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proud preston

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About proud preston

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  1. proud preston

    Impossible decision

    I'm back poring over the UK chat which means something has triggered in me from back over in the UK and I'm feeling homesick again - this time- it's siblings going through rough times and I long to be with them. Zoom chat is great each week (why didn't we do this prior to Covid?) but I really miss being near to them (obviously allowing for UK Covid restrictions) In the 14 years I've been here I've missed the UK and yet went along with the thought of..before the kids start secondary school we will go, before the kids start uni we will go.... and now one is in uni and one in year 11 and we are still here so I think it's a distant dream now- also I'm over 50 too. Life -as many have said- looks good on paper- and it is..but I never hated the UK. For me, the weather, trees, countryside, buildings and family and friends.... my yearning for them is just as it was 14 years ago. Each time I went back to visit mum and I felt content, grounded. Selfishly (as I've husband and teenagers to think of) ...but I miss all I that I loved in the UK- Quoll said it beautifully about "not my colours"-I think this can be interpreted in so many ways. Mum passed early this year and I was with her- I could still so easily sob - for the huge loss of her but also that I chose to spend the last 14 years of her life on the other side of the world- encouraged to do this "for a better life for the family"!! In short, I'd encourage anyone who has this bubbling undercurrent of turmoil and melancholy to follow their heart. I've left it too late-and those two questions- "do you want to grow old here? be laid to rest here?- make me shudder. For me- (and I know many don't feel this) but as in many societies/cultures- the feeling of truly belonging to where you were born will never pass.
  2. proud preston

    Tiny move - worth the cost?!

    Apologies - I’ve posted already about this - looked up Seven Seas to ship - rocking chair, stool and a couple of other items. Quote came to about 480 pounds but then there seemed to be an equal amount to pay once they were in Aus?? Am I just being a bit dense or is this correct? So hard, just a couple of things of sentimental value from my mum’s house but seems a lot of money and faff. Thanks in advance
  3. proud preston

    4 items to be shipped- tiny amount!

    Thanks all. I'm here in Aus now - have been for years. Usually bring 12 jars of Marmite back as Our Mate is so tiny and expensive and......who knows when we will be able to travel to the UK again as it is in such a shocking state
  4. proud preston

    4 items to be shipped- tiny amount!

    Thanks heaps
  5. Hello all. Apologies in advance if this has been discussed before. My mum’s house is in the process of being sold and I am wanting to ship over a rocking chair, stool, rug and 15 jars of marmite - a teeny weeny amount of stuff. Any recommendations for shipping such a little amount? Thanks heaps
  6. proud preston

    Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

    Sad to see that this post has got to be almost a war of words! Surely it doesn’t have to be this way. If we’re looking at this part of the forum we’ve all got something in common - let’s be nice to one another!
  7. proud preston

    Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

    Wow! That's interesting as I've often thought I might not have felt so homesick if we had migrated to Canada given the similarity in seasons and it's in the same hemisphere! - maybe the migrant who still has theur heart in the UK will feel homesick anywhere. I remember first moving over to Ireland - from England - and feeling so homesick and that's only a 40 minute flight away from England!
  8. proud preston

    Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

    @bug family oh so true. Being stuck. I find that I think about the UK so much and it hasn’t got any easier - after 13 years. Even with my beloved mother passing very recently back in the UK - I’ve still the yearning to go back. Just keep dreaming ( as that’s what it is) - “ when we get a small stone cottage in England .....” trouble is - the years whizz by and I am wasting them by letting this pervasive sadness stop me fully enjoying what there is here. How I wish I was one of the ex pats who fall in love with Oz and never look back but there is so much I miss. As mentioned - I never left because I disliked the UK - I continue to miss what I previously loved. There’s a sense of bubbling panic when I think - we’ve one short life and I’m not living the life I would like to live. As mentioned - many factors that prevent me going back. Being ‘ stuck’ is an apt description.
  9. proud preston

    Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

    @DukeNinja - yes true ‘horses for courses’ I do love Preston - but more out of nostalgia and loyalty than returning to live. I would like to be in rural Lancs or Yorkshire etc - not in a town/ city or burbs. That’s good that you will have closure soon and settle here in Australia.
  10. proud preston

    Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

    @ali - a British husband who - although will look occasionally at houses in the UK and talk about returning to the UK or Ireland - isn’t serious and believes ‘ we have at better life here’. Two sons who (sort of) see here as home - feel like I would abandon them if I returned to the UK - and I do hope to stay near them- who knows where they will end up ? I feel guilty and self indulgent whingeing about wanting to go back but I can’t shake this longing. I’ve met those who never look back and then many, like me, who yearn to go back - irrespective of all the problems in the UK. I came here because my husband thought it was a great idea - and I stupidly was desperate to get out of my job. Feel a sort of grief for my boys not growing up there and me not spending more time with siblings and my mum - and......... you can’t get time back! @DukeNinja. I love Preston - always have- despite it changing - would love to retire to Lancashire, Cumbria or Yorkshire @Marisawright I wasn’t aware of all the complications re super and pensions -a bit of a silly Pollyanna mindset- thank you for the info. I’ve been back about every 18 months ( could have paid off a lot of the mortgage!) and love being back - will really need to investigate this properly
  11. proud preston

    Been in Oz 8 months and struggling - advice please!

    Yes! My feelings exactly! Does it ever go away? Been in Brisbane 13 years - children now 18 and 16. Feel like I'm in self imposed exile. Miss the UK dreadfully- even with all it's faults I still love it - buildings, climate, countryside, TV, villages, family, friends.......the list goes on. Every time I go back to the UK I always dread retiring here. There was a book " Waiting to exhale" - that describes me. I know people will say " just leave" - not as simple as that.
  12. proud preston

    Feeling Stuck in Australia

    @Toots - how lovely! Trees- These are a few of my favourite things ! Must visit again - in Autum.
  13. proud preston

    Feeling Stuck in Australia

    @ali - excellent! Born in Penwortham so just outside of Preston - when I go back I do the Preston park run and love hearing all the familiar, comforting accents -although always feel a pang of jealousy that I’m no longer ‘one of them’ (never happy eh?!) . @Marisawright-thank you - just talking to hubby about that over a G&T -making plans and trying to throw as much as we can into super and search what UK pension we need to consolidate. Sad how as youngsters pensions are a boring subject - now we find it great conversation ! He’s keen too but a realist and also - quite rightly - wanting to embrace what we have here - whilst we are here. We go back eventually - I know we will. @Toots love Tassie - spent 2 weeks in a camper van there - even saw an Oak tree in Port Arthur - surreal. Beautiful place - wish we’d gone there first to settle rather than stinking hot Brisbane. @FeelingStuck- my solace is that we are not alone - many, many feel as we do. I envy Aussie’s who are born here and catch up with family. I get on with my siblings really well and miss catching up with them. Also my lovely mum has dementia and is in an aged care home - guilt and -again - grieving. Yes, I feel very guilty when I whinge about missing home as we made the choice to come here (hubby keen to migrate - I was desperate to get out of child protection social work!) Someone mentioned CBT - and whilst not my preferred way of working in my job - the basic principles probably help. Although we should probably pay our mortgage down we have had some great trips back to the UK - and made it a holiday. Can you do that whilst you are here? Great to be a tourist in the UK and Europe. We live a split life - but embrace (that word again) the best of both worlds. I fell in love with Australia as a 24 year old back packer - I felt so excited in that year I travelled this vast continent. I am determined to recapture that excitement about this sunburnt country whilst still heading toward my eventual goal of a little stone house in Lancashire, Yorkshire or Cumbria. Phew - apologies for such a long post! Find things that give you a good old belly laugh - even if it’s watching UK Live at the Apollo - and remain curious about what Aus has to offer - away from all the Americanised crap that’s crept in. All the best. You’re not alone x
  14. proud preston

    Feeling Stuck in Australia

    Ah yes -a Prestonian. Love going back to visit the place although haven’t lived there for 30 years!
  15. proud preston

    Feeling Stuck in Australia

    ‘Feeling stuck’ completely empathise with your dilemma. I too seem to have been living for the last 12 years with a continued undercurrent of sadness. I remember part of my uni course -looking at grief and loss - many migrants experience ambiguous loss. Not grieving a death of a person etc but grieving something that is still there but not there (similar to the grieving when a loved one has dementia) Anyway- it’s bloody tough. I am ok here and on the surface have a great life but deeply miss the cold, the seasons, Europe, family, trees, hills, buildings, villages etc etc. We have gone back so many times in the last 12 years to visit family and that probably hasn’t helped us at all to settle here (and I hate the heat and constant blue sky- every. single. day.) Our son is just about to start a 5 year uni course here (yikes!) I am determined that when he finishes (I will be 55!!) to go back - he and my other son may not feel the same but I think my husband does. In that time I hope to make enough money to safely sell up here and not have to struggle in the UK and live a life we both want for our older years - not burning to a crisp! I would not want to return to the uk if it meant living in some non descript box in a bland suburb. My only suggestions (that I have to try and take up - otherwise I’m wasting my life) is to try and find some joy in the here and now - take advantage of the weather and grow veggies that we wouldn’t be able to in the uk, holiday to different states -and marvel at what Aus does have - once we are gone we may wish we’d seen Kakadu, Uluru etc. North of Perth and the country is just magnificent in it’s vastness and unique landscape. Become involved in something -uni, sport - learn a European language?! It is so hard when you both don’t have the same desire to live in the same place. We got stuck in a rut and fear prevented us from going back. I now starkly realise (at 50 ) that life is bloody short. Good luck, trust your gut and find something that you enjoy here -whilst you’re here. Through work I have met far too many ex pats who -in their 70’s- still pine for the UK. Determined that I won’t be that older person living with longing and regret.
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