I want to go home so much... Husband wont.

[Marisawright]

This is not true, not sure from whom you ahve received this information but ican assure you nobody was forced to stay for two years and some when straight back.

 

 

 

It was effectively true, because if you went back within the two years, you had to pay back the government for your passage out. In those days, few families could afford to do that.

[Marisawright]

Personally i would give it time especially with how expensive it is to emigrate here these days. I often wonder sometimes if the whole emigration thing is worth is at all unless of course people come from a dire place. .

 

The same thought has occurred to me. In the olden days (hey, I'm over 60), people emigrated because there was something wrong with their lives in their own country. That meant they had a strong inbuilt motivation to make things work in their new country. These days, many people seem to emigrate because they fancy doing something different, or they're bored, or life isn't perfect - which means they've got something to go home to and are more likely to go back there if they hit a hurdle.

 

Not saying that applies to the OP but reading these forums, I think it goes some way to explain a number who give up and leave.

[ozglenn]

It was effectively true, because if you went back within the two years, you had to pay back the government for your passage out. In those days, few families could afford to do that.

 

 

In a sense it was a form of detention in a way, as you say many could not get the money together to pay back the passage and the "bribe" if you will.

 

My parents came out as ten quid poms and were on the hostel for 6 months as it was expenisve to stay on the hostel and then get the money to get off. I think it's important to stress that people still were not forced to stay for two years more like they found difficulties if they wanted to return within two.

 

Were they aware of the ramifications regarding the payback, i'd say they were. It is much different today as the British cities and towns are no longer smog ridden and the ability to zip over to the continent is within reach of most working families. Psst war Britain was a bit dreary in the big cities so i guess the clean air was an attraction. Not sure of the cost of living as the cost of food and clothing was very high in OZ much like today.

[Marisawright]

 

Psst war Britain was a bit dreary in the big cities so i guess the clean air was an attraction. Not sure of the cost of living as the cost of food and clothing was very high in OZ much like today.

 

Not just that, plentiful food (post war Britain still had rationing), and job opportunities.

[janlo]

When people emigrated as £10 poms they had to stay for two years before returning to their country of origin. That's because it is acknowledged that it takes time to settle down in a new country. Eight months is way too early and it sounds as though you have been thinking about returning for a lot of that time. I emigrated in the 1970's when there was no Skype, I didn't have a telephone and contact was with an aerogramme (one week each way). I had no family or friends when I arrived with my husband and two sons. I threw myself in to making a home in this new country. Nowadays, I think new migrants spend too much time in their old life, constantly contacting friends on Skype. They have a foot in each camp so to speak. I am sorry you feel homesick but I do think you need to give it more time for the sake of your family remaining as a family. Best of luck.

 

How innocent to think they couldn't return because the government knew it takes time to settle.

 

They actually could return but had to reimburse the government. This wasn't because the government wanted to give them time to get over their homesickness it was because they needed the population increase (polpulate or perish scheme I think it was called) and more importantly they desperately needed labour.

[Gbye grey sky]

The same thought has occurred to me. In the olden days (hey, I'm over 60), people emigrated because there was something wrong with their lives in their own country. That meant they had a strong inbuilt motivation to make things work in their new country. These days, many people seem to emigrate because they fancy doing something different, or they're bored, or life isn't perfect - which means they've got something to go home to and are more likely to go back there if they hit a hurdle.

 

Not saying that applies to the OP but reading these forums, I think it goes some way to explain a number who give up and leave.

 

Typically I think you have nailed it right there. Many also expect instant gratification.

[stuartkelly2014]

Why cant I see anything that has been written in these threads???? can anyone help.

[Perthbum]

why cant i see anything that has been written in these threads???? Can anyone help.

big fringe?

[Bound4Tassie]

^^^^ hahaha!

[Ali B]

Did OP go back?

[Ravenswood]

Homesickness is real. I know how you eel, but it is a sickness that passes. Stop comparing, start embracing the difference. You will settle if you get involved and see the very best in everything here.

Once you start comparing and criticising the rot sets in and you spiral down. Fake it until you make it - start the day believing in yourself and the move you have made. Get out there. You will feel sick inside sometimes - but push it away. Be determined. You will regret giving up so easily. It takes at least two years to start feeling really settled. Do it for your kids.

[Banana707]

Hi

so sorry to hear your position, I am also in a similar situation. Have lived here 7 years but now would like to move back. What did you end up deciding to do?

[kiwiathome]

Moonwalker, hi how are you?? I hope this forum has helped. I joined this forum, because I could not stand living in Australia. Others will put their opinions on your, or comments, because they have their own dielemmas.

 

That's OK. Because when you are strong, you can help back.

 

You want to go home, you want to protect your kids. You are suffering from guilt. Forget the "going off into all directions", this is fair enough for these people, they want to be heard. support them later.

 

Go home. You need to be at your best for your children. You need to belong. You need support. If your hubby cares enough, eventually he will come home.

 

He would rather come home to the best you can be. You do not need the "approval" of others, you know deep down what you need to do. Go home.

 

For those that want to challenge, yes I am going home very soon to NZ. 3 weeks, as a family, we are sooooo excited. All happy.

 

However, I stayed in this country for my hubby for 7 years. Hated every year. But we talked and he stuck by me. We are going home now, he says "downgrade his job" we are more important.

 

If you hubby gives you ultimatums like this, gives you the guilt and you trying to raise children, it won't get better. It's not about Australia, or any country you are living in.

 

You are a good girl, with the guilt conscious, I know. Don't feel judged by others putting their two cents worth in. Support them later.

 

Go home. You know you want to do that. Your children will be fine. If you hubby wants to be part of your family, he will follow. xx All the best.

[kiwiathome]

I did not read all the comments, too many. But I am sure there are many that have gone off track.

 

Remember, this is about the poster. Nothing else. And she has probably lost confidence and feels very confused.

 

So make this not about Australia, or versus England, but about a nice lady who is desperate.

 

I feel very worried the statement your hubby made. If my hubby made that statement to me, I would walk out.

 

Be confident, go home. Get support, care for your kids, be your best. You are not defined by what your hubby states. If he truly loves you or makes you

priority, he will come back to England.

 

If it is still all too much, again, just go home. Bollocks this make it work out in a country and stay soooo many years. 8 months is real, with no moving forward.

 

Trust your gut instinct. x.

[kiwiathome]

Ravenswood, I absolutely disagree. It is nothing to do with homesickness, and as you state, it does not pass.

 

First instinct is far more appropriate.

 

I have been here many years, only country I have disliked, got worst every year gone on.

 

and sure, you don't have too take my word, but guess I don't have too take your word. It is about the poster. It won't get better. Every year in a country you don't

like, with no family support, and a hubby who does not support you, oh come on. Support the poster and let her go home to support and familiarity. And not feel judged or guilt.

[ali]

Ravenswood, I absolutely disagree. It is nothing to do with homesickness, and as you state, it does not pass.

 

First instinct is far more appropriate.

 

I have been here many years, only country I have disliked, got worst every year gone on.

 

and sure, you don't have too take my word, but guess I don't have too take your word. It is about the poster. It won't get better. Every year in a country you don't

like, with no family support, and a hubby who does not support you, oh come on. Support the poster and let her go home to support and familiarity. And not feel judged or guilt.

 

I think everyone has a unique experience and certainly over the years people have posted that they have overcome homesickness and started to enjoy their new lives. I have a friend who visited the UK and I really didn't know if she would come back because she was finding it hard to settle - but after the visit she came back embracing her life here and is now really happy and content - so for some people it can and does change. That's the beauty of a forum, it opens you up to lots of different experiences and suggestions from peoples own experiences.

[kiwiathome]

Oh Ali now I am lost! I thought I was helping someone, but old forum???

 

I don't think to check dates. I just step in when I feel strongly to help someone. OK bless all, x.

[ali]

Oh Ali now I am lost! I thought I was helping someone, but old forum???

 

I don't think to check dates. I just step in when I feel strongly to help someone. OK bless all, x.

 

It's not an old post ... I was just commenting that you said the feeling will never go away, but other people have previously posted that it has whilst others haven't.

[Lostlily]

Sorry, I must disagree with this. Family is not just Mum Dad and kids..... After being here for 17 years and very luckily spent Christmas day and Boxing day, pretty happily.... What the hell do you do in the next month?

Some may think I am lucky having one daughter and 2 grandchildren here and I am so grateful of course. BUT my parents are in their 80's, my younger daughter left to go back to England 5 years ago, I have a granddaughter there who I miss dreadfully. My daunter is 8 months pregnant in England. I have 4 stepchildren, one of which is expecting twins in the next month.

All of our dearest friends, siblings, cousins are there and we are here. I am in the fortunate position to be able to fly to England whenever necessary. Which is the only thing that keeps me sane.

But I would like to perhaps give people a reminder, that a bigger house, a pool and the beach 200 yards away can never make up for the loneliness of missing your roots. Popping round to see Aunties and Uncles, many whom I have lost in the last couple of years.

Australia is a beautiful country, but it is very isolated. Please appreciate what you have in the UK, before breaking up your family, in my opinion it is not worth it.

[Marisawright]

...a bigger house, a pool and the beach 200 yards away can never make up for the loneliness of missing your roots.

 

I think there are two types of people - those who feel a deep attachment to their "roots" and those that don't. It can be quite hard for one type to understand how the other feels.

 

I have never, ever in my life felt homesick for the UK and it never bothered me that I didn't have parents or siblings around me. As long as we kept in touch and I saw them for several weeks every two years or so, I was perfectly happy. So it was a revelation to see so many posters here, being so desperate to go home that they've been prepared to sacrifice their marriage to do it.

 

Part of the problem, I think, is that the "roots"-oriented person would probably never migrate on their own, but is persuaded by their spouse or partner, who is probably the other type and can't understand why leaving family could possibly be an issue. So the roots of disaster are sown right at the start.

 

I'm not talking about the kind of "homesickness" that can strike in the first year or two after arrival, which is more likely to be a reaction to the inevitable setbacks and hiccups than a real longing for home.

 

I would say that anyone who's worried about missing family before they even get on the plane, should think twice, three times and four times.

Edited December 28, 2015 by Marisawright

[Gbye grey sky]

I think there are two types of people - those who feel a deep attachment to their "roots" and those that don't. It can be quite hard for one type to understand how the other feels.

 

I have never, ever in my life felt homesick for the UK and it never bothered me that I didn't have parents or siblings around me. As long as we kept in touch and I saw them for several weeks every two years or so, I was perfectly happy. So it was a revelation to see so many posters here, being so desperate to go home that they've been prepared to sacrifice their marriage to do it.

 

Part of the problem, I think, is that the "roots"-oriented person would probably never migrate on their own, but is persuaded by their spouse or partner, who is probably the other type and can't understand why leaving family could possibly be an issue. So the roots of disaster are sown right at the start.

 

I'm not talking about the kind of "homesickness" that can strike in the first year or two after arrival, which is more likely to be a reaction to the inevitable setbacks and hiccups than a real longing for home.

 

I would say that anyone who's worried about missing family before they even get on the plane, should think twice, three times and four times.

 

Very profound Marisa and I suspect you are dead right in this insight.

 

I would also though add a second character trait. Migrants who seem to struggle more when they are the type who looks backward and reminisces rather than forward or being able to live in the moment. If you are (in your mind) living in the past rather than the present then the mind will always want to take the physical self back there.

 

The problem for these people is that often the past cannot be recreated. Many of these people ping pong. If you recognise this character trait in you then you might want to consider the initial move very carefully indeed.

[Bound4Tassie]

Very true Marissa. I can never quite understand why they emigrate- the people who live in their families pockets and rely so heavily on them ( in every sense). Seem set to fail . Not everyone who moves will stay for good of course but there are definitely those where the warning signs were glaringly obvious.

[Petals]

I have posted many times that the successful migrant is one who can be independent look after himself/herself without any help from family and friends. Also they need to be people who would be prepared to move in the UK and not stay in proximity of their family. We migrate, my oh brother migrated but his sister did not. She likes living around familiar areas and things. Also in my family on my mothers side we were the only ones to migrates, in fact only 2 out of 9 of her siblings left the town where she was born and I was born.

 

Its even harder when people marry people from another country that are close to family as then you have the pull pull factor. Often ends in tears and heartbreak, takes a strong couple to work that one out.

 

Also people forget that family laws prevent children being uprooted when a family breaks down.

 

So there are a lot of considerations to take in. No-one has a crystal ball so its best to think what it may reveal in the future as well as the present.

[Lostlily]

Actually I was very keen to move to Australia. For several years it was a great adventure. Two things changed it for me.

My youngest daughter went back, I felt as if I had lost a limb, although of course I gave her my blessing.

Then due to anxiety attacks I had to give up my business. I can no longer drive due to anxiety.

My parents suddenly (so it felt) became elderly and I feel they are missing out, as I am as well.

I am so bloody bored here. I go back to the UK every year for a long holiday, I always feel healthier and happier there.

I wouldn't wish my position on others, so I guess what I am trying to point out is that things change, of course, and as you get older your needs and priorities change as well. THINK long and hard about the future before making the big leap to emigrate.

[Quoll]

I think it is much more complex than the glib "missing family and friends" which is often trotted out in a slightly pejorative sense - "meh! They can't leave mummy". For me it was the need for adventure - which is what saw me happily through a couple of decades in Australia to begin with - combined with a lack of belonging. By belonging I don't mean family and friends although it takes a much harder heart than mine to see my nonagenarian parents struggle. It's more about fitting with those around you and not have to put on an act every day that you "belong" - subtle things like sense of humour, shared interests, sense of community.

 

I do do think things change as you get older and like most animals, many of us want to turn up our toes in the place we began once the adventure wears off. Homesickness is (again, sadly pejorative) more than missing F&F it's about loss of self and identity IMHO and is often quite irrational and resistant to logical thinking no matter how much your head tells you "this is home" if your heart doesn't agree.

 

That said, if someone is dependent on family and friends then perhaps emigration is not going to be a great idea in the first place. You definitely need a sense of adventure (which then rebounded when Aus no longer offered that adventure!) along with a substantial dose of selfishness and a predominant self reliance. Complex huh?!