proud preston

@Blue Manna I love the sound of quizzes and games! We try to cajole our 20 and 22 year olds into playing games but ‘no can do’ . They grace us with their presence over dinner then back to bloody computer games in their rooms!

I’m unsure if this post is still active? I logged on to the HMRC app but am unable to prove my ID as my UK drivers licence is out of date (expired in 2016) Any advice how I can get past the ‘prove my ID’ stage without having a current UK drivers licence? I’ve only recently obtained a new UK passport …purely for the purpose of trying to pay into my NI to get the UK pension later on. Thanks

I’ve also thought about splitting it into 3 flights and staying a night in Singapore and then a night in Dubai to try and give the poor body and mind a break

I swore I’d go business class then saw the price and was brought back to reality. Yes, the crowds get me too and just the whole idea of being cooped up in a plane 35,000 feet up makes my blood pressure rise with anxiety

@Jon the Hat I think jumping in the sea or kayak on the river sounds good. I’m not sure when I’ll next get back to England as I found the flight this year bloody awful. Perfectly good flight but I’m just so exhausted during the flight and a week after. It’s horrible- as as know. Plus…..so expensive

@InnerVoice Sounds a lovely memory. I was born in 1969 and i certainly remember - maybe late 70’s? - when it snowed and the magical feeling going out on my own at night, around the streets, building a snowman. The freedom of the UK in the 70’s! I then remember a Christmas in rural Ireland about 20 years ago where it was thick snow. Beautiful. Another Christmas in Ireland - 10 years ago - my own children experienced that magic of snow.

@ramot- what a gorgeous picture! And yes - I only remember a few times like this but so beautiful. I love the quiet that comes with snow.

Thanks all. Wise, and comforting, words. Enjoying that time with my immediate family- as the ripple effect from my negativity is not good for them! Recognising the ups and not focussing on the downs and doing things differently. I appreciate the responses

I’ve lived here 17 years (and posted a lot on here about my homesickness!) I always find this time of year particularly difficult. It’s so damn hot here in Brisbane and I find the heat hard. I look longingly at winter pics in England. I miss the Christmas that I grew up with. Miss friends, family and….winter (!) What little nuggets of wisdom can others offer for me to try and get into the Aussie Christmas spirit and ease my negativity? Thanks all

This response is purely my experience. I’ve struggled with regret and remorse since we migrated. Many reasons- but leaving mum behind features heavily. I am the youngest of six and was very close to mum but hubby wanted to move here. I miss not having been able to spend time with mum, do errands, help out and just be that emotional support - particularly in her dementia days. We are all different but it’s a sadness that will continue to bother me. However …..I never really wanted to come here whereas my husband imagined life would be so much better. As others have said- what do you really want? 17 years here and I’m still wishing we hadn’t moved but our adult kids have no desire to go back. This is what they know. All the best. Damn hard decision

@SophW Marisa’s response is spot on. I feel I can’t ever leave as the kids (adults now!) have no intention of returning to England/Ireland. As I often jokingly (?) say ‘self imposed exile’! Wouldn’t be so bad if Aus was nearer. I dread the thought of that awful flight. Going back in 2 days and feel nauseous just thinking about the long flight.

@Gary H love your response. I need to screen shot this and re read it.

@OzukOzuk oh my word! I’m in England visiting friends and family and had that realisation too- I’m neither English nor Australian. English friend talking about the careers they are in - same as mine - but widely different from mine in Australia. Talking about things they watch on telly. When I’m in Aus I can’t ease into conversation about things that are uniquely Australian. I feel I don’t really fit in anywhere anymore and feel sad about this. However …….as much as I yearn for all things English - I do (eventually) realise my life in Aus is a good life (albeit missing family and friends) England seems very costly now. My home town has shops and pubs boarded up - as many UK towns do. I’m craving for an England that doesn’t really exist any more. The word ‘hiraeth’ comes to mind often We moved over when our boys were 5 and 3. I’ve been homesick for 16 years! but……(especially on this trip) I really do realise that our life is good in Aus and I can continue to visit the UK. You’ve time on your side. I do believe it’s very common - with migrants who scatter all over the world - that longing for familiarity. I’ve spent far too long thinking about the UK and really missing out on ‘enjoying the moment’ (!) in Aus. We are so fortunate that we have this choice - even though it drives us crazy. All the best. You’re not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

@Chortlepuss- all that you’ve said about Britain (the good stuff) -yes! Cold climate for waking in. Spring etc. The heat in Brisbane is intolerable and I tend to hide away. Only go for walks if it’s early or late in the day. Too entrenched to move to a cooler part of Aus.

@Marisawright I left home too when I was in my early 20’s- uni and travel. That’s the expected / norm but I think I would have felt strange if mum had left me and gone to the other side of the world. Although adults, they are both living at home and still young. If it was a short hop to somewhere closer - NZ - then maybe I’d feel a bit different- but a different hemisphere? I can’t do it. If they go - fair enough- but I can’t go and know they are both here. As a side issue - I still have remorse and regret that I did move to the other side of the world when my widowed mum was in her 70’s. Missed not being able to see her regularly. I often think it’s the weirdest thing to do ….move to the other side of the world when you’ve a good, close family etc. Often it’s one partner in the relationship that has more of a yearning to migrate. Still saddens me that I missed so many years with mum and now she has passed - that’s it. No more chances.

@Sarahelle Thank you. Yes, we are still here and will never get back as our two boys are here (21 and 19) Yes, they’re adults but I couldn’t move to the Northern Hemisphere and know they are still here. (Husband couldn’t either - he misses west coast of Ireland life) It would feel like I was abandoning them. I know some may think that silly. If they move - that’s ok but we can’t leave them. It’s a crappy way to live when you’re always thinking about eventually living back in England. I’m not depressed; good job, loving family, friends and interests etc, but there’s always that rumbling home sickness. I’ve met a few others who feel the same. Australia has been good to us but…. It’s just not home and never will be. I remind myself that things could be far worse-and they could. It’s about me trying to change my mindset. Not always easy

@bug family I have been wondering how you’ve been getting on. Such a huge step for you to take. I don’t know you but truly hope it works out and you find happiness and contentment in this next chapter. So many of us living in self imposed exile; whatever country we may have moved to. A longing for birthplace and the place we grew up in never leaves many. Keep us posted and all the best.

@s713 completely agree about a foot in two camps - and I don’t think it ever leaves a lot of people. 16 years here and it’s still with me. My husband and I spent from mid July- mid August this year in the UK and both loved it (yet he’s still happy to remain here) Bike rides down the Thames and a mid day pint, a pint or two on a sunny evening in an old, old Cotswolds pub garden, tramping the fields to see the Uffington white horse, canoeing on Coniston lake, hiking in the Yorkshire and Derbyshire Dales, appreciating all the beautiful old buildings.....and seeing family and friends Yes, ‘real life’ would be different and we do appreciate the month as a fantastic holiday but ..... Are you still in Perth or have you gone back? I’d love to know how @bug familyis doing after returning? Hoping all is well and the UK is still the right choice @Safamour UK neighbours just returned after spending 6 months in the UK with their children They loved it. All the best to you.

@bug familywishing you all the very best. I can only imagine there has been many mixed emotions and I'm sure it was so difficult to say goodbye. Really hoping that you'll be able to let us know how things go.

@Toots- absolutely right and I think that’s why many can feel a little embarrassed when we whinge about being home sick (I know I do) as no one forced us to move. We are very privileged to be able to choose to live either in 2 or even 3 countries. However ......more often that not its one person in the relationship that is driving the move and the other is swept along with the premise that ‘ it’ll just be two years until we get our citizenship’ One half of the couple wanting the other life whether the decision was made to live here or remain in the UK.

Thanks all. Heartening to read the responses. I know that sometimes responses from people I don’t know on Poms is really helpful as I feel a pain still whingeing to friends and family. You’re right @Quoll “entertaining regret....” serves no good purpose and is draining. It is a hard job though trying to keep yourself from not looking back. Hoping you do get back soon for a visit.

Thanks all. Wise words. @Parley- my MIL is the most sweetest person and it really is just ‘news from the other side’ - as we talk each week and there’s only so much to talk about- certainly no agenda etc - It is me that the problem emanates from and my stupid comparisons. As corny and cliche as it is - I need to really appreciate what we do have at present.

Posted too many times before. Been here nearly 16 years. Homesick all the time but still live a decent life and not battling any depression. Talk to mother in law each week and have such a deep regret and remorse that we took our children /her grand children - then aged 5 and 3 away from all their cousins, aunts/uncles and grandparents. So sad. I hear of my children’s cousins regularly seeing their nanna ( my mother in law) and feel so sad that my children didn’t have that. Also.....husband kept saying ‘ move to Australia for a better life for the kids’ (?!) I see all our nephews and nieces are doing very well in the UK. Uni, travel, good jobs etc How on earth do you ever shake off remorse and regret?! Seems so silly to be a little family of four ( I know I have said this before ) when there is a big extended family back in the UK. (Going back for 4 weeks next month and looking at pictures from Air BnB site and marvelling at how pretty England looks!)

I also grew up in Lancashire and still have a yearning for it. My children are 18 and 20 and we are just a little family unit here whereas in the UK there are lots of siblings etc. I think whilst your child (and baby to be) are still so young it is the perfect time to go back and allow extended families to enjoy that beautiful time when the children are young. Skip forward to secondary school time and it’s too late. I also wasted lots of time day dreaming about my children going back to attend uni in the UK yet fees were extortionate as classed as non resident. However, in Ireland (where the boys were born) the laws changed as to who would be classed as being entitled to domestic fees - something to do with if your child has spent a few years at school there? Not sure if you’ve even thought that far ahead yet??!! If you’ve got a yearning to do it I hope you’re able to both feel happy with the decision. It’s always hard as to which partner has the overriding decision. Life is experiences and making memories and I wish my children had been able to do this with their loving extended family. All the best.

@Lucia I really feel for you. My mum died 2 yeas ago. I was there as she passed. At that time we had lived here for 13 years. Poor love had dementia. Prior to her dementia taking hold she would ask me so often ‘Do you think you’ll ever come back to England?’ and add - ‘ I really miss you’ My deep regret is missing out on the 13 years of my mum’s life. We were always so close and I begrudgingly moved over here. I would have loved to have been able to see her far more regularly - even if I’d lived in London and she in Lancashire - better than the Southern Hemisphere. Sometimes I want to sob so much with regret and deep sadness. I miss her so much and I miss what life may have been like had we not moved here. I miss siblings too. I have 5 and we get on really well. There’s times when I say to myself ‘ what the $&ck am I doing here?!’ Seems madness to move to the other side of the world when there was nothing wrong with the life I had back home. My husband thought that this would be a great opportunity for us as a family and I (sick of my job at the time) agreed - thinking it was a ‘2 year thing’ I wish you all the best. I could not stand to leave my teenage sons - who really are Australians now and I know that I just have to ‘bury it’ as has been mentioned. Things could be a lot worse and sometimes I need to remind myself of that. Thank goodness for British telly!