bug family

Thank you for your post Jennyrose, sounds like your having a tough time of it, hopefully you get that house in cheshire and settle back into UK life without too many bumps in the road I also think that this is great advice, leave it much later than 50 and your options start to narrow rapidly

Hi to all on PIO, A little update hope you and yours are all well X It has been a roller coaster over the last few months; since I last wrote on here I have been very busy (did I expect anything else) .....side note a rather experienced health care professional recently discussed a potential diagnosis (off the record and not official) of ADHD ..for me ...cheeky ...but something for me to consider ...when I get time....is this why I never settled in Aus? I am no longer employed as a Paramedic around Manchester.....................(an amazing bunch of people to work with) Because I am now employed as a Paramedic for the Welsh ambulance service I am finally home following some intense interviews, clinical tests and a months' worth of blue light emergency driving assessments ... I got the Job for the people of Wales (and England as we operate over the border).. I am proud to serve all before me, regardless, it is a privilege to serve all..... I have also found a very small 350-year-old! cottage in a small village ...that I have been accepted for a mortgage for. I have to be honest I have had many 'wobbles' over the past few months... I am in some ways my own worst enemy...maybe I like to test / torture myself.. for example, I have set up a screen saver on my desktop computer ..it scrolls past pictures of my children and my life in Australia ...I love seeing my children's pictures scroll past, aaaaand it absolutely destroys me at the same time .... I miss them, that aching has not and will never go away... My wife (ex wife) I cannot as yet get used to the past tense in that statement, has definitely moved on as she has had a number of ..liasons, dates what ever you want to call them...and has now got a stable partner again, I am happy that she is happy again.....but it is a very bitter pill to swallow. If I am honest....I still miss her ... I carry my wedding ring around with me in my 'manbag' which goes every where with me ....yes I know this is not probably healthy but it suits me ..for now...after all I am thousands of miles away, I recently went on a coffee date....I enjoyed myself (nothing physical), I was honest, ridiculous though it sounds I felt guilty for meeting another women...I guess its to soon for me.... Many times I have wanted to go back...but the logical part of me realises that that would be harder than staying put....plus my wife (ex) has said I cannot go back..... being single again, in mid-life presents new challenges, it is at times very lonely and without purpose, once you have been a functional father being without your children and partner sets you adrift .... I now can see those that are also invisible, ....as I am also invisible....I shop at the large super-markets ...I sometimes feel embarrassment, ...a cursory nod to those in the same boat ...until you wear the uniform of singularity you will not know how this feels..... I have never noticed to quote the Beatles ' All the lonely people' before.....(next time you are shopping really take a look)...its the person with a small milk and micro meals.... Anyhow I am hopeful to complete on my (and my children's) small cottage in a small Welsh village within the next month...it needs work...but then so do I .... don't we all....I absolutely love my Job....I make a difference , every day.... I make sure of it.....the 93 yr. old who was my patient recently...we both sat and ate cake and tea ...we may be from different decades... but we are the same .....

thank you tea4too, I have deliberately picked up a shift working Christmas day and am working over most of Christmas, I admit I am finding it hard as I have never been away from the children this long or at Christmas......... but the thought of setting them up for another future and seeing them again one day keeps me going This time next year I will be in my own house again...and they will be here for Christmas x Happy Christmas tea4too x

Well hello to you all at PIO, I have missed you and the group but I have deliberately not posted until now as I wanted to give myself sometime to get over the initial shock of moving my worlds…literally, I have been so very very busy with new job / divorce / saying goodbye / saying hello / trying to settle / British life again and just feeling like I am back home and belong it has been the hardest thing I have ever done, I knew it would be but until I sat down in the single room in the shared house and the door shut it didn’t really hit home, I sat there in silence, no more voices of my children, no more cooking meals, dancing to music with my daughter, being a silly dad……Australia for me was with the people I love with all my heart, but not in the place that I love…….and that is eventually toxic to your soul I cannot pretend that it has not been a bumpy ride, I have had moments when the aching to see the children have been so bad that I started packing a bag and looking at flights…after all I could just do it, I could just get a cab, get a flight and go back…..but even though that’s what my heart wants my head is telling me to stay, I should explain that when I came to Australia I was very homesick from day one, but I decided to not just cut and run, I needed to keep going to ‘ see it through’ to ‘ stick it out’ …ten and a half years later I finally left so how has it been, other than the difficult bits, missing my children, new job, new people etc Amazing….I can only describe that the feeling of being back where I belong has been like a weight lifted of my shoulders…like I have been released from a prison, like I had never left…really…I knew that somethings will have changed, the people I knew would have a few more wrinkles, houses and roads would now be in places that they where not in before, but on the whole ten years have not really changed that much, since being back I spend all my time when I am not working exploring…not only does it help to keep my mind occupied, it helps with mental health to have an interest outside of work, something totally separate the food….the food …..honestly the choice and the food….. the places every town, every village, every city is individual and different…. the pubs ….say no more…there are hundreds of them each one different the beaches…the mountains…the long country drives …the late nights …..the late sunsets I have met some really lovely people, I forgot how friendly people are, and how they are willing to help you or check in on you, I have just got back from camping around the lochs of Scotland, every spare moment I get I go camping and exploring….I can’t pretend it’s all roses I have to admit it would be nice to share my time with someone…it can be lonely at times A couple of things I have found really difficult, I have gone from being with someone and serving a purpose as a dad, to being not needed as such, it’s a weird unsettling feeling, I have had to try and get used to no one being there when I get in from a journey or work, it doesn’t matter what time I get in no one is waiting for me, I do find this hard a song came on you tube whilst I was listening to Coldplay yesterday it’s called ‘daddy’……it really got me….I cried and that doesn’t happen often on a plus note the work here is so very, varied and I feel like I have already made a difference in my patients lives, when I am at work I am totally committed to my job and the patient before me, I switch off my personal life and switch on my paramedic head, to say I have had some eye opening jobs is an understatement, My next move is to get a mortgage, I have to wait until I have three months wage advices so I can approach a lender….I am working around Manchester which is not where I want to be, but I got ‘put here’ so will have to stay for now….however I will be looking to get a place back in North Wales as soon as possible, as that is my home i have a post stick note on my cupboard in my room …I look at it most days ….i wrote it when I arrived, ‘ one step, one day at a time’ I realise there is a long road to go, but I am getting there…..slowly, ………is it all great nope, nothing ever is, is it home absolutely

Ten long years ago I made a promise to myself and my country that I would have an adventure down under, but that I would return home one day ......that time is now upon me and I am now leaving this great southern land to return home to work as a paramedic for north west ambulance service around Manchester It has been an amazing ten years I have worked with and met so many amazing people, I have seen and done things I could never have dreamt of, it was so very hard to say good bye. Just waiting for my plane at Perth airport Wish me luck on my next adventure I'm coming home xxx

I shall discover this in two weeks time...............................

Hi Davier, It was a toss up between Australia and Canada for us before we came, what made the decision easier was that my wife (now ex) had already been to Australia on a number of occasions. would have loved to have tried Canada, maybe one day

yep...^^^^ this is me ..put in my divorce application last week ....and booked my flight back home

Hi Lucia, I totally understand where you are at, I posted the question on here ' how long before your realised that Australia was or was not the place you wanted to spend the rest of your days' in the UK CHAT section, have a look if you get a chance there are many who share similar experiences to you. My own experience is very similar to yours, my wife, myself and our then 3 year old (Daniel) moved over some 11 years ago to Perth from the U.K. this was then closely followed by her parents and brother, During the 11 years here we have had another child Emily who is now 9 years old and is a real daddys girl We had initially set a time limit of ten years maximum stay before we even left the UK and then 'WE' are going back home'....fast forward 11 years and the 'WE' unfortunately has turned to 'I' am going back home'..... I will be leaving in another month or so just waiting to get confirmed dates, I retrained as a paramedic out here and am going back to work for the NHS, .....leaving my children here will be so very,...very hard....the most difficult thing i have ever done.... My wife and I are no longer together, although we live together and are good friends we are now legally separated...... My point of telling you this is that we came here as a strong happily married couple just like you, but homesickness and longing to go home takes a toll.....it has cost me my marriage and a lot more besides, ...the move back is very bitter sweet, I get to go back to where I belong ...but without the people I love (my children) However I intend to work hard get a mortgage and set up a house again (hopefully) and give them the opportunity of another home in another part of the world where they will be able to live, should they choose to do so when they are older. It hit home for me the other day when I had to fill out a form for my new employer that asked questions about who I am traveling with and bringing over to the UK.....Alongside each question, partner,children, animals etc I wrote the word 'none' .... For me Australia has given me a new chance at life , a new career, I have met some amazing people and for that I am very grateful, but it was never going to be a full stop for me, just a comma, an adventure, to see and live another life, which it has been ... I have said many times that life is truly so very short (I see this everyday)....I hope you find happiness and can resolve this, take care p.s. feel free to message me anytime if you need a chat or want someone to vent to

I am sorry to hear this about your dad, I am sure this is very personal for you and I appreciate everyone's input on this . I am not leaving my children for good though, yes the logistics and heartache of seeing them every now and then will be difficult, but not impossible, I am their dad and I will move mountains see them again of that I am sure It is funny in life how history repeats itself, when i was a child we as a family moved to South Africa for a few years, this was due to my father being attached to the south African government (for some reason) as an advisor from the Royal Air force (R.A.F). At the time I was a bit younger than my daughter Emily's age (6 or 7 yrs old) and I remember my mum being terribly home sick, after a year or so my mum and younger sister left and went back to the UK to live, leaving myself and my brother with my dad, and then out the blue approximately about a year later my brother and I where told we where going back to the U.K.and put on a plane without my dad and traveled unaccompanied back to the UK......I did not see my dad again for a number of years.... no real explanation just that he was 'working for the RAF / British government'. He eventually returned to the UK some years later and life resumed as normal.............some twenty years later my dad sat us down one day and produced a letter and asked us to read it, the letter was from the then South African government, it was a pardon and exonerated him from any wrong doing and stated that if he wished to do so, he could return to South Africa without fear of arrest. I admit it reads like a spy novel but apparently all them years without my dad had not been spent working, he was in fact arrested and first of all put in prison and subsequently put under house arrest, due to being found in possession of some sensitive documents (not sure who they where sensitive to the British or south African government)....he wanted us to read the letter as he always felt ashamed for leaving us all them years previously and wanted us to know why and that it was not his fault.........My dad sadly died some 15 years ago now (from an accidental event) .........I miss my dad and think of him often, he was a brilliant dad and a very interesting character.......the time spent apart from him all them years previously as a child did not cause me to resent him or diminish my love for him one bit

Absolutely 100 % this ^^^^^^^

Thank you for sharing this insight Ramot, this must have been a very difficult part of your life, It will as I have said before be one of the hardest things I have ever done, leaving them makes me catch my breath, and there are days and nights when I stop and think can I really do this.........but when I work out the options there are few for me to choose from and none of them work out to be satisfactory and without some pain, I do know that it would be totally impractical and unfair to remove them from their lives, friends and school here and try and fit them into what is going to be a hectic new start back home, The best I can do for them is to leave them here with their mum in their own house, going to the school they know, living in an area that is "home" to them, once i have set up (hopefully 6 months) then I will fly them over for their long school holidays, and hopefully in time, if they would like to, they can come and live in the U.K. with me, when I do eventually get a house i have told them there will be their own bedroom waiting for them. I sincerely hope that the job that I will be doing back home will allow me to concentrate on other peoples lives and therefore hopefully not leave me time to dwell on my own to much

No ...that is why i am moving to Wales lol , Yes absolutely, I love England (Scotland, Ireland, Wales) it is home, it is where I feel I belong, its my place on the planet why wouldn't I? .....interested to know what you think Parley

My opinion of a 'success of it', maybe very different from yours or anyone else's, how do you define a success is it in material wealth or experience's had whilst living in a foreign land ? Also how long before you realise that you have made a bad choice, surely this can only been determined retrospectively, by which time it is to late, is there a time limit on this? what if by that time your family are settled and years have gone by. I have fitted in and have also made some great friends here, and trust me I am going back to where I came from, It is no slight on Australia or disrespect to the people here, for me I came, I lived, I saw and preferred where I came from.......

Literally you definitely can 'go back', but yes I agree you will take away from where ever you have lived what ever your experience has brought to you, living abroad you cannot help to compare and the experience can either be positive or negative or as most will find a bit of both, even though in some ways Australia has not worked out for me and I am firm in where is my home i will take some positives away when I leave here