jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Not very often unfortunately they don't like me now but this is what I've done to them so can't blame them for not wanting to talk to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I suggest you read about absent parenting, if you want a long distance relationship with your children I would keep in touch, write frequent letters telling them you love them, it's about their needs not your own remember. http://ezinearticles.com/?Absent-Parents-and-Left-Behind-Kids&id=212292 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Not very often unfortunately they don't like me now but this is what I've done to them so can't blame them for not wanting to talk to me. It might not be too late to repair things with your children Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Do you mind me asking what mental health issues you have? As saying they don't like you is very immature. You are their father, they love you but you have split their hearts in two! They are angry and resentful..and who can blame them..they will feel abandoned by you..they will be going through grief like stages..like yourself...but remember you are the adult, you made this choice to be apart from them for this length of time, act like an adult and try and repair the damaged relationship you have with them, as much as possible. its not too late, but they will be hurt and it will take time, you need to move at their pace..if they don't want contact by talking to you, send them postcards to say thinking of you, love you etc. do you know you are not returning? Do you even know? What's your wife saying? Maybe you need to decide to officially split up? Make it easier for everybody to move on? Edited April 21, 2014 by Wellers and Whitehead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Not very often unfortunately they don't like me now but this is what I've done to them so can't blame them for not wanting to talk to me. In all honesty if i were you i would be on the next plane back to try to repair your relationship with the children as this has got to a very important time in their lives with regards to their age. If yougo back and at least try then you will have made a commitment to them, if you don't then you risk alienating them forever imo. Are you able to support them financially as if you are doing that again that at least shows some commitment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I keep thinking what made us go back and I can't honestly remember. Just that it was an insane thing to do giving up our careers here. I do love my wife but can't bear the mistake we've made it's cost us a lot financially and emotionally. Hindsight can be a wonderful or torturous thing - sometimes you have to draw a line under what's gone, if you're relationship with your wife is over, look at how you can maintain a relationship with your children. Not for any of us to judge either of you - you are the ones that it effects. Good luck x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 10 and 13 are vulnerable ages. Your kids may well believe you have chosen a country over them. To be honest, from what you have posted on here, that seems to be exactly what you have done. Australia will still be here in a few years, however, your kids will have grown up. You have to decide what is more important, to be a part of their lives, or to chase your own dreams at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Hindsight can be a wonderful or torturous thing - sometimes you have to draw a line under what's gone, if you're relationship with your wife is over, look at how you can maintain a relationship with your children. Not for any of us to judge either of you - you are the ones that it effects. Good luck x I think that is unavoidable to a certain extent given the circumstances, however i think mostly the advice he has received has been constructive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) I think that is unavoidable to a certain extent given the circumstances, however i think mostly the advice he has received has been constructive. Perhaps not - but some manage it. Edited April 21, 2014 by blossom Fixing quote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I hope so too. Do you know the ironic thing ? I was team lead at a University here (I know govt job) and I interviewed a guy for a admin position. When I left he was given my job that I'd built over 5 years. She still doesn't realise what she's done to me. Re Read this post and others Jasepom, No-one made you do anything, you are a grown up, you must have talked about it, if you felt coming back to the UK with your wife was better than staying in Aus in your dream job then you made the correct decision for you. I feel there is a bit of a large wooden spoon here just stirring things up for a reaction, and a little nasty to your wife, dont blame anyone else for your decisions, you made them. The UK is not that bad unless you want to believe it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 18 months on and nothing has changed. Terrible sense of deja vu with these two threads. Jasepom can pick out plenty of sound advice from members on the two threads particularly from all those who advocate counselling but it is clear that he is neither seeking or listening to advice. Using PIO as a sounding board for his considerable angst. Unless the OP really does seek professional help with his issues then the same mantra will be repeated ad infinitum and the spiral of despair will continue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Jasepom, what is it about Australia that makes it better than being an involved father with your kids and being part of a family?. I'm not trying to get on your case here, but rather echoing a question you asked Quoll about her lifestyle in England. Is it so much more special over here on your own, as opposed to living in Yorkshire with your family?. I've been here five and a half years. Never wanted to come (apologies to members who already know this), but with an Australian partner who was homesick in London I knew that I'd have to. I'm no fan of Australia, and god knows there's been plenty of times when I'd have happily walked away and gone home, so you have my sympathy to a large extent. I won't, because I love my family. That's not me trying to guilt-trip you, because I know how hard it can be to live somewhere you don't like. The emotions involved are overwhelming. I don't know how old you are, but if your kids are 10 and 13, then I'd imagine that you're a 30/ 40 something. What about going back to the UK until the kids turn 18 and then returning to Australia?. Loads of time left to build a life here and enjoy everything you love about the place. Your kids and (ex?) partner will love and respect you for it and you'll still get to enjoy this country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamffc Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Pushed me into giving up my dream job and sell our dream home to be unemployed in Uk. Has anyone else had their wife do that to them. Yep, exactly that but with countries the other way around. I won't bore you with my situation as it is different and it is not nearly as complicated as yours appears to be (GF not wife and no kids), but hope everything works out. Many people have mentioned seeking professional help which is a great idea but also do not make rash decisions. Even if you decide something give it a couple of months before putting anything into action to allow of any subsiquent mind changes. It might feel like holding you back a bit but better that than risk making another move you could regret. Edited April 21, 2014 by grahamffc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest james huddersfield Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 After reading these posts, I'm a little confused...are we on the Jeremy Kyle show??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belinda Au Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Must admit, I'm confused by this thread too. Jasepom, by your own admission you state it was your good self who wished to return. So where you are getting this "oh my wife made me do it" jazz from, I just don't know. I echo the sentiments of many here. Not sure your marriage should be forum-fodder. I see you have been making posts of this type for quite some time. I'm not going to say anything about the children. I don't have any so I'm going to insult them, your wife or you by offering advice on a situation I've never experienced. But it seems you are feeling quite victimised (despite, as I have already stated, your admission that you yourself expressed the desire to return initially) and blame your wife instead which is unfair. You also seem very angry. Please do yourself some good and find a counsellor you can talk to to work through those feelings and help you arrive at a decision (whatever that may be) that will go some way to restoring some happiness in your life and hopefully it will be one that all of you can live with. I wish you and your family well with whatever happens. Edited April 21, 2014 by Belinda Au Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 One more thing I will say and it will be the last as this thread is all about attention, which has been given. Your wife is very likely to read this thread (especially as she has previously posted on another thread). If you get divorced I can only imagine rambling posts like these will be brought up. Perhaps for your own benefit it is time to seek counselling and time to stop posting about your regrets and also accusations on a public forum? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Jase, it sounds like you are in a real state - has something happened to make all this flare up beyond your usual "don't go back!" Mantra? How deep is your despair? If you are really low (one never likes to ask but is it so bad you may be thinking of taking a permanent way out?) please call Lifeline! Any time day or night they are there for you! They can help you get back on track and look forward with your life instead of wallowing in a shape shifting blame game. 13 11 14 - please call! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keefo Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Tell her the new thai girl at work has graciously offered to cook you a authentic thai meal at home Followed by dessert!! Thought I would lighten the mood, a lot tend to get on their high horse. I'm guessing two sides to every story. People say go back to the UK but what are the chances of getting a job, would that benefit anybody? Edited April 21, 2014 by Keefo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Followed by dessert!! Thought I would lighten the mood, a lot tend to get on their high horse. I'm guessing two sides to every story. People say go back to the UK but what are the chances of getting a job, would that benefit anybody? It's not like there are zero jobs in the uk, but his family is. I know myself and my husband would never let the love of a country overrule the love of our children. It seems you have missed some crucial posts (the few where it's been said by the op ,and his wife in a past post, that it was his idea to go to Oz, then back to the UK because he wasn't happy in Oz. She decided enough was enough and when op decided to return to Oz again as she felt it was unfair to uproot the children again). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keefo Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I will leave it for them to decide then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Had we been thinking straight we would never have left in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Do you have a plan of moving forward? Going back to see the children? Have you told your wife you are def not going back? It strikes me that you have not moved any further forward just wondering, ' what if' ..your wife's name on PIO is ' moved on' that speaks volumes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodgy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Tell her the new thai girl at work has graciously offered to cook you a authentic thai meal at home Do you have her number or could you send her round to me .........i love Thai food :wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 No I have found it difficult moving forward. Definitely not moving back up uk now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 It was a very expensive mistake although my wife won't admit it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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