Having kids

[Gbye grey sky]

I found when I was pregnant, it was mainly women who gave up their seat for me. The men (not all of them) hid behind the Sydney Morning Herald :cool:

 

Not even women, on the London commute. In my experience London commuters would probably push you under a bus on their way to work and would not even give a backward glance. It is something about that London commuter mentality that seems to turn people into mindless automatons.

[Que Sera Sera]

Blossom I've googled a bit since you wrote that and everything I've read backs up what I wrote.

 

eg.

The NHS agrees that 35 is a key age when it comes to female fertility. Women are most fertile in their early 20s and their fertility declines with age. From the age of 35, this fall becomes steeper.

‘Women in the 19-26 age group have double the chance of conceiving each menstrual cycle compared with 35-39-year olds,’ explains Fertility UK fertility nurse specialist Jane Knight.

Women over 35 are also less likely to become pregnant from fertility treatments like IVF, and are more likely to suffer from miscarriages.

Read more at http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/543796/fertility-when-does-your-biological-clock-really-start-ticking.html#3pWiTrXoLEdcZfkX.99

 

 

 

Parley you've agreed with what she said. 25-35 much the same it's after 35 that's the problem. I think we all know some couple that have had children accidently even up to late forties early fifties thinking they are on the menopause .

[Parley]

Not sure about 25 to 35 being much the same. But after 35 is probably getting towards the now or never time for sure.

 

My mum had me at 36 though so of course it is not impossible.

[blossom]

Fair enough BritChickx, but you girls should read up on this stuff or it may end up too late.

Hopefully not.

Here's one for you to read up on. My mistake, the data they use is 300 years old. I did LOTS of reading which is how come I found out that there really haven't been many recent studies, and those that there have been do not agree with many of these scare mongering stories. So all these places trying to rush us into having children before 35 are a bit premature.

 

http://m.bbc.com/news/magazine-24128176

[Que Sera Sera]

Not sure about 25 to 35 being much the same. But after 35 is probably getting towards the now or never time for sure.

 

My mum had me at 36 though so of course it is not impossible.

My Auntie lost her son aged 11 to Leukemia. She decided to have another child to help her grief at age 42. She conceived naturally and happily with no side affects to my cousin so yes it does happen. Wouldn't fancy it myself though :laugh:

[maidensarah]

I did a lot of educating myself due to my ever increasing age. You are NOT more likely to get pregnant in your 20s. However, you are more likely to not miscarry. Getting pregnant is pretty much the same at 25 and 35. Lots of the fertility charts they use are actually from France and are about 100 years old. They only looked at actual birth rates and ages, not IF people were trying for a baby. So rates were much lower for older people as people had children earlier back then. Pretty crazy that they don't use more up to date statistics.

 

Other than my kidneys being squished by my baby, I had a model pregnancy at 35. No morning sickness, no mood swings, no lack of energy. I was watching much younger women complaining about how hard going to work was, and my job is physical.

My little girl is three months old and I can honestly say I've had about two days in that time where I've felt tired. Again, I see younger people complaining about lack of energy, but it hasn't hit me (yet).

 

I'm absolutely shattered but thats prob because my second (who is nearly 21 months old) still doesn't always sleep through. Say it's about 50/50., she woke every hour for the first 6 months, started sleeping a bit better after that. Whereas my first slept through from 8 weeks. In the last two months I've had laryingitis, conjunctivitis (from the kids), a 48 hour tummy bug, a cold and now sinusitis. I think it's from being run down. However saying that I wouldn't change anything, love my two to bits. But I'm not having any more.. and I'm a very maternal person!

[Johndoe]

My mother didn't work until my younger brother went to school so I was 8. However my grandmother lived with us and she worked (mother and grandmother effectively swapped roles as she retired) so there were 2 incomes effectively. I think there were a lot of multi generations in houses in those days which brought additional tensions if my experience was anything to go by.

 

Despite the above and my father having a white collar job i would classify our upbringing as poor - and typical. Our diet was very limited and any meat we had, had to really stretch over several days. We had a car, unlike many, but few luxuries (took a while to get a TV and i didnt see 'colour TV' until my teens for instance). if you wanted to phone someone it was the phone box and they had to own a phone too which was unlikely. Holidays were 1 week a year in a holiday camp watching the rain mainly.

 

And I would say we were average then. The bar has gone up so much higher now for Mr & Mrs Average that they just would not put up with the levels of real financial hardship that previous generations just expected. Hence mothers go back to work.

 

Some people have the rose tints on when they look back to the 1950s to 1970s. Believe me, it is a much better life now for the average earner.

 

How dare you! Poverty nowadays is having a tv screen less than 48".

 

I remember ringing a shilling through the gas meter and breaking the lock to get it back because we didn't have another to ring through if the gas went out..........I lived in a "flat" which had a kitchen and toilet shared by 6 familiies.............and yes, this was with parents who both worked, which was unusaua in those days..............(my dad plssed it up against the wall and gambled)

 

This was my life back then:

 

At this time, we lived in a bed-sit on Whitegate Drive. We lived in one room, sharing a communal toilet and kitchen with the other residents. I used to go across the road to the Belle Vue pub if I wanted to use the toilet, as the one provided was horrifically filthy. Mother was always whingeing that she wasn’t going to clean up after other “filthy bastards”, and I can remember many arguments taking place in the kitchen, between my mother and others. If dad intervened the whole house listened, he was a real hard nut, but as gentle as a lamb with the other kids there. I recall coming home from school one day and he was throwing buckets of water over a huge amount of blood in the back yard, at the foot of some wooden stairs, which acted as an outside access to the upper floor (fire escape). A very fat lady lived upstairs and apparently she had slipped on the iced up steps and fallen to her death (she had hit her head and bled to death before she was discovered. There was a German shepherd dog that lived in an out-house in the back yard, belonging to one of the residents and dad was trying to brush the blood and water away whilst pushing backwards with his foot to stop the dog licking at the blood. Dad was getting frustrated and he called out words to the effect “that if you don’t come and shift this dog, I’ll rub your bloody face in the **** that it’s left all over the place”. I was leaning out of an upstairs window and I plainly saw the owner of the dog appear from the kitchen door in a rush. Dad turned to face him, and head butted him all in one "ballet type” movement. The guy just crumpled at the knees and fell in a sitting position with his back against the wall. I have this “beautiful image” of my dad placing the brush in the guy’s hand then looking up at me and winking. He pats the dog’s head whilst the dog is licking the guy’s face! Why should I find pleasure in this incident? Was it my dad’s strength, his gentleness with the dog, or what? Most guys would have stuck the boot in, but there appeared to be no animosity involved, on his part. He’d just completed his business, did what needed to be done, matter-of-factly, it’s finished. That’s it. It’s over. If you know what I mean? On another occasion, the same guy was caught stealing coal from our coalbunker. Each resident had a coalbunker in the back yard. Our coal wasn’t lasting as long as it used to and dad had been questioning the coal man and knew him personally, so he didn’t think that he had been giving us short thrift. The coal man had told dad, that this guy had not had coal delivered for a while and it was a bloody cold winter so he’d been getting it from somewhere. I have a memory here of dad giving me money for cleaning the grate (each room had its own coal fire). Anyway I remember that dad used to jump up every time he heard someone filling a coal bucket in the yard and look out the window. On this occasion he ran down the stairs to the yard and stopped this guy at the back door. He was jabbing the guy in the chest with his finger as the voices got louder and louder and as the guy threw his bucket of coal to the floor. Dad immediately threw a punch. It must have been fast, and it must have been an uppercut, because this guy literally left the floor. The guy had his back to the kitchen door and it was one of those half glass ones and as he flew back the glass shattered. I remember the other residents cheering from their windows, and I have a sense that perhaps this guy was a bit of a bully and a load mouth and my dad had been the only one who could handle him. Anyway, everyone seemed happy about it. Yet again, the guy was out like a light, and dad just placed the upturned coalscuttle on the guy’s chest and gave him a pat. Dad went out for a while and came back with a sheet of plywood, which he nailed over the broken door. The guy was still there on the floor and dad just stepped over him. I remember the guy and his family leaving the following morning and people were lining the path and jeering. I felt sorry for their little girl who was crying but her mum was defiant and throwing V-signs. The guy was stood on the kerb and all their possessions were on a handcart. That’s it. I don’t even remember them actually leaving or whether my dad was there, and I can’t remember any other incidents at that house or even what my daily routine was like. I do remember that there was a little dirty, scruffy, wizened guy with a bald head who just had black curls at the side. He seemed a bit simple and had about 7 kids (all in one room)! I made friends with one of his boys and I asked him where his dad went with the handcart in the early morning. He invited me to go with them, and even today, I consider that expedition to be one of the most exciting times of my life. We went round all the bakeries and markets in Blackpool collecting all the damaged goods! This guy seemed to be known and tolerated by all the shop owners, some of them even had a cup of tea waiting for him! Everyone asked who I was, and when told, the reply was the likes of “Noooo, not Louie Dickinson’s boy”. Everyone seemed to know my dad except me, but boy, did I feel special that day! We collected loaves, cakes, vegies and fruit. It was all damaged. For example, the outer leaves of cabbage, bruised fruit, bent loaves, and my favourite, cream buns and the like with the cream smudged over the bun, or jam oozing out where they had been squashed. The man himself said very little and never smiled, but he certainly provided for his kids. I went with them on one other occasion when we hitched his cart to the back of a horse drawn cart. It was a rag and bone man who gave us a lift and I never saw this strange man talk so much, although he still didn’t smile. I found out from the boy later that the rag and bone man was his uncle and that he had his leg blown off in the war. I’d never noticed his legs ‘cause the rag carts in Backpool were flat backs, and the driver rode “side saddle” with his legs hanging over the side. Anyway, the rag and bone man gave me a goldfish, and on my return, mother wanted to know where I had got it. When I told her, she went berserk saying, “you haven’t been with that dirty old bastard downstairs have you”. I was made to strip wash, and the goldfish went down the toilet. All my clothes were bagged up, to be washed in the wash room later and I was told to get into bed. I realise now that this is my first “recognition” of mother’s compulsive, obsessive behaviour. She was also a snob! Throughout my juvenile years, I continued to see this chap doing his “scrounging rounds” and I recall that he seemed to look sadder and more tired every time I saw him. I also saw his son who I had befriended briefly, grow up to look just as sad as his dad, but unlike his dad he was always clean and well dressed.

[Guest51810]

Not even women, on the London commute. In my experience London commuters would probably push you under a bus on their way to work and would not even give a backward glance. It is something about that London commuter mentality that seems to turn people into mindless automatons.

 

oh definitely lol I got shoved a bit once. A friend said her little boy got properly shoved out the way. I can't understand why they cram in like sardines when there's a tube 1 or 2 minutes later. Try having a bus that comes every hour at the most lol

[Gbye grey sky]

That makes a great story John Doe. Not a barrel of laughs at the time though I am sure. Luckily my parents never drank or gambled. Remember the coal bunker and clearing the grate though. That was one of my jobs.

[Johndoe]

. Try having a bus that comes every hour at the most lol

 

Sounds like me when I was 16 and on the raz :-)

[Johndoe]

That makes a great story John Doe. Not a barrel of laughs at the time though I am sure.

 

Better than the institional care I was in earlier............I think? Feck it..............I can (wry) smile at my answers........life must be getting better...........moving on after all these years eh?

[Guest51810]

I'm giving myself till 33 and if I don't want kids or I haven't had them then I probably won't. I know two people who have had kids at 40 or bit older and they have both been disabled. I'm not sure if it's coincidence or related but I wouldn't choose to have them as late on as that but everybody's different. I think there's a good chance I won't have any. It'll save me money then lol :laugh:

[JockinTas]

I'm giving myself till 33 and if I don't want kids or I haven't had them then I probably won't. I know two people who have had kids at 40 or bit older and they have both been disabled. I'm not sure if it's coincidence or related but I wouldn't choose to have them as late on as that but everybody's different. I think there's a good chance I won't have any. It'll save me money then lol :laugh:

 

I never thought I wanted children when I was your age either Stacey :wink:

[Guest51810]

I never thought I wanted children when I was your age either Stacey :wink:

 

I've definitely became more open minded to it. I used to always say that I'd never have them lol. I'll put 35 as my limit though, changed it from 32 already lol. We'll see what happens. If I met someone who didn't want them I'd probably be fine with that. I do really like kids but usually a while with other peoples is enough for me lol

[Gbye grey sky]

Better than the institional care I was in earlier............I think? Feck it..............I can (wry) smile at my answers........life must be getting better...........moving on after all these years eh?

 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say. You come across as such a top bloke, just not had all the breaks. Hope you can focus on the positives and glad you can smile (even a wry one) thinking back on your childhood.

[Johndoe]

That makes a great story John Doe. Not a barrel of laughs at the time though I am sure. Luckily my parents never drank or gambled.

 

Later, when we finally got a council house, we had an outhouse that housed a gas boiler for washing clothes. I remember some "official" looking guys asking questions and my father took 'em out to the outhouse and lifted the lid on the gas boiler................it was full of betting slips. They were from the tax office and my father had never paid tax in his life (outside of his prison sentence for armed robbery)........he said his earnings were taxed at source :-).............he was as fit as a butcher's dog having been the Brisitish Army welterweight champion during the war, deprived of his title/medals etc when an amnesty was declared in 48 (he deserted at Anzio after serving since 39) and latterly a hod carrier that kept no less than 4 brickies in bricks............a bloody good earner..............a black marketeer to boot after the war..............just as you see 'em in the old movies.............pin stripe suit, ring on each finger, spats.........the business..............I should love what he represents in the human race as it was then..............survival........but feck it...........there seems to be a very strong element of "self" that over-rides all responsibilty to others IYKWIM?.............I'm not sure that I do? :-)

[Bound4Tassie]

Educate yourself.

A woman's fertility peaks in her early 20s.

Biologically your 20s are by far your best age to conceive.

 

Not to say you can't fall pregnant later, but you are taking a risk that you wont.

 

I would have thought you would know this stuff as a woman B4T.

 

Er, so you think women should have children in their 20s even if they haven't met someone they want to have kids with yet?! Or sod their degree / career in order to have them and live off the state? Is that really what you think??! As I said life is not that simple. Many women now have to think a bit more carefully about their lives / options in this modern world. Maybe you're struggling to adjust to this era of equality, rights and choices?

Edited February 7, 2015 by Bound4Tassie

[xxlornaxx]

im 33 and still not sure about children, i enjoy working and my current lifestyle, been married 6 years..its a big decision that i'm still not ready to make..women die and are ripped apart by childbirth, it doesn't sound pleasant or appealing! I have always wanted to adopt/foster though. Im glad i didnt have children in my 20s, the things i would have missed out on and i would have had no money. We are all living much longer now and from what i have read our fertility is extending also!

[tonyman]

i`m not going to go through all 12 pages as i feel all pages will be the same reflection .....no matter how many children you have , you adapt .......we had 5 and have managed to bring up beautiful young children with good manners on a budget and income support .....they are healthy and happy ......and when they do fly the nest they will have had the best upbringing available ......the children may not agree with that right now for sure but they will when they are young adults ..........

[Guest51810]

My mum just said 35 was too old!!! Must be old fashioned. Well it's better doing it at that age when ready than rushing and not being as happy

[Parley]

Sadly physiology is not a respecter of women's lib.

[Guest51810]

Ill take the risk at 30 - 35. We only assume that we can get pregnant easily in our 20's anyway. Some people don't find it as easy

[Que Sera Sera]

Ill take the risk at 30 - 35. We only assume that we can get pregnant easily in our 20's anyway. Some people don't find it as easy

When I was pregnant with my 3rd at 33 all the girls in my Ante Natal group were the same age as me or older and all on their 1st. It's pretty normal now . My pregnancy was also far easier than my 1st at 23 ( I was as sick as a dog for 9 months ) didn't put on any weight though :laugh:

[Marisawright]

As I said in my earlier post, I was never that keen on children and put off having them until I'd been married for 8 years. Only then, did I feel I really wanted to have them. I was terribly sick throughout each pregnancy - only stopped throwing up after they were born but once I held them there was such a great surge of love I knew I could cope no matter what.

 

I know of two women who didn't want children but the husband did so went ahead and had the babies. When they were past the baby stage they walked out on the husband and kids, more or less stating "You're the one who wanted them. You can look after them" :embarrassed:

 

This is what always worried me. So many women told me I MUST NOT miss the chance to have children because, "you may not want a baby now, but you will adore it when it arrives". But I know that's doesn't happen to 100% of women, so what if it didn't happen to me?

[ramot]

My mother didn't work until my younger brother went to school so I was 8. However my grandmother lived with us and she worked (mother and grandmother effectively swapped roles as she retired) so there were 2 incomes effectively. I think there were a lot of multi generations in houses in those days which brought additional tensions if my experience was anything to go by.

 

Despite the above and my father having a white collar job i would classify our upbringing as poor - and typical. Our diet was very limited and any meat we had, had to really stretch over several days. We had a car, unlike many, but few luxuries (took a while to get a TV and i didnt see 'colour TV' until my teens for instance). if you wanted to phone someone it was the phone box and they had to own a phone too which was unlikely. Holidays were 1 week a year in a holiday camp watching the rain mainly.

 

And I would say we were average then. The bar has gone up so much higher now for Mr & Mrs Average that they just would not put up with the levels of real financial hardship that previous generations just expected. Hence mothers go back to work.

 

Some people have the rose tints on when they look back to the 1950s to 1970s. Believe me, it is a much better life now for the average earner.

 

 

I'm with Johndoe with the perception of poor.

My parents split up when I was 8 and there was no further support from him. This was in the early 1950's

my mum and I lived ate, cooked and slept in 1 room in someone's house for years, that was all that could be afforded.

my brother was put up in a relatives house, sharing a bedroom with his much older uncle, only saw him at weekends.

Mum worked as a secretary in London, she was lucky she had the skills, so I was a latch key kid from then on, would be illegal now! but no choice for us.

TV, car wouldn't know anything about them when I was growing up.

Luckily got a Saturday job quite young to help out.

had to leave school at 16 to help out with financial mess my mum had got into, not qualified for anything, apart from a few o'levels.

Had a few lucky breaks and ended up doing quite well for myself.

Doubt my mother ever regretted having my brother or me, even though times were hard, later on both my brother and I were luckily in a position to make her life a lot easier, but she blamed herself for the tough times, even though we didn't, because that was our life and we got on with it.