Helsbelles Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 I know how you feel. We've been here since August with three kids, aged 14, 8 and 5. My partner isn't from the UK originally (from Zimbabwe) and loves the climate and pace of life here. I'm from Scotland and feel like I'm being fried!!! You sound to me like you might be getting a bit depressed and that perhaps you should consider a trip to the docs or find a like minded person to talk to. I reckon a move like this can be more overwhelming than we thought and you need to take some time to be kind to yourself! Just take one moment at a time. You don't want to make a decision when you're on such a low ebb. I know that my tears have been flowing a bit more freely since I've been here. I think that your husband sounds like he's either trying to be cruel to be kind or is being a bit insensitive. It might be easier for you to stay and try a bit longer if you feel like you have a choice. Stay strong, take your time. You're not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desprado Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Hello Moonwalker. I do feel for you, as I have been in the same situation! I left NSW in August with my daughter after a painful 2 years. It was a very hard decision but I had to leave for my own sanity & my families.I Left my 17 year old Son to finish his HSC also My husband. My son is now back in the UK after 3 months apart, My husband left Australia but decided to get a job in the Middle East. He loved Australia but decided it was too far away to travel to see his family. It's a really hard crossroad not knowing what is the right thing to do, I believe keeping the family together , but I couldn't cope any more thinking I would never return home! It's hard coping and having to do thing here on my own but that's the path I decided to take. We are a lot happier now its not the ideal situation with OH working away. I hope everything turns out good for all of you . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 To the OP,I hope you have managed to find abit of peace.Its an awful thing to feel so unsettled and away from your family.If you think about staying in Oz forever,its going to feel unbearable at times for sure.My suggestion would be (finances permitting)you return to the UK for some time out alone for a holiday.It might give you some breathing space and clarification.I really feel for you actually hon.Take care of yourself and whatever you decide,will be the right decison at that timexx PS We moved around alot when my kids were younger and my youngest daughter just graduated from uni with a Law degree with honors! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corinne14470 Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 What's an update please..hope you are okay...haven't been on here a while as ping ponged back after 10 weeks! Lots of things pushed it quicker than expected but the posts remind me of some of the anguish I was in over there and brought a tear to my eye. The OP who mentioned coming back for a holiday...sounds a good idea...as nothing is permanenet really...life is fluid...it WILL all work out one way or another. Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest68109 Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Oh dear I just saw your post today and I am so upset for you. First of all you are not going crazy. All your worries are very real. I have been here 3 years. I have twins age 12 and a 7 year old. My husband really wanted come out here. We both had good jobs and lived in nice part of scotland . Kids were in a great school. I cried every day or 10 months and was becoming depressed. I worried endlessly about the kids education( and yes they have missed 3 years). Although my husband was happy to go home as I was so unhappy we were I feel stuck for a time as the job situation didn't look too good back home. So we agreed 4. Years. Let kids get their Australian citizenship and re think. I took myself off to a GP ( British) and cried . She sent me to counselling and told me to get a job. I am a nurse so that was easy. I applied one day by email at 10am and was offered a job by 1045am! So in complete shock I started part time. The day i started work i stopped the daily crying and reserved my misery to my counselling sessions and weekends. I put the kids into Kumon ( out of school teaching course)and bought them workbooks equivalent to their standard not the Aussie standard. I taught my very bright daughter to read and write.( As no one in pre primary or kindly appeared to be doing that! )I bought all the British jolly phonic stuff via amazon. I met with teachers and principles to help my very bored boys who were 2 years ahead in their education. They were put into gifted and talented classes which helped as they made good friendships with bright kids. Through them we have made friends with families at the school. I hold them now as dear friends. As the months past I cried less. Three years on. I am better. We are blessed with good jobs. My husband has doubled his salary out here. I have a nursing job that pays more money but my future career is limited here as my previous post in scotland was quite specialist and just doesn't exist here. To be honest I truely wish we had never came. The pain of the first year was not worth it. I made myself better and did not succumb to depression. The loss of my friends family and country was overwhelming. I hear so much from people about stopping my whining and just go back. But it's not that easy. To be honest one of my twins was fairly traumatised by the move and also had to see a psychologist. I think us Brits who move here get sucked into believing Britain has nothing to offer us. We believe the propaganda by Aussie governments and how much better we would be in Australia. At the end of the day I just think it depends on the age you come and whether you bring kids. It depends too on the type of person you are. My girlfriends were everything to me. I can't believe I left them. I love culture and history. Why did I leave what I had? My husband and I are talking again about moving back. We have to now gauge what's best for the kids. I am blessed with clever children and they will catch up. We will be making our decision next year. I am not afraid to move back after 4 years. We gave it a go and had an adventure. But deep in our hearts australia is not for us. you will be ok. Time will heal. It's like a grieving process . Get some help for yourself out with the family and process your thoughts so you make the right decision. Enjoy the summer . It is marvellous. Keep talking rationally to your husband, just keep the communication open and try reach a happy solution for all. Good luck and god bless xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Oh dear I just saw your post today and I am so upset for you. First of all you are not going crazy. All your worries are very real. I have been here 3 years. I have twins age 12 and a 7 year old. My husband really wanted come out here. We both had good jobs and lived in nice part of scotland . Kids were in a great school. I cried every day or 10 months and was becoming depressed. I worried endlessly about the kids education( and yes they have missed 3 years). Although my husband was happy to go home as I was so unhappy we were I feel stuck for a time as the job situation didn't look too good back home. So we agreed 4. Years. Let kids get their Australian citizenship and re think. I took myself off to a GP ( British) and cried . She sent me to counselling and told me to get a job. I am a nurse so that was easy. I applied one day by email at 10am and was offered a job by 1045am! So in complete shock I started part time. The day i started work i stopped the daily crying and reserved my misery to my counselling sessions and weekends. I put the kids into Kumon ( out of school teaching course)and bought them workbooks equivalent to their standard not the Aussie standard. I taught my very bright daughter to read and write.( As no one in pre primary or kindly appeared to be doing that! )I bought all the British jolly phonic stuff via amazon. I met with teachers and principles to help my very bored boys who were 2 years ahead in their education. They were put into gifted and talented classes which helped as they made good friendships with bright kids. Through them we have made friends with families at the school. I hold them now as dear friends. As the months past I cried less. Three years on. I am better. We are blessed with good jobs. My husband has doubled his salary out here. I have a nursing job that pays more money but my future career is limited here as my previous post in scotland was quite specialist and just doesn't exist here. To be honest I truely wish we had never came. The pain of the first year was not worth it. I made myself better and did not succumb to depression. The loss of my friends family and country was overwhelming. I hear so much from people about stopping my whining and just go back. But it's not that easy. To be honest one of my twins was fairly traumatised by the move and also had to see a psychologist. I think us Brits who move here get sucked into believing Britain has nothing to offer us. We believe the propaganda by Aussie governments and how much better we would be in Australia. At the end of the day I just think it depends on the age you come and whether you bring kids. It depends too on the type of person you are. My girlfriends were everything to me. I can't believe I left them. I love culture and history. Why did I leave what I had? My husband and I are talking again about moving back. We have to now gauge what's best for the kids. I am blessed with clever children and they will catch up. We will be making our decision next year. I am not afraid to move back after 4 years. We gave it a go and had an adventure. But deep in our hearts australia is not for us.you will be ok. Time will heal. It's like a grieving process . Get some help for yourself out with the family and process your thoughts so you make the right decision. Enjoy the summer . It is marvellous. Keep talking rationally to your husband, just keep the communication open and try reach a happy solution for all. Good luck and god bless xx In one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moonwalker Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I have had some lovely messages on here and would like to say thankyou to everyone who has given all there advise and wisdom. It really did help when I was at such a low ebb in my life. Just to give an update as things have changed for the better now. After I had posted the thread and read peoples responses I came to the decision that I needed to tell my husband I needed to go home. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but through hours of tears we talked and I told him I couldn't stay here as it was slowly sending me into an extreme depression. I told him that I knew how much he loved it here and I didn't want to ruin his dream but staying here was no longer an option for me. We have decided that I am now going back and he will be staying here working and visiting us every couple of months. He is on a project which will see him away for 26 days at a time now anyway so that would have swayed staying here whatever was decided. I felt like a complete and utter bitch in upsetting him so much and telling him I was leaving but the weight that was lifted from me in saying what needed to be said was immense. We have been married nearly 20 years and truly do not want to split up so we are going to make this work. We have the maximum time is until he gets his citizenship and then he will come back to the uk for good. Its not ideal but it is the only way for us to be happy right now. We will miss each other terribly and he has said he may not make without us for that long but thats his choice as I havn't asked him to come back and I wont as its not right for him right now. So I go back new years eve. House is ready for shippers to come in next week and away I fly. My husband is very understanding now as he is seeing me happy again and he said he knows its the right thing for me as he had never seen me so down. Im trying to grasp all the positives from this and look to the future in the UK with new eyes. You dont see what you have until its not there and the UK for me personally has far more than here (Thats my personal opinion). If anyone has found themselves where I have been I would say be strong and do what is right for you as you only have one life and you cant live it for someone else no matter how much you love them. Plus the depression it brings is real and its not worth it. I hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Moonwalker, I sincerely hope it all works out for you guys! I can attest to situational depression as a very real and debilitating condition and the relief of being removed from the situation has (for me) been one of the most liberating experiences of my life and I hope you find that too even though there will be other strains on your relationship! Love finds a way! Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robo234 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Moonwalker really happy that for u & your family you've had a really good talk & come to an arrangment that suits you both & eventually you'll all be back home together, nice, thanks for coming back on & sharing with us (i followed your original post & felt for you!) So glag your ok & happy again, its like a happy ending story .. lol have a good xmas & new year x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N7kkp Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Best of luck for the future, for you and all your family. A journey like you will be making needs support, but it sounds like you have that. I hope your husband recognises that Australia isnt the right place for him, so you all can make another go at it in the UK as a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I think in the UK there seems to be more focus on exams and exam results all the way through. The curriculum seems more in depth but also a lot narrower. Here in Australia many people are very successful financially without having any degrees or formal learning behind them. Maybe not the case so much in the UK? I think there is also a bit of snobbery and class stuff associated with the British education system. There is that here, too but not to such an extent and kids are aware that there are several paths to choose from and one is not necessarily better than another. Book learning isn't everything after all. I doubt if it's the case these days.Australia has turned education into a business with all sorts of paper qualifactions required. I have known folks in the same game for a long time get a diploma to Tafe level on work recognition. They had to pay upfront and purely proceedual but their company judged necessary to conform to modern standards. I'm sure that firm was far from alone in insisting on all staff having qualifications...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Amanda Dawson Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I can understand your pain dear. Struggling between satisfaction and responsibility is a worst experience. I would suggest you to talk about this matter with your husband and give him some time, I am sure he will understand. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clara111 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Im so glad you made the decision that was right for you,Although after reading all comments im a little worried myself,we move out at the end of Jan to Perth and i really feel fine with leaving,ive lost both of my parents as a child and have no close family that im leaving apart from my grandmother so i feel confident i will be fine,but its a worry to think that people do really struggle with life away. I have hopes for myself and family and would hate for me to struggle,i mean how would anyone know until they are there and living in Australia? Did you feel like this may of been an issue before you left??? Im worried about the flights but thats it really,im looking forward to making friends, getting a new home,but did you feel the same were you more than happy to leave? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petkula73 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Very sad story. Let's hope you find what you're looking for. Clara - you'll love it as you seem really up for it. I think the majority of people who come out here have no intentions of going back to the UK any time soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helsbelles Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Hi Moonwalker. I'm so glad that you've had the courage to do what you have to do. I'd give hens teeth to go back to Scotland too but I'm giving it a bit longer. I'll need to save some money first and then maybe, who knows, I might feel like staying on! I'm glad that you've managed to find a compromise with your husband too. when I was still in Scotland I had a neighbour who worked month on/month off in Aus and came home in between. It can be done. I really sympathise with you, I know the awful feeling of despair at what feels like a disaster of a decision. You'll get a positive view of it all in time, perhaps. At least you gave it a go! Good luck with the future! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 I have had some lovely messages on here and would like to say thankyou to everyone who has given all there advise and wisdom. It really did help when I was at such a low ebb in my life. Just to give an update as things have changed for the better now. After I had posted the thread and read peoples responses I came to the decision that I needed to tell my husband I needed to go home. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but through hours of tears we talked and I told him I couldn't stay here as it was slowly sending me into an extreme depression. I told him that I knew how much he loved it here and I didn't want to ruin his dream but staying here was no longer an option for me. We have decided that I am now going back and he will be staying here working and visiting us every couple of months. He is on a project which will see him away for 26 days at a time now anyway so that would have swayed staying here whatever was decided. I felt like a complete and utter bitch in upsetting him so much and telling him I was leaving but the weight that was lifted from me in saying what needed to be said was immense. We have been married nearly 20 years and truly do not want to split up so we are going to make this work. We have the maximum time is until he gets his citizenship and then he will come back to the uk for good. Its not ideal but it is the only way for us to be happy right now. We will miss each other terribly and he has said he may not make without us for that long but thats his choice as I havn't asked him to come back and I wont as its not right for him right now. So I go back new years eve. House is ready for shippers to come in next week and away I fly. My husband is very understanding now as he is seeing me happy again and he said he knows its the right thing for me as he had never seen me so down. Im trying to grasp all the positives from this and look to the future in the UK with new eyes. You dont see what you have until its not there and the UK for me personally has far more than here (Thats my personal opinion). If anyone has found themselves where I have been I would say be strong and do what is right for you as you only have one life and you cant live it for someone else no matter how much you love them. Plus the depression it brings is real and its not worth it. I hope this helps. I am so very pleased for you. I followed your original thread and it very much summed up how I feel myself. Can you please come back on here when you get home and keep us updated on how you are getting on? Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKW Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Hi Moonwalker, I have only just seen your thread and even though I don't come on here often anymore I felt the need to reply. I am so pleased for you that you have found a way to get back home. I am sorry however that when you were at your lowest point and asked for help you had some not so helpful replies. It is one of the reasons I don't post on here. I also wouldn't want my feelings turned into a debate. I would also like to hear how you get on once you get home. I have been here for 3 years but went through exactly what you described in the early months. I knew from very early on that this wasn't the place for me. I feel I've given it a fair go and still feel the same way. We hope to find our way home sometime in 2013 and for me it can't come soon enough. Best of luck to you, I really admire the way you have been true to yourself. That depression that takes hold can really threaten to take over. Best Wishes SKW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine111 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I could really do with some help and advice from people. We have been in Perth now for 8 months and I have tried so hard to settle here but its not getting any easier. To be honest it gets worse every day. My sons are happy here but they are happy to go home again as we had a good life back in the uk. My husband point blank wont go back and has told me if I do he isn't coming with us, so if I go I will be taking my children and going back to the uk alone. I dont want to do this as I will be splitting up my family and I do love my husband but the thought of staying here is starting to feel like a prison sentence now. Im living in a beautiful place here but there is nothing here for me. There is alot less than we had in the uk and I find myself getting bored and struggling with ideas to entertain my boys. I go to the beach but that starts to wear thin. I have joined a gym, have been out with some of the mums, have a couple of friends here and work but I still can't settle. My eldest son would have been starting secondary school in September and I feel that if i leave it any longer he will never catch up as the education system here is quite far behind the uk (I work in education so see this first hand daily). My husband has never been happier since being here but Im really not and cant remember the last time I proper belly laughed. Ive lost part of myself since being here and feel like Im becoming a very unhappy person. To coin a phrase Im losing my mojo. What do I do?? Do i go back on my own and be a single mum struggling with bills but my sons would have friends and family around them and a better education, hopefully a happier mum but a visiting dad. Theres also the housing aspect as I alone wouldn't get a large mortgage and dont want to live in rented forever. After the move here we dont have alot left so I dont have a big deposit to put down. My husband has a good job so would be able to visit them every couple of months but he would hate me for taking them and I would feel terrible for leaving him. I really am in a bad place here and feel that whatever I do now I will be losing something but the thought of going home is like a dream. I want to go back so badly. Please give me some advice here as I really am in a dilemma. What a challenge for you, I really feel for you. Reading your post, I can relate to alot, I think we all want the best for our kids & it is that part that doesnt look like it sits well with you. Have they got a better life? Why wont your husband return? So tricky when one of you wants one & the other another. Equally 8 mths isnt long, but then I think reading this, you think you should be back in the UK for your sons education? I think it is a case of pulling back the layers. If that wasn't a factor, could you relax? could you enjoy it better? Biggest thing is trust your "gut feeling" there is something niggling it, sounds more than just homesickness. Put some things on paper & try & work though it. The answer is always there. Best of luck:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatDane Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Neither a Brit not an Aussie, but I'll take Oz over the UK any time of the day! You can always jump on a flight back to Europe for a visit. People can also come stay in Oz for extended periods of time. It no longer takes 2.5 days and costs £5k you know... But, if you miss back home that much there's nothing to do. It would be easier if your partner is an Aussie so at least you'd have that support network. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali B Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 So sorry you feel this down. Its a bit of a lose-lose situation isn't it? The only thing I think you can do is look objectively then, at where the least fallout would be for your kids. If they like both Oz and the UK then surely its best to have mum & dad in the same place??? Could you go back for a limited time say 2 months alone to get some perspective in peace and quiet? It took me four years to settle and I still have wobbly days but theyre getting less. Hope things work out for you. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Neither a Brit not an Aussie, but I'll take Oz over the UK any time of the day! You can always jump on a flight back to Europe for a visit. People can also come stay in Oz for extended periods of time. It no longer takes 2.5 days and costs £5k you know... But, if you miss back home that much there's nothing to do. It would be easier if your partner is an Aussie so at least you'd have that support network. And I would take either of them over Denmark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kangaroo.bruce Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Think clearly. Britain is finished. Stick it out, homesickness will pass. Well said Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suejensor Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 ...and get yourself on the first available flight home. I came out 10 years ago and been struggling for the last 5 financially and for the last three emotionally. I'm below the poverty line. on roughly the equivalent of 11K pounds - less than I used to pay 16 year old school leavers 10 years ago. I have to take my ex British husband to court to get permission to go home with my daughter. He flatly refuses to either go home or even let me work in UK - only place I can get a job by the way - without threatening to change the court order for custody. It's a f*%king nightmare. Go. Now. Run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Neither a Brit not an Aussie, but I'll take Oz over the UK any time of the day! You can always jump on a flight back to Europe for a visit. People can also come stay in Oz for extended periods of time. It no longer takes 2.5 days and costs £5k you know... But, if you miss back home that much there's nothing to do. It would be easier if your partner is an Aussie so at least you'd have that support network. It does still take a few days to get back and it still does cost a fortune to fly back to Europe from Australia. Don't you know that the airlines charge people in Australia 1.5 times what they charge people in the UK? Flights from London to Perth return start from 800 pounds. Flights from Perth to London start at $1800 return. And you can't often just jump back on a flight for a visit, you need at least 3 weeks to factor in Jetlag and getting over the travelling. For those of us who get just 20 days leave per year and would also like to see some of Australia, it means that we can't make trips back home as often as we would like. I also don't think it would be easier for the OP if her husband were an Aussie. Then they would have the eternal problem of trying to decide where to live. At least he will be following the rest of the family once his work commitments are finished. When you have a date for reuniting then a few months apart is bearable, not easy, but bearable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Well said Utter Tosh! Got to laugh at the 'Britain is finished' brigade. Uk like europe is in recession at the moment, things will change as they always do, history dictates that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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