wrussell Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 In similar circumstances I said - There is the door you came in, close it on the way out. and I found a later model. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 In similar circumstances I said - There is the door you came in, close it on the way out.and I found a later model. There are kids though. They can't be replaced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I wouldnt b following you anywhere either if I was your wife..perhaps you are both a bit selfish n stubborn? N that to me says you dnt love each other anyway.. did you think abt taking the kids back to aus wth u? Who looks after them while ur wife wrks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 There are kids though.They can't be replaced. No they can't be replaced but being with a person you don't want to be with for their sake isn't good for anyone. Kids are not silly, growing up with an atmosphere rubs off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 We were all happy here before we left life was good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I remember your angst when this all happened originally and I vaguely recall that it was you that drove the move back at the time. I'm sure, as always, there are two sides to every story and one can change the reality in ones mind to make one feel better about decisions made. You're back in Aus where you want to be, draw a line and get on with the life you want to have and let your family get on with the lives they want to have. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor to help you through all this? I also have the memory of an elephant. And it was you that pushed to return to the UK Jasepom, then as soon as you got there you wanted to come back. I remember your wife came on here and posted the other side of the story and she was very balanced and calm and explained she would not keep disrupting the children's lives. I have no idea how to find her post now, but if anyone did they would not be saying the things about her that I have seen on this thread. Two sides indeed. I have been wondering for a little while if the guilt about leaving your family is the reason you are so zealous in pushing Australia as being the place to be and never leave. I wonder if you are trying to convince yourself more than anyone else? I agree that counselling would be beneficial for you, to have someone work through your feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) We were all happy here before we left life was good It does not sound like she was happy as she does not want to come back, how are you dealing with not seeing or being around your children and how old are they? Edited April 21, 2014 by Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 If you are not going to reconcile with your wife move on- visit the kids when you can , find another job and another life. I'd think twice about coming again to Australia if I were her- who's to say the whole cycle wouldn't start up again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 I keep thinking what made us go back and I can't honestly remember. Just that it was an insane thing to do giving up our careers here. I do love my wife but can't bear the mistake we've made it's cost us a lot financially and emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I keep thinking what made us go back and I can't honestly remember. Just that it was an insane thing to do giving up our careers here. I do love my wife but can't bear the mistake we've made it's cost us a lot financially and emotionally. So when was the last time you were in England and how old are the kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 We'd just had the house finished I'd changed my kind about leaving my job was going great. It was absolutely insane going back to England in our position. Was never going to work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 I love it here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I love it here Ŵe know that and that's great but when was the last time you were in England and how old are the kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 I was in England last August. They are 13 and 10 now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 jase, I don't mean to be picky but you never seem to really answer the questions that are asked. you say the odd little tidbit but answer the questions asked and then you will get better advice in return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I was in England last August. They are 13 and 10 now.So how do they feel about the situation and I am assuming that when you were back in England last time it was just a holiday so have only spent a short amount of time with them over the last few years? I know you have said you love Australia and am assuming by your posts that you and your wife appear to still be together but do you not miss your kids as much as you love Australia? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Jase, I think you should go home even if you live apart from your wife, you will be able to maintain a relationship with your kids. I didn't see my own father for 25 years and when he wanted too it was too late. You can come back to Aus again one day but you can't get these years back with your kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) Jase, I think you should go home even if you live apart from your wife, you will be able to maintain a relationship with your kids. I didn't see my own father for 25 years and when he wanted too it was too late. You can come back to Aus again one day but you can't get these years back with your kids. Spot on Parley, agree 100%, there has not been much reference to the children and being what their ages are he will have missed out on the most important time of their lives. Edited April 21, 2014 by Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I think you are going to regrett things. The kids are at an age where they will very quickly start putting 2+2 together and soon decide you have abondoned them. Once that thought process starts there will be no turning them back - even court orders wont do the job. I have seen it a million times. There is a real risk they will soon not want to see you again - ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I hope so too. Do you know the ironic thing ? I was team lead at a University here (I know govt job) and I interviewed a guy for a admin position. When I left he was given my job that I'd built over 5 years. She still doesn't realise what she's done to me. Wow, the self-pity coming off this thread is over-whelming!. Seriously, Jasepom, I'm not sure if posting repeatedly about your regrets and how you can't understand why your wife prefers the UK is really doing you any good. I'd echo the advice of the other posters who've talked about counselling, for yourself I mean, in order to try and help you find answers. On here you'll find no shortage of advice, but we approach your story with our own experiences colouring our views and some will be critical of you and not very sympathetic. I'd suggest that the objectivity of a professional counsellor might help you more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I also have the memory of an elephant. And it was you that pushed to return to the UK Jasepom, then as soon as you got there you wanted to come back. I remember your wife came on here and posted the other side of the story and she was very balanced and calm and explained she would not keep disrupting the children's lives. I have no idea how to find her post now, but if anyone did they would not be saying the things about her that I have seen on this thread. Two sides indeed. I have been wondering for a little while if the guilt about leaving your family is the reason you are so zealous in pushing Australia as being the place to be and never leave. I wonder if you are trying to convince yourself more than anyone else? I agree that counselling would be beneficial for you, to have someone work through your feelings. Somebody sent me the link below, post from MovedOn on page 12 provides the balance. http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/moving-back-uk/168199-i-must-have-been-insane-12.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 My in-laws have told me I shouldn't go back and I should stick it out here. Cause one day the kids will want to see me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I've read the posts before thanks for the reminder lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yeah I've read the posts before thanks for the reminder lol Lol?? Seriously, two children in the UK and you behave like a sulky teenager. You chose a country over your family, now get on with it and stop whinging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My in-laws have told me I shouldn't go back and I should stick it out here. Cause one day the kids will want to see me. I don't understand that. Do you think the in-laws are the best people to take advice from though? Your choice is stark. Children or Australia. Whichever one you choose, you have to live with it and make it work for you. It has been a long time now and my feeling is that you are not happy with the choice you have made and you try to over compensate with excessive beating of the I love Australia" drum. I think you do love your children more, otherwise you would have moved on. Jase, please get some independent help from someone who is not emotionally linked and can help you to work through this and help you to live with the decision you make, whichever way that would be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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