proud preston

Yes!! I wish I’d stayed put and had the conviction to do this. I’m envious of my siblings who are scattered around the UK but have been in their respective areas for years - feeling content and a deep connection to the counties they settled in. My boys are Brisbanites now so it’s a case of me needing to change my mindset. Surely in the health service you’d both find employment but I’m sure it would be a bloody tough gig over there at present. Can you ever see you and the family moving back? Maybe a lot of us never will but you can’t extinguish that hope and yearning- although the constant yearning is not good for emotional health and relationships with the family. Yes - my dream is a rural area in the north of the UK but it’s not a reality and never will be ( unless I have a huge windfall of cash!) I watch Corrie nightly and it occurred to me the other day that I’d love the Rovers to be my local! Sad! I am conscious that this sort of talk can all seem self indulgent crap as people in the UK are going through a bloody tough time now and I realise we are very privileged to be here but.......... it is good to read and chat with others who feel this perpetual homesickness ( I think, as well, I grieve for the life we may have had - but maybe that’s too whimsical as we can’t think necessarily that it would have all been roses) Cheers for the reply !

Ha ha- yes - here in Qld it’s like being in The Truman Show- it’s blue sky and sunshine every single day. The leaves are always green and on the trees. I’m ecstatic when there is the odd anomaly and it’s grey sky. I don’t say this though as it reinforces that I’m the archetypal whinging Pom. I never recall the weather getting me down in the UK - in fact I’d be excited and appreciative of the odd clear blue day, cosy and peaceful on a grey rainy day, motivated to walk for miles on a cold, icy Winter day, intrigued on a foggy day ............

@bug family - Many of your posts really resonate with me. For me, it was the discussion before we even started the whole PR process when back in the UK, then it was the trip out here to stamp the visas, then it was the second day after we landed -14 years ago. I’ve longed to return to the UK throughout the time we’ve been here but not that easy. With family who see here as home - it’s just me that’s the misery!! I always remember my year as a back packer here in the early 90’s, meeting people who were desperate to stay here and I inwardly recoiled at the thought of living here for good! Should have listened to my gut feeling back then. I do think Aus is a great place, yet if your heart is yearning for the old familiar then it’s never going to be home. I will always miss family (why move to the other side of the earth and leave a loving family?) the landscape, light, weather, buildings and just being in the Northern Hemisphere!

The Animals - " We gotta get out of this place" ( although it is the singular, it's just me that it applies to and not my family )

I'm back poring over the UK chat which means something has triggered in me from back over in the UK and I'm feeling homesick again - this time- it's siblings going through rough times and I long to be with them. Zoom chat is great each week (why didn't we do this prior to Covid?) but I really miss being near to them (obviously allowing for UK Covid restrictions) In the 14 years I've been here I've missed the UK and yet went along with the thought of..before the kids start secondary school we will go, before the kids start uni we will go.... and now one is in uni and one in year 11 and we are still here so I think it's a distant dream now- also I'm over 50 too. Life -as many have said- looks good on paper- and it is..but I never hated the UK. For me, the weather, trees, countryside, buildings and family and friends.... my yearning for them is just as it was 14 years ago. Each time I went back to visit mum and I felt content, grounded. Selfishly (as I've husband and teenagers to think of) ...but I miss all I that I loved in the UK- Quoll said it beautifully about "not my colours"-I think this can be interpreted in so many ways. Mum passed early this year and I was with her- I could still so easily sob - for the huge loss of her but also that I chose to spend the last 14 years of her life on the other side of the world- encouraged to do this "for a better life for the family"!! In short, I'd encourage anyone who has this bubbling undercurrent of turmoil and melancholy to follow their heart. I've left it too late-and those two questions- "do you want to grow old here? be laid to rest here?- make me shudder. For me- (and I know many don't feel this) but as in many societies/cultures- the feeling of truly belonging to where you were born will never pass.

Apologies - I’ve posted already about this - looked up Seven Seas to ship - rocking chair, stool and a couple of other items. Quote came to about 480 pounds but then there seemed to be an equal amount to pay once they were in Aus?? Am I just being a bit dense or is this correct? So hard, just a couple of things of sentimental value from my mum’s house but seems a lot of money and faff. Thanks in advance

Thanks all. I'm here in Aus now - have been for years. Usually bring 12 jars of Marmite back as Our Mate is so tiny and expensive and......who knows when we will be able to travel to the UK again as it is in such a shocking state

Thanks heaps

Hello all. Apologies in advance if this has been discussed before. My mum’s house is in the process of being sold and I am wanting to ship over a rocking chair, stool, rug and 15 jars of marmite - a teeny weeny amount of stuff. Any recommendations for shipping such a little amount? Thanks heaps

Sad to see that this post has got to be almost a war of words! Surely it doesn’t have to be this way. If we’re looking at this part of the forum we’ve all got something in common - let’s be nice to one another!

Wow! That's interesting as I've often thought I might not have felt so homesick if we had migrated to Canada given the similarity in seasons and it's in the same hemisphere! - maybe the migrant who still has theur heart in the UK will feel homesick anywhere. I remember first moving over to Ireland - from England - and feeling so homesick and that's only a 40 minute flight away from England!

@bug family oh so true. Being stuck. I find that I think about the UK so much and it hasn’t got any easier - after 13 years. Even with my beloved mother passing very recently back in the UK - I’ve still the yearning to go back. Just keep dreaming ( as that’s what it is) - “ when we get a small stone cottage in England .....” trouble is - the years whizz by and I am wasting them by letting this pervasive sadness stop me fully enjoying what there is here. How I wish I was one of the ex pats who fall in love with Oz and never look back but there is so much I miss. As mentioned - I never left because I disliked the UK - I continue to miss what I previously loved. There’s a sense of bubbling panic when I think - we’ve one short life and I’m not living the life I would like to live. As mentioned - many factors that prevent me going back. Being ‘ stuck’ is an apt description.

@DukeNinja - yes true ‘horses for courses’ I do love Preston - but more out of nostalgia and loyalty than returning to live. I would like to be in rural Lancs or Yorkshire etc - not in a town/ city or burbs. That’s good that you will have closure soon and settle here in Australia.

@ali - a British husband who - although will look occasionally at houses in the UK and talk about returning to the UK or Ireland - isn’t serious and believes ‘ we have at better life here’. Two sons who (sort of) see here as home - feel like I would abandon them if I returned to the UK - and I do hope to stay near them- who knows where they will end up ? I feel guilty and self indulgent whingeing about wanting to go back but I can’t shake this longing. I’ve met those who never look back and then many, like me, who yearn to go back - irrespective of all the problems in the UK. I came here because my husband thought it was a great idea - and I stupidly was desperate to get out of my job. Feel a sort of grief for my boys not growing up there and me not spending more time with siblings and my mum - and......... you can’t get time back! @DukeNinja. I love Preston - always have- despite it changing - would love to retire to Lancashire, Cumbria or Yorkshire @Marisawright I wasn’t aware of all the complications re super and pensions -a bit of a silly Pollyanna mindset- thank you for the info. I’ve been back about every 18 months ( could have paid off a lot of the mortgage!) and love being back - will really need to investigate this properly

Yes! My feelings exactly! Does it ever go away? Been in Brisbane 13 years - children now 18 and 16. Feel like I'm in self imposed exile. Miss the UK dreadfully- even with all it's faults I still love it - buildings, climate, countryside, TV, villages, family, friends.......the list goes on. Every time I go back to the UK I always dread retiring here. There was a book " Waiting to exhale" - that describes me. I know people will say " just leave" - not as simple as that.

@Toots - how lovely! Trees- These are a few of my favourite things ! Must visit again - in Autum.

@ali - excellent! Born in Penwortham so just outside of Preston - when I go back I do the Preston park run and love hearing all the familiar, comforting accents -although always feel a pang of jealousy that I’m no longer ‘one of them’ (never happy eh?!) . @Marisawright-thank you - just talking to hubby about that over a G&T -making plans and trying to throw as much as we can into super and search what UK pension we need to consolidate. Sad how as youngsters pensions are a boring subject - now we find it great conversation ! He’s keen too but a realist and also - quite rightly - wanting to embrace what we have here - whilst we are here. We go back eventually - I know we will. @Toots love Tassie - spent 2 weeks in a camper van there - even saw an Oak tree in Port Arthur - surreal. Beautiful place - wish we’d gone there first to settle rather than stinking hot Brisbane. @FeelingStuck- my solace is that we are not alone - many, many feel as we do. I envy Aussie’s who are born here and catch up with family. I get on with my siblings really well and miss catching up with them. Also my lovely mum has dementia and is in an aged care home - guilt and -again - grieving. Yes, I feel very guilty when I whinge about missing home as we made the choice to come here (hubby keen to migrate - I was desperate to get out of child protection social work!) Someone mentioned CBT - and whilst not my preferred way of working in my job - the basic principles probably help. Although we should probably pay our mortgage down we have had some great trips back to the UK - and made it a holiday. Can you do that whilst you are here? Great to be a tourist in the UK and Europe. We live a split life - but embrace (that word again) the best of both worlds. I fell in love with Australia as a 24 year old back packer - I felt so excited in that year I travelled this vast continent. I am determined to recapture that excitement about this sunburnt country whilst still heading toward my eventual goal of a little stone house in Lancashire, Yorkshire or Cumbria. Phew - apologies for such a long post! Find things that give you a good old belly laugh - even if it’s watching UK Live at the Apollo - and remain curious about what Aus has to offer - away from all the Americanised crap that’s crept in. All the best. You’re not alone x

Ah yes -a Prestonian. Love going back to visit the place although haven’t lived there for 30 years!

‘Feeling stuck’ completely empathise with your dilemma. I too seem to have been living for the last 12 years with a continued undercurrent of sadness. I remember part of my uni course -looking at grief and loss - many migrants experience ambiguous loss. Not grieving a death of a person etc but grieving something that is still there but not there (similar to the grieving when a loved one has dementia) Anyway- it’s bloody tough. I am ok here and on the surface have a great life but deeply miss the cold, the seasons, Europe, family, trees, hills, buildings, villages etc etc. We have gone back so many times in the last 12 years to visit family and that probably hasn’t helped us at all to settle here (and I hate the heat and constant blue sky- every. single. day.) Our son is just about to start a 5 year uni course here (yikes!) I am determined that when he finishes (I will be 55!!) to go back - he and my other son may not feel the same but I think my husband does. In that time I hope to make enough money to safely sell up here and not have to struggle in the UK and live a life we both want for our older years - not burning to a crisp! I would not want to return to the uk if it meant living in some non descript box in a bland suburb. My only suggestions (that I have to try and take up - otherwise I’m wasting my life) is to try and find some joy in the here and now - take advantage of the weather and grow veggies that we wouldn’t be able to in the uk, holiday to different states -and marvel at what Aus does have - once we are gone we may wish we’d seen Kakadu, Uluru etc. North of Perth and the country is just magnificent in it’s vastness and unique landscape. Become involved in something -uni, sport - learn a European language?! It is so hard when you both don’t have the same desire to live in the same place. We got stuck in a rut and fear prevented us from going back. I now starkly realise (at 50 ) that life is bloody short. Good luck, trust your gut and find something that you enjoy here -whilst you’re here. Through work I have met far too many ex pats who -in their 70’s- still pine for the UK. Determined that I won’t be that older person living with longing and regret.

Thanks for all the comments - appreciate the feedback and good to hear from people who don't know me as it's more up front comments. I don't think it's as simple as "just do it" My husband struggles with the issue too. Yes the kids do want to go to uni. Fees are a big issue - overseas fees are huge. It may have sounded that I was just " all about me " but the reason i debate this so much is that I am thinking about the children too and whether this has been the right thing for them as they have grown up without extended family. I suppose I am hoping for others similar accounts as I think it is a common issue.

Been here 10 years and although enjoyed our time here always felt that I wasn't ever going to settle. Now my eldest is in year 10 and I realise that now is the time to go back to qualify for domestic uni fees as need 3 years in secondary school or pay overseas fees (a lot more !) I'm feeling this sense of panic that if we stay here and the kids go to uni we will be here for good. This fills me with dread as I miss so much about the UK and I also realise that if we'd stayed living in Ireland Uni would have been free. Also, think the Qld OP system seems so rubbish. Someone tell me here is so much better etc for the kids as I've regrets about a good few things and being here just will seem one more regret. Any pearls of wisdom?

Dear Wetnwindy - We've 2 kids - high school age -and do have a good life here but i really miss England so much and think about returning far too much. We've already spent close to $40,000 in the time we've lived here going back and forth to visit family. I don't want to live here forever but am scared to throw away a good job here and a good school for the kids. Just returned from a trip back to the UK and loved it - now feeling fed up being so far away from family and familiarity. Kids loved seeing their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Very hard to say goodbye. So hard to know what is the best for the family. I actually prefer the weather in the UK as there isn't the fear of getting burnt! Interested to know what you do decide. All the best.