had family here so thought it would be OK. Unfortunately, not long after our arrival there was a big family fall out. Although everyone is back on talking terms, nothing is like it once was. My girls are very happy here, especially my eldest. Both my husband and I have good jobs and earn good money. But for some reason, I am miserable!! I cannot seem to settle or make many friends. I miss my family back home so very much. I now suffer from the worst anxiety and I don't know what to do. I was the complete driving force behind the move here and now I regret it so much. I just don't know what to do. I am very close with my Mum and inlaws and I know they are missing the girls terribly. But they were also so supportive in our move here. 

Did anyone else struggle when they arrived in Oz and how long did it last for? or did anyone go back to the UK and was actually really happy with their choice??

Yes and that feeling never left us.. The moment any of that missing home feeling comes is a seed which plants and grows itself. You sort of feel it in your gut.   After a few weeks stuck away out there we already knew it wasn’t what it was made out to be.  We stayed a number of years but the feeling and desire to return never went away. It was all just a bit too remote and cut off from everything away out there.  We love it back in UK.  

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On 31/03/2021 at 11:10, newjez said:

As I said, I think you are confusing PTS with PTSD. There's a lot of difference.

Migration can be one of the most stressful events we undertake. Especially migration with a one year old. Especially migration with family issues. Especially during covid.

We did this twenty years ago. Without the covid.

My wife suffered from anxiety and depression as a result. She refused to get any help, and we ended up returning to the UK within the year. That was a decision she has always regretted.

We don't always appreciate the stress we are under, and we often trivialise it. But it often manifests itself regardless.

Obviously I am not talking about PTSD which people get after a war etc, but PTS is a very real thing.

I saw parallels with my own situation and advised as such. I don't really understand why you are behaving like this.

Sorry, initially you came across as another Facebook professor, handing out dubious medical advice. I have a good understanding of mental health disorders (and know the difference between PTS with PTSD) because of the work I do, although that's not my area of expertise. The OP has been here the perfect length of time to be suffering from an acute case of homesickness, which under normal circumstances may often be cured by a trip back to good old Blighty. It's awful for those of us here who are missing family at the moment - and I sympathise - but think it's better to try and establish a support mechanism here, rather than jump out of the frying pan, So did you return to Australia in the end, or was that it for you?

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On 27/03/2021 at 08:45, Bulya said:

Why Perth?  

Good Point. Perth is perhaps the most isolated city the world. Take it from there.

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On 26/03/2021 at 13:04, JJNot said:

Hi! So we (me, husband and two girls 5 and 1) moved to Perth last year during the height of Covid. It was very stressful, but we were so grateful to be able to get out of the UK and live normal lives here. Moving to Australia had been everything I wanted and worked so hard for. I wanted a better life for myself and my family. My Dad and brother live here and I had been out to visit a few times and loved it. I kept thinking this is the best place to raise a family. I know we'd miss family in UK but I had family here so thought it would be OK. Unfortunately, not long after our arrival there was a big family fall out. Although everyone is back on talking terms, nothing is like it once was. My girls are very happy here, especially my eldest. Both my husband and I have good jobs and earn good money. But for some reason, I am miserable!! I cannot seem to settle or make many friends. I miss my family back home so very much. I now suffer from the worst anxiety and I don't know what to do. I was the complete driving force behind the move here and now I regret it so much. I just don't know what to do. I am very close with my Mum and inlaws and I know they are missing the girls terribly. But they were also so supportive in our move here. 

Did anyone else struggle when they arrived in Oz and how long did it last for? or did anyone go back to the UK and was actually really happy with their choice??

Sorry to hear you are going through these emotions. I can totally relate as I have been through it all. The initial feelings of guilt and homesickness can be debilitating at times, but they will pass, or ease at least. 
 

Well done for seeking help to get you through this difficult patch 💗

I’ve now been in Perth for 11 years (with a couple of stints back home for visa reasons/birth of first child). I’m also in Perth with two boys aged 6 and 8 months. 
 

All I can say, from my experience, is that kids are happy when their parents are happy. They don’t care about the material things like nice houses, good jobs etc. I’ve also realised those things are not as important as I believed they were when I moved back here with my then 5 month old in 2015. Yes it’s great to have these nice things and sunshine but at what expense? I also find it incredibly hard not having support with young children. I have another baby now who is 8 months and most days I just wish my Mum was here to help. It’s great that your eldest has settled well but after a few years in Perth you will have visited all the attractions and may find it boring. The intense summer heat also makes it difficult getting out with kids (especially babies) so I’m finding we’re confined to our home and air con for half of the year. My son also loves to go on holidays and travel and we’re very limited here with where we can go. We’ve done down south many times and have been to Singapore which is awesome for families but otherwise travel within Australia is very expensive. 
 

You clearly came out here with the best intentions and if you weren’t feeling so guilty/homesick you’d probably be happy with your decision. Those feelings will ease so maybe give it another 6 months then reassess. How does your partner feel?

Your kids are young enough to cope with a move back if that’s what you choose. They just need a happy Mum so don’t be afraid to put your feelings and wants/needs first. I’ve finally reached that point and we are hoping to move back to the UK soon.

Just out of curiosity, what suburb of Perth are you in? 

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On 28/03/2021 at 10:34, ramot said:

Toots I am very similar to you, apart from marrying an Australian. We have lived in several countries, came to live here when we retired. We had lived in Brunei for the previous 10 years, weren’t ready to go back to UK, felt we had a bit more living to do first, so came initially for a few years to enjoy living in yet another country and never left. Had loved our previous visits here and felt at home here very soon after we arrived.  Pre covid we went back to UK for 3 months every year, to spend  time with our son and grandsons,  but we know that UK is not for us. Enjoy all the British tv programs, the countryside in escape to the country, but don’t miss it.

I think we are lucky that apart from a Canadian friend, no one else we know really seems to miss and want to return to their homelands. I hadn’t realised how sad some people are.

There is good reason for that, as I have learnt 😏

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On 28/03/2021 at 11:34, ramot said:

We ... felt at home here very soon after we arrived. ...but we know that UK is not for us. Enjoy all the British tv programs, the countryside in escape to the country, but don’t miss it.

Me too.  British TV is the best, I always enjoy going round the shops when I'm there, and it is nice being so close to Europe for holidays.  But for day-to-day living, I'm happier in Australia.  I'm not even sure why, I just am.  

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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On 02/04/2021 at 20:34, Dusty Plains said:

Good Point. Perth is perhaps the most isolated city the world. Take it from there.

 

On 07/04/2021 at 08:17, MumOfTwo said:

Sorry to hear you are going through these emotions. I can totally relate as I have been through it all. The initial feelings of guilt and homesickness can be debilitating at times, but they will pass, or ease at least. 
 

Well done for seeking help to get you through this difficult patch 💗

I’ve now been in Perth for 11 years (with a couple of stints back home for visa reasons/birth of first child). I’m also in Perth with two boys aged 6 and 8 months. 
 

All I can say, from my experience, is that kids are happy when their parents are happy. They don’t care about the material things like nice houses, good jobs etc. I’ve also realised those things are not as important as I believed they were when I moved back here with my then 5 month old in 2015. Yes it’s great to have these nice things and sunshine but at what expense? I also find it incredibly hard not having support with young children. I have another baby now who is 8 months and most days I just wish my Mum was here to help. It’s great that your eldest has settled well but after a few years in Perth you will have visited all the attractions and may find it boring. The intense summer heat also makes it difficult getting out with kids (especially babies) so I’m finding we’re confined to our home and air con for half of the year. My son also loves to go on holidays and travel and we’re very limited here with where we can go. We’ve done down south many times and have been to Singapore which is awesome for families but otherwise travel within Australia is very expensive. 
 

You clearly came out here with the best intentions and if you weren’t feeling so guilty/homesick you’d probably be happy with your decision. Those feelings will ease so maybe give it another 6 months then reassess. How does your partner feel?

Your kids are young enough to cope with a move back if that’s what you choose. They just need a happy Mum so don’t be afraid to put your feelings and wants/needs first. I’ve finally reached that point and we are hoping to move back to the UK soon.

Just out of curiosity, what suburb of Perth are you in? 

I feel like you completely get this/me!! Thank god. I feel like such an ungrateful fool for being this way. 
I am living in Carramar NOR. What about you?

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I really do, and my heart goes out to you because the emotions can be so strong at times. I don’t think you’re being ungrateful at all. You haven’t criticised Aus, you’ve simply stated how your feelings are not what you anticipated - and you’re definitely not alone with that! 
 

I’m a few suburbs down Wanneroo Road, in Hocking ☺️ We must be living parallel lives! Where in the UK are you from? I’m from the North West (Cheshire/Manchester).

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Good on you for reaching out to a GP, right now you can get 20 sessions covered by medicare with a psychologist or other professional on referral. Anxiety is the most common mental illness in Australia and effects people differently. As for PTSD it's not just for military that's a very common misconception that is put right very quickly in any support group, and amongst professionals. One of the benefits of Australia compared to UK is access to services for mental health problems.

Whatever you decide  try and do it with a clear mind, be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to work it out. I have been  where you are, as an ex remote medic with a history of severe PTSD and all it's accompanying mates, One of the things I can thank Australia for is helping me get fixed again. Now I have a clear mind, I  still plan on UK but when time is right and covid pulls its head in.

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I moved back to the UK after 5 years in Australia. The second I got back to the UK I felt disappointed and like I had made a mistake. In Australia I definitely lived in the wrong place. Great house but miles from anywhere, not what I like.

im going back to Australia and making a better decision on where to live.

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43 minutes ago, Coxy7 said:

I moved back to the UK after 5 years in Australia. The second I got back to the UK I felt disappointed and like I had made a mistake. In Australia I definitely lived in the wrong place. Great house but miles from anywhere, not what I like.

im going back to Australia and making a better decision on where to live.

Most Poms pick a place that isn’t right after insufficient research, and then they don’t move!   You’re one of the very, very few that’s looking at the big picture.  You’ll probably nail it this time...

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2 hours ago, Bulya said:

Most Poms pick a place that isn’t right after insufficient research, and then they don’t move!   You’re one of the very, very few that’s looking at the big picture.  You’ll probably nail it this time...

I'm not sure most Poms is fair but I am certainly amazed by the number of people that would never dream of living in a distant, soulless suburb in the UK who choose to live in distant, soulless suburb in Australia and then complain about how boring it is.

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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

Dale Carnegie – 1888-1955, Author and Lecturer

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4 hours ago, NicF said:

I'm not sure most Poms is fair but I am certainly amazed by the number of people that would never dream of living in a distant, soulless suburb in the UK who choose to live in distant, soulless suburb in Australia and then complain about how boring it is.

Definitely. I think the main reason we feel so at home here is the place we chose to live.  Not dissimilar to where we lived in the uk, a small  touristy town with lots of amenities, half an hour from the city.  Much warmer and a lot less damp here though!

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So many wineries ......so little time :yes:

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5 hours ago, NicF said:

I'm not sure most Poms is fair but I am certainly amazed by the number of people that would never dream of living in a distant, soulless suburb in the UK who choose to live in distant, soulless suburb in Australia and then complain about how boring it is.

Lack of research.  I’ve never lived in a distant, soulless suburb anywhere.  

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9 hours ago, Coxy7 said:

I moved back to the UK after 5 years in Australia. The second I got back to the UK I felt disappointed and like I had made a mistake. In Australia I definitely lived in the wrong place. Great house but miles from anywhere, not what I like.

im going back to Australia and making a better decision on where to live.

You aren't alone.

Quite a number of members on here did the same thing. Went 'home' to the UK and immediately regretted it. They returned to Australia in 18 months or so and a very expensive exercise which many do not recover from as they had sold a house and then struggle to buy again when they came back.

Still I think many have to go through the experience to actually come to the realisation..

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I want it all, and I want it now.

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Posted (edited)

Let's be factual for once, the use of the word 'most' is misleading here. 'Most' people who move back to the UK stay in the UK. Fact.

Edited by s713
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4 minutes ago, s713 said:

Let's be factual for once, the use of the word 'most' is misleading here. 'Most' people who move back to the UK stay in the UK. Fact.

Did someone say they didn't?

 


I want it all, and I want it now.

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4 hours ago, Bulya said:

Lack of research.  I’ve never lived in a distant, soulless suburb anywhere.  

You must be very lucky as there are so many to choose from here .....if soulless is your cup of tea then you can have the whole teapot here 😁

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