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Marisawright

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Marisawright last won the day on January 4

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About Marisawright

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  1. Quality of life for kids

    I've bolded the important section. I'm not convinced I see many parents putting their own emotions ahead of what's best for the children, anywhere on these forums. What I see, FAR too often, is people assuming Australia MUST be a better life for kids, and therefore they sacrifice their own emotions to get there. My point is, Australia is NOT always a better life for kids. It depends where you come from, where you're going, how your finances will change, and how much importance you place on relationships. Some people might feel lifestyle and financial comfort is more important for kids than growing up with their extended family. Others may feel the opposite. Both are valid choices.
  2. Moving home alone after 10 years

    If he can make you happy in Australia, why hasn't he managed it up till now? In fact, he's been such a dismal failure at it, you've had to resort to medication! The only way you can stay in Australia is if something changes. You need to identify what that "something" is - and then ask yourself why it hasn't happened over the last three years. If you've been so unhappy you've needed medical help, then he must know how badly this is affecting you, and therefore he should've been making an effort all this time. If he's proposing to make some kind of special effort now, then it's only going to be something temporary. You've given in before, he just needs to keep finding ways to delay your decision - he can keep you around for years that way. Does that really sound like a loving partner? He's beginning to sound manipulative and selfish.
  3. Looking to socialize

    That's a long time to have been settled in Melbourne and not met anyone. If you want to make a life in Australia long-term, then I wouldn't advise hooking up with other Poms. If you want to feel like you belong, you need to mix with a wider variety of people. There are lots of activities on Meetup.com https://www.meetup.com/cities/au/melbourne/ I have no idea what the age group is in this social club, but it's worth considering: https://www.melbournesocial.com.au/about
  4. Quality of life for kids

    You usually talk a lot of sense, CaptainR, and most of this post is no exception. However, I don't think it's appropriate to insult everyone who "is lonely/misses family" by calling them selfish. Do you think they should be able to pull themselves together and "decide" to be happy? Or maybe you think they should accept that the price of their family's happiness is their own misery for the rest of their life? Some people are independent and don't need their family around. I'm certainly in that category, but I also understand that a lot of people are not like me. For some people, being separated from family makes them suicidally depressed. There are also people who get exogenous depression. They're not imagining it, so they can't just wish it away and get over it. I have said it before. IF the advantages for children in Australia were enormous, then perhaps it would be worth one parent giving up their own happiness to bring them here. But for most people, the benefits are not enormous - in fact which country is "better" for kids is the subject of great debate, with arguments on both sides. So sacrificing one family member's happiness for the sake of the move simply doesn't make sense. I have to say, when I hear someone saying their husband/wife is selfish because they want to go home, it's often the speaker who's the selfish one: they're enjoying themselves and are looking for excuses to belittle their partner's pain.
  5. Working Holiday

    Unemployment in Australia is officially about the same as the UK. Like the UK, it varies from city to city. There is always more work in the major cities (i.e. Sydney, Melbourne) but it's also a LOT more expensive to live in those cities. Do you want to work in your own profession, and if so, what do you do? If you're looking for casual jobs (e.g. bar work, waitressing) I'd suggest coming just before the summer holidays (i.e. December) and looking for work in restaurants or retail in the holiday areas, e.g. the Whitsundays https://sailing-whitsundays.com/article/finding-work-in-the-whitsundays Of course the pay won't be good and the hours will be long, but it's definitely a dream location.
  6. Replacement UK passport - Have lost my Aus Visa!

    Silly not to get citizenship, unless your home country doesn't allow dual citizenship. You never know what the future holds.
  7. Anyone marry overseas AFTER moving to Aus?

    We tried to get married overseas and in the end, we gave up because the paperwork seemed almost impossible to get right. In the end, we got legally married in Sydney, then went overseas and had a "wedding" ceremony which was actually just a blessing ceremony. I'm glad we did it that way, because we were married by a celebrant in a park in Sydney with all our Aussie friends, which turned into a great party, and then we still had the whole ceremony overseas with our family - and it was a lot less stress!
  8. Is it normal that I keep changing my mind?!

    Well, if you invest that money today (or leave it in your house, if that's where it is), then it will continue to grow - so it should finance plenty of holidays. Whereas if you spend it to move to Australia, it's gone. My main concern is that you've got a good life and the only reason you want to move to Oz is because life has become rather humdrum. Maybe you're pining for the fancy-free life you had before you had kids. But the truth is, after the initial novelty, life in Australia will probably become humdrum too - and then what will you do? What I'm trying to do here is challenge you to think about your motives.
  9. Moving home alone after 10 years

    Yes, that's true but ONLY if both sides are sacrificing EQUALLY! For instance, in my first marriage, I supported my husband through the first two years of our marriage while he studied. Then when we went to Africa, he worked while I was a lady of leisure. So long as there's a balance it's fine. However, if it's a case that one partner has to keep on compromisng his/her happiness year after year, and the other partner never offers a compromise in return, then that can never be a healthy relationship. That's a user and a slave.
  10. Is it normal that I keep changing my mind?!

    I wrote my first post before I read everyone else's, and realised that you'd answered the question of why you wanted to go. Which seems to be, if I read it right, that you enjoyed your working holiday all those years ago, and you've got itchy feet. It seems like a flimsy reason to uproot your children and your husband from a good life. The other thing to consider is that you like trying new things - so if you move to Australia, what then? What makes you think you won't get itchy feet again in ten years' time, by which time your children might be in the midst of important exams? Or you may settle down till they've completed their education, but then want to go home - by which time they're Aussies, and won't want to follow Mum and Dad. IMO you could have quite a few holidays over the next few years with 40 grand, and satisfy your thirst for adventure that way.
  11. Quality of life for kids

    ...but have they lived there, or just had a holiday (anywhere looks good when you're in holiday mode!). As for the Brits - that doesn't surprise me. It's often a case of "methinks thou doest protest too much". People who loudly proclaim how wonderful their marriage/home/country/whatever is, are often harbouring secret doubts themselves, and are trying to convince themselves as much as you. It's the quiet ones who can see both sides of the coin who are the genuinely happy ones!
  12. Is it normal that I keep changing my mind?!

    I hit the nail on the head and then I deleted my post, LOL. Anyhow, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. @maidensarah, my advice would be - don't even contemplate a move to Australia unless you're convinced you want to live there permanently. Of course, you may change your mind once you're here - that's a different story, and something you'd have to deal with if it happened. But IMO it's a bad idea to migrate with the idea that "I can always come home if it doesn't work out". If you're moving with kids, it will cost you around £40,000 to make the move. Visa fees and air fares are the least of it - there's shipping (and/or buying new stuff when you arrive), buying a car (they're more expensive here), a month's AirBnB, not to mention several weeks out of work, when you still have to eat! Once upon a time you'd be offered work as soon as you got off the plane, but nowadays the advice is you need about six month's living expenses up your sleeve, because that's how long the job hunt could take you. If you were moving permanently, you might decide (as many do) that you'll be able to make up for that loss over the rest of your lives in Australia. However, if you're thinking of it as an adventure, there's no way you could recoup that investment - and what's worse, you'll be up for another £40,000 to go home again.You could end up back where you started with a much much bigger mortgage or (worse case scenario) no home at all. So the question becomes, do I want an adventure in Australia badly enough to spend £80,000 on it? Just think what you could do for your kids with that money - or more to the point, what you won't be able to do for them in the future, if you spend your equity now.
  13. Moving home alone after 10 years

    TBH I think you should just go in April and that's that. He sounds to me as though he's just trying to buy time. If he keeps promising to go "soon", then you'll keep giving him a couple more months and a couple more months and a couple more...You've already given him two years, so he has learned that delaying tactics work, and he'll go on using them until you call his bluff.
  14. Quality of life for kids

    Are these people who live in Australia, or people who live in the UK? If they're in the UK, then I think most people there still think Australia is Home and Away or Neighbours, or that it's still the land of opportunity it was when their Auntie Bunty emigrated thirty years ago. So unless they've actually lived in Australia, you can afford to ignore them - they have no idea what they're talking about, and they're incapable of making an accurate comparison. Of course the same can be true of Australians - if they've never lived in the UK, then all they know is what they see on the news, or on gritty BBC dramas, so they think Britain is going to the dogs (which it is in places, but then so is Australia and everywhere else in the world!!). The thing that got me was when you said, " I just cannot see myself living here into old age". If that thought fills you with dread, then don't hesitate - get on that plane as fast as possible! If you delay, who knows what might happen. Go now, while you can. There are pros and cons to both countries, one is not better than the other for children (or anyone else for that matter). It's purely a matter of personal taste.
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