Rupert Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I've read the posts before thanks for the reminder lol Well perhaps you did need a reminder, because you are distorting history and your coping mechanism seems to be to blame others for where you find yourself. If you cannot face up to it, you will never resolve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I think pom Queen's response to the first thread was appropriate when she closed it. You need some help mate. We all do from time to time. But you won't get it here. Talk to a professional. It's not the country's at fault. The problem lies in you. Sort that out and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) My in-laws have told me I shouldn't go back and I should stick it out here. Cause one day the kids will want to see me. My oh is estranged from his daughter. It's a sad story because his wife had an affair and left him, and he didn't abandon her - but due to distance and various reasons, he wasn't able to see her much. He always assumed they would get together again eventually, but he's now over 60 and she's in her thirties and still nothing. so don't assume. Edited April 21, 2014 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Jase, I can only reiterate what others have said on here, please consider seeking some professional counselling to help you through this. Whether it was you or your wife that wanted to move back to the UK shouldn't be the main concern now, the situation as awful as it is, has happened and you need to find a way to accept it so you feel happy and comfortable with building back your relationship with your children. By concentrating on this 'blame' aspect, you're in a never ending spiral which isn't helping any of your family. If staying in Australia with your children in the UK is what you need to do (although personally I don't agree with it), then accept that as your decision and start putting positive things in place for your children, feeling abandoned is a something that will never go away for them, even into adulthood so you need to work very hard on that relationship now before it's too late. A counsellor may help you look at things outwardly as at the moment it sounds like you're projecting your feelings inwardly only so can only see how it's impacting you only, please do consider getting some help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My in-laws have told me I shouldn't go back and I should stick it out here. Cause one day the kids will want to see me. I wouldn't count on it. They are old enough to notice the gap you have left in their lives (and will know it was your choice to mbttuk and then up and leave them again because you couldn't deal with that choice). Seriously you need to stop looking for answers here, as mentioned your story of events changes (I have noticed it in past posts also). You are clearly unhappy because you keep coming here looking for advice/opinion. This is the wrong place for your situation. Go see a councillor, go see you bloody kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 I should have listened to my friends who told me I was insane going back to England. Hindsight is a wonderful thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I should have listened to my friends who told me I was insane going back to England. Hindsight is a wonderful thing But that is history. The real question is... what do you do now ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I should have listened to my friends who told me I was insane going back to England. Hindsight is a wonderful thing Isn't it? But it is done now. Look forward not back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 You're not helping yourself by constantly reflecting on 'he said this, they said that' etc, you need to stop looking backwards, what has happened has happened and sitting reflecting on it isn't going to change it. Without sounding harsh, in your posts all you seem to do is dwell on the past without making any effort to look to see how you can make a change now. Stop looking backwards, it's not helping you at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sustain Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My in-laws have told me I shouldn't go back and I should stick it out here. Cause one day the kids will want to see me. They would say that. Allows their daughter to get used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Your posts are strange..you request feedback but then appear to completely ignore comments/questions you get and repeat the same statements. ..you are vague and im not sure why you are doing that... or what you are gaining..if anything.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I should have listened to my friends who told me I was insane going back to England. Hindsight is a wonderful thing Mate you have still not really mentioned your relationship with your children and where you go from here, all you seem to have done is whined about how your wife ruined your life when it seemed you have been in control of the decisions you have made, it seems to me that your wife made the decision not to keep uprooting the children and give them some stability and you decided that that was not what you wanted so left them all and cracked on yourself. I am with the others unless you seek some professional help or just go back and spend some time with your children then perhaps you should stop crying about it and get on with your life, like your wife and kids have had to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 He is attention seeking and its working! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Your wife mentioned, in her post, about you getting help for your mental health. Are you still receiving this help?? I would advise you get professional support...you appear to be in the denial/ angry stage of loss. This makes it difficult for you to accept what has happened and move on as I think your not at that stage yet. Seeking counselling would help you with this. you have not mentioned how you miss your children/wife, how you love them more than life itself...sad, very sad for the children. I'm not sure how long you haven't seen them, but are you in regular contact? To be honest, they will possibly be feeling let down and abandoned by you, and that causes anger and resentment. Do your wife and children actually want you to return after all this time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I get that you are using this thread to put your feelings down and people are answering with advice when you really don't need it. Its obvious that you and your wife want different things and there is no point in either of you being miserable where you live, the children will be fine if you two get on with your lives and stop giving hope for some miracle to happen to either one of you. My Dad would never return, my mum went back twice over the years and Dad just carried on with his life and in the end Mum came back. So just live every day for the day and be happy. Happy people make others happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Jasepom - I think the problems run a lot deeper than which country you prefer to live in. Get professional help to talk it through. if Australia is really where you want to stay even without your family then for your own sanity you need to move on and make a life for yourself here without them. Just because you live here doesn't mean that you can't save and visit them as much as you can and keep the contact up - Skype, Viber, emails, Facebook, Australia post - so many ways. Whats done is done, regrets will just make you miserable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maidensarah Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Very difficult ages for your children. If they feel like you have abandoned them then they may not ever forgive your for it. A lot of damage can be done at this age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I've been in the angry stage for a while now. Angry how we could have put ourselves in this position when there was nothing wrong with our lives in Australia we were the happy migrants who somehow talked ourselves out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I've been in the angry stage for a while now. Angry how we could have put ourselves in this position when there was nothing wrong with our lives in Australia we were the happy migrants who somehow talked ourselves out of it. Is it perhaps easier to lay the blame on someone else instead of perhaps letting it rest squarely on your shoulders? Honestly, try to move on. Get counselling if you need to, but move on from it. It is what it is, you cannot change that now. It seems your kids are happy back in the UK, don't want to move back to Aus and fair enough that your wife has said no to shuffling back again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) I'm so confused. I thought you were in Australia alone now? Ignore that.. Read the rest. Just wasn't sure about the first one. So there's no chance of her coming to Australia at all? Edited April 21, 2014 by Guest51810 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I'm so confused. I thought you were in Australia alone now? Its not confusing, he is and his family are in England Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Its not confusing, he is and his family are in England I edited the post. I know it's easier said than done but I think he just needs to move on if he doesn't want to be in the same country as his children. It doesn't sound like his wife is ever going to move to Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Was never lucky enough to have kids myself,but i couldn't imagine purposely leaving kids to live in another country,just cant get my head round that,or some of your replies either tbh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Tbh I agree with the comments about your children, it most likely is going to affect them a lot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 How often do you have contact with your children? And wife? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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