Guest Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 It seems strange to me that your only choice is either to socialise with your PARTNER'S friends, or not at all. You mentioned that you used to have some active hobbies, which would give you opportunities to interact with other people outside your oh's circle and make your own friends - in the British expat community if that's what you prefer. If I was your oh I'd be sick with worry about you. To be honest, I think she's more likely sick of the sight of me! Seriously though, I'm very appreciative for your concern, but I am fine thanks. Re making friends, I don't think that many people in Melbourne would want to be mates with a bloke who doesn't like the city (and country) that they love, and I don't like to upset people by saying the wrong thing. When we came over to Australia in 2008 I naively thought that we'd only be here for a year or two before heading home and resuming the lives that we lived in England (got that one a bit wrong!), so I never sought to invest time in making friends. I was 40 when we came out here and I had (and still have) a great circle of friends back home, and so giving them up for new people at that time in my life felt disloyal and a betrayal of who I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Changed my mind, opened a nice NZ Sauv Blanc. I'm enjoying the NZ wines just lately. I bought a half price cask for my Stepmum because she insists on ruining wine by adding lemonade to it...told her she can't have any of my good stuff if she's going to do that...I asked the guy in the bottlo if it was rubbish (as it was so cheap) he said it was too expensive for those who usually go for cask wine..lol...so goes out of date as it doesn't sell.....quite a good drop he said. Stepmum won't care once there's some R Whites in it... Sav Blanc is my favourite now, I'm over the Chardy. Oyster Bay is really nice and not too expensive. Don't let your mum put lemonade in it- hide it. And that's another point of difference. Aussies have better taste in wines! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 EW - try a completely new set of friends- join something you are interested in where you know no one. I reckon you will be pleasantly surprised. You sound like a decent enough person to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 And that's another point of difference. Aussies have better taste in wines! :biglaugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I drink SB if I'm drinking white. I had an amazing Margaret River Cab Sav the other day, Howling Wolves. Devine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 [/b]To be honest, I think she's more likely sick of the sight of me! Seriously though, I'm very appreciative for your concern, but I am fine thanks. Re making friends, I don't think that many people in Melbourne would want to be mates with a bloke who doesn't like the city (and country) that they love, and I don't like to upset people by saying the wrong thing. When we came over to Australia in 2008 I naively thought that we'd only be here for a year or two before heading home and resuming the lives that we lived in England (got that one a bit wrong!), so I never sought to invest time in making friends. I was 40 when we came out here and I had (and still have) a great circle of friends back home, and so giving them up for new people at that time in my life felt disloyal and a betrayal of who I am. It's not a betrayal EW, it's your life, evolving. Your friends back in the UK would not want you to be unhappy. They would miss you and cherish your ongoing friendship. My friends back in England are more important to me than ever after 7 years of separation...but I also know how crucial it is that I nurture my friendships here too. They don't share the same history...how could they..but we share 'something' life brought us together...friends are meant to enhance our lives..at all stages...it's never 'too late' to make a new friend, nor should it be 'forced'...they come to us at the right time and sometimes they are transient, sometimes they stick around. Be open to it EW, you will reap the rewards. I feel you have much to offer (not to be patronizing) but moving on is good for the soul. It doesn't mean we are disloyal to those we met first. They are the original....but life demands we move along with it..and we miss out on so much if we don't live for NOW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Perhaps, but IMHO the post was not a "throw away line" penned in a moment of despair from someone who was suffering. It was clearly well thought out and scripted with maximum venom. The vent is understandable, (and perhaps forgiveable) if one is in a "dark place" and to feel as the OP does, but what isn't understandable and deserving of empathy (IMHO) is the fact that the very same vent, tars those who are not in the same dark place as the OP as being somehow moronic. IMHO the post was not a plea for understanding/empathy, nor simply a vent, but clearly an arrogant rant aimed at being totally dismissive of, and abusing towards, those who don't feel the same way as they do Yep I get all that Kev,but being compassionate is kinder on yourself than perhaps allowing a poster to upset you isn't it?To my way of thinking,the OP sounded quite angry and disappointed,and so was suffering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Op has decided the uk us a better quality of life for him....so what? We are all different and what suits one does not suit another.....some love oz some dislike it and visa versa....so what.....opening a bottle of wine can be done anywhere What's the big deal.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) With all due respect you will only lose your accent if you actively intend to lose It ....I know people who have been in oz for 40 years and the pommie accent is still there .....a bit clipped but still prominent .I met an old boy in w.a when I was there ...he was helping a bloke fix our roof . He couldn't believe that I knew he was a Londoner ,as he lft the u.k when he was 12 ...but I could here it in his accent I don't agree, it's not my experience. It partly depends how extreme your original accent is - I've noticed Glaswegians never lose their accent, though it gets a bit softer - but I've met so many people from Aberdeen who have barely any accent left. Maybe all Aberdonians have a sub-conscious desire to fit in, whereas Glaswegians are more bolshie - but I don't think so. Edited October 17, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) To be honest, I think she's more likely sick of the sight of me! Seriously though, I'm very appreciative for your concern, but I am fine thanks. I'd have to say, you don't sound fine. Actually if I was your oh, I wouldn't just be worried, I'd be racked with guilt - to think that my partner is putting his whole life on hold, so that I can have the life I want. Like HappyHeart, I don't see how making new friends could be any kind of betrayal - if your UK friends expect you to stay isolated and alone rather than make new friends, then they're really, really lousy friends! I can understand you being nervous about mixing with Aussies, but I'm sure you could find British expat groups with just a bit of Googling - and just like these forums, there would be a mixture of people who are enjoying their time in Oz and others who aren't. Edited October 17, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I'd have to say, you don't sound fine. Actually if I was your oh, I wouldn't just be worried, I'd be racked with guilt - to think that my partner is putting his whole life on hold, so that I can have the life I want. Like HappyHeart, I don't see how making new friends could be any kind of betrayal - if your UK friends expect you to stay isolated and alone rather than make new friends, then they're really, really lousy friends! I can understand you being nervous about mixing with Aussies, but I'm sure you could find British expat groups with just a bit of Googling - and just like these forums, there would be a mixture of people who are enjoying their time in Oz and others who aren't. It's a complicated picture for some of us in 'mixed marriages' (one British, one Australian) I guess. My partner stayed much longer in the UK than she ever intended to because of my reluctance to move out here so we've both had experiences of missing out on home, family and friends over our years together. Add a school age child into the mix and the picture becomes even more complicated. Whilst I've never liked it here, I wouldn't want to pressure her into living in the UK again as I'd hate to run the risk of her and our daughter not liking it there. If there's one member of the family who's good at being miserable somewhere then that's definitely me! :wink: Regarding the issue of making friends out here, well I'm certainly not conscious of ever feeling lonely. I enjoy a lot of time with my family and like pottering around the house. I know that I come across as some kind of anti-social weirdo in my posts, but I am always polite and affable in real life, believe me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) Yep I get all that Kev,but being compassionate is kinder on yourself than perhaps allowing a poster to upset you isn't it?To my way of thinking,the OP sounded quite angry and disappointed,and so was suffering. And I get that too chook, but just 'cause I'm suffering, I don't direct my anger at those who aren't. I understand the anger being directed at the cause of the suffering (Oz) but not at those who aren't suffering (those who like Oz). To my mind, that's totally mean and nasty and suffering gives you no excuse for that. Too many magistrates nowadays being duped by those accused who are said to be "suffering" and pleading their case for mitigation alongst those lines. I guess I'm not a "grey thinker" and most things for me, are black and white............right is right and wrong is wrong and the abuse directed at those who don't think the same way as the OP is inexcusable in my book. I could say, "there but for the Grace of God" and bite my tongue, but if nothing else, at least I'm honest about my opinions and accept whatever grief those opinions may direct my way. Edited October 18, 2015 by Johndoe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 (edited) Ultimately, does it really matter where you live as long as you're safe and well-fed? Most ideas about history and art etc, exist in your head. The ability to share or discuss them with others should not be limited to a piece of geographical space on which you happen to live - but more to do with people wanting to listen to you at all. If you are unable to articulate your ideas with people who speak your language, i would say the fault lies with your conversational tones/ tactics or your ideas. But go right up to Blackpool or Leeds (over a curry?) and try to discuss Baroque Tapestries and enjoy the riveting responses you get (and make sure you don't sound like a Southerner because, yes, England exists beyond the Cotswolds.)... UK being all high culture and engaging conversation... Better to stick with football I feel. Simply because certain topics fall under the subject of "art" or "culture" does not mean they are the only hallmarks of civilised/ intelligent discussion. And if you are simply unable to discuss topics on other peoples' wavelengths, perhaps the parochial mindset exists with you Mr High and Mighty from Blighty. Edited October 18, 2015 by speakeasy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slean Wolfhead Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I've noticed Glaswegians never lose their accent, though it gets a bit softer I was in a hospital shop being served by an old lady. I asked what part of Scotland she was from and she nearly had a heart attack. She said she'd been here since 1955 and nobody has mentioned it for years, she thought she'd lost the accent completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 It's a complicated picture for some of us in 'mixed marriages' (one British, one Australian) I guess. My partner stayed much longer in the UK than she ever intended to because of my reluctance to move out here so we've both had experiences of missing out on home, family and friends over our years together. Add a school age child into the mix and the picture becomes even more complicated. Whilst I've never liked it here, I wouldn't want to pressure her into living in the UK again as I'd hate to run the risk of her and our daughter not liking it there. If there's one member of the family who's good at being miserable somewhere then that's definitely me! :wink: Regarding the issue of making friends out here, well I'm certainly not conscious of ever feeling lonely. I enjoy a lot of time with my family and like pottering around the house. I know that I come across as some kind of anti-social weirdo in my posts, but I am always polite and affable in real life, believe me! I get just where you are coming from! I can remember just the year before we moved back my DH saying he would never live in UK again because then HE would be miserable and depressed (which went down somewhat like a lead balloon in our negotiations at the time!). I mentioned this to him quite recently and he just put on a sheepish grin and said "got that one wrong didn't I?" Finding the compromise situation is like walking a tightrope! I reckon you're doing well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hill billy Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I was in a hospital shop being served by an old lady. I asked what part of Scotland she was from and she nearly had a heart attack. She said she'd been here since 1955 and nobody has mentioned it for years, she thought she'd lost the accent completely. Same thing happened to me the other day, went into Specsavers and the young girl who was helping me asked if I was here on holiday, I was a bit stunned at first then told her I've been here 34 years, haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Same thing happened to me the other day, went into Specsavers and the young girl who was helping me asked if I was here on holiday, I was a bit stunned at first then told her I've been here 34 years, haha. I think we get a bit of that when my 9 year old opens his mouth and sounds like he comes from Windsor....been here since age 2. I doubt he will lose his accent now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 It's a complicated picture for some of us in 'mixed marriages' (one British, one Australian) I guess. My partner stayed much longer in the UK than she ever intended to because of my reluctance to move out here so we've both had experiences of missing out on home, family and friends over our years together. Add a school age child into the mix and the picture becomes even more complicated. Whilst I've never liked it here, I wouldn't want to pressure her into living in the UK again as I'd hate to run the risk of her and our daughter not liking it there. If there's one member of the family who's good at being miserable somewhere then that's definitely me! :wink: Regarding the issue of making friends out here, well I'm certainly not conscious of ever feeling lonely. I enjoy a lot of time with my family and like pottering around the house. I know that I come across as some kind of anti-social weirdo in my posts, but I am always polite and affable in real life, believe me! Talk about hiding your light under a bushel! For the record, I can vouch that EW is the most charming, funny and affable bloke I've ever met! I think he gets a perverse thrill from making himself out to be a socially inept, mopey, mawkish weirdo, but I can assure anyone who's interested that the persona he portrays on here is not the real EW (although he's not very good at hiding his obvious wit when posting). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Talk about hiding your light under a bushel! For the record, I can vouch that EW is the most charming, funny and affable bloke I've ever met! I think he gets a perverse thrill from making himself out to be a socially inept, mopey, mawkish weirdo, but I can assure anyone who's interested that the persona he portrays on here is not the real EW (although he's not very good at hiding his obvious wit when posting). Get a room!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Talk about hiding your light under a bushel! For the record, I can vouch that EW is the most charming, funny and affable bloke I've ever met! I think he gets a perverse thrill from making himself out to be a socially inept, mopey, mawkish weirdo, but I can assure anyone who's interested that the persona he portrays on here is not the real EW (although he's not very good at hiding his obvious wit when posting). Thanks mate! It was all those years of listening to The Smiths that did it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Get a room!!! Just realised, with the number of peeps on PIO who loathe me, my accolades mean sweet FA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibovered Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Just realised, with the number of peeps on PIO who loathe me, my accolades mean sweet FA! Oh come on Harpo mate, that's just not true..... they don't mean sweet FA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Oh come on Harpo mate, that's just not true..... they don't mean sweet FA. watch it mate, or I'll get my puppy to lick you to death! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibovered Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 watch it mate, or I'll get my puppy to lick you to death! Jeez, last time I stand up for you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Jeez, last time I stand up for you!! Do you wanna see my puppy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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