I am so bored in Australia

[Blue Flu]

11 hours ago, Quinkla said:

I mean that the friendships seem superficial - they seem to rely too much on never rocking the boat, never being needy or unhappy, never saying how you actually feel. Differences of opinion seem to be taken as personal affronts. 

Exactly what I referred to. Don 't come over as in any way 'needy' they'll run a mile. Emotions tend to be stunted. But thought it might work better between women?  

[Blue Flu]

On 29/12/2021 at 05:19, Marisawright said:

That is a rude, inaccurate generalisation.   

What you can say is that the city or town you lived in was unfriendly.  You can't extrapolate from that to say the whole country or even the whole state is the same.

For instance, when we moved back to the UK, we lived in Southampton. I found it the most unfriendly place I've ever lived, but I don't go around saying the whole of England is unfriendly.  That would be unfair. 

I can probably see your point if living in one of the two culturally diverse cities within Australia , but never found a great difference, at least in the fundamentals if living elsewhere. 

But saying that never found English cities overly friendly either. Living in Norwich was such a change from London. I could never find a city outside of Brighton in UK that would fullfill requirements. Not that I've much experience of The North. 

[Toots]

On 27/12/2021 at 03:18, d4ftpunk said:

I have been living here for a few months, I am originally from an European country and my life is really boring.

I am in my early thirty and we moved in Sydney with my Aussie partner, she has her family and friends here. For her, life is pretty fine. I work for a relatively small company with only a dozen of people in our office and I spend 100% of my time in front of a computer. With Covid, I work mostly from home and I rarely see my colleagues. We are all quite different, they all are Australians and live their life with their partners/kids etc. It doesn’t look like any of them could become an “out of work” friend…

I literally have no friend or family within thousands of kilometres around, the only person I talk to (irl) is my partner. I used to have a lot of friends before moving here and it’s quite depressing to be on the other side of the spectrum. My partner told me to join clubs but I don’t even know which ones, where etc. Beside working, I only go to the gym a few times a week, which is quite a lonely sport.

I am not sure really why I am posting here but it would be interesting to hear how other foreigners manage loneliness and a boring life. I don’t feel homesick, just bored.

Thanks.

You'll be fine once you put yourself out there and make some friends.  Nothing will replicate the friendships you had in your home country as you will have known most of them for years.  I have never had any problem making friends.  My very good friends I've known for over 30 years.  I'm talking about real friends not acquaintances.  We are all retired now and they have moved to Tasmania over the past few years which is lovely.  They all moved from different areas of NSW.  We moved from Sydney to Tasmania almost 8 years ago.

 

[Toots]

On 29/12/2021 at 11:44, Blue Flu said:

There is something in the above comments. I often wondered about the frequency so termed 'friends' no longer spoke to one another. Besides the superficial , too thin skinned would be a fair comment. 

 

Another observation is what's it with alll this MRO caper? 

What's the MRO caper?

[beketamun]

On 29/12/2021 at 10:29, ramot said:

As an expat I completely disagree with your sweeping statement. Like any country, and Australia is the 5th country I have lived in,  any country in the world you might find friendliness or unfriendliness. We retired as expats to Australia 19 years ago aged in our 60’s with no immediate family here, so you could say on the basis of the previous post the odds were stacked against us. On the contrary, we were made welcome, and made good friends. We have a good mix of Australian and other expat friends.

Both our son and daughter have followed us to live in Australia,. We were joined by our son and his wife and a couple of their ( Australian) friends who were at university with him,  plus  their 2 small children on Boxing Day, what fun we had. We have known them and other of his friends for over 15 years, and I certainly don’t recognise the sweeping description of Australians.

I think making friends in a large city or anywhere in the world, can be  and is hard, some places are very likely harder than others, but the Sunshine Coast seems to be an exception by my experience, and confirmed by many people I know. Just remember no one place suits all.

 

I think your experience and knowing how to adjust into different lifestyles is admirable.  I don't think everybody is like that though, and expectations are different.  If you've only ever lived in the UK, Australia can be a shock.  There's more space, people are more independent, they can cope very well on their own without the very close relationships that are created in small English towns based around pub culture and general nosiness into other people's business.  I mean that in a nice way.  The UK gives you a blowhole, you find out a lot more about people, it's very very casual, you can moan til your heart's content and nobody cares.   In Australia, there is a lot less of that...people mind their own business and expect you to mind yours, I've seen a lot less emotional blowouts in Australia and people's business is private.  The horror if you just turned up at somebody's house unannounced and knocked on the door...it just doesn't seem to happen here.  I do it on purpose just to see their faces.

 

[Marisawright]

17 minutes ago, beketamun said:

 In Australia, there is a lot less of that...people mind their own business and expect you to mind yours, I've seen a lot less emotional blowouts in Australia and people's business is private.

However, in my experience that's no so much a difference between Aussie and UK culture but a difference between the size of the cities.    In large (2 million+) cities all over the world, people tend to keep themselves to themselves a lot more than in smaller cities.  Most migrants to Australia come to the big cities, whereas they probably lived in a smaller place in the UK. 

Edited December 31, 2021 by Marisawright

[beketamun]

29 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

However, in my experience that's no so much a difference between Aussie and UK culture but a difference between the size of the cities.    In large (2 million+) cities all over the world, people tend to keep themselves to themselves a lot more than in smaller cities.  Most migrants to Australia come to the big cities, whereas they probably lived in a smaller place in the UK. 

Good point, it's like comparing London to somewhere like a village in North Wales I guess...almost alien to each other.   Australians seem to have a good time in London, but i don't reckon they'd like living in some of the more incestuous parts of the UK.

[Quinkla]

In fairness, though, fences in Australia are much higher and people are made to block out their windows to avoid seeing their neighbours. 

[ramot]

1 hour ago, beketamun said:

I think your experience and knowing how to adjust into different lifestyles is admirable.  I don't think everybody is like that though, and expectations are different.  If you've only ever lived in the UK, Australia can be a shock.  There's more space, people are more independent, they can cope very well on their own without the very close relationships that are created in small English towns based around pub culture and general nosiness into other people's business.  I mean that in a nice way.  The UK gives you a blowhole, you find out a lot more about people, it's very very casual, you can moan til your heart's content and nobody cares.   In Australia, there is a lot less of that...people mind their own business and expect you to mind yours, I've seen a lot less emotional blowouts in Australia and people's business is private.  The horror if you just turned up at somebody's house unannounced and knocked on the door...it just doesn't seem to happen here.  I do it on purpose just to see their faces.

 

When you have moved as much as I have, lost count after 17 moves before Australia, it’s sink or swim, life isn’t going to come to you, so best to learn to swim/adapt

[Bulya]

Just now, ramot said:

When you have moved as much as I have, lost count after 17 moves before Australia, it’s sink or swim, life isn’t going to come to you, so best to learn to swim/adapt

Same.  I’ve had more moves/schools/abodes than most have had ‘hot dinners’.  You learn to be inquisitive/adventurous and find places/things to do.  For me sleeping gets in the way of life!

[beketamun]

19 minutes ago, Quinkla said:

In fairness, though, fences in Australia are much higher and people are made to block out their windows to avoid seeing their neighbours. 

which part of Australia is that?  There's a new suburb near here where they're forcing every house (6500) to build a sitting area/courtyard in the front garden with transparent fencing so they can't avoid communicating with their neighbours walking past,  it's meant to promote neighbourliness.  Not sure if it's working but it's different.   

I can see the point about side fences and windows overlooking back gardens in Australia..they are different to UK gardens.  Lots of people are in their al frescos for long periods, in the pool or sunbathing, you're not looking at Fred Bloggs picking his spuds for 10 minutes a month. 

[Blue Flu]

36 minutes ago, Quinkla said:

In fairness, though, fences in Australia are much higher and people are made to block out their windows to avoid seeing their neighbours. 

In WA at least, there is a height limit. My former neighbours, in order to conceal illegal practices , built a fence above allowed limits and were forced to remove it. (by council) There is certainly a height limit here. They defered for ages, propbably took three months to have it removed in the end. 

Never heard of blocking out windows either. Plenty of grey areas in that I expect. 

[Blue Flu]

10 minutes ago, beketamun said:

which part of Australia is that?  There's a new suburb near here where they're forcing every house (6500) to build a sitting area/courtyard in the front garden with transparent fencing so they can't avoid communicating with their neighbours walking past,  it's meant to promote neighbourliness.  Not sure if it's working but it's different.   

I can see the point about side fences and windows overlooking back gardens in Australia..they are different to UK gardens.  Lots of people are in their al frescos for long periods, in the pool or sunbathing, you're not looking at Fred Bloggs picking his spuds for 10 minutes a month. 

Really? Never heard of that. Wishful thinking most likely the outcome , no matter how many good intentions. Possibly work better if populared by certain ethnic groups who may well thrieve under such conditions.

[beketamun]

10 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

In WA at least, there is a height limit. My former neighbours, in order to conceal illegal practices , built a fence above allowed limits and were forced to remove it. (by council) There is certainly a height limit here. They defered for ages, propbably took three months to have it removed in the end. 

Never heard of blocking out windows either. Plenty of grey areas in that I expect. 

Generally here in NSW, you put in a colorbond fence to code height or stick it on a sleeper to get a bit more height, then get the extra 200mm pergola bit added on the top.  I mentioned the 1.8m limit and the fencer looked at me as if i was mad...."everybody does this".

[Toots]

25 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

In WA at least, there is a height limit. My former neighbours, in order to conceal illegal practices , built a fence above allowed limits and were forced to remove it. (by council) There is certainly a height limit here. They defered for ages, propbably took three months to have it removed in the end. 

Never heard of blocking out windows either. Plenty of grey areas in that I expect. 

Never heard of blocking out windows either.  Weird.

Our back gardens have 5 feet wooden fences or solid walls.  The front gardens are much more open with low fences.  We know most of our neighbours.   

[Blue Flu]

1 hour ago, beketamun said:

Generally here in NSW, you put in a colorbond fence to code height or stick it on a sleeper to get a bit more height, then get the extra 200mm pergola bit added on the top.  I mentioned the 1.8m limit and the fencer looked at me as if i was mad...."everybody does this".

Loads of houses around here as well have flouted the height requirements. Many don't care or I suspect welcome the extra height to cover own activities. I don't. Especially when put up in a cheap and nasty sort of way. 

[Quinkla]

51 minutes ago, Toots said:

Never heard of blocking out windows either.  Weird.

http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/vic/consol_reg/br2018200/s84.html

[Blue Flu]

2 hours ago, ramot said:

When you have moved as much as I have, lost count after 17 moves before Australia, it’s sink or swim, life isn’t going to come to you, so best to learn to swim/adapt

But adapt to what exactly? Living in an indifferent environment, if a person used to living in a place with greater siocial interaction, one should simply accept without comment? Usually expat communities have their own sense of place and quite different from a settler community. 

[Blue Flu]

58 minutes ago, Toots said:

Never heard of blocking out windows either.  Weird.

Our back gardens have 5 feet wooden fences or solid walls.  The front gardens are much more open with low fences.  We know most of our neighbours.   

This I feel has become far more an issue as land size has become smaller. Thus more prying, or abnoxious neighbours to contend with. 

[Toots]

5 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

This I feel has become far more an issue as land size has become smaller. Thus more prying, or abnoxious neighbours to contend with. 

We don't live on a large block at all.  We didn't want a big garden.  None of our neighbours are obnoxious and they have far better things to do with themselves than pry on their neighbours.  

[Toots]

10 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

But adapt to what exactly? Living in an indifferent environment, if a person used to living in a place with greater siocial interaction, one should simply accept without comment? Usually expat communities have their own sense of place and quite different from a settler community. 

So what are you trying to say Mr Flu?  OK, you seem to be a bit of a recluse as you find it hard to find people of your intellect to converse with especially if they are not English or from the 'continent' in other words not Australian.  

I take people as I find them without judging them for their faults or quirks - in fact the quirkier the better as far as I'm concerned.

[Toots]

20 minutes ago, Quinkla said:

http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/vic/consol_reg/br2018200/s84.html

I see.  As far as I know those regulations don't apply here.  May happen in the future though.

[Skani]

2 hours ago, Quinkla said:

.... and people are made to block out their windows to avoid seeing their neighbours. 

?? Must be a Victorian thing?   I've lived in 17 different houses in 3 different states - but not Victoria - and never had blocked out windows

[ramot]

23 minutes ago, Blue Flu said:

But adapt to what exactly? Living in an indifferent environment, if a person used to living in a place with greater siocial interaction, one should simply accept without comment? Usually expat communities have their own sense of place and quite different from a settler community. 

Only my last move before Australia was expat,  Some of us have to move because of our husband’s work, whether we like it or not, move and settle our children into yet another school, let alone the pain of of leaving  them behind when overseas, that’s hard for them to keep adjusting, making new friends, cope without you. In service life you don’t always live in married quarters, you have to integrate into local settled life. I hope no one thinks that’s easy 

[Lavers]

On 29/12/2021 at 06:32, Quinkla said:

Australia is not a particularly friendly country and even looking at other people's friend circles,  they are quite superficial. IMO Australians are way too uptight and probably the most thin-skinned people on Earth. Even supposedly close friends seem to be constantly looking for ways to be upset and offended.

We have had a totally different experience to you.

The people we have met have been brilliant and can't seem to do enough for us.

I think the problem is if you have had life long friends at home and gone through many stages of life together then you will probably struggle to find friendships like that no matter where you go.