Sunshine111

Been back in the uk 7 yrs, returned with a 5 & 1 year old. Lived in Perth 5 Years, love the heat but towards the end found it too much with x2 young Kids. Both have settled well, back in uk, not just academically, it was more socially that I also felt important - we were too insular & isolated where we chose to live in Perth. Where we chose to live in the uk, the focus was, best place to bring up kids. Got it on the button! What did people do before internet?! In hindsight, hubby & I should have included our wants & needs - we had been away from uk for 10years & have found it hard to settle, not moved back to where we left but no connection with the people we left behind. We also didn’t do a reccie, which I think is a good idea. Decision was made 6 months after having a baby. Come to realise, you have to plan & adapt, our kids are older now & we’re starting to plan lots of adventures around Europe. I think the key is to build lots of good memories through all the chapters in life! Our kids are happy, grounded & settled & very social, so we’ve done what we set out to do!

Leaving as an adventure & not because you hated the uk is a good basis for returning. Make sure you consider the move for all of you & how you’ll benefit. If you are moving back to a good support network, even more pluses. Your daughter is young enough to adapt & I was utterly amazed at how much support & better catered we seemed to feel by the system, coming back with a 5 & 1 year old. I have struggled a bit but nothing to do with the uk. I put too much emphasis on returning for family, but strangely has been chicken soup for the soul. I needed to come back. Trouble is when the seed is planted to return, it’s one of those things that you need to put to bed.. choose where you come back to wisely & put it down as a couple of years plan & review, go with your gut.

i made x2 fab friends at mothers group & it was a fantastic support in the early years of having babies. Outside of that it was hard work - partly I put it down to us bring a bit introverted or just happy in our own company! But I feel the odds of meeting people in a similar situation looking for the surrogate family more likely. Here in the uk people mostly have their own family & Established friendships. I am finding living in a small village very superficial - but then as you get older maybe it's harder to make deep & meaningful friendships!

Thanks Snifter, your comments have really made me think. I think what has bothered me about being back in the uk is that those initial reasons for being back are no longer here. If it was just hubby & I we'd be on that plane but with the kids we are terrified of making a mistake, they are settled here & we've already moved them. Also being forced to review, what we want & whether it is attainable here.

what an enthusiastic post for this neck of the woods. So sorry to hear about your family - you certainly can't pick them ay? Wish you all the best with your next chapter....

Great advice, thank you all for your replies, first time I've put it in writing & has given me food for thought. NSW would be where we would head. We are starting to think have we tried hard enough? What do we need to change currently. I think that the extended family has tainted our initial time here and somehow I need to get over the resentment I have been feeling.Booked to see a CBT therapist perhaps I need to work through that first. Also hubby & I are going to research franchises and what are options are house wise, we want off the claustrophobic housing estate!! Theres a a real niggle that says for next 6months we need to give it our all & only then can we if we need to depart.....

I think we were away too long to really settle back in the uk & we have changed so much & the old friends from the pub days are 10-15 yrs past. I also have no grandparent alive - although they didn't live close they were the back bone to very complicated parenting. Unfortunately I think I associate living here with sadness from childhood, can't seem to undo that feeling even tho we are in one of the best places in th U.K. For kids, I just have no connection with the landscape. Hubby has not been able to get a break on the work front either, whereas in Oz / NZ opportunities were endless Back then. We have compromised our dreams thinking the trade off to being nearer to our family was worth it - if someone would have showed us the house on the estate we'd be living or the job Hubby would be compromised to be in, we would have moved elsewhere in Oz! We just need to ensure we pull apart the pros & cons list & look at whether a few tweaks might change things.

Thanks Beck22. We do need a pros & cons list & properly explore all avenues - in Oz you quickly find people in a similar situation who become your surrogate family - haven't really found that here. Kids were 1&5yrs when we arrived oldest may not be keen at first & youngest I think will adapt better. Wouldn't do Perth, although we loved it at the time too isolating for us & culdnt commit there long term. Marisawright interesting you say about being more Ausdie maybe that happen after a given time. johndownunder I agree but we would be going without a view to coming back.

This is great, thanks marisawright. We have looked at Oatley before. I see you are in the uk but originally out of Sydney area and have read your post with great interest. Do you think you will return one day? We backpacked & stayed in Sydney but ended moving to Perth, moved back to the uk in 2011 very hastely after having a baby & 3yrs down the track was right to come back, scratch an itch so to speak & put it to bed but we don't see ourselves here long term but are in a tricky predicament! Starting to research NSW,

Hi there, Never thought I'd see myself back on this section but our tale has more twists & turns than a helter skelter! We were away 10 yrs ftom the UK, lived in Perth for 5 yrs, both kids born there & for the first 3-4 yrs we were blissfully happy! Birth of 2nd son & within 6 months we were talking about coming home, another 6 months we were back. We felt that Perth wasn't for us for the long term & that our kids needed to be nearer family & we had an element of responsibility. It was a toss up between there & NSW, but family swayed things. We moved to another part of the U.K. That we researched tho in a swiftness to get back we didn't research house prices or Job market - silly I know but we were so focused on our kids we didn't care about ourselves - looked up best place to bring up kids in the UK. We arrived back August 2011 & it was utterly amazing to be back, seeing all the green & were really impressed with the early years/preschool. Both kids thrived. Tick, we achieved what we set out to do. Except....... Hubby & I did not realise how Australian we had become, we bought a small 3 bed semi in a village that 3 yrs down the track we are feeling like we are in a goldfish bowl & claustrophobic ftom the space we were used too, on top of this the school we choose from Oz as outstanding has dropped to underperforming & special measures & my youngest son has become behind & his learning (which we identified) and we are trying to home school him as much as we can. Salarys aren't great & we are working a lot of hours for very little doe. The biggest disappoint was family, I have opened up a can of worms - parents are divorced so it's highly diluted & I have discovered highly dysfunctional, there's a step family in the mix too. It's been so bad I have almost had a breakdown, so much so I have opted no contact, so it almost doesn't seem worth being back. Hubby parents are divorced & his mum not very involved so it's like we live in another country support wise. like I say nothing wrong with the uK it's more a personal situation thing but we are talking about going back to Oz. I just wish that we had of had a review plan - every 6months then maybe we wouldn't have found ourselves in this situation. Wondering if there is anyone else out there having experienced anything similar... Do we go back to Oz before our eldest starts secondary school Sept 2017, who know not sure what to do for the best but hubby & I are sooo miserable

Not at all toussaint. Not like school where you pass or fail, actually this is based on my experience after 3yrs of being in the uk having been away 10 yrs. my experience having not moved back to the same area, I see the uk in a better light. it is a far cry from the country we left because it was going down the pan. We researched, researched Researched - yet are a victim of our own success!! Our kids love it here, 5&1yrs when we left Perth. Oldest has more of a connection now. Me I feel the connection up oz & really miss it!

Top 20 tips for moving back to uk (Anyone think of anything else?!) 1.) write a 1,3,5 yr plan 2.) write this individually /couples/family 3.) think why you left in 1st place (help determine where to move) 4.) don't underestimate how long it can take to re-settle. 5.) 5yrs* is harder 6.) move in summer (creates positive memories!) 7.) expect to miss oz 8.) have regular review points - is everyone benefiting/happy 9.) don't expect to just slot into extended family, dynamics change particularly after 5yrs* 10.) have a top 20 list of places to visit in uk 11.) join national trust 12.) but a tent - is big over here now 13.) join tesco club card - great for days out saviings to parks 14.) book an overseas holiday in your 2nd year bsck 15.) expect year 3 to be naff, novelty worn off 16.) with the pioneering spirit you've gained do something new, set up a business/renovate a property. Take courage! 17.) be kind to yourself 18.) be kind to yourself 19.) research research research - areas to move back too 20.) don't believe the doom mongers, it is comparable to any other 1st world country. Determination and planning are key. Roman wasn't built in a day!

havent been on this forum for ages. Been back 3yrs in August. Feeling the itchy feet again, think it's true once you've moved once, that's it! Also think it's easy to look through rose tinted glasses. (Do it all the time) we came back for the kids who have settled well & have a fab friends base. Older one would be devastated even considering it!! Extended family been a nightmare, caused a lot of heartache & hubby & I realise d we didn't think about how we were going to benefit from the move , which down to a lack of planning on our part. But something we are working on! I think it's a5yr plan, so another x2 & we should be there. Is hard bringing up a young family where ever you are in the world. One things for sure anything is possible when you've uprooted yourself not once to oz but coming back to the U.K. Takes courage & determination. Make a short & long term plan & for you as well as the kids. Think we should have a separate forum for the displaced!! Ha! Post return!! Ha!

good post. I think different stages in life also play a factor. For us, after x2 children & being away for 10 yrs, we never would have thought about returning to the Uk but here we are. Great time in Oz but for us, unitentionally it didn't fit the bill long term.... culture/value system played a part. For us gone from being independent to interdependent. Emmigration is certainly a good experience but sometimes you have to change course & adapt, whether that be be Oz or Uk.

like this post millymarie. So much has changed with Oz, unless you are x2 incomes 20 something year olds looking for adventure (which I think is great for everyone before you have kids!) it needs some serious thought. True to also say, that if you are in a nice area of UK, it is the key. Research is paramount, could not have returned to the old home town. Glad we re-located somewhere new, but then we did our homework & that is the key. What a great idea re another type of overseas experience too. I like that, might even do it ourselves when our kids get a bit older!

lovely post, great to hear you're settling well Julz. Not even going to go there, with the "most be a something wrong with you brigade for returning to & liking the Uk!" & as for less helicopters in Yorkshire...?? What the...?!! Cant believe I left that off our checklist when deciding to return. ha! ha! We were away 10yrs, Nz & Oz, backpacked mostly & agree with so many comments on here, we changed, from 20 somethings to 30 somethings with x2 young kids & wanting something different to also the fact that Perth changed so much from when we first arrived the 5 yrs before, fab adventure but after 10 yrs away & being quite incredibly independent/self sufficient we decided to come back. Why? Family, yes, not to offload our parental duties but for the kids to know their grandparents/extended & have access. (we live at least an hour from them) None are "hands on" but kids enjoy spending time with them & seeing them at Christmas / summer hols etc.. The funny thing is, 14 yrs ago we were in the "England is going down the pan" camp, but then like I say 20 somethings looking for adventure, couldnt afford to buy a house etc, lived in a town, judged the whole UK on that x1 town!! Fast forward 12 yrs, returned to the UK, moved to a new area (well researched) & voila, our attitude has completely changed about the Uk, dont regret the time in Perth, but just didnt seem to be able to hold us as a family.......

Been where you are, it spins your head out! Is hardest because you are trying to make a decision for you all especially the kids. would only say, make sure it is a decision that is not only best for the kids but also that you as a couple/individuals benefit too. You as a couple are the backbone of the family unit. Might be a job opportunity/might be a hobby/setting up a small business from home/2nd income (e.g. we lurve the countryside/nature) or places you'd like to explore/visit but ultimately a focus/something to get your teeth stuck into. Takes time to re-settle & maybe after the honeymoon period, there maybe a stage of misplacement, (or what next) more so if you have been away awhile (10yrs in our case) but it does start coming together, 18mths in for us & has been challenging but starting to come together, find where we fit so to speak, tho' the kids found that early on which made the move so much easier. Good luck:)

sorry to hear of your situation, is a good idea to find a forum (like you have done) & create a support network of likeminded people in the same boat who understand what you are going through. Some great advice on here already, good idea to try & chunk your time so to speak & have something to work towards, short term & long term goals. e.g. could one of your short term plans be to go back to the UK annually? with a view to be working towards the long term goal of going back for good. I think if you have something to focus on, something to work towards it will help a bit & is another part of the coping mechanism. take care & best of luck:)

how frustrating & stressful for you, hope things get moving for you, good you get back for a holiday in June, best of luck:)

Good question! 1.) for the kids - know where they were from/know family/be able to go to family get togethers/weddings/etc. important events! 2.) eldest being able to start full time school 6 months earlier than the Perth system (he breezed in & lurved it from day 1!) 2.) loneliness & isolation - somehow became out of touch & lost our sense of belonging 3.) British culture - humour, alot softer 4.) all things green 5.) loads to see & do & events 6.) being able to access anything in the country by car 6.) Cooler temperature, ok the grey skies arent as appealing as a beautiful blue one, but just glad it doesnt stop us going out - heat-wise (crazy but true, are out most days, lurved the snow last year - well the kids did! 7.) new challenge - had a wonderful adventure in Oz but after 10 yrs away from Uk was just time to come "home!"

Gut feeling are everything & you have to trust yours. It is true to say 3 months isnt very long but then perhaps some people just know. I wasnt one of them, was away 10 yrs from Uk & arrived newly to Perth from Nz & fell pregnant with my first within a couple of months of arrving. First 3 yrs we were very happy & could never see ourselves going home. Once we had our 2nd, for lots of different reasons we struggled & suddenly we started to question why are we unhappy & are we here for the long term? One of our biggest challenges was, we had a 3&1/2 yr old clearly ready for more than what was available at the time & a baby. Moving anywhere is very challenging with x2 young children under school age. Is a time when you really do need an established network, more so if you have more than x1 child. It take a very long time to settle & build a new life, years really & really does depend on what you gave up in the UK for the move to Oz. Sometimes it takes going away to fully appreciate what you had. Put a plan together, work out how long you can/are willing to stay. Are you in an area where there are other young families? When we made the decision to return (based on gut feeling & that we felt after 10yrs we had achieved & been everywhere we had wanted too) incredible how negative people were whilst we were there. We did do lots of research & made sure that we addressed most of the issues, not saying that others came up that we hadnt allowed for! but bottom line is, the kids are happy & we are starting to find our feet. Had we of listened to some of the doommongers & stayed, I think we would have had regrets & been tied to somewhere we didnt really feel we belonged......

kids have thrived since being back (well more so my eldest, youngest was only a baby) been back 18mths. Depends on soooo much, isnt unfortu ately a black & white decision. If your kids are happy & you are, why move? If you know things are getting expensive, try & find ways around that. Thats the great think about emigrating you find you become incredibly resourceful. We returned to the Uk because we werent happy & wanted to change that & for our kids being back we have realised how much the UK does have to offer, is down to the parents & we are very much outdoors types & lurve the countryside etc... plus been away 10 yrs & seen most of Oz, had a fab time but wanted a fresh challenge! Not sure if the odds are stacked against you if you move because you think you should rather than because you are unhappy. Very much increases your likelyhood of being a ping pong, I think! Do some research as if you were going to go back & compare to what you have now. Definately returning to the Uk shouldn't be done on a whim, same as emmigrating to Oz. good luck:)

perhaps that "me" is the "how much you mean to me?" why take it negatively? Think I would prefer that, then a "oh well, see you later!" being truthful, is far better than to have simmering resentments. Least if these people can voice how they feel, open & honest conversations can be had & a sense of peace & understanding found, whilst working towards relationships being maintained. You just never know how things are going to go....

Returning to the Uk or any big move for that matter, is terribly overwhelming, so much to do & constant double guessing whether you are doing the right thing. I would take a letter from your GP, contact the airline, looking up customs on the Uk or even phone? all triple checks. When we rented on returning to the Uk, we paid 6mths rent upfront some may ask for a guarantor, ours didn't but needed someone to view property for us. Get a hard copy of your no claims bonus from your insurance company on "letter headed paper" before you leave (photocopy isnt enough) or a letter on headed paper stating he has a rate1. Everything in writing is key. There are a number of insurances that take Aussie no claims. Not sure if still the case but Privilege Insurance took ours 18mths ago. Not sure about the passport but in theory if he is on an "Aussie passport" he isnt entitled to work so would he be able to sign it? would it be legally binding? Is it a British passport he is waiting for? Have to say, we did ours thru AusPost & it took only a couple of weeks to come back. If you want to play it safe, could you wait? best of luck:)