jasepom Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 You're a good bloke parleycross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I also believe you jasepom, I just feel a deep sorrow at this rift you will have with your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Didn't realise IP addresses were checked, thanks @Johndoe. If you are genuine then I apologise @jasepom. I guess I'm wondering why you answer every post with a "wish we'd never left Aus" type reply instead of answering any of the poster's questions or saying you miss your family etc. - it can feel like a wind up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 @jasepom. What about your fantastic children? Your loving wife? Your perfect family? What the heck is a job and a house compared to a child's hug. Compared to your child saying "I love you". When you lose a child and that child can never hug you again, you'll never see that smile, you'll never hear then shout "mum I'm home, is my shirt/trousers ironed, I've got a date" or in your case "dad" it's the saddest thing in the world and you try to put that pain behind you, but then something reminds you and everyday is a reminder that you lost something that was so precious, once so tiny, so completely dependent on you, that your heart aches with it. Forget this stupidity Jase please and mend those bridges with your children. Please. Beautifully put MTT. As a parent I feel deeply saddened by what this family are going through. I live in Australia because my partner is Australian and our little girl is a dual national. It's not where I'd choose to live ideally, but I couldn't bear to be without my family. If I went home to the UK without them I know that I'd just end up coming back to Australia anyway, for all the reasons you've articulated in your post. Life in England without them would be empty, and there would be nothing, not even the familiarity of home, which could compensate me for the loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I do love my children, want them to be with me. What can i do ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I do love my children, want them to be with me. What can i do ? Go back to them!! If you really feel like you can't go back to them permanently then stay on touch with them and visit as much as you can manage. Write letters, send cards etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I do love my children, want them to be with me. What can i do ? Go home fella. No matter how much you love Australia, surely it can't compensate you for not seeing your children grow up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I do love my children, want them to be with me. What can i do ? Go back to them Jase. Australia will always be there, whereas your children may not. What you are chasing is a hollow dream my dear, made even more so by the fact that you have no one to share it with. Keep your children close to you because if, God forbid, something happens to one of them, you would never forgive yourself for what you have done. When they are snatched away from you, literally there one minute and then suddenly poof, gone! You've lost them, at that moment, when your whole world stops turning, you realise that nothing is as important as those children. And they're gone. You've lost them. It's too late. Please come back to the UK and be with your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Im happy to sit on the fence with this ,IMO a very unhappy depressed father present in your day to day life can be more harmful than a happy one you don't see as much but keep in contact with by phone, skype etc. Yes Jason is unhappy he doesnt see his children due to living in Aus but from what he has said going back to the UK would almost destroy him,so that wouldnt be very nice for the children t witness day in ,day out hence catch 22 situation... Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 F*ck I'm screwed whatever I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Well even phoning, Skype etc is better than nothing but I don't know if he does that. I do to know if he's mentioned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 F*ck I'm screwed whatever I do. First, you have to decide my dear, what you want to do. The rest will follow for you but it's up to you to take the first step. Whatever you do, you make sure you keep those children close to you (emotionally) and don't ever let that go :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 If you don't agree with a person it is better to stay away from a thread instead of calling the person a troll/wind up or accuse them of creating another account. I can assure you there is no member using two accounts on this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 F*ck I'm screwed whatever I do. How about going back to the UK short term with the view that you can come back to Australia anytime in the future? I can't remember, do you have citizenship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 How about going back to the UK short term with the view that you can come back to Australia anytime in the future? I can't remember, do you have citizenship? That may be an idea Jase,,, it isnt forever, even if you go for a month it would give you quality time to speak to your family and more importantly spend time with your children. Cal x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 @The Pom Queen, for the record I questioned the veracity because it felt like a wind up as someone else mentioned, not because I disagreed with the poster. I fully accept that we won't all agree on here. But I have already apologised and will not mention it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 F*ck I'm screwed whatever I do. Organise a trip over, doesn't have to be a long one, maybe even a week or 2. See your kids, talk with your wife, try to sort out how you can move on from here. When you're depressed you become very self absorbed and often don't see what's going on around you too clearly but even if your marriage might not be repairable you still have kids to look after. Wallowing in self pity again and again isn't going to solve anything so have a good cry then pick yourself up and sort yourself out. Even if you stay in Australia you can still have a good relationship with your kids, yearly visits, phone calls, Skype, letters, maintenance etc etc. And did you really have a perfect life before? Probably doubtful or you never would have ever contemplated moving in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rossmoyne Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 It's all so sad. Wish he would go and speak to someone if he hasn't already Been saying that from the beginning Stacey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I do love my children, want them to be with me. What can i do ? Grow up Get professional help to sort out your delusional thinking Move back to UK with a positive mindset and never again talk about being in Australia Never again whinge about how good you had it or try and lay blame on your wife (ex?) Accept that your marriage is probably well and truly dust and that you need to start new relationships with a positive mindset Resign yourself to being a regular access dad rather than a full time one Whatever you do, don't go back to UK until you have sorted yourself out. I can't imagine your wife would be overjoyed to have you back, continually bleating about how good you had it, how it was all her fault you moved and how sh*t UK is. Your kids don't need that sort of crap in their lives either - they need a strong positive role model who copes with change and takes responsibility for his own actions. There ya go, easy peasy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Grow upGet professional help to sort out your delusional thinking Move back to UK with a positive mindset and never again talk about being in Australia Never again whinge about how good you had it or try and lay blame on your wife (ex?) Accept that your marriage is probably well and truly dust and that you need to start new relationships with a positive mindset Resign yourself to being a regular access dad rather than a full time one Whatever you do, don't go back to UK until you have sorted yourself out. I can't imagine your wife would be overjoyed to have you back, continually bleating about how good you had it, how it was all her fault you moved and how sh*t UK is. Your kids don't need that sort of crap in their lives either - they need a strong positive role model who copes with change and takes responsibility for his own actions. There ya go, easy peasy. Nothing more to be said........you've hit it spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamy Fish Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 People only reveal the parts of themselves and details of their situations to friends, family and the wider public that they wish to make known. No-one but the OP and his wife will truly know what's going on. He sounds like he's grieving to me and doesn't know what to do. I feel really bad for him. He's not just a dad, he's still a person in his own right and it's not fair to judge him, he's not a bad person. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I don't think many think he's a bad person, people are trying to help him before it's too late with his children. People in the world cruelly lose their children everyday so it's hard to understand why someone would pick a country over them. Also he just keeps saying the same things over and over again - that he wishes he had never left rather than anything about his children. Your right though - nobody will know the full story but I feel sorry for his wife just as much as him. She's probably trying to move on with things and he's on here bringing it all up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rossmoyne Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Grow upGet professional help to sort out your delusional thinking Move back to UK with a positive mindset and never again talk about being in Australia Never again whinge about how good you had it or try and lay blame on your wife (ex?) Accept that your marriage is probably well and truly dust and that you need to start new relationships with a positive mindset Resign yourself to being a regular access dad rather than a full time one Whatever you do, don't go back to UK until you have sorted yourself out. I can't imagine your wife would be overjoyed to have you back, continually bleating about how good you had it, how it was all her fault you moved and how sh*t UK is. Your kids don't need that sort of crap in their lives either - they need a strong positive role model who copes with change and takes responsibility for his own actions. There ya go, easy peasy. Quoll you got it so right..... Jasepom... just listen to Qoll's advice..... we have all been trying to help you and tell you this for so long. You have to seek professional counselling so you can see your situation in a true light. But if you don't feel you need to do this, well ... that is your decision and you can't blame anyone else for that. If you decide that you want to live in Australia and it is at the cost of your children in your life, well that would be your choice too, but you owe it to them to at least keep some semblance of contact, or they will hate you forever. Life just isn't all about you Jase.... once you become a husband and a parent, your life becomes a mixture of their wishes and dreams too. If you aren't prepared to live with that, I guess they are better off without you. Your children are the most important part of this issue and if you don't do something positive about keeping your relationship with them alive now, you are going to lose them for ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 That is so sad to read. My parents came to Australia back in the late 60's - they stayed 12 years. My dad fell in love with Australia, my sister and I knew nothing else, Australia was our home. Mum never settled. Before they came over my dad promised he'd take her home if ever that was what she really wanted. That's what happened. It was very tough on us all. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope you settle, here or there, soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 That's hard BritinBrissie. So how old were you when you went back to England ? Were you very upset about the move back ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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