Lucia

Thank you for your responses. I'm so sorry that others feel trapped too - it's truly awful. I've now had four sessions with the psychologist and she is great. She can't give me the answers but she's telling me I need to take note of my body and my heart - I'm all head really as I keep saying - house, money, mortgage, superannuation etc. She's told me that I need to soothe rather than bury the feelings, but I'm unsure of what I've been doing these years. How do I know I was burying rather than soothing before? I've thrown myself into everything whether it's making new friends, work, exercise, camping holidays etc, but the thought of my kids having such a limited existence in Perth makes me feel sick. Perhaps it's rose tinted glasses, but I want them to have the opportunity to go away for uni - halls of residence etc. I want them to go up and down the country for music festivals and nip over to Europe for a weekend etc. What the hell can they do here? Marry their childhood sweetheart who they met in Year 11? Go to uni and live in the family home? Go to Rottnest or Busselton for the weekend...then where? I'm just bloody bored of it all. I find Perth so limiting

Thank you for your replies. I must say, my husband can't be entirely to blame in all of this. He's not a monster. It was me that decided we should stay after all and buy the house so we could truly say we'd tried. I think if we left after renting, I wouldn't have felt we'd truly lived our lives in the way we wanted. I just don't think I was in the best frame of mind to make the decisions. I've been counting down the days to my next psych session and did suggest that my husband and I should go together at some point. She agreed but said I need to sort my own stuff out first. I definitely feel like it's a now or never with the kids being 8 and 10, but I'm really trying to weigh it all up. I read all the positive stories of being in Australia as well as the 'going home' ones. For me, I'm getting to the point of thinking 'enough is enough' - I've done my time here, I've tried my very best to settle, I've had a great materialistic life, I've made some wonderful memories, but I'll always wonder 'what if?' if I don't go now. I've joined a couple of facebook groups and have seen that there are a few others moving back with an 8 and 10 year old so I'd be interested to hear their stories. My kids only know Australia really. What doesn't help my husband is all the doom and gloom stories of VAT increases, energy bills, crap wages, expensive houses, struggling NHS. I just wish the UK could sort its shit out and it'd be a much easier decision. I fear that whatever decision is made, it'll split us up at some point. I'd like to think we're strong enough for that not to happen, but resent is an awful thing. I think I'd begin to resent my husband and his family for encouraging me to stay here, or resent my kids purely because they're Australian and have no real tie to the UK. If I upheave the family purely for my own feelings, I'm sure they'd resent me. If I had my time again, I wouldn't have moved to Aus in the first place. I'm properly messed up.

Hi All, This is my first post in around 8 or 9 years. The last time I posted, I said we'd made the decision to return to the UK. I see my 'sticky' at the bottom says we'd return to the UK in 'Easter 2014' - I can't believe I'm still in Perth, in the same house and it's 8 years later. Life has peddled on by. My daughter is now 10 and my son is 8. We've obviously since been through the process of primary school, sports, clubs etc. We made a few more friends through school etc, my husband was hugely promoted and I began at a new school last year. Life has been pretty good on the whole. We started going to Bali and on caravan holidays down to Busselton. My husband's parents moved out here 4 years ago too. I'm still not sure how I feel about that one as in all my previous bouts of severe homesickness, it was my MIL talking us into staying - telling us how bad the UK was etc. I feel now there was an ulterior motive. It was inevitable really as my husband's only sibling lives here with his wife and kids too. We were only ever supposed to be in Aus a year and I think my issues stem from this. If my husband had said back in 2008 that we should move for good, I would have refused. I obsessed over this site, watched all episodes of Wanted Down Under and couldnt bear to watch the family messages part. I only agreed to come to Aus on the basis that it was for one year. That one year has just rolled on the the next and the next as life has chugged on by. I realise I occupy my mind with obsessing over things...first it was wedding forums, then getting pregnant forums, new baby forums, this forum when down, buying and decorating a house, getting fit, cake decorating, quitting alcohol. Don't get me wrong - I still have a life. I have friends, go for weekends away etc, but I can see a pattern in my behaviours and I think it's all a coping mechanism. I've been 'coping' for almost 14 years and now I feel too much time has passed. Great jobs, excellent salaries, good school for kids, a lovely house on which we are way ahead on the mortgage and a whole lot of other things. Is it all materialistic or is it realistic? I still can't shake the fear of growing old or even dying here. I cannot handle that my parents don't really know my kids. I've stolen that part of their lives from them. I cannot handle my mum becoming too old to fly here. I cannot handle that I've missed weddings, births, funerals. As always, I bury it. Anyway, I've just recently been back after 4 years of being trapped here. I desperately wanted to return to see my Dad whose health was deteriorating, but I was too late. Unfortunately, he passed away suddenly at the end of Feb. Because of Covid, I hadn't seen him in such a long time. As always, I didn't want to get back on the plane to return to Perth. Of course, I wanted to get back to my husband and kids, but I felt I could have happily stayed and built a new life back in the place I still call home. It's so strange that after 13.5 years, UK is 'home' and Perth is 'back' or 'over there' or 'Australia.' My homesickness is constantly buried deep down and rears its head every time I go home, or every time my Mum visits. It was so bad back in 2019 that I started seeing a psychologist and I only stopped my sessions because of Covid. I started seeing someone else just this week and I made it very clear in the first session that I would have been sitting in front of her whether my dad had recently passed away or not. I've spoken to my husband about it, and although he will discuss it, deep down I don't think he wants to leave what we have here. Why would he? His parents are now here. His brother and family are now here. He has an excellent job and salary. I suppose what I'm hoping for is to either make the decision to move back before the kids are too old, or to be able to put the homesickness to bed. Is it actually possible? I've seen many posts on here advising psychological help, but has it ever worked for anyone? Can a psychologist help me to bury the homesickness even deeper? It would be easier for everyone else if I could. I feel I'm rambling now and things aren't making sense. Thank you for reading if you have managed to get this far. I'd better go and change my 'sticky' in the footnote

Oh man, that's rough! I'm so sorry that this has happened! If you can get your old job back in the UK then you're laughing. Your UK life sounded great anyway! Good luck

Aaaaah, ok. Thanks GGS. I definitely don't know all the ins and outs, I just remember reading that once you became a citizen you couldn't claim it if you MBTTUK...Is that right? Thanks

Great initial post! And now the spanner in the works! Citizenship is said to be the magical golden ticket, opening up doors for your own future children etc. However, I know I may be way off the mark here, but at 27, you may be thinking about meeting someone and settling down (I'm in no way saying that you should be, I'm just surmising). If this is the case, what if you meet the person of your dreams within those two years here and he's an Aussie? Would you be prepared to stay for this person? It will be harder to leave then and you will have the constant wonder and pull of home. I've been here almost 6 years and, I too, yearn for the UK and my family and friends. Since being here (came with OH), we have got married, have had 2 children and have bought a house. I now know that I need to go home, but the longer we're here, the more roots we seem to be putting down and the harder it is to make that decision. What I'm trying to say, in a pretty inarticulate way, is that the longer you are here, the harder it will be to make the move. The more people you meet here, the harder they will be to leave. The longer you are here, the bigger the chance of meeting 'someone' and the harder it will be to either convince them to live in the UK with you, or the harder it will be to accept that you are to stay here longer term. I envy that you only need to think about yourself. I get the constant guilt of 'is this right for my children etc?' So, do what is right for you, right now. Try not to think 'what if this, or what if that?' too much. Sorry for rambling! Good luck!

I haven't looked into shipping yet, but I've heard Seven Seas are good, as Wattsy has already suggested. Your Super will depend on the type of visa you are on. If you are now a citizen, I don't think you can get it back until retirement age or something...and even then, you need to come back to live for at least a year! Good luck with the move - sorry my post wasn't particularly helpful

It would be far more helpful to posters, like myself, who are seriously considering a move back, if you could expand on your points. for example, why did you move to Oz in the first place? Was it just the pull of family that brought you back to the UK? Did you wholeheartedly want to return to the UK, or did you have doubts? How long have you been back in the UK? What is it, exactly, tat you hate so much? How/why is Australia so much better for you? Sorry for for all the questions, but general, "don't do it" statements don't really help people who keep an eye out for MBTTUK and ping pong threads. I would really like to know more. Thanks

Good Luck emmafinn. Let us know how you get on! Thanks Splash. How long have you been back in the UK now? Why did you decide to go back to the UK? Why did you initially leave the UK in the first place? I'd be very interested to hear. Just want to see how our situations compare. The more info the better!

I don't have any great advice, I'm afraid. Just wanted to say that I feel for you in such a situation. I too try to avoid this forum as it stops me from getting on with life...but here we are! It must be so difficult if your sons are settled here. This is what I fear. I don't want to get my kids settled into school in a few years and for me to still be longing for home. Could you go back for six months to a year to try it out? People say a lot has changed in the UK and maybe the things you long for won't quite be the same without your immediate family around you. Have you always felt the pull? Were you happy here at first?

The advice above is sound! We are in a very similar situation and knowing what to do first is tricky! Good luck with the move!

Wow! That is lovely! As a teacher, I love being able to tell parents about how great their kids are! It gives me a warm feeling inside. I just hope I'm on the receiving end with my two at some point! Haha! You must be very proud, Lady R

Thanks docboat and Quoll You hit the nail on the head with regards to freedom. I must admit, when I think of the long term here it makes me feel anxious, almost as if I'm restrained or trapped. I think that's why when I was back in the UK at Christmas I felt like I could breathe. I had space and felt free in some way. Strange, I know, but I really did feel it. I just need to feel like I'm not being selfish in any of my decision making.

Thanks again for your replies. I know in theory it is great having dual nationality and that it gives us choices, but I feel I can only do one move, so I'm putting pressure on myself to get it right. Moving with children is huuuuge and I don't want any regrets. Australia has been good to us, don't get me wrong, but it's not where my heart lies. We met a family last week exactly like ours and they are going back Easter 2015 at the latest. They have decided to let their house here and only tell themselves and their families that they'll be back for two years. It sounds like a good idea, but having a foot in each country might be difficult and/or a bad idea! I think that was one of my problems in moving here. Because it was 'for a year' we kept my flat, bank accounts open etc...I'm not sure this helps with such a big move. I really think now that to be a 'successful migrant' you have to cut ties! As hard as it may be you need to leave it all behind. No trips back, no facebook or regular facetime/skype contact, no UK visitors etc. I know many still have this and are quite happy with their migration, but for so many like myself, the pull is too strong. With regards to education, I'd be happy for my kids to go through the UK system. I have taught in both countries and I feel like the work we give is far more basic over here. I've looked over my old usb for resources and couldn't believe the things I used to teach Yr7s that I couldn't even teach my yr10s here! Obviously, a lot depends on the type of department and the type of school etc, but I was pretty surprised when I looked back! The opposing argument to that would be that there is far more pressure put on kids in the UK.??

Good luck to you too Lass81. How long have you been here? I too, despite being here for quite some time, do not feel like I truly belong.