Metoo Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Bit harsh. Have you not actually read the OP's posts? Not trying to be hurtful but sometimes your frame of mind can become stuck, or fixated on an idea and that can cause you to be permanently unsettled. I have a cousin who emigrated to Oz and decided to return to the UK after 2 years. however his family where happy in their new country and stayed put. 2 yrs on, he is unemployed, miserable, lonely and broke. He can not return as his wife has moved on and does not want him back. The OP should think hard before she splits her family up. The decision may be irreversible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 It is a tough one after 8 months of being unhappy it would be enough for me to decide....and i would have to respect the oh if she came and told me she wanted to go home if she wasnt happy but if i was happy there and didnt want to go home then what is the option.... you cant just keep giving it more time.... another year is an awful long time to be unhappy they are both adults and sounds like they already know where they would be happier living....its not nice but splitting up isnt the end of the world life will go on.... They are not a couple of backpackers in their 20s. They are a married couple with children. They need to try and work it through, negotiate a deal. Not chuck in the towel at first sign of trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) So I know for sure that if i stay here another year my son will miss out on a year of secondary education and find it difficult to catch up. As someone whose kids have been through a couple of years of Australian primary and then almost the full course of Australian High School, I can assure you that the skills they learn at primary school here might be different but are equally vital in the long run. Yes, your son might need to do a bit of catching up academically with his UK peers if you go back, but I can bet you anything he will be ahead of them in social and presentation skills: it's one of the things that really struck us here, how confident and articulate the aussie teenagers are compared to UK teenagers (I know it's a generalisation, but I'm speaking from a majority of cases here) and although they do less years in High School here, they definitely catch up and possibly overtake by Year 12. We found Primary School very relaxed and less result driven than the UK, but High School is a very full-on experience - especially in Years 11 and 12 here. But as I'm sure you realise, working in a school yourself, primary school is not just about marks on a piece of paper - nor should it be - it's about nurturing the whole child, and I have to say I think Australian primary schools do generally excel at that - well, the one mine went to did anyway! I did feel in the UK that perhaps the government rules were fostering a disregard of what primary school education should do - and one of my best friends is a primary school teacher, drowning in paperwork and reports most of the time at the expense of the kids being able to have a true childhood. What I guess I am trying to say is not to use the academic angle to beat yourself up over what you have done (i.e moving halfway across the world) - young children at primary age are happy to learn from their parents, so I'm sure as an educated person yourself you would be able to supplement his learning at home in academic areas if you feel he is missing out at his Australian school. Edited September 18, 2012 by Diane Trying to tidy up quote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob1 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I worked in primary in the uk and now I work in primary here and have also gotten to know other teachers from all over. Here is behind the uk take it from me first hand and not from some poll or survey you have read. Im not saying they dont achieve the same standards in the end but from the beginning to the end of primary they havn't learnt as much as they would have learnt being in a school in the uk. I dont live in a poorer area and working in different schools has shown me that this is the same situation everywhere. So I know for sure that if i stay here another year my son will miss out on a year of secondary education and find it difficult to catch up. I wasn't going to reply to this but then I thought actually, your views of education are part of the problem - that one of your needs to rush back home is to slot your son back into the UK education system because you think he is disadvantaged here, you're still thinking in UK terms, whereas what your head should be doing is learning more about the Oz system, thinking about high schools here, subject choices and what schools can offer your son. You are basing your opinions on 8 months in the country, working in one school and talking to a few teachers. I come from an academic base, 15 years in the country, lecturing in education (training students to be teachers) and visiting schools all over Perth. I did the same in the UK so can compare. The research shows the education system is excellent, particularly if you are here long term. Once you accept that you might feel more settled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I think you need to think very ,very hard before splitting your family. Maybe you are a bit depressed in the general sense but what came through to me is boredom and loneliness on your part. Would a new job help? Something where you are absorbed in your work and also meet lots of different people? It would be hard for your children to leave their father and really it sounds quite unrealistic that he would be visiting every 2 months- it is not exactly round the corner. I may sound harsh and I don't mean this in a nasty way but I really think you and your husband need to sit down and work this out and really, really try to keep the family together at all costs. Most marriages would not survive this sort of separation and this should be taken into account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hola muchena Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Hello moonwalker, I'm sorry to hear about your situation at the moment, I think you MUST give yourself a little while longer to adjust to things, as you say you do love your husband, he isn't helping matters tho by saying he not coming back ever? Does he want you to stay as a family unit or is HE not bothered anymore! Would he never forgive you if all of you came back? I do think you should follow your heart, I'm sure whichever option you choose, you will be fine, only you know how you feel. You say your children would have to catch up on schooling if you left it any longer, I'm sure this wouldn't take long. This is a tough one it's either his happiness in Perth or your happiness in UK. Sometimes it's good to talk to someone. I do hope you find your mojo again. X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 For the benefit of all, could you explain why the UK is finished? Also, why do you think Australia will be preferable? to be treated with the contempt. it deserves.............(rose coloured glasses optional) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgt Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 UK is finished still .............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I wasn’t going to post, as I haven’t walked in your shoes in any respect. But I sense an element of “you just need to toughen up” in some of the replies, and I think that might be difficult if you are feeling trapped with no obvious or ideal solution to resolve things. It might help if you can step back from the need to make some speedy decisions. As you probably know, GCSE course work starts primarily in year 10 aged 14/15 years. (GCSE’s are currently under review, but age 14/15 will still apply) You might prefer your son to be in the UK education system before then if you are planning a return, but I don’t think it is essential in the scheme of things. If he needs extra tuition to catch up, most schools will talk you through what needs to be done and how it can be achieved. Dropping back a year is always an option too, and he wouldn’t be the first or last to do it.. As you and your OH have such different views it may be really difficult to find middle ground, but a compromise is probably the only way to achieve some degree of peace of mind. A holiday back in the UK, a timescale for trying to ‘settle’, a date when you will sit down together and talk about your options for moving forward. Think little steps rather than major strides and hopefully you will find your way through. All the best Tx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToowoombaBlue Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Have a look at the UK news today, then ask yourself "Do I really want to live in the UK?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Have a look at the UK news today, then ask yourself "Do I really want to live in the UK?" Actually that's a pretty good idea - I used to regularly buy a copy of the International Express just to remind myself - not that I think that represents the true Britain in any way, but it was good to read about the worst things happening (in the Express's inimitable style)! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Have a look at the UK news today, then ask yourself "Do I really want to live in the UK?" "Mine closerures cant be ruled out" One punch teen wakes from coma Youth 17 charged over axe attack Mindless attackers just out for trouble Youth charged over piara waters party Inquiry swamped with racist submissions Perth News today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I also fell into the trap of agreeing to come back to UK after 4 years in Oz. I must have been f*ing insane as had a well paid secure job and new house build. We could never get that in UK with the way things are now. Australia is a great way of life and I''m back but the family don't want to come over. Can't understand how we managed to throw something so amazing away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) Why is Britain finished? This quote from Darren Glossop probably sums it up. "Great Britain? Or Broke Britain? We now have a total debt to gdp ratio of 492%. And guess what it’s not coming down. How can it? We have no industry to speak of. We’ve lost all our steel works; we have no car industry, no mining industry. In fact the only industry we have is fraudulent banking. And to make things worse, our ex Chancellor MR Gordon Brown sold half our gold at one of the lowest prices in recent years. Yes this was a very shrewd move by Mr. Brown Before selling our gold he announced, how much, when and this caused the price to crash. I have two views on this. One he was totally incompetent and had no right to be chancellor or he did it to help an American bank that was very short on gold and in great need of propping up. Anyway I digress. Britain is in an absolutely dire state. When the time comes to face the music, which won’t be long, I would rather be living in Columbia, at least they have a drug trade to fall back on. People if you are new to the British banking fiasco I beg you, please get yourself out of paper money and into silver and gold. These two commodities are the only safe bet left. Be smart protect your money, protect yourself." Darren Glossop Edited September 18, 2012 by Lambethlad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I think you need to be honest here, and my comments are meant with the best of intentions................... You have to ask yourself (honestly), if this is about you, or your children's welfare? Are you really that concerned about the education here, or is it just something to add 'substance' to your desire to return to the UK? As others have said, the education system here may not be 'familiar' but it certainly isn't sub-standard and it certainly turns out much more rounded kids than the UK............my two youngest, raised here, are much more confident, and with less "teenage attitude" than my 3 older ones, educated in the UK. Many who are lonely, and yes, traumatised by the overwhelming change in coming here, will seek justification for their desire to return to familiarity by seeking reasons other than their own desires. Just as many, dissilusioned with the UK say they are coming to Oz to give their kids a brighter future, likewise those dissilusioned with Oz will quote similar. Once looking for a "way out", many will look for more reasons.............even imaginary/trivial ones, to add "substance" to their decision making. Just make sure that you're head is well screwed on when you make yours, because ping ponging can be an expensive exercise and marriage break up even more so, in more ways than financially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pixie10 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Gotta agree on the education bit- Oz education is different not behind, they are more holistic and less ticking boxes and looking at national average graphs! I too worked/work in Primary schools in UK & Oz and would take the Oz education system over UK everytime. I do think by the end of the education system the Aussie educated children are ahead socially and vocationally and probably on a par academically, but you also have to remember lots of children in UK are leaving school (& Uni) with brilliant academic qualification.... not any use in a massive recession where any jobs that are available would take vocational quals/experience over a history GCSE or whatever. Don't use your childrens' education as a reason to back up your want to go home. They would probably have a better quality of live here than in UK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I think you need to be honest here, and my comments are meant with the best of intentions................... You have to ask yourself (honestly), if this is about you, or your children's welfare? Are you really that concerned about the education here, or is it just something to add 'substance' to your desire to return to the UK? As others have said, the education system here may not be 'familiar' but it certainly isn't sub-standard and it certainly turns out much more rounded kids than the UK............my two youngest, raised here, are much more confident, and with less "teenage attitude" than my 3 older ones, educated in the UK. Many who are lonely, and yes, traumatised by the overwhelming change in coming here, will seek justification for their desire to return to familiarity by seeking reasons other than their own desires. Just as many, dissilusioned with the UK say they are coming to Oz to give their kids a brighter future, likewise those dissilusioned with Oz will quote similar. Once looking for a "way out", many will look for more reasons.............even imaginary/trivial ones, to add "substance" to their decision making. Just make sure that you're head is well screwed on when you make yours, because ping ponging can be an expensive exercise and marriage break up even more so, in more ways than financially. I agree with the rest of your post, but not the bit I've emboldened. Normally you're against such generalisations - as posted by others elsewhere, I'd subscribe to the view that both countries are 1st world developed nations with developed educational systems and whether or not that works for you/your kids is much more about the individual kids, the individual schools, and the individual parents concerned than any general differences in quality or approach between the two systems Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 They would probably have a better quality of live here than in UK. That's all specific to the individuals, isn't it? You can't make such a blanket statement about QoL with regards to one country vs the other either, same as you can't with education. The worst possible impact to any kids' quality of life is likely to be their family breaking up, so working through the issues and trying to avoid that is probably more important than anything else IMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 This quote from Darren Glossop probably sums it up."Great Britain? Or Broke Britain? We now have a total debt to gdp ratio of 492%. And guess what it’s not coming down. How can it? We have no industry to speak of. We’ve lost all our steel works; we have no car industry, no mining industry. In fact the only industry we have is fraudulent banking. And to make things worse, our ex Chancellor MR Gordon Brown sold half our gold at one of the lowest prices in recent years. Yes this was a very shrewd move by Mr. Brown Before selling our gold he announced, how much, when and this caused the price to crash. I have two views on this. One he was totally incompetent and had no right to be chancellor or he did it to help an American bank that was very short on gold and in great need of propping up. Anyway I digress. Britain is in an absolutely dire state. When the time comes to face the music, which won’t be long, I would rather be living in Columbia, at least they have a drug trade to fall back on. People if you are new to the British banking fiasco I beg you, please get yourself out of paper money and into silver and gold. These two commodities are the only safe bet left. Be smart protect your money, protect yourself." Darren Glossop A silly piece of polemic. If you base your economic analysis and life plans on that, then good luck to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I could really do with some help and advice from people. We have been in Perth now for 8 months and I have tried so hard to settle here but its not getting any easier. To be honest it gets worse every day. My sons are happy here but they are happy to go home again as we had a good life back in the uk. My husband point blank wont go back and has told me if I do he isn't coming with us, so if I go I will be taking my children and going back to the uk alone. I dont want to do this as I will be splitting up my family and I do love my husband but the thought of staying here is starting to feel like a prison sentence now. Im living in a beautiful place here but there is nothing here for me. There is alot less than we had in the uk and I find myself getting bored and struggling with ideas to entertain my boys. I go to the beach but that starts to wear thin. I have joined a gym, have been out with some of the mums, have a couple of friends here and work but I still can't settle. My eldest son would have been starting secondary school in September and I feel that if i leave it any longer he will never catch up as the education system here is quite far behind the uk (I work in education so see this first hand daily). My husband has never been happier since being here but Im really not and cant remember the last time I proper belly laughed. Ive lost part of myself since being here and feel like Im becoming a very unhappy person. To coin a phrase Im losing my mojo. What do I do?? Do i go back on my own and be a single mum struggling with bills but my sons would have friends and family around them and a better education, hopefully a happier mum but a visiting dad. Theres also the housing aspect as I alone wouldn't get a large mortgage and dont want to live in rented forever. After the move here we dont have alot left so I dont have a big deposit to put down. My husband has a good job so would be able to visit them every couple of months but he would hate me for taking them and I would feel terrible for leaving him. I really am in a bad place here and feel that whatever I do now I will be losing something but the thought of going home is like a dream. I want to go back so badly. Please give me some advice here as I really am in a dilemma. I am replying to your original post just in case it has lost it's way with some of the replies. To be honest you haven't been here really very long. I have lived in 5 countries including a muslim one for 9 years prior to coming here, and moved over 17 times, so do have an idea of how you displaced perhaps you feel, although I have never been homesick as I have always managed to take the rough with the smooth, and treat my time in each country as an experience not to be missed, definitely in hindsight anyway! My children had a fairly disrupted education, including moving our daughter for year 5 for her GCES. She managed 8 and went onto Uni, so although mine never went to school here you don't have to be full time in the UK system to succeed. If you are suffering from depression then please seek help, to go back to the UK on your own in possibly straightened circumstances might make things better but very possibly worse. I have spent a lot of time apart from my husband due to his work, and for a while tried living between UK and overseas. Trust me it puts a tremendous strain on your marriage, we had to work very hard at staying together,and statistically more people we know split up than stayed together. Not intending to be too negative, but trying to point out a few realities of a long distance marriage. Can I please ask you to wake up and smell the roses, you have a husband and children. Treat yourselves to a nice trip away or something. Have just heard that my brother in law died on monday, and heard today that a friend's son, the same age as my son has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour. It focuses the mind on the important things in life. If you are determined to go back to UK, then try to experience some of the good things here in Australia before you go, so you have some happy memories to take away with you. Good luck with whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Don't go back if you can hang on here, things will get better I'm sure. Find things to do that make you happy. enjoy being together as a family and create those happy memories. Don't worry about the future, just be in the present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I agree with the rest of your post, but not the bit I've emboldened. Normally you're against such generalisations - as posted by others elsewhere, I'd subscribe to the view that both countries are 1st world developed nations with developed educational systems and whether or not that works for you/your kids is much more about the individual kids, the individual schools, and the individual parents concerned than any general differences in quality or approach between the two systems My bad. I should have said "my opinion, and that of many others on the forum". Of course there's going to be a difference between schools/parents/kids..............too many variables, but I would still argue that the emphasis here on "show and tell" from a very early age, and other factors such as parent's attendance at school sports, eating lunches outdoors, and emphasis on recent history etc, instills more confidence and feeling of "belonging," than the UK system that I am familiar with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Overdefensive, so I might have a go at picking it apart My bad. I should have said "my opinion, and that of many others on the forum" And contrary to the opinion of many others . Of course there's going to be a difference between schools/parents/kids..............too many variables, but I would still argue that the emphasis here on "show and tell" from a very early age, and other factors such as parent's attendance at school sports, eating lunches outdoors, and emphasis on recent history etc, instills more confidence and feeling of "belonging," than the UK system that I am familiar with. I would argue that those factors that you have appreciated in the Aus schools you like/are familiar with are also present in many of the (possibly better) UK schools too - certainly parental involvement, sports etc. The UK schools I was familiar with had all that, as does my son's current Aus school and the one we are looking at sending him to in a couple of years. I rate them all pretty highly tbh I think the generalisation - for that's what it is - that the Australian education system produces more rounded results than the UK one is repeated too much on here. It doesn't chime with my experience, which is why I challenge it. I think the accusation that's often levelled at the UK system - that it's obsessed with box ticking and exam results - particularly isn't the case I'm not slagging the Aus system, just to be clear. I think it's good, and the results in terms of educational outcomes speak for themselves. It's the insistence of comparison and the pigeonholing of the whole UK system that grinds my gears. Got no issue with people who believe in the Aussie system biting at one-sided critical views of that, in fact I'd tend to support them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Yes the UK economy is finished don't believe people who tell you otherwise. Look at the prediction for Europe, 20 graduates for every job vacancy. Australia is still growing and the standard of living is much higher. As for education, yes it's much different in Australia but not in a bad way. Kids don't grow up as fast and a lot of emphasis is placed on social skills rather than on the academia, at least in the early years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 did someone mention generalisation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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