Thirtyyearoldpom Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 Hi there, I've always come to this site for wise advice from time to time so thought I'd finally ask for some specific to my situation! If anyone could advise, provide suggestions it would be much appreciated :) Current situation: I moved from the UK to Oz on Working Holiday Visa in 2016 and 9 months in was fortunate enough to get sponsorship - i don't have a degree (I'm a ICT Business Analyst) so my company would need to sponsor me for residency (eligible in June) which take 1 - 1.5 years to process. At the same time i've turned 30 and a have a set of circumstances like many people here which feel like a tug of war between Oz and the UK! Oz situation: I never planned to move here but after being offered a 457 visa i thought i'd give it a chance. Here's the pro's/cons: I feel restricted on the Visa and as i need to go home twice a year it's become a big expense I've been waiting for the company to pay me at the salary level my Oz counterparts are paid at but still waiting a year after they said they would I have a chronic illness which has cost me nearly 10k in Oz to treat (that's after health insurance & medicare rebates) I can't afford to live alone so have been flat sharing On the PLUS side... Best boss and team i've ever had I live in Melbourne and love the culture, food, coffee etc. Health wise i get seen very quickly when i need to I'm so close to residency and that may give me more freedom in Oz Situation in UK: Since I've left the UK, my parents have moved to the Isle of Wight & my brother is having a baby. Here's the pro's/cons of going back: I'd be cutting an opportunity short to stay here in Oz Brexit, not sure what to say about this one as I'm still not clear what the impact is :/ The lifestyle isn't as easygoing The NHS is struggling, and I've been told already I'll need another op and fertility treatment (subject to meeting a man, having a baby etc) On the PLUS side... It's family and close friends (my mum is disabled and dad is 75 this year) Freedom to buy a house, choice over jobs, no visa complications I love the British culture and humor I want children and i want to be near my parents, so meeting a potential partner in the UK seems a better option The education and lifestyle for children (depending on where you live) I can have a second job again (use to sell art in the UK) Having more annual leave and going to Countries nearby i can take my family too Being there as family gets older to look after them and seeing the younger ones grow up It comes down to this - i need to start a family soon and have parents whose needs are only going to increase over the next few years. If i was in my early 20s i would stay and get residency as the goal in Australia has always been to have choice. On the other hand there's the present, and some of the wonderful people in my life who i want to be around when i start a family are in the UK. So it really comes down to timing. I can see from these feeds people feel the struggle of making the right decision and more importantly how they live with those decisions. So bring on the wise words! Many thanks, Amelia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 You may find you don't have an option - chronic illness costing the tax payer a lot of money is not likely to endear you to immigration and you may fail the medical - it's not the same as for a temporary visa. So, perhaps before you start agonising, you should talk to one of the agents who specialise in medical conditions to see if your condition is likely to preclude you getting a permanent visa. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 There are more pluses on the UK list so maybe that would be your best move. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip1 Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 Agree with a Quoll, you may not get an Australian visa. No one but you can decide what to do, you will just have to go with your heart. It would be a really good idea to speak with a migrant agent re your visa as if they say you’re unlikely to get one then your dilemma is over. Based on what you say your medical bills are that’s quite possible. I hope things work out for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoctorMum Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 Hi Amelia, it is tricky. No one can make the decision for you other than yourself - so whichever path you choose, think of the positives and things will always work out one way or another. All the best! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) I agree with others. Before trying to make the decision, book a consultation with a reputable MARA-registered agent and ask them to look at whether you're likely to pass the medical for the permanent visa. If you won't pass, then the decision is made for you. Anyway, have you considered what you'll do if you do get residency? Permanent residency is not citizenship. You may be thinking that once you've got PR, you can move back to the UK and then 10, 15, or 20 years in the future, you can always hop back to Australia if you feel like it. That's not how it works: with PR, if you stay away from Australia too long, you lose the right to return. If you want the freedom to move at any time, then you'll need to wait till you get PR, and then apply for citizenship, and then wait again for that to be granted - I'm not sure how long that takes. Another point to note - before they had children, some of my friends felt close to their parents, and some barely gave them a second thought. After having a baby, even the indifferent ones felt a much stronger pull to be close to family. So if you feel a need to be close to them now, imagine how you'll feel when you're a mother. Edited January 6, 2019 by Marisawright 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 It feels like one of the driving forces is the desire to start a family - you mention that you haven't met anyone yet - there's the whole thing of if you meet an Aussie and have a child, just returning to the UK won't be a simple option - your aussie partner may not get a visa and you couldn't return on your own with a child unless they agreed. As others have said, your health care needs may be a barrier to you getting a PR visa - you need to explore that as it may be that option is removed from the equation. Good luck x 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 As other posters have mentioned, you must check first to see if your medical condition will prevent you from being eligible for PR. Where as you have to pay a lot extra for your treatment here, would this be free on the NHS? Financially that could also affect your decision, having to pay long term for treatment here if not covered by you private health, becomes more worrying as time goes on. My daughter has health problems, but luckily they didn’t impact on her getting PR, but some weeks after paying to see her specialist, having check ups and paying for her prescriptions, money is very tight, and her annual costs are much less than yours. Wish you all the best with your decision. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thirtyyearoldpom Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 Thanks for the responses, it's good to get subjective feedback! Re residency, good point on the health side of things. I've already chatted with the visa agency and gone through the records which they said won't have an impact as my condition (endometriosis) isn't considered a long term risk like other types. As for children, i cannot imagine not being near my parents. And for my mum to fly out here we're still trying to figure out how we can accommodate her disability. Please can I ask for anyone who has been in the scenario of wanting/having children then having parents need more care what you find helped or how you coped? Many thanks, it's so nice to hear people share their experiences and view on this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 Wouldn't have a baby in the UK if you held me at gunpoint frankly! The care and treatment here in Melbourne is so, so much better. 1 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 (edited) 4 hours ago, Thirtyyearoldpom said: Thanks for the responses, it's good to get subjective feedback! Re residency, good point on the health side of things. I've already chatted with the visa agency and gone through the records which they said won't have an impact as my condition (endometriosis) isn't considered a long term risk like other types. As for children, i cannot imagine not being near my parents. And for my mum to fly out here we're still trying to figure out how we can accommodate her disability. Please can I ask for anyone who has been in the scenario of wanting/having children then having parents need more care what you find helped or how you coped? Many thanks, it's so nice to hear people share their experiences and view on this If you can’t imagine not being near your parents when you have kids then go home. If your mum has a disability then even visiting you for a short period is going to cost her a lot of money with travel insurance just for starters. There’s nothing wrong with either place, it’s not like you’re tossing up between one first world country and a third world hell hole. Neither is inherently better than the other. As the others have said, don’t even think if having a child with an Aussie partner because then the chances of you leaving if you want to are reduced to zero if there is any dispute between you (read up in The Hague Convention). To raise kids in isolation on the other side of the world requires a good deal of self reliance and a healthy dose of selfishness. Is it easy? Sure, as long as you don’t need the support of other people other than your own little family unit. Edited to say - well beyond the age of having kids but parents needing support - yup, we just didn’t return to Australia after one holiday when it was obvious to blind Freddie that my olds weren’t going to make it on their own. Only child, no alternative! Edited January 6, 2019 by Quoll 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 4 hours ago, Thirtyyearoldpom said: Thanks for the responses, it's good to get subjective feedback! Re residency, good point on the health side of things. I've already chatted with the visa agency and gone through the records which they said won't have an impact as my condition (endometriosis) isn't considered a long term risk like other types. As for children, i cannot imagine not being near my parents. And for my mum to fly out here we're still trying to figure out how we can accommodate her disability. Please can I ask for anyone who has been in the scenario of wanting/having children then having parents need more care what you find helped or how you coped? Many thanks, it's so nice to hear people share their experiences and view on this I actually think much of the feedback has been objective rather than subjective. Reading your pros and cons I have to say that I am not sure why you are even hesitating. In order to plough a route to citizenship (which is your only chance of having future “options”) then you are certainly going to have to commit to living in Oz for at least another 5 years. So unless you are prepared to wait until your late 30s to even consider starting a family (in the UK) then your decision is made for you really. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 36 minutes ago, starlight7 said: Wouldn't have a baby in the UK if you held me at gunpoint frankly! The care and treatment here in Melbourne is so, so much better. What a ridiculous comment. Are you imagining armed personnel marching women to maternity wards to give birth? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KLeanne Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 Looking at your pro's list on the UK side, it seems you have already answered your own question :) good luck 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip1 Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 2 hours ago, starlight7 said: Wouldn't have a baby in the UK if you held me at gunpoint frankly! The care and treatment here in Melbourne is so, so much better. I’m surprised, I have had babies in the uk and my treatment was nothing but first class. The NHS is known as one of the best in the world and the UK medical advances must be up there with the best so why wouldn’t even being held at gun point make you use it? The biggest issues with the NHS seems to be waiting lists. Things that aren’t urgent can get put on hold. However anything that can’t wait and babies being delivered are one of them then the care is there straight away. I know a great number of people who have had babies in the uk and I can’t think of anyone saying it was that terrible. Maybe you were unlucky, how many babies have you had in the uk compared to in Melbourne. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 11 hours ago, Tulip1 said: I’m surprised, I have had babies in the uk and my treatment was nothing but first class. The NHS is known as one of the best in the world and the UK medical advances must be up there with the best so why wouldn’t even being held at gun point make you use it? The biggest issues with the NHS seems to be waiting lists. Things that aren’t urgent can get put on hold. However anything that can’t wait and babies being delivered are one of them then the care is there straight away. I know a great number of people who have had babies in the uk and I can’t think of anyone saying it was that terrible. Maybe you were unlucky, how many babies have you had in the uk compared to in Melbourne. All my UK friends and relatives had first class care when delivering their babies in the UK. I went to visit a cousin's daughter when she had just had her baby last time I was back in Scotland and was impressed with the maternity care. She also had a small room of her own with a little bathroom all on the NHS. I dare say it depends on the area and how busy the hospitals are and how well staffed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s713 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Reading the OP, I think you already know the answer to this one! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacGyver Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 10 hours ago, s713 said: Reading the OP, I think you already know the answer to this one! I tend to agree with s713 - my reading of your post was "I want to have kids near my parents" - there's only one place you can do that Someone helped me make a decision once by framing it in terms of regret to tease out my feelings on the matter. If you went back to the UK to live and couldn't return to Australia (visa issues), would you regret it in 10 years? If you stayed in Australia and couldn't return to the UK to live (Aussie partner and kid), would you regret it in 10 years? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 The after care for new mothers is better but the actual birth care- no way. Awful. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 16 minutes ago, starlight7 said: The after care for new mothers is better but the actual birth care- no way. Awful. Based on your own care when having kids, or on your experience working in th area in the UK? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 I can’t say what you should do but I’ll tell you my experience, I came to Aus when I was 21 and met my partner. I’m now 30. He has a very good job we have a lovely house friends great lifestyle etc. we had a child which was our dream and wasn’t easy to become pregnant. I was hit with a shock of having terrible post natal depression and a massive part of that was being here alone without my family. 3 years later we have applied to go back to the uk. I’m worried about family as they get older as they don’t have great health and in all honestly I just miss them too much and the distance and expense between us is a lot. I also don’t want to have another child here in Aus where I’ll be alone. And my children have no family. I have waited a year to get my citizenship though before hand. this has set us back and we are going to have to wait longer to have another child but my partner said it was A must for me to get it as I’m sure he may want to come back and so we have the option to return as a family. I understand why you feel the way you do and are in the situation. I hope you figure out what’s best for you good luck 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) Ps- you can have a good or bad experience when it comes to having a baby anywhere . Everyone has a different exlericece. I had a terrible birth experience here is Aus down to bad care but sometimes these things happen you can’t let that sway you. But I also have wonderful aftercare down to one particular midwife. It’s like luck of the draw Edited January 14, 2019 by Jemvin 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simmo Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I can't help with the visa aspects but I wish you the best of luck getting to build a new life in the UK. Its a wonderful place to live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bumblebee Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 I've had two children in Australia away from any family and I will truly always regret it. When I think of the loneliness of having no one to share such a wonderful experience like having a baby, no one to visit, and just not being able to share my baby with the people I love it brings tears. I've just moved back after 10+ years and only a week in its lovely being with family and seeing the kids with everyone. Family is so important. Belonging is so.important. if you can't imagine having kids without family don't. Don't contemplate it. I thought it would be OK, that people would visit etc etc but it's simply not the same. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinker78 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 The answer is absolutely yes. Time goes so fast and the pull of family only increases if you're the kind of person who likes or needs their family. Plenty of us have had kids down under and it's absolutely no fun. It's no fun in the early years, when all you want is someone to help you or give you a bit of a break or share the good and bad. It's no fun as your kids grow and there's no family around to watch them grow or love them. It's lonely and no amount of sunshine makes up for it. I can only say, I returned when my child was 5 and i've never for one moment regretted it. The bond they now have with my family is something unachievable on skype and the odd holiday. The baby years were a blur as i was so tired with no back up. I received good maternity care in Australia, and depending on where you live in the UK, you can get crap or good care. Same in Australia. Friends had shocking care in some parts of Aus, some friends crap care in the UK. The NHS is under significant strain, but some public hospitals in Aus are also on the poor side. I came back 3.5 years ago and i've had a wonderful time. I've never laughed so much. Or done so much. I am not rose tinted though as the UK is going through a really hard time. Austerity has almost destroyed it, and yet it's home. It can be hard here, depending on your circumstances, but family and friends make up for any gripes. I have never thought about going back to Australia to live, although occasionally I feel i'd like to visit. I wish you luck and hope you can come to a decision soon x 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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