I am so bored in Australia

[d4ftpunk]

I have been living here for a few months, I am originally from an European country and my life is really boring.

I am in my early thirty and we moved in Sydney with my Aussie partner, she has her family and friends here. For her, life is pretty fine. I work for a relatively small company with only a dozen of people in our office and I spend 100% of my time in front of a computer. With Covid, I work mostly from home and I rarely see my colleagues. We are all quite different, they all are Australians and live their life with their partners/kids etc. It doesn’t look like any of them could become an “out of work” friend…

I literally have no friend or family within thousands of kilometres around, the only person I talk to (irl) is my partner. I used to have a lot of friends before moving here and it’s quite depressing to be on the other side of the spectrum. My partner told me to join clubs but I don’t even know which ones, where etc. Beside working, I only go to the gym a few times a week, which is quite a lonely sport.

I am not sure really why I am posting here but it would be interesting to hear how other foreigners manage loneliness and a boring life. I don’t feel homesick, just bored.

Thanks.

[Quoll]

Welcome to the gang, you are not alone. Sadly there is no magic answer other than to put yourself out there - anywhere and everywhere - and see what sticks.  It’s obviously much worse in an environment like today where you are working from home. 
Most of my “friends” were from work or, when the kids were little, from kids activities. I really have none of the “call at 4am friends” (the ones you can rely on, no matter what) that I have in UK. None Have really stood the test of time. We were back in UK for 9 years until almost 2 years ago and since my return I’ve seen one friend twice and another friend once (friend is a loose term I guess, ex work colleagues might be more descriptive) - as Covid wasn’t much of a thing here that wasn’t the factor. In UK I had friends of over 50 years I would catch up regularly and new “call at 4am friends” I had made through an interest group.

 If you can find an interest group, be it ballroom dancing or stamp collecting or anything in between you might be more inclined to find someone to gel with. 
I also married an Aussie but we were a 12 hour drive from his folk and I think that worked well - if you are too close to your OH’s family there is always going to be the third wheel situation - they have everything - family, friends, familiarity with environment and you get diddly squat. If you can move away further from her family so you’re not in each other’s pockets then you are more likely to forge a life as a couple and that may help. 
Sympathies, it’s not easy and it may or may not get better depending on how “out there” you are prepared to be. 

[Chortlepuss]

I do sympathise. I’m so glad I spent my 20’s and 30’s in the UK, with family, friends and shared activities - from hiking with the ramblers to travelling with friends, art classes, and surrounded by interesting and stimulating people. I came here in my mid 40’s 15 years ago, worked in IT since and the only real new friends I  have made have been during secondments back to the UK working for an ex employer. I have some social stimulation from volunteering and U3A but I have tried and failed to make friends here. Australians are busy with families, church, building their careers, renovations - they are friendly enough but happy with small talk and superficial relationships. I go to the gym here too - great gyms but you don’t make friends there, no friendly pubs or real community focus. The things in life I value are simply not here in Brisbane but that’s not Brisbane’s fault - I am simply a poor fit and if free to do so, I would go home tomorrow!

I suspect Sydney is even more cut-throat - have never lived there but visited for work. It’s a difficult time but is there a British club there you could join? One possible  thing too if you are planning to have a family you may find friendships with other new parents - but of course then you may get ‘stuck’ here in Australia! 

[Marisawright]

@d4ftpunk, where in Sydney do you live?   I lived in Sydney for over 30 years.   There are some parts of Sydney which have lots to do and you're spoiled for choice.  HOWEVER there are also vast areas of Sydney where there isn't much to do and which are very boring. 

So the first thing I'd look at is, could you move to a suburb where there are more people in your age group or more things going on that you like?   Sometimes the Aussie partner assumes you're going to live close to their family and frankly, that's unfair.  You've just moved halfway across the world for them.    If they can't compromise by living a bit further away so you can live in an environment that suits you, that's just being selfish.

Do you  have any interests?   How old are you?

[Blue Flu]

Probably close on impossible, if seeking to forge the quality  and emotional maturity of contact possible in Europe. People don't converse here the same way. More about doing things . It's different. But Europe after a certain age is very much about family to an extent as well. Just far more to do in catering for a wider range of interests.  

[Skani]

7 hours ago, d4ftpunk said:

I don’t feel homesick, just bored.

What are your interests?  What would a "non boring" life look like for you?

[ramot]

6 hours ago, d4ftpunk said:

I have been living here for a few months, I am originally from an European country and my life is really boring.

I am in my early thirty and we moved in Sydney with my Aussie partner, she has her family and friends here. For her, life is pretty fine. I work for a relatively small company with only a dozen of people in our office and I spend 100% of my time in front of a computer. With Covid, I work mostly from home and I rarely see my colleagues. We are all quite different, they all are Australians and live their life with their partners/kids etc. It doesn’t look like any of them could become an “out of work” friend…

I literally have no friend or family within thousands of kilometres around, the only person I talk to (irl) is my partner. I used to have a lot of friends before moving here and it’s quite depressing to be on the other side of the spectrum. My partner told me to join clubs but I don’t even know which ones, where etc. Beside working, I only go to the gym a few times a week, which is quite a lonely sport.

I am not sure really why I am posting here but it would be interesting to hear how other foreigners manage loneliness and a boring life. I don’t feel homesick, just bored.

Thanks.

It’s early days and a new country, I doubt it would be different if you were new to the UK.  I had to learn by experience to adjust to somewhere new, from going to Africa on my own to work as a single female knowing no one, to  then moving  almost every 2 years for 20 years, as my husband was in the forces, and then Brunei for work. before retiring to Australia with no immediate family here. it’s not easy anywhere, I understand and sympathise, I’ve had some rough times, and I’m  sure it’s probably harder if your partner is in their home country. No country suits everyone, it’s not just Australia, but to start with, if possible find an interest group you might enjoy, is there a group from your country who meet up?  and don’t laugh, smile at everyone. 

I hope things improve for you, there are positives in Australia, but life in Sydney etc. is not the same at the moment because of covid.

Wish you all the best, keep posting, you will get support, which I hope will help.

[Bulya]

I have so much on sleep gets in the way big time.  I’m not doing ‘stuff’ I did back in Europe.

[ali]

It takes awhile to re-establish yourself and a friendship group when you move (irrespective of if it's to another part of the country or a different one).  I certainly felt 'people sick' when I first moved here, those opportunities to go out and socialise.  Do you like football (soccer), there are usually social teams if you're not into it being ultra competative but a great way  to develop some social outlets/mates with training a couple of times a week then a game.

[Jon the Hat]

WFH is not helpful when it comes to making work friends, and that is as true in the UK as it is here.  I can only suggest you really push yourself to get out there and join clubs.  Think of something you never did but always wanted to, and go along to a try out or something.

[Parley]

If you are boring you do need to take the initiative and get out there.

If you google there are strategies to help you be more interesting and engage with others.

It is difficult if you are an introvert at heart but you can do it with effort.

[Chortlepuss]

1 hour ago, Parley said:

If you are boring you do need to take the initiative and get out there.

If you google there are strategies to help you be more interesting and engage with others.

It is difficult if you are an introvert at heart but you can do it with effort.

I doubt that the OP is boring - just hasn’t found their tribe or relevant interests yet! Whilst we don’t know the OP’s Myers Briggs score, as an introvert I do struggle to relate to extroverts as I prefer people who are more quiet, contemplative and analytical who can talk about subjects in depth. The senior leaders and managers I most admire tend to be  introverts - I enjoy their confidence, inner strength and self reliance! I hate small talk and loud banal conversation for the sake of hearing your own voice. I have found there is a general suspicion of introverts in Australia - with many mistakenly labelled as ‘shy’ 

[Bulya]

Age, and you have a driving license and vehicle?

[newjez]

1 hour ago, Chortlepuss said:

I doubt that the OP is boring - just hasn’t found their tribe or relevant interests yet! Whilst we don’t know the OP’s Myers Briggs score, as an introvert I do struggle to relate to extroverts as I prefer people who are more quiet, contemplative and analytical who can talk about subjects in depth. The senior leaders and managers I most admire tend to be  introverts - I enjoy their confidence, inner strength and self reliance! I hate small talk and loud banal conversation for the sake of hearing your own voice. I have found there is a general suspicion of introverts in Australia - with many mistakenly labelled as ‘shy’ 

I'm guessing that was an autocorrect and parley meant to say 'if you are bored, '

[beketamun]

On 27/12/2021 at 22:08, newjez said:

I'm guessing that was an autocorrect and parley meant to say 'if you are bored, '

I don't think he did.  His next line was 

Quote

If you google there are strategies to help you be more interesting 

I used to find that having a mohican and dying it orange ala Johnny Rotten was a good strategy.

 

[Quinkla]

Australia is not a particularly friendly country and even looking at other people's friend circles,  they are quite superficial. IMO Australians are way too uptight and probably the most thin-skinned people on Earth. Even supposedly close friends seem to be constantly looking for ways to be upset and offended.

[Marisawright]

56 minutes ago, Quinkla said:

Australia is not a particularly friendly country and even looking at other people's friend circles,  they are quite superficial. IMO Australians are way too uptight and probably the most thin-skinned people on Earth. Even supposedly close friends seem to be constantly looking for ways to be upset and offended.

That is a rude, inaccurate generalisation.   

What you can say is that the city or town you lived in was unfriendly.  You can't extrapolate from that to say the whole country or even the whole state is the same.

For instance, when we moved back to the UK, we lived in Southampton. I found it the most unfriendly place I've ever lived, but I don't go around saying the whole of England is unfriendly.  That would be unfair. 

[Quinkla]

5 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

That is a rude, inaccurate generalisation.   

Fair enough. I have discussed this with a number of expats from a variety of home countries and they say this is also their experience. 

[ramot]

1 hour ago, Quinkla said:

Fair enough. I have discussed this with a number of expats from a variety of home countries and they say this is also their experience. 

As an expat I completely disagree with your sweeping statement. Like any country, and Australia is the 5th country I have lived in,  any country in the world you might find friendliness or unfriendliness. We retired as expats to Australia 19 years ago aged in our 60’s with no immediate family here, so you could say on the basis of the previous post the odds were stacked against us. On the contrary, we were made welcome, and made good friends. We have a good mix of Australian and other expat friends.

Both our son and daughter have followed us to live in Australia,. We were joined by our son and his wife and a couple of their ( Australian) friends who were at university with him,  plus  their 2 small children on Boxing Day, what fun we had. We have known them and other of his friends for over 15 years, and I certainly don’t recognise the sweeping description of Australians.

I think making friends in a large city or anywhere in the world, can be  and is hard, some places are very likely harder than others, but the Sunshine Coast seems to be an exception by my experience, and confirmed by many people I know. Just remember no one place suits all.

 

[Blue Flu]

4 hours ago, Quinkla said:

Australia is not a particularly friendly country and even looking at other people's friend circles,  they are quite superficial. IMO Australians are way too uptight and probably the most thin-skinned people on Earth. Even supposedly close friends seem to be constantly looking for ways to be upset and offended.

There is something in the above comments. I often wondered about the frequency so termed 'friends' no longer spoke to one another. Besides the superficial , too thin skinned would be a fair comment. 

 

Another observation is what's it with alll this MRO caper? 

[Quinkla]

3 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

Besides the superficial , too thin skinned would be a fair comment. 

I mean that the friendships seem superficial - they seem to rely too much on never rocking the boat, never being needy or unhappy, never saying how you actually feel. Differences of opinion seem to be taken as personal affronts. 

[Marisawright]

3 hours ago, Quinkla said:

Fair enough. I have discussed this with a number of expats from a variety of home countries and they say this is also their experience. 

It's not a matter of where people are FROM.  It's a matter of where you LIVE.  If all the other expats are living in the same suburb/city you are, then it's not surprising if you all have the same experience, is it?  

 

Edited December 29, 2021 by Marisawright

[Parley]

On 27/12/2021 at 22:08, newjez said:

I'm guessing that was an autocorrect and parley meant to say 'if you are bored, '

Are you saying that if you are bored it is everyone else's fault and not your own?

[Marisawright]

12 minutes ago, Parley said:

Are you saying that if you are bored it is everyone else's fault and not your own?

There is a difference between having a boring personality and feeling bored.  It's pretty insulting to call someone boring.

[Quinkla]

31 minutes ago, Parley said:

Are you saying that if you are bored it is everyone else's fault and not your own?

You are boring. You bore me. I am bored. 

That's how transitive verbs work.