Is it reckless to go?

[Jools1973]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband and I have been in Melbourne for 9 years, both work full time and rent close to the City. Sadly & strangely even after all this time we still don't feel 'at home' and struggle to find much we relish here. This is not through lack of trying. We go out a fair bit as we are childless, visit any exhibitions that come to town and take trips out into the countryside/down the beach but something is lacking. I can only describe it as an underlying emptiness or a slightly panicky feeling of somehow wasting my life being in the wrong place and not fitting in.

 

To be honest I would have gone back after a year but we had dogs (only one elderly boy of 16 left now) and we didn't want to put them through another long haul flight as they seemed to find the trip over and quarantine etc quite traumatic. Also, we thought we should give it a good go after making such a big and expensive move.

 

It's been a decade of ups and downs with job & financial issues and a couple of serious health scares in the mix (something that brought home life is short & should we really be living it in a place we don't like). Plus we've only been able to make it back to visit family and old friends twice which hasn't helped.

 

Anyway we are looking at heading home to UK in about 18 months and I am totally overjoyed at the thought. However, at the same time being a natural born worrier I am anxious about leaving well paid, secure jobs here. Looking online it seems I will probably earn at least a third less than I do now. We are not Spring chickens either being in our forties (althougb we are quite well preserved/pickled :laugh:) so am a bit concerned this might work against us. If i was a decade younger I wouldn't think twice.

 

I guess I'm looking for some validation. Are we doing the right thing taking the plunge and heading back to where we feel we belong but where we have no financial guarantees, after all nothing ventured nothing gained. Or at our age should we be 'sensible' and stay slightly unhappy but financially secure for the unforseeable future??

 

Thanks for any input!

[JockinTas]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband and I have been in Melbourne for 9 years, both work full time and rent close to the City. Sadly & strangely even after all this time we still don't feel 'at home' and struggle to find much we relish here. This is not through lack of trying. We go out a fair bit as we are childless, visit any exhibitions that come to town and take trips out into the countryside/down the beach but something is lacking. I can only describe it as an underlying emptiness or a slightly panicky feeling of somehow wasting my life being in the wrong place and not fitting in.

 

To be honest I would have gone back after a year but we had dogs (only one elderly boy of 16 left now) and we didn't want to put them through another long haul flight as they seemed to find the trip over and quarantine etc quite traumatic. Also, we thought we should give it a good go after making such a big and expensive move.

 

It's been a decade of ups and downs with job & financial issues and a couple of serious health scares in the mix (something that brought home life is short & should we really be living it in a place we don't like). Plus we've only been able to make it back to visit family and old friends twice which hasn't helped.

 

Anyway we are looking at heading home to UK in about 18 months and I am totally overjoyed at the thought. However, at the same time being a natural born worrier I am anxious about leaving well paid, secure jobs here. Looking online it seems I will probably earn at least a third less than I do now. We are not Spring chickens either being in our forties (althougb we are quite well preserved/pickled :laugh:) so am a bit concerned this might work against us. If i was a decade younger I wouldn't think twice.

 

I guess I'm looking for some validation. Are we doing the right thing taking the plunge and heading back to where we feel we belong but where we have no financial guarantees, after all nothing ventured nothing gained. Or at our age should we be 'sensible' and stay slightly unhappy but financially secure for the unforseeable future??

 

Thanks for any input!

 

Sorry you feel you have never fitted in - seems to happen to a lot of migrants. I suppose you have to weigh up leaving your well paid secure jobs with the hope of feeling far happier in the UK. According to a number of returnees, they easily found work and are settled very happily back in England/Scotland.

 

Personally if I felt the way you do I would have returned for sure. Luckily I've been happy here but always enjoy my UK holidays.

 

By the way, you are only in your 40's. To me you're a spring chicken. :smile:

Edited October 31, 2016 by JockinTas

[george70]

I was glad I read your post as your situation is almost exactly the same as ours, minus the health scares thankfully and the fact that we are in Perth. Other than that, everything else resonates.

We have had our doubts about going back at mid-40s but, reading your post, I had an overwhelming feeling of 'just go for it' so, I really should take my own advice. My wife is having second thoughts but I am hoping that is just wobbles along the way.

Good luck.

[LKC]

We are in a similar situation after eight years in Sydney. I love Australia, and I love Sydney, we've had an amazing experience, and we have been happy here. However, as time goes on I feel less and less like I belong here, where I'd expected to feel more at home the longer I stayed. I'm in my early forties (OH a bit younger) and we have two primary school aged kids, which does complicate things somewhat. I totally 'get' what you are saying about feeling like you are wasting your life being in the wrong place and not fitting in. That is EXACTLY how I feel! We had a visit back to the UK recently which made me feel even more sure, and allowed me the opportunity to broach the subject of returning to the UK with my OH, and he agrees that he can't really see himself growing old here - and this is a man who once said the only way he'd go back is in handcuffs or a coffin! We have broached the subject with the kids, and they didn't seem absolutely against the idea, so we've plenty to think and talk about. I have similar concerns about our financial situation. My OH has only just recently started earning a good salary, after taking a (huge) step backwards when we moved here. If we moved back to the UK he would be taking a step backwards again and I'm worried that we'll have to struggle again.

 

I was talking about it all with my physio this morning, and she said that if she were in the situation she'd write a five year plan. Imagine five years have gone by, and then imagine the two scenarios - stay in Australia versus move back to the UK. At a guess, if you do that it will be clear where you do and don't want to be, as you are getting towards your fifties.

[suesmalls]

Hi There, I am also in similar situation and age - I'm 48 in December and OH 40. We are moving back and going through all kinds of stress and effort to get house ready for sale in Perth. We have overcapitalised and house sales are poor so it will be a double whammy. Plus we will not be able to take everything with us so will be rebuilding and not sure how. I'll be leaving a well paid job and walking into who knows what. Very uncertain future, all my Super is in Australia, and will now not get Australian pension (or part thereof as I've worked 32 yrs from age of 16), super will get taxed in UK, be going with no cash behind us, stress my 2 elderly cats (that's my biggest concern) and leaving a beautiful climate and a very large beautiful home that I've spent 17 yrs trying to get right and garden each weekend. (and yet we still have heaps of painting and decluttering to do, lol).

 

But we're still doing it as OH is missing his family too much, all we do here is work, don't go out and have no friends or family. So after all the negatives there is still a drive to make a change and make a go. I know that it won't be all roses and it will be more upheaval and hard work to get settled and start again. But we're hoping with family support we can make a go of it.

 

I do wake up some nights with anxiety and not sure why or how it's going to work, but I know that if we stay my OH will eventually become so depressed that it wouldn't be worth staying.

 

My OH has only been back a few times as family generally comes here - it works out better as they get the hot weather and pool side vacation. It tears at him each time they visit or he goes there - he is kind of person that rather not visit as he can't bear the goodbyes.

 

I'm not sure if that helped but I do feel there are quite a few people in similar situations that realise at this age is it time to make a change and going through lots of anxiety and questioning your decision. I worked in resource industry so globally it's taken a big hit so I don't even know what kind of work I'll be looking for.

I just know we've got to make this work and I'll be doing my best to make that happen - even with all the unknowns and anxiety.

 

We've been talking about it for some time and even though we're heading that way - I have found the more drawn out the timeline is, it can cause some moments along the way. Of cause there are reasons why we can't all just pack up and go tomorrow and need to plan it out - just thought I'd mention it as someone told me to be prepared for ups and downs along the way and they were right.

 

Good luck and thanks for sharing x

Edited October 31, 2016 by suesmalls

[akiralx]

We are in a similar boat, me 50, OH 46, child-free and been in Melbourne for 7 years, we are happily employed (though I don't really value my job), own our own house, go on plenty of outings and enjoy the country but social interaction is rare, owing to our lack of friends here: she has a few, I have none. But our life here is pretty good, though we are no happier than when we lived in a northern UK city, where of course we had a wider circle of friends.

 

I don't think we have seriously considered going back owing to the cost/upheaval and problems getting employment in the UK at my age. I am really planning our finances around retiring here. What sort of life the survivor will have when one of us dies does worry me though...

[LKC]

We are in a similar boat, me 50, OH 46, child-free and been in Melbourne for 7 years, we are happily employed (though I don't really value my job), own our own house, go on plenty of outings and enjoy the country but social interaction is rare, owing to our lack of friends here: she has a few, I have none. But our life here is pretty good, though we are no happier than when we lived in a northern UK city, where of course we had a wider circle of friends.

 

I don't think we have seriously considered going back owing to the cost/upheaval and problems getting employment in the UK at my age. I am really planning our finances around retiring here. What sort of life the survivor will have when one of us dies does worry me though...

 

Same thing here, but in our case what if one of us dies and leaves the other with two kids on their own, or we both die and leave the kids on their own? I don't plan to go any time soon, but you don't know what is around the corner. My MIL had treatment for breast cancer earlier this year (she should be fine) so that is something which has been playing on my mind somewhat recently. Also, what if family need us? I would have liked to have been there in person for my MIL, rather than at the other end of the phone.

[newjez]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband and I have been in Melbourne for 9 years, both work full time and rent close to the City. Sadly & strangely even after all this time we still don't feel 'at home' and struggle to find much we relish here. This is not through lack of trying. We go out a fair bit as we are childless, visit any exhibitions that come to town and take trips out into the countryside/down the beach but something is lacking. I can only describe it as an underlying emptiness or a slightly panicky feeling of somehow wasting my life being in the wrong place and not fitting in.

 

To be honest I would have gone back after a year but we had dogs (only one elderly boy of 16 left now) and we didn't want to put them through another long haul flight as they seemed to find the trip over and quarantine etc quite traumatic. Also, we thought we should give it a good go after making such a big and expensive move.

 

It's been a decade of ups and downs with job & financial issues and a couple of serious health scares in the mix (something that brought home life is short & should we really be living it in a place we don't like). Plus we've only been able to make it back to visit family and old friends twice which hasn't helped.

 

Anyway we are looking at heading home to UK in about 18 months and I am totally overjoyed at the thought. However, at the same time being a natural born worrier I am anxious about leaving well paid, secure jobs here. Looking online it seems I will probably earn at least a third less than I do now. We are not Spring chickens either being in our forties (althougb we are quite well preserved/pickled :laugh:) so am a bit concerned this might work against us. If i was a decade younger I wouldn't think twice.

 

I guess I'm looking for some validation. Are we doing the right thing taking the plunge and heading back to where we feel we belong but where we have no financial guarantees, after all nothing ventured nothing gained. Or at our age should we be 'sensible' and stay slightly unhappy but financially secure for the unforseeable future??

 

Thanks for any input!

 

Unusual that you would earn that much less, what do you do?

[ramot]

We are in a similar boat, me 50, OH 46, child-free and been in Melbourne for 7 years, we are happily employed (though I don't really value my job), own our own house, go on plenty of outings and enjoy the country but social interaction is rare, owing to our lack of friends here: she has a few, I have none. But our life here is pretty good, though we are no happier than when we lived in a northern UK city, where of course we had a wider circle of friends.

 

I don't think we have seriously considered going back owing to the cost/upheaval and problems getting employment in the UK at my age. I am really planning our finances around retiring here. What sort of life the survivor will have when one of us dies does worry me though...

 

We retired to Oz after working in Asia, our 3 children were in UK, but we weren't ready to go back to UK, also ours were scattered so there was no where obvious to return to, so thought why not Oz for a few years.

We struck lucky moving to the Sunshine Coast, as a retiree you never need to be bored, here and we have found most people very welcoming and supportive of each other, especially for those who are single who seem to support each other, and don't tend to feel left out.

 

A few years after we arrived, we had good UK friends staying, and it was the worst scenario possible as the husband sadly died of a heart attack while here.

 

It made us have a serious think about our future, should we be faced with whether to stay if one on our own, or would the one left go back to UK.

We both decided that we had made our life here, and as far as we could say then would stay.

 

Unexpectedly 2 of our children have since settled here in Oz, and as neither of them have any intention of returning to UK, we intend staying here.

[VERYSTORMY]

We moved back in March after 8 years in WA. We are also mid 40's with no children and a dog.

 

We were pretty shot financially by the time came due to me not having regular work for 18 months prior to the move. We had very little cash left by then. Enough to pay flights and things and initial rent on a small apartment, though I did secure a job back here prior to the move. But, we couldn't afford to ship furniture so, we landed at Heathrow with a suitcase each and half a dozen boxes of personal items being shipped.

 

It was a bit daunting, but we knew it was the right thing to do and we just had to laugh at our situation. I always remember one of the first days back and my wife making some soup for lunch and us both laughing when it came time to serve as we had forgot we didn't own a bowl. But, fast track to today and we are pretty much settled. There are still things we could do with, though nothing super urgent that we can't live without. We are settled and happy in a little cottage in the country. I am working, and yes, earn a fraction of what I had in Oz, but, we are actually better off - the savings account is looking healthy and next year we will buy a home.

 

Our little fury fury member of the family isn't as elderly as yours, but a very nervous little thing and he coped fine. There is no quarantine coming this way, so, we collected him from his flight and other than having a bit of jet lag for a few days, he settled fine.

 

We are happy and settled and enjoying life. We see friends and family which has been wonderful and enjoy what the UK has to offer.

[Bungo]

We moved back 22 months ago when I was nearly 46 and OH 42. We we're perfectly settled and content but we were still renting and as a childless couple I did sometimes look to the future and only ever see the two of us, which was a factor, not the main one but a factor. In the end we moved back after perhaps a much more practical assessment than it is for some.

 

I think we moved at the right time, I wouldn't have minded a few more years in Australia but we thought moving back in our 40s would make more sense than moving back in 50s because of work, both the ability to find it plus building up a bit more pension back here. Work has been readily available by the way.

 

From what you have said, it would appear to make sense to move back in your case, probably more than it was in our case (as we did not struggle with any sense of belonging or the like). Life is too short.

[starlight7]

To put it simply I think you need to be where your heart says you need to be. All the amount of money in the world is no good to you if you feel like a square peg in a round hole. Good luck to you both!

[Martinbjulieb]

Hi @Bathbound, reckless maybe but so obviously necessary. You practically describe our life to a tee! We have been in Perth 9 years and have the feelings of emptiness and feeling that we are wasting our life here. I am 49 and my husband is 51 and we are heading back to the UK as soon as our house is sold. We have two children aged 13 and 11 and a dog! The thought of staying here much longer terrifies me and the thought of growing old (older) here is just too much! We can't wait to go back and feel that sense of belonging that we are missing right now. I am not saying that we have always been unhappy here as we have had a great family adventure, but the last few years have been hellish. We will be moving to central England somewhere. Some friends back home have said to me "why are you moving, your house looks beautiful" but there is more to life than a beautiful house. We are pretty sure we will get a beautiful house in England and have lush green countryside too!! You will get validation on here but you also for people who will tell you to stay, only you can decide what is right for YOU! We wish you lots of luck with your decision. It has taken us a couple of years to get to where we are now. If you want any advice or help let us know, we have done heaps of research!

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Quoll]

If you still feel like an alien it isn't going to get any better!

 

We came on holiday 5 years ago and never returned because of elderly parents and as soon as we arrived the wheels fell off their wagon. We have never been in a position of wanting work but both of us have been offered jobs from time to time and I don't know if anyone around here at least who wants work but can't get it - maybe not the ideal position in the first instance but once you have a job is easier to get a job!

 

Life is an adventure, not a sentence so if you've got your passports for both places you lose nothing but money.

 

Good luck with the decision!

[Fisher1]

if you want to return to the UK you should do it. Being in your forties is still quite young!!! Trust me it is ... My parents moved to north wales in their late forties with every penny invested in a small guest house and a very small police pension between them, my sister and I, and what was then called 'national assistance.' My mum often talked about the nights she paced the floor before the big move, but they wanted a different life and they went for it, despite my dads brother telling him he was being irresponsible! Sometimes you just have to go with your heart and trust things will work out.

 

My husband and I are currently planning the big move to Australia and we are in our sixties. We're going because our daughter and grandson are there, and are leaving in the face of countless colly wobbles about the falling pound, pension difficulties etc etc because we know that's what we want to do.

 

I hope you find the courage to leave ... I'm sure you'll be glad you did.

Edited October 31, 2016 by Fisher1

[Antipodista]

To put it simply I think you need to be where your heart says you need to be. All the amount of money in the world is no good to you if you feel like a square peg in a round hole. Good luck to you both!

Couldn't agree more! Go for it, and good luck

[Wa7]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband and I have been in Melbourne for 9 years, both work full time and rent close to the City. Sadly & strangely even after all this time we still don't feel 'at home' and struggle to find much we relish here. This is not through lack of trying. We go out a fair bit as we are childless, visit any exhibitions that come to town and take trips out into the countryside/down the beach but something is lacking. I can only describe it as an underlying emptiness or a slightly panicky feeling of somehow wasting my life being in the wrong place and not fitting in.

 

To be honest I would have gone back after a year but we had dogs (only one elderly boy of 16 left now) and we didn't want to put them through another long haul flight as they seemed to find the trip over and quarantine etc quite traumatic. Also, we thought we should give it a good go after making such a big and expensive move.

 

It's been a decade of ups and downs with job & financial issues and a couple of serious health scares in the mix (something that brought home life is short & should we really be living it in a place we don't like). Plus we've only been able to make it back to visit family and old friends twice which hasn't helped.

 

Anyway we are looking at heading home to UK in about 18 months and I am totally overjoyed at the thought. However, at the same time being a natural born worrier I am anxious about leaving well paid, secure jobs here. Looking online it seems I will probably earn at least a third less than I do now. We are not Spring chickens either being in our forties (althougb we are quite well preserved/pickled :laugh:) so am a bit concerned this might work against us. If i was a decade younger I wouldn't think twice.

 

I guess I'm looking for some validation. Are we doing the right thing taking the plunge and heading back to where we feel we belong but where we have no financial guarantees, after all nothing ventured nothing gained. Or at our age should we be 'sensible' and stay slightly unhappy but financially secure for the unforseeable future??

 

Thanks for any input!

 

Something in your gut is telling something is not right, do you trust your instincts?? We have been here a bit longer but are in a similar situation, working and live a very comfortable life but it's not doing it for us. We don't have a great dislike of it here it just lacks the social thing for us and it's all getting a bit Groundhog Day now. We are early 40s and just know we don't want to having this conversation in are 50s. Just get your Aus passports just in case?? The financial side of the decision is something only you can get your head round but nothing is guaranteed anywhere. Best wishes

[Guest BigJon]

We decided to move back to Europe about a month ago after a long vacation and kind of reaching a crossroads in our lives. We have been in Perth for 15 years after arriving on a business visa. We raised both our kids here who are now adults and have both flown the nest. We both love the beaches and the weather, the food is good, its clean and safe. For me Perth is like a really nice chocolate box tied with ribbons and bows - but then when you open it up there is absolutely nothing inside. We are both in our 50's and could quite easily live the rest of our days here - doing the same things we have for the past 15 years. But that would mean living a safe, monotone, steady, sterile existence. There is much more to life than that. It is not so much the UK that we miss, it is the fact that in Europe you are at the centre of culture, art, diversity and history. Flights within Europe are now so so cheap - but it's not even that - it's the very possibility that for 50 quid you can travel to another country in less than an hour even if you never go. The tyranny of distance and the incredible cost of internal air travel here plays a huge part in our decision to relocate. For us it is no longer about accumulating money or success - it's about accumulating experiences with family and friends. It's not a rehearsal - go where your instincts lead you.

[BacktoDemocracy]

Well very interesting to read other peoples experiences, especially how people fell out of love with the country after initially loving it and how it seemed to be around the 7-9 year mark, I thought I was making a very odd decision but to hear people making the same statements,'I'm only going out of here in my coffin,' is very reassuring, we left after 9 years and still miss the weather and the open spaces.

I just got to the point where I felt a real disconnect with the country and how it operated and how bureaucratic it is, it is beautiful but at the same time some how lacking in complexities and depth, so interesting to hear other people expressing it, especially people who I rarely see posting.

 

We returned 30 months ago, the downsides are the cost of housing and how small they are, how crowded it is after Australia and the weather, upside is my pension jumped 40% as it was index linked again, my wife got a well paid job after 6 months and now 2 years later is retraining as a psychotherapist at a university in commuting distance.

 

There are a couple of things that I would flag up tho, employment protection has been whittled down hugely so bosses expectations are huge and some managers indulge in a lot of bullying because they know staff have few avenues to take action through and people are desperate to hang onto jobs, some of the reasons my wife is retraining, she will be an independent consultant at the end.

 

The other thing is the price of housing close to employment centres.

 

One other thing that I noticed as I read thro was, do people realise the pension scheme here has changed completely in terms of years to pay in and equalisation of ages at 67 to receive it and is everyone across that your super has to stay in Australia until vesting age.

Edited October 31, 2016 by BacktoDemocracy

[BacktoDemocracy]

We decided to move back to Europe about a month ago after a long vacation and kind of reaching a crossroads in our lives. We have been in Perth for 15 years after arriving on a business visa. We raised both our kids here who are now adults and have both flown the nest. We both love the beaches and the weather, the food is good, its clean and safe. For me Perth is like a really nice chocolate box tied with ribbons and bows - but then when you open it up there is absolutely nothing inside. We are both in our 50's and could quite easily live the rest of our days here - doing the same things we have for the past 15 years. But that would mean living a safe, monotone, steady, sterile existence. There is much more to life than that. It is not so much the UK that we miss, it is the fact that in Europe you are at the centre of culture, art, diversity and history. Flights within Europe are now so so cheap - but it's not even that - it's the very possibility that for 50 quid you can travel to another country in less than an hour even if you never go. The tyranny of distance and the incredible cost of internal air travel here plays a huge part in our decision to relocate. For us it is no longer about accumulating money or success - it's about accumulating experiences with family and friends. It's not a rehearsal - go where your instincts lead you.

I agree with everything you say and relate to it but I would just highlight the devaluation of the pound and the effect on Euro pound exchange rate, it is making Europe about 18-20% more expensive, it's a bit of a downer.

[Home and Happy]

Been home a number years ourselves after doing around a similar amount years in Perth.

 

Its not reckless, this is your life and you should not have to endure anything which makes you unhappy. Grinning and bearing it is really not a very clever thing to do, bit of a mugs game that, really. If you don't like it, and assuming that you can afford to move back home, I say go for it.

 

Britain is not without its share of problems but it is still a far better place than Australia for us at least.

 

Some of the pommies we knew were packing up and leaving also (for various reasons) but they were all basically saying the same old stuff- lonely and missing family & friends, lack of jobs/opportunities, expensive/no money to spend, bored teenage kids, isolated location of Perth etc.

 

I suppose nothing can ever prepare you for migration.

 

If its not working, its never going to work.

[Beaty]

You need change, time to stop talking, and start makin' it happen.

 

B

[bristolman]

To the OP, no it isn't in the least bit reckless. I grew up in Australia but always felt the pull of the UK and made the permanent move back over 4 years ago. We have a nice big house in a lovely area, very rural and not at all crowded and there is plenty of work around. If you don't fit where you are leave.

[Home and Happy]

You need change, time to stop talking, and start makin' it happen.

 

B

 

Well done Beaty, just tell it like it is.

 

Words into action, just do it.

[BacktoDemocracy]

To the OP, no it isn't in the least bit reckless. I grew up in Australia but always felt the pull of the UK and made the permanent move back over 4 years ago. We have a nice big house in a lovely area, very rural and not at all crowded and there is plenty of work around. If you don't fit where you are leave.

 

Bristolman I think it would be helpful for the poster to let them know the work you do and where you live so that they can make a judgement about how representative your situation is of the UK because I feel that you might be a little over enthusiastic about the benefits of the UK, people need realism at this time of trying to make momentus decisions.