tea4too

We have definitely noticed a change in the weather, with UK winters consistently milder and wetter. But to be honest whether it's freezing cold or chucking it down for days, winter tends to be the time of year when we catch up with all the stuff there was no time for during the rest of the year, so I don't mind overly much. In some respects reading a good book in front of the log fire while the rain lashes the house is possible one of my happy times! Mum on the other hand really struggles when she can't get out to the garden and finds it hard to find other ways to fill her days. Time hangs heavy until the approach of spring, when she seems to shed the years as the lighter, brighter days put a literal spring in her step. Horses for courses I guess.T x

It's hard to offer advice in the circumstances you describe, but in truth I struggle and we live just a few hundred miles away rather than thousands. It's not necessarily the big stuff either as living in the UK means we can visit regularly and respond quickly in a crisis. It's simple things like picking up the shopping or a prescription when the weather is wild, fixing a door that sticks, changing the battery of a bleeping smoke alarm, making safe that bit of loose carpet... day to day things that happen regularly and are fixed by others, often without even hitting our radar. Mum wouldn't choose to move and our life is rooted here but it has become more of an issue over time and doesn't sit easily with me. It's hard not to feel selfish when someone else is left with no option but to fill the shoes we chose to vacate, but thank goodness they do because I genuinely don't know what Mum or myself would do without them. Sorry Adam, possibly not what you want to read right now, but if there are other family members or even good neighbours willing to provide some level of support, if needed, it might be an idea to sound them out. If nothing else it would give you some degree of peace of mind. Good luck, I hope you can make it work. T x

Hi, and welcome to the forum. If you haven't already, check out some of the threads in the 'Moving Back to the UK' section where you'll find some kindred spirits and discover you are not alone in terms of the issues you are struggling with. A sense of belonging, or lack of it, is a common thread in many posts. It's difficult to offer advice because there's no guaranteed outcome whatever you decide, but I would be cautious about drifting too long in the hope that things improve. On a practical basis it could become a more difficult decision as you and your family grow older. Sometimes instead of trying to decide the best option it can help if you flip the question and work on the least worst option instead. Maybe ask yourself; if you were to make a mistake which outcome would you regret more - being stuck for the foreseeable future in Aus, or in the UK/ Ireland? Which is more likely to have the most negative consequences? It will still be a dilemma because weighing finances against emotions is an apple and pears thing, but it might help to clarify some priorities. Wishing you all the best, T x

@Cheery Thistle The issues you raise are worthy of debate however, while all opinions are valid, reflecting that people happily living in the UK are in denial because they don't share your view is questionable and more likely to push the thread further off track, rather than supporting those 'expats using this part of the forum to discuss the move back.' Perhaps a separate thread in Chewing the Fat would be more appropriate? Either way, as I'm not sure I can add much to the practical advice and support already provided I wish the OP well, and will leave it at that. T x

Who wouldn't? We're posting in MBTTUK, a small section of the forum designed to support those thinking of returning. It was reading negativity about life in the UK that prompted me to join PIO more than a decade ago because I didn't recognise the desperate, gloomy, dispirited place regularly described then, and I don't now tbh. It's right to acknowledge the huge social issues impacting the UK, but it's just as important in my view to acknowledge that many continue to live a relatively comfortable and happy life in a place they are content to call home. I get that planning a new life on the other side of the world might bring into sharp focus negative aspects of the life being left behind, but not everyone is going to share those opinions, or accept that life in every part of the UK is directly comparable. T x

Without doubt life is a struggle for many in the UK just now as the country continues to navigate the economic legacy of covid lockdowns, Brexit and years of austerity policies delivered by successive tory governments. The media is full of stories warning of high interest rates, redundancies, an increase in homelessness and an NHS buckling under the strain. So it would be unrealistic to pretend there is no direct impact on society or individuals and I understand why those looking to emigrate do so in the hope of a better quality of life. But, for all its problems, the UK is still a first world country and the entire UK is not labouring under a constant cloud of despair. Personally we are happy here, our family are settled and making their way in life just as we did at their age, carefully navigating the cyclical ups and downs of economic downturns. If contemplating a MBTTUK my advice would be to choose your area carefully and be thorough with your research, because if you get it right it is still possible to have a good life here. T x

To some extent it depends where the OP (or anyone thinking of MBTTUK) will be living, as devolved governments often operate differently, and even some local authorities will provide support or access to schemes not available in neighbouring postcodes. As a starting point the UK Government website is a mine of information and a useful tool as it helpfully sign posts alternative advice for people living in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland. T x

Also, if you haven't already, check airline policies regarding flights and pregnancy, a quick look suggests few issues up to 28 weeks, a medical certificate 28-32 weeks and a reluctance to facilitate travel after 32 weeks. The UK benefit system is notoriously complex but the government benefit checker might help. Check out the 'habitual residency test' too. www.gov.uk/check-benefits-financial-support It varies but rental property in the UK can be difficult to secure in many places. 'Rightmove' will help provide an insight into what is currently available in your preferred area, the prices, deposit and such like. Managed tenancies tend to use checking services that require verification of income, savings, credit score and possibly references or a named guarantor. On a more general note, while I understand your reasons for postponing any relocation until later in the pregnancy I can't help but think you are contemplating some huge changes at a time when you a likely to be both physically and emotionally vulnerable. Take care of yourself, involve trusted friends and family to make enquiries and manage practicalities where possible. And lists...I am a great one for lists, if only for the boost of crossing things off. T x

Call makes a valid point. 'From' 2023 would imply a general policy of no charges however, 'for' 2023 is not so clear cut and could equally mean things are open to review in subsequent years. T x

I think one of the great things about this forum is the fact that so many posters have stuck around for so many years, offering advice and opinions based not only on their own life experience but on information shared by and with other posters. And when it comes to the emotional aspect of migration all sorts of thoughts and feelings are explored and shared in Aussie and UK Chat threads. People can read, skip, ponder or ignore that stuff, but in reality those of us that have been part of the forum for a long time know that while some doubts are probably just a wobble, other worries could be key issues the poster would be well advised to weigh and consider carefully. Migration is not an an exact science, as demonstrated by the fact that while life is truthfully very grim for many in the UK just now, other people such as the OP live in a nice place, with a decent income and a network of good friends. Gambling all of that to move from one first world country to another is a big decision and one that is hopefully helped by the shared thoughts and experiences of others. Particularly those who have been there/ done it. Tx

Pob, many recent migrants seem to struggle with their first Christmas in Australia as familiar lifelong traditions don't quite fit with the new environment. In time you will find new traditions, little things that are more geared to the new life you and your family share on the other side of the world. In the meantime you are creating memories that you will one day look back on and laugh at - you've made a start with turkey stuffing! Enjoy the journey. T x

Between loved ones, or in a formal setting such as school or the workplace, it may well be delivered and received as supportive and useful feedback. But on a public forum among strangers it is perhaps more likely to come across as unnecessary criticism, rather than one filled with bonhomie, tbh. Tx

Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda, Bugfamily... lots to look forward to in 2023. Take care, Tx

Thinking of you @bug family at what I know is a difficult time of year for many and possibly for you too this year for a number of reasons. Be kind to yourself and maybe try to keep busy if you can, too much thinking time is not always the best way to get through tough times. Best wishes, Tx

Nana, Blu Flu is right, it is ultimately a decision you have to make for yourself. There are books and experts galore with advice on coping mechanisms, decision making strategies, methods for prioritising what is important ...but no-one can guarantee what will actually make us happiest in the longer term. Big decisions usually carry an element of risk but there comes a time when we have to cross fingers and jump, or stay put which in itself can present different risks. Accepting outcomes on the basis of 'it is what it is' together with a determination to celebrate the positives while managing or accepting the negatives could be key. But whatever you decide at some point you will move on, hopefully with peace of mind for knowing the decision is made. Who knows, you may discover that the indecision and anxiety was far worse than the reality of what you end up dealing with irrespective of where you finally settle. Take care and good luck, T x

Croeso adre BF (hope I got that right, my Welsh is still a work in progress!). This must be something of a bitter sweet time, but from your posts it's clear you have not made any decisions lightly and now it's time for the next chapter. Good luck and take care, Tx

This link to the UK government website might help. It clarifies that you must inform HMRC if you leave the UK to live abroad permanently, or to work abroad full time for at least one full tax year. Tax on UK incomes is also referenced, along with the option for paying National Insurance Contributions. T x https://www.gov.uk/tax-right-retire-abroad-return-to-uk

Sometimes the act of having to make a choice can be more stressful than the issues we are balancing. But what if you had no choice? Imagine two envelopes and being told whichever one you opened would seal your fate - no debate, no weighing of pros and cons, just stuck with the outcome. Which envelope would stress you more - the one containing a one way ticket to Aus, or the envelope with confirmation of old age in the UK? Would opening one, rather than the other, result in a greater element of relief or disappointment? In many ways you are in a wonderful position because you have choices, but when that situation becomes the nightmare you describe it is maybe time to pause. Give yourself a break and put the dilemma aside if only for a short while. The answer may become clearer when you are not searching for it. Tx

I may be way off the mark here, but your post seems full of sadness for a life that 'might have been' and regret for opportunities missed. But at some point you took your courage in both hands and set off for an adventure in the hope of a good life with different opportunities, and from what you write it seems you may have achieved that. Had you not emigrated perhaps you would still have wondered what might have been, only from a different perspective? Spending time with UK family will hopefully help to recharge batteries and ease some of the regret - life may have taken a different path but, as you reflect in your post, different is not necessarily better or worse. Have a wonderful holiday and fingers crossed for some decent summer weather while you are here . Take care. Tx

I'm sorry you read it that way but I have already clarified that was not the intention. In a public forum views are shared, challenged, queried and bandied about.... and my reply was not so much 'to you', as in response to some of the issues you raised. But I will leave it at that as I have nothing further to add, and do want the OP's thread derailed unnecessarily . Tx

Not sure why you have taken my reply as a personal criticism. It wasn't intended as such and was simply my own, general/ personal response, to some of the issues you raised, which is the reason I quoted your post. Tbf it can be difficult to navigate the intention of posts without the benefit of body language or a tone of voice, but I would have been happy to clarify as It's unnecessary and too easy for threads to disintegrate when people trade slights back and forth. T x

I've been a forum member for more than a decade and throughout that time have consistently read posts about how awful life is in the UK, from the weather to general lawlessness and loads in between. And it's true that life has changed over the years, particularly since the Global Financial Crash of 2008 followed by the subsequent governments austerity agenda. More recent world events continue to take a serious toll on the economy and I think it's fair to say that most people worry about the steep rise in living costs that is already starting to have an impact. However, 68million people live here and they are not all desperate to leave. We moved to Wales many years ago and are happy to call it home, the country has a culture, language and beauty that is easy to embrace and would be difficult to walk away from. But my point is this - family and friends assume you have a better life in Australia, it's the message provided by most tv shows and magazines, so it is easy to look at the negatives of life in the UK and compare them unfavourably with the positives of Aus. But in reality they are both first world countries. It is still possible to have a decent life, raise well adjusted well educated children, and have a nice home in both countries. Location matters and your priorities matter, but that's the case irrespective of whether you live in Australia or the UK. T x

I think it can be incredibly difficult to step into the shoes of another person and know, for sure, how we would react to certain situations. Perhaps inevitably we apply our own feelings and life experience and make a judgement, but it's impossible to factor everything that others have to weigh, and because you or I would not choose to do something does not mean that others cannot do it successfully. Long periods of separation is something that many families deal with when a parent works away and, while I don't doubt how challenging that must be, it does not make it impossible to maintain family ties and relationships. Sometimes when options narrow we have to make the least worse choices and reading Bug Family's posts I doubt he has come to any decisions lightly. T x

Debate doesn't have to be adversarial, it's possible to have sympathy and a degree of understanding for another person's view without having to agree with it. Discussion is an ebb and flow of thoughts, ideas and opinions, but conversations risk being closed down when one or both parties simply deliver their opinions forcefully in an attempt to win the argument. Why bother if the other person is not listening and simply waiting for a gap in the conversation to repeat what they want to say over and over again until we give up and walk away? (Rhetorical question by the way....!) T x

Thanks for clarifying, I guess this was my point really. I don't tend to visit this part of the forum much but the thread title caught my eye and I've enjoyed reading some of the replies. I get the impression that much depends on that potentially elusive feeling of belonging and whether we are able to completely uproot and replant elsewhere, or alternatively leave behind a significant piece of what makes us individuals when we move. The degree and the reasons my differ, but it clearly isn't simply about how long or short a time people live in any particular place. T x