I want to go home so much... Husband wont.

[Chortlepuss]

Utter Tosh! Got to laugh at the 'Britain is finished' brigade. Uk like europe is in recession at the moment, things will change as they always do, history dictates that

Yes it's easy to get sucked into the negative propaganda spread by the Daily Mail Brigade. As someone with sporadic employment, living in a tatty run down house in Brisbane, and longing to be able to afford the kind of lifestyle I took for granted in the UK, I get increasingly confused by the messages spread and the reality of everyday life. Good for Moonwalker for making a decision and sticking by it. I have been here six years and am stuck for at least another two due to kids at uni, schools. My husband loves it here, and if he had a highly paid job then maybe we would be able to keep our heads above water. But I'd still miss family, friends, travelling, countryside, job opportunities and everything else the UK has.

How the hell do people afford to live here? We viewed a tiny, scruffy house today, just under 600K. Here I am renting a crummy house for $500 per week, when I'm renovating my lovely property in the UK for some lucky other person's benefit- a bog standard UK house, but would be listed as executive here just because it's got a modern kitchen, bathrooms and is beautifully decorated. I'm a skilled IT worker, and permanent well paid work is a distant memory - I was never out of work in the UK, despite being old enough to experience at least two downturns. Now I'm considering moving interstate on my own to try and earn some money to pay the bills... hardly the Australian dream is it?

Meanwhile on Facebook I learn about my UK mates (None of whom is unemployed) travelling the World and enjoying a wonderful quality of life!

Good luck for all those who have made the decision to go home, irrespective of timescales. You only have one life!

[Debabrown]

I think I know how you feel. We have been in Perth just overa year now, we don’t have children together but my partner has 2 in the UK. Ihave found it really hard, we have been lucky as we have some friends here whoalso emigrated from the UK but apart from them we haven’t really meet many newfriends (seems to be quite hard when you don’t have kids).

I really miss my friends and family so much, I thought thatthis would get easier but it’s not. I too am contemplating going back but knowthat my partner wouldn’t want to (not discussed it with him yet) as he lovesthe weather etc. I have set a dead line in my head of 2 years and if I am stillfeeling the same then I will go back, I just don’t see here as a long termplan.

Good luck with whatever you do, either way the mostimportant thing if for you and your boys to be happy.

[tpsister]

I am in the same situation although I have been here ,qld, for 8 yrs. so yes I've given it a good chance. I want to go home, with my family. My kids are 13/15 and 18. please tell me how it has turned out for you. I am so scarred of it all and feel overwhelmed. I've not told my oh yet but have talked to his sister and I have the support from her and my own family. I feel so blooming lost. I am pretty sure it will end my marriage but im not too upset about that, he can be difficult to live with. it is all the stuff that goes along with the move that has me scarred I know am a stronger woman than this but I don't feel like that at the moment, your story has given me strength , thankyou xxx

[Quoll]

I am in the same situation although I have been here ,qld, for 8 yrs. so yes I've given it a good chance. I want to go home, with my family. My kids are 13/15 and 18. please tell me how it has turned out for you. I am so scarred of it all and feel overwhelmed. I've not told my oh yet but have talked to his sister and I have the support from her and my own family. I feel so blooming lost. I am pretty sure it will end my marriage but im not too upset about that, he can be difficult to live with. it is all the stuff that goes along with the move that has me scarred I know am a stronger woman than this but I don't feel like that at the moment, your story has given me strength , thankyou xxx

 

This is a very old thread and you may be wise to start a new thread on this topic. One thing to be very aware of though is that if your DH says you can't take the kids out of Australia you have zero chance of the family court allowing you to go. Good luck and tread carefully!

[lechatnoir]

I have a similar conundrum where my Australian wife and Australian kids are happy and consider Brisbane home. My real friends and family are in the UK and as such home for me is not Australia. I want to go 'home' but the rest of the family don't want to and probably wouldn't enjoy it as much as living in Australia.

[Guest]

I am in the same situation although I have been here ,qld, for 8 yrs. so yes I've given it a good chance. I want to go home, with my family. My kids are 13/15 and 18. please tell me how it has turned out for you. I am so scarred of it all and feel overwhelmed. I've not told my oh yet but have talked to his sister and I have the support from her and my own family. I feel so blooming lost. I am pretty sure it will end my marriage but im not too upset about that, he can be difficult to live with. it is all the stuff that goes along with the move that has me scarred I know am a stronger woman than this but I don't feel like that at the moment, your story has given me strength , thankyou xxx

 

As Quoll mentioned, this is an older thread. Might be worth posting a new one or finding a more recent one to post on.

 

When I was reading your post my first thought was why were you telling your SIL and family before discussing with your husband. Then as I read on, understood.

 

Either way, you need to talk to him. And then sound out how your kids feel about a possible move back to the UK.

 

As Quoll said, if your OH does not agree to them going back to the UK then chances are they will have to remain in Aus (at least the two younger ones). Till such time as they are old enough to no longer be under the court order.

[miw54]

"Think clearly. Britain is finished"

 

Matter of opinion. I love Oz but am in Britain having a wonderful time. Love it here too and it is certainly not 'finished'. However, to poor Moonwalker, I wonder if the reason you are so unhappy is because you don't have the support of your husband. He obviously has no concern about you going back alone which is a tad unfeeling. He's having a great time and it looks as if that's all that matters to him. Emigrating is a huge undertaking and you really need to be shoulder to shoulder in order to weather the ups and downs which I am sure you can see from many posts that most people have. It is not easy. I agree with a previous post that suggests you going home for a visit - sometimes this can help and perhaps on your own too so that you don't unnecessarily disrupt the children's education unless you are absolutely sure. It is no fun for kids to be changing schools all the time. Alternatively you may have to give it a bit longer but focus on the positives knowing that, in the end, if the worst comes to the worst you can always go back to the UK. Remember there are thousands of people in the UK who would give their eye teeth to have a chance to live in OZ and it is an experience whatever else happens. Perhaps try to view it as such. Good luck to you.:unsure:

[Jacaranda]

Hi, we lasted just under 6 months. My wife and step-son wanted to go back to the uk but i liked perth. Anyway after months of them moaning at me i finally gave in and we came back.

I still miss perth and i feel it was unfair on me, to make me come back after only 6 months, not giving it a good go! I still go on about it to them all the time and i do feel wronged and not just financially.

 

So here i am, 4 years later in depressing England still thinking about what might, could or should have been..............

Is it depressing England or is it depressing you?Please don't blame the country on your mental state of health.I know a few people on antidepressants in Australia,is that Australia's fault?

[FOL]

Is it depressing England or is it depressing you?Please don't blame the country on your mental state of health.I know a few people on antidepressants in Australia,is that Australia's fault?

 

Television taught me to blame Canada.

[Jacaranda]

Sorry FOL don't understand your post!Going back to my point though,is it the country or someone's attitude towards it?People seem to get stuck.I often hear the "My kids need a more outdoor lifestyle"Not sure where these people live,but my kids didnt stop playing outside just because we moved to the UK.Infact I'd say they spent more time outside in the UK!

[FOL]

Sorry FOL don't understand your post!Going back to my point though,is it the country or someone's attitude towards it?People seem to get stuck.I often hear the "My kids need a more outdoor lifestyle"Not sure where these people live,but my kids didnt stop playing outside just because we moved to the UK.Infact I'd say they spent more time outside in the UK!

 

Sorry Melza, South Park generation here. Americans blame Canada for their problems

 

Yes it's pople who value (and blame) something. Some people have a very active outdoor lifestyle in the UK. I couldn't do that. That weather kills als pleasure for me (that's not a fact, but my opinion). In contrary in Perth I was very active and outdoor, loved it. Other people would hate it because it is too warm. So yes, countries (with all their characteristics) are very big factors to base an opinion on, but in the end it's people who judge.

[ozglenn]

Think clearly. Britain is finished. We should all give thanks to the early British settlers and ten pound pound poms who built this country from nothing. Stick it out, homesickness will pass.

 

That a subjective view i guess, i just got back from being away for 12 years and found many positives. I met a few Aussies who think jobs wise that Oz is finished.

[tpsister]

Hi, its the same for me, im telling my OH tonight I want/need to go home. My family are so much to me and I cant believe I ever gave them up for him and oz. I don't think he will want to go back but hes unpredictable at the best of times. My 2 youngest want to go home and have done for a long time. Its making me ill the longer I stay away from all that I love. hope you can work it all out too. xxxxx

[Guest Bora]

Hi, we lasted just under 6 months. My wife and step-son wanted to go back to the uk but i liked perth. Anyway after months of them moaning at me i finally gave in and we came back.

I still miss perth and i feel it was unfair on me, to make me come back after only 6 months, not giving it a good go! I still go on about it to them all the time and i do feel wronged and not just financially.

 

So here i am, 4 years later in depressing England still thinking about what might, could or should have been..............

 

JCKC I can understand why you would feel this way if you wanted to stay - but nothing is more important than family, especially the person who is the most important person in your life, the Mrs. If your on your own move as one, move with a family move as a unit. You say you go on about it all the time, and after 4 years it might be time to let go and move on - before it gets too much for the wife and she lets go of you. Just my opinion.

[Guest]

Hi, its the same for me, im telling my OH tonight I want/need to go home. My family are so much to me and I cant believe I ever gave them up for him and oz. I don't think he will want to go back but hes unpredictable at the best of times. My 2 youngest want to go home and have done for a long time. Its making me ill the longer I stay away from all that I love. hope you can work it all out too. xxxxx

Please be careful in how you go about this. Particularly if your OH will be reluctant/unwilling to go back. He could stop you taking the children with you if he wants to stay. It's happened to many people so many times and they are left with an unbearable choice stay and be with your children or return alone could be your choice too. If you OH decides to be nasty about it. Hope it all goes well.

[Lostlily]

Can I just say thank you so much to people for all your kind words, support and advice. It really helps to feel that Im not on my own and there are people out there that understand how I feel. But can I say that some peoples views and Im not looking for an argument or debate here cause I really am not in a place to be bothered with it have made me feel even crappier. Some people seem to just want to argue and when someone is feeling as low and crappy as I have been feeling it makes it feel very personnal and directed at you. Some people have not taken into account what has been written and dont give a damn how they make anyone feel so long as they can create a debate. I wish people could be blocked from posting on these discussions as reading some posts have made me feel quite upset. Again thank you to the genuine people on here for actually caring enough to post something worth reading. Again this is not a debate its a big thank you to genuine people. You have given me alot to consider and think about.

 

I feel for you so much I too yearn to go home and in the past have posted on here of my sadness. Some people were very kind and understanding, but like you many comments seemed to be horribly judgemental.

My situation is also complicated, we came out here 15 years ago with two grown up daughters. For years I was fine and hubby has always loved it here. But my youngest daughter's marriage split up and she went back to the UK, she now has a beautiful daughter. My other daughter stayed, has two children with an Australian and she too is dreadfully homesick for all of her extended family and especially for her sister.

There is no solution for us now, I couldn't leave my oldest daughter as she would be broken hearted and my youngest daughters partner will not move here. And before everyone starts ranting on at me that they are adults blah blah. I have heard it all before and although they may be adults we are so close and miss each other dreadfully.

So if you are looking for advice, I think if I were in your situation I would go back now. If your husband put's his own happiness bafore the family unit he is selfish IMO.

You came here asking for help and advice and I am so sorry that many people made you feel much worse. Good Luck

[Jacaranda]

Lostlily,thats a nice post!And thankyou for sharing your thoughts and part of your private life.It must be very difficult for you and I agree,it makes no difference if your kids are grown up,it does'nt mean you miss them any less.I hope you manage to find some peace amongst the sadness you're feeling.All the best hon xxx

[Jacaranda]

I also fell into the trap of agreeing to come back to UK after 4 years in Oz. I must have been f*ing insane as had a well paid secure job and new house build. We could never get that in UK with the way things are now.

 

Australia is a great way of life and I''m back but the family don't want to come over. Can't understand how we managed to throw something so amazing away.

Maybe your wife thought people were more important than anything else,and.....if so,she's right!

[starlight7]

Maybe your wife thought people were more important than anything else,and.....if so,she's right!

Not quite as simple as that though. is it?

[Nearlythere1]

I feel for you so much I too yearn to go home and in the past have posted on here of my sadness. Some people were very kind and understanding, but like you many comments seemed to be horribly judgemental.

My situation is also complicated, we came out here 15 years ago with two grown up daughters. For years I was fine and hubby has always loved it here. But my youngest daughter's marriage split up and she went back to the UK, she now has a beautiful daughter. My other daughter stayed, has two children with an Australian and she too is dreadfully homesick for all of her extended family and especially for her sister.

There is no solution for us now, I couldn't leave my oldest daughter as she would be broken hearted and my youngest daughters partner will not move here. And before everyone starts ranting on at me that they are adults blah blah. I have heard it all before and although they may be adults we are so close and miss each other dreadfully.

So if you are looking for advice, I think if I were in your situation I would go back now. If your husband put's his own happiness bafore the family unit he is selfish IMO.

You came here asking for help and advice and I am so sorry that many people made you feel much worse. Good Luck

 

I can foresee a similar sticky situation with ours. We're moving to Aus in November. The youngest is already in Aus on our PR visa, along with the middle one, who is on a WHV. The eldest, at present, is staying in the UK, because she's in a relationship, has a good job, home etc..Though she has the the right quals and is on the SOL list at present.. We're hoping that things will sort themselves out over time, but nothing is guaranteed in life. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation really.. Not looking forward to trying to resolve this one.. Best of luck with yours.. :chatterbox:

[janlo]

I think you should try to give it longer and show that you gave it a fair crack. Say another year?

 

But your OH is being unreasonable too, I always have thought if one person really hates it that the other has to relent and go back to what they always have known rather than have the other stay in a foreign land. You need to make a deal with him over how long you give it a go. If he says no deal ever, then you have to question a man who puts living in a country before his wife and kids.

 

 

I dont think he needs questioning just like she doesn't. It's called looking after number one because at the end of the day no one else will. We've all put a country before family but it's better to have a happy content mum rather than a big house and sunshine.

Edited September 20, 2014 by janlo

[BackToLife]

Hi, its the same for me, im telling my OH tonight I want/need to go home. My family are so much to me and I cant believe I ever gave them up for him and oz. I don't think he will want to go back but hes unpredictable at the best of times. My 2 youngest want to go home and have done for a long time. Its making me ill the longer I stay away from all that I love. hope you can work it all out too. xxxxx

 

 

I believe you are saying that your family in the UK (mother? father? siblings?) mean more to you than the ties you should have with your husband?

 

You appear to have no loyalty to him at all, and value him as less than zero. No wonder he is happier in Australia than the UK.

[Jacaranda]

Not quite as simple as that though. is it?

Why's that Starlight?Whats more important than people?Why complicate it?

[Jacaranda]

I believe you are saying that your family in the UK (mother? father? siblings?) mean more to you than the ties you should have with your husband?

 

You appear to have no loyalty to him at all, and value him as less than zero. No wonder he is happier in Australia than the UK.

Maybe she is.We don't know this ladies personal life,and what her marriage is like do we?The thing is,sometimes us women need more than "Just the guy"Guys are'nt gods (Sorry guys).I believe alot of women need their families for added support,and like a close knit tie with them,and really whats wrong with that?Its alot to ask of anyone (Guy or woman)to leave their home country,and try and make it work without any family around.I'm not saying its impossible.Of course many achieve successfully but alot don't.Friends can be good,but imho are not really a great substitute for family.

[Guest]

I believe you are saying that your family in the UK (mother? father? siblings?) mean more to you than the ties you should have with your husband?

 

You appear to have no loyalty to him at all, and value him as less than zero. No wonder he is happier in Australia than the UK.

The same could be said for the Husband he valuing living in Australia more than the happiness of his family. As tpsister says the children want to return also!!!