Guest51810 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Reading my comment again it doesn't make sense so I'll just go to sleep now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) I don't know how i could have made that decision. Why did i f*cking go back Edited October 23, 2014 by jasepom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I don't know how i could have made that decision. Why did i f*cking go back You did go back though and you can't turn back the clock, you just have to deal with the here and now and move on with your life. If your wife doesn't want to return to Australia then that's her decision and her right and her choice too, seems as if she's moving on. So now you're left with what you will do. If you can't bear leaving Australia then find a way of living here but returning regularly to see your children. Keep up with the contact and support. If the thought of being away from them is too painful then swallow your pride and go back but only with a different mindset as if you feel like you do now, sounds as if you'll be just if not more miserable over there. Word of warning though, little kids grow up to be teenagers and adults and they will remember who was there for them and who wasn't when they were growing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maria1970 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 That is it Jasepom, you made the decision to go back to the UK and then back again to Australia but your family didn't want to follow you back. I remember your wife posting the situation. You are obviously in hell even though you think it is heaven, otherwise you would be out there enjoying the great Australian lifestyle not on here whining about your crap decisions. As Australia is more important to you than your family you need to get on with your life in Australia but as others have suggested you need to go to your GP and ask for a referral to the mental health service. I used to work in a mental health team in Australia and is a amazing how many consumers are migrants, you are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I am opposite to you, as I don't see any positives about living in UK anymore (lower wages, too many people, horrible commuting IMHO) You may fall into the same trap as I did ,of (literally) the grass is always greener. It is not. If you have had enough of the sun, take a winter holiday. Your lifestyle and stability is not worth risking because of homesickness. Your kids and wife are there. That to me is a HUGE positive. You don't seem really happy in Aus now you are back, you complain bitterly about everything you lost when you left Aus. Your job, your money, your house, all the material things. The only thing you don't really seem to complain about is losing your family, you returned to Aus on your own. And to try to make it right for you, you want them to move back to Aus to be with you. What about them in all this? I find it so strange I can't really comprehend how you could chose a place over your kids. My kid means more to me than any place, any country, any amount of money or job, so its a no brainer for me to know what I would do. You seem unhappy and I doubt Aus is going to fix that now. You can't go back and change what you did, you need to focus on the here and now and the future. Your kids are only young for a short while, it won't be that long and they will truly understand what has gone and on and why they were left by you. Some kids as they get older are forgiving and try to keep a relationship with an absent parent going, to be in touch, to care for that person who is their mother or father but not in their lives. Others don't. They grow up and want nothing to do with the parent that walked out on them is the bottom line. If you, as a parent leave and move the other side of the world, you are the one doing the walking, no matter what the circumstances leading up to it, no one forced you to leave them, to go back to Aus, to not see them for long periods of time, you chose that, not them. You perhaps need to address your issues professionally. Perhaps not. That is your call. But really, whatever you do, stop living a life of regret for material things and move on from it all. If that means staying in Aus, do it and prepare for the possible consequences later in life as your kids get older. If its the UK, get back there asap and be with your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) Me? I actually meant abandoning them. I don't consider what your doing abandoning them. It's hard for me to explain what I mean but it definitely wasn't about leaving young adults behind while keeping in touch with them. You said leaving CHILDREN at any age is traumatic and I wholeheartedly agree! Leaving ADULTS (who happen to be your children) who have their own lives and the means to keep in touch is not the same thing. @jasepom do you regret leaving your children to come back to Australia? (ETA I'm not asking in order to have a go, it's a genuine question). Edited October 24, 2014 by Aunt Agatha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 You said leaving CHILDREN at any age is traumatic and I wholeheartedly agree! Leaving ADULTS (who happen to be your children) who have their own lives and the means to keep in touch is not the same thing. @jasepom do you regret leaving your children to come back to Australia? Yeah that's basically what I meant but I'm not very good at explaining things sometimes. I meant that not having much to do with your young children is very different to leaving uni age children behind in the UK. Although I imagine that is still hard for parents too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 My wife and I have been here In Queensland for nearly 10 years now, Iam 66,and I have had enoughof the sun,noisy neighbours,crap TV, and not least the price of everything. The only thing cheaper than UK is petrol. I can't believe how much everything has gone up in the time we've been here. A little rain wouldn't go amiss.Green grass would be good. I am recently retired ,my wife loves it here,we have two elderly dogs, so my chances of going back to see our kids(41 and 37!) is remote.The trouble is because of this homesickness,my views of Australia are nearly all negative. Its like my life has ended,but I can't do nowt about it.I had my doubts about coming out,but gave in and came,the worst mistake of my life. I feel your pain, but my life has turned round considerably since I took a 5 month break to the UK last year(didn't cure homesickness - I had a brilliant time). I topped up on social activity, walks in the country, sank a fair few pints and took advantage of cheap airfares to take 3 holidays. I'd be back in the UK if it was down to me but came back for family and need to stay for 18 months for youngest to finish school. I had spent months previous to my trip really depressed and negative about Australia - my family were pleased to see me off! It was a waste of time and effort moaning about everything (this forum helped me so much). But now I am making the most of my time here and really appreciating the lifestyle. I don't have many close friends, but I know that my lifelong mates are in the UK and will still be there when I eventually get back. If I were in your shoes and could afford it, I would be taking annual holidays back to UK to see the kids and get your hit of everything it offers (go in May/June where the UK IMHO is hard to beat). But try not to waste precious time being down - enjoy what you can (and I know it's hard) and try to make what you have work for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Life can throw us many curved balls and it's not always the man in the family group that can be blamed for leaving the children. Men can and do suffer too in a relationship break-up. Many years ago in England my brothers wife started playing away from home and the marriage broke down with two children, obviously (rightly or wrongly) the mother kept custody of the 2 children with my brother allowed unrestricted access. However three or four years down the line the mother wanted to emigrate with a new boyfriend to Australia, of course it needed my brothers approval to do so, I can tell you that there was some very tearful agony that my brother and our parents went through in trying to think what was best for the children and what everybody else would be losing including a father to the two children. He agreed in the end but did the ex wife suffer?........ did she hellers like, she got what she wanted regardless of what the children or anyone else cared about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I know what you're saying but in the situation you described and in Jase's situation both fathers had the power to keep their children close - one by preventing his children from leaving and one by choosing not to leave himself. I don't think anyone would suggest that men never suffer in breakups or are always at fault, but people are confused by a person (man or woman) who would leave their children and move to the other side of the world. Whatever the circumstances, it's hard to get your head around, especially as a parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 I am suffering. I don't know what to do for the best. I long for the life we gave up here, so annoyed with myself, devestated at what we did. The kids were happy in Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I know what you're saying but in the situation you described and in Jase's situation both fathers had the power to keep their children close - one by preventing his children from leaving and one by choosing not to leave himself. I don't think anyone would suggest that men never suffer in breakups or are always at fault, but people are confused by a person (man or woman) who would leave their children and move to the other side of the world. Whatever the circumstances, it's hard to get your head around, especially as a parent. A little too simplistic there I think Aunt Agatha, My brother, I agree did have a choice, and obviously I have not posted all the finer details, but had he chosen not to let them go, then there was a distinct possibility of, shall we say, traumatic and continuing upset to all involved, hence he did what he thought would be best for the longterm benefit of the children. In this case it was the mother that wanted to make the children fatherless and not the father wanting to abandon his children. I would add that the two now adult children with children of their own (here in Aus), are all fine and in fact a few years ago visited their father and grandparents, step siblings etc in England, thoroughly enjoyed themselves and said its a shame they were not part of their lives for so long but happy that nobody held any grudges and pleased as punch that they were a welcomed part of a larger loving family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 It seems to me that the "dream life" you wanted/had in Australia is gone now and there is no getting it back. No amount of wishing/longing/regretting will bring it back. Given that fact, and the fact that your two young children are in the UK desperately missing their Dad, I don't think you have anything to lose (and EVERYTHING to gain) by going back to the UK and being close to your children. You never mention that you regret leaving your children behind in order to move back here but on the basis that you are human and a Dad I am going to assume that you do regret it. Surely losing your big house and good job can't be worse than losing your children?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Keith and Linda I remain confused by a parent who would willingly move 16,000km away from their children - which is obviously not what your brother did. In the situation I mention, it really is that simple, to me at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) whose brother are we talking about ? I didnt have a job in England to go to so why the **** did I go back for ?????? Edited October 24, 2014 by jasepom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Keith and Linda's brother as per his/her post above. Okay @jasepom I can see that you don't want any genuine help or advice. TBH I'm starting to think that this situation isn't real. Over and out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 Sorry Agatha, I didnt mean to be funny about things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Keith and Linda I remain confused by a parent who would willingly move 16,000km away from their children - which is obviously not what your brother did. In the situation I mention, it really is that simple, to me at least. Ok to keep it simplistic (which in real life it never really is) and being brutal, in one case the father willingly abandoned the kids, the other case, the mother took the kids and willingly abandoned a loving father. I would add in both cases it is possible that the children could suffer more had the family stayed close (as in distance/location close). what's best for the children is not necessary related to km. Jasepom mate, please do not take this personally I am not getting at you as I do not know (or even want to know) the details of your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 That's ok Keith, it's fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 I didnt have a job in England to go to so why the **** did I go back for ?????? Im going to have a stab in the dark here but maybe just maybe you went back to be with your wife and kids.....or do you value a job more than them? When my time is up im pretty sure I will wish for 1 more day with my wife/kids and not 1 more day at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 No we went back cause we had marriage problems, or something triggered it, perhaps the heat or something. Living in the hills, the commute to work, something happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Jase, can I ask, when you keep saying what have I done, is it the fact that you lost your house/job here or the fact that you have split the family up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 No we went back cause we had marriage problems, or something triggered it, perhaps the heat or something. Living in the hills, the commute to work, something happened. Talk to your wife. Talk to a counsellor. Stop posting on a public forum and discussing your woes of your marriage with strangers online. Really, your wife and you give differing versions and honestly, you chop and change yours rather as the mood suits. Poor woman had to find her life was being discussed once before, you'd think you maybe would try a different approach this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 The fact I split the family up making the family miserable in the process. You should see the pictures of us before we left Australia, we were smiling away, everything was rosey. As I say, we went back to England on a whim, that was all. Don't even know who wanted to do it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 The fact I split the family up making the family miserable in the process. You should see the pictures of us before we left Australia, we were smiling away, everything was rosey. As I say, we went back to England on a whim, that was all. Don't even know who wanted to do it now. You can change that. You are the adult here, you are the one able to make changes to aid your family. Yet you persist in posting about it all rather than actually doing anything to change things. Iirc your kids are happy and settled in life in the UK again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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