How Long before you realised that Australia was or was not the place that you wanted to spend the rest of your days ?

[bug family]

Just wondering, at what stage did you realise that Australia was the place that you wanted or did not want to spend the rest of your days ?

For me before I had even set foot in Australia I knew and voiced, that I would want to return home to the UK one day,  As a couple we set a goal of 10 years then we would return, with hindsight this was a bit naive I now realise this, as a lot can and has happened in the 9 years we have been here, for example, we are no longer living as a married couple (we are like best buddies and share the house still), my wife no longer would consider going back home, we also have two children now, where as we came with only one,  and finally all my wife's family now live here, so she is settled......but me...I will still go home one day of that I am sure, .........................what about you?

[tea4too]

We visited my brother and his family soon after their immigration to Aus, excited to see first hand everything they loved about their new life. It was a happy trip and we have been back several times, but even on that first visit we struggled a little to see the world through their eyes.

To some extent their friends were even more challenging as a fair few assumed we were on a recce and looking to emigrate ourselves. Trying to explain that Aus was great but home was in beautiful Wales and no, the weather wasn't a deal breaker, no we didn't hibernate for six months of the year, yes we do have a nice home in a nice area and enjoy our lifestyle... all seemed to fall on stoney ground. It made for some awkward moments and I'm sure at least one woman thought I was criticising her new life by seemingly rejecting it for my own family. The tumbleweed was huge and fast moving.

But in answer to your question bug family, I knew from the get-go that I don't need to move to Aus to find what we already have, but it took a few years more and reading lots of PIO threads to realise there is no simple answer to what people need in order to feel that they belong. Most of us only know when we have lost or found whatever 'it' is. T x

[FirstWorldProblems]

I believe it was the day that my wife told me we are moving back to Australia as soon as the kids finish school and we are staying there forever. 
 

[Amber Snowball]

The tumbleweed was huge and fast moving.

Oh this made me laugh. Been there. 
As you say it’s hard to see life through the eyes of others.

 

In answer I moved with intention of staying forever. That continued for 10 years and then changed to how the hell can I get out of here. No rhyme or reason, just happened.

[Quoll]

Never thought it would be forever. Quite liked it for the first 10 years, got distinctly “meh” about it for the next ten and absolutely loathed it for the last 10. Have reset the clock since we returned in March - back to the “meh” stage.  I had thought that with both my parents now gone there might be the capacity for more liking but, quite honestly, the spark is still not there and COVID, stopping me from going home for a sanity hit isn’t helping.  But when we arrived in 1979 it was planned to be just another adventure in life - I married an Australian but never intended to live here forever. 

[Quoll]

7 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

I believe it was the day that my wife told me we are moving back to Australia as soon as the kids finish school and we are staying there forever. 
 

Didn’t you have a say in that decision? 

[s713]

We weren't typical movers, I loved my life in the UK, had never thought about emigrating, had no ambition to whatsoever. But, the Mrs family moved over en masse and she missed them, so we went for it. We lived in Perth for 11 years, I enjoyed the first 3 or 4, the next couple of years were by-the-by and the last few years were a torture for me. I don't hate Perth, I don't really have anything that bad to say about it, I just didn't want to be there. It wasn't worth me moving to the other side of the world for. My salary was high, we had a big house and an 8m pool in the back (that no-one went in for the last 4 or 5 years) but I was bored silly, ran out of ideas for things to do. I remember family coming over on holiday and when one of the kids asked what we were doing and I mentioned the beach she said "what again?". Couldn't blame her. Like I said, nice place, clean and shiny but not for me long-term. The UK works out much better for us.

[Toots]

9 hours ago, tea4too said:

We visited my brother and his family soon after their immigration to Aus, excited to see first hand everything they loved about their new life. It was a happy trip and we have been back several times, but even on that first visit we struggled a little to see the world through their eyes.

To some extent their friends were even more challenging as a fair few assumed we were on a recce and looking to emigrate ourselves. Trying to explain that Aus was great but home was in beautiful Wales and no, the weather wasn't a deal breaker, no we didn't hibernate for six months of the year, yes we do have a nice home in a nice area and enjoy our lifestyle... all seemed to fall on stoney ground. It made for some awkward moments and I'm sure at least one woman thought I was criticising her new life by seemingly rejecting it for my own family. The tumbleweed was huge and fast moving.

But in answer to your question bug family, I knew from the get-go that I don't need to move to Aus to find what we already have, but it took a few years more and reading lots of PIO threads to realise there is no simple answer to what people need in order to feel that they belong. Most of us only know when we have lost or found whatever 'it' is. T x

 

My city loving sister (from Edinburgh) has been to visit us and stays for approx 3 months of our summer.  She thoroughly enjoys her holiday but she wouldn't live here.  We are total opposites.  I really dislike cities, crowds, hustle and bustle.  I revel in peace and quiet, the countryside and being with my animals.  Yes I could have all that in the UK but I think of Australia as my home now.  I always had the need to go back to the UK to see Mum but since she died the pull just isn't there anymore.

I married an Australian and we lived happily in the UK for 5 years after we married then decided to give Australia a go.  Never really felt homesick though of course missed my family even though many of my family were scattered all over the world by that time.  I have very good friends I've known for over 30 years (from NSW) who have moved to Tasmania so that has been lovely to have them closer.  I've also made some very nice friends since moving to Tasmania - many of them are also incomers from the mainland.  

All in all I'm very content and even my husband who has been a city person all his life is very happy here.  He knew I got fed up of crowds blah blah blah when we lived in Sydney and I think he was quite surprised to find himself enjoying the quiet life here.  He 's said he couldn't go back to city living again.

[ali]

We moved with the intention of not returning to the UK - my hubby said that if we didn't like Perth then Australia was a big country and we'd try somewhere else.  One of the things I think that helped us was that other than my dad we didn't really do much other than family get togethers with extended family, they didn't babysit or anything so we were a very self-reliant family of 4. My dad loved his holidays here and didn't want to move as he had quite an established life where he was.  My regret that I wasn't there when he passed away, but in reality even being in the same country I wouldn't have got there anyway due to the distance we lived from each other and his passing was unexpected.

We felt settled very quickly, but I remember going for a weekend break about 10 months after we'd arrived and for the first time felt that I felt that the rush of everything that migration entails (not just the moving but re-establishing a home etc.,) had passed.  I still almost 14 years see something and it all seems very new to me.  

I once said that it was if I'd found something I didn't know what missing and that I felt more content here than I had in the UK , still not quite sure what it was that caused and maintains that - we're in the same professions, same demands - but our work life balance somehow seems better.

We love the life that Perth has offered us, the kids have lived more than half their lives in Australia and enjoy the lifestyle. 

[Marisawright]

17 hours ago, bug family said:

For me before I had even set foot in Australia I knew and voiced, that I would want to return home to the UK one day,  As a couple we set a goal of 10 years then we would return, with hindsight this was a bit naive I now realise

No help to you of course, but I would always advise against moving to another country temporarily, unless you have a visa which is temporary (which means there's a definite end to the stay).  There's too much risk there's a hidden agenda there. 

I've seen it too often:  one partner wants to move to Australia, the other isn't keen. So the keen partner persuades the other to move "just for x years".   They're lying:  the truth is, they're thinking, "you're just scared, once you get to Australia you're guaranteed to love it, it's such a fantastic place, and then you'll want to stay forever."  They're so sure Australia is fabulous, it doesn't enter their heads you won't like it - so they don't think they're being mean.  They've convinced themselves it's for your own good.   

Edited October 25, 2020 by Marisawright

[Marisawright]

5 hours ago, ali said:

I once said that it was if I'd found something I didn't know what missing and that I felt more content here than I had in the UK , still not quite sure what it was that caused and maintains that

Me too.  I can say, "I prefer the Aussie lifestyle" but the truth is, I'm not a beach or sporty person, so most of the Aussie lifestyle passes me by.  I just feel more at home here.  I had always felt a bit of a square peg in a round hole in the UK, and arriving in Sydney, I suddenly felt as if I slotted into the right place at last.  That came as a total surprise to me and I still can't explain it.  Moving back to the UK in 2015 just confirmed it - I had that square peg/round hole feeling all over again.   

[ali]

25 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Me too.  I can say, "I prefer the Aussie lifestyle" but the truth is, I'm not a beach or sporty person, so most of the Aussie lifestyle passes me by.  I just feel more at home here.  I had always felt a bit of a square peg in a round hole in the UK, and arriving in Sydney, I suddenly felt as if I slotted into the right place at last.  That came as a total surprise to me and I still can't explain it.  Moving back to the UK in 2015 just confirmed it - I had that square peg/round hole feeling all over again.   

Whilst we enjoy sport we're not beach goers (if I could afford it i'd live by the river) .. I certainly wasn't unhappy in the UK, but like you, it's just a feeling I get being here that makes me feel at home.

[FirstWorldProblems]

12 hours ago, Quoll said:

Didn’t you have a say in that decision? 

I do.  Joking aside, she will have spent over 20 years in the U.K. by the time we go back to Sydney.  It’s only fair that I take a turn and give it a really good effort to get the best from it. 

She’s actually one of those who doesn’t think either place is better than the other.  She wouldn’t ever go back if it wasn’t for her sizeable family.  It will be interesting to see how she copes actually.  She has an enthusiasm for pretty British  towns & villages, national trust properties and our history in general and that’s how we spend a lot of our free time.   I think she will struggle to settle there more than she thinks    

Triathlon is my hobby and I might be in a position to take early retirement when we move. So if I pick the right location to live, I could get a lot out of it.  

Edited October 25, 2020 by FirstWorldProblems

[bunbury61]

23 hours ago, tea4too said:

We visited my brother and his family soon after their immigration to Aus, excited to see first hand everything they loved about their new life. It was a happy trip and we have been back several times, but even on that first visit we struggled a little to see the world through their eyes.

To some extent their friends were even more challenging as a fair few assumed we were on a recce and looking to emigrate ourselves. Trying to explain that Aus was great but home was in beautiful Wales and no, the weather wasn't a deal breaker, no we didn't hibernate for six months of the year, yes we do have a nice home in a nice area and enjoy our lifestyle... all seemed to fall on stoney ground. It made for some awkward moments and I'm sure at least one woman thought I was criticising her new life by seemingly rejecting it for my own family. The tumbleweed was huge and fast moving.

But in answer to your question bug family, I knew from the get-go that I don't need to move to Aus to find what we already have, but it took a few years more and reading lots of PIO threads to realise there is no simple answer to what people need in order to feel that they belong. Most of us only know when we have lost or found whatever 'it' is. T x

I love both places - but I do understand where you are coming from .

6 months in each would be ideal for me 

[bunbury61]

I can go back to oz and slot straight back in - i was talking to the lads in oz yesterday , before the grand final - which I watched 

It was never the aussies with me .

It was the poms who got most offended when you gave an argument for both  places

[bunbury61]

18 hours ago, Quoll said:

Never thought it would be forever. Quite liked it for the first 10 years, got distinctly “meh” about it for the next ten and absolutely loathed it for the last 10. Have reset the clock since we returned in March - back to the “meh” stage.  I had thought that with both my parents now gone there might be the capacity for more liking but, quite honestly, the spark is still not there and COVID, stopping me from going home for a sanity hit isn’t helping.  But when we arrived in 1979 it was planned to be just another adventure in life - I married an Australian but never intended to live here forever. 

God bless you quoll , I always enjoy your posts , and admire your honesty

[Quoll]

11 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

I do.  Joking aside, she will have spent over 20 years in the U.K. by the time we go back to Sydney.  It’s only fair that I take a turn and give it a really good effort to get the best from it. 

She’s actually one of those who doesn’t think either place is better than the other.  She wouldn’t ever go back if it wasn’t for her sizeable family.  It will be interesting to see how she copes actually.  She has an enthusiasm for pretty British  towns & villages, national trust properties and our history in general and that’s how we spend a lot of our free time.   I think she will struggle to settle there more than she thinks    

Triathlon is my hobby and I might be in a position to take early retirement when we move. So if I pick the right location to live, I could get a lot out of it.  

Good to hear then. I just repaid my DH's 8+ years in UK (he really didnt want to go to UK at all) so I get where you are coming from.  You should be fine with triathlons! Cant help with the lovely villages and historical properties although the Southern Highlands is probably more villagey than other places you are likely to hit.  Sydney could well be an unpleasant culture shock though.  As long as she has her British citizenship before you leave just in case she fancies returning at some point!

[AliQ]

12 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

pretty British  towns & villages, national trust properties and our history in general

I miss those !

And Marks & Spencer Food Hall

Edited October 25, 2020 by AliQ

[FirstWorldProblems]

57 minutes ago, AliQ said:

I miss those !

And Marks & Spencer Food Hall

We currently have to drive 5 minutes north west for a Marks and Spencer’s food hall. In fact we did last last night for a lovely Smokey chicken and bacon pie   

We can also drive 5 mins north east to a different one  

Sometimes that’s inconvenient so I will stop at the petrol station with the mini M&S food shop on the way home.  That’s nearly ten mins away. 
 

But it’s ok. They are currently building a huge one 1.5 miles from home. 

Not that it’s all roses.....it’s a full 15 mins to a Waitrose. 
 

[Toots]

1 hour ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

We currently have to drive 5 minutes north west for a Marks and Spencer’s food hall. In fact we did last last night for a lovely Smokey chicken and bacon pie   

We can also drive 5 mins north east to a different one  

Sometimes that’s inconvenient so I will stop at the petrol station with the mini M&S food shop on the way home.  That’s nearly ten mins away. 
 

But it’s ok. They are currently building a huge one 1.5 miles from home. 

Not that it’s all roses.....it’s a full 15 mins to a Waitrose. 
 

You will really miss M&S food hall and Waitrose when you arrive here.  My sister is walking distance (in Edinburgh) from both of those fine places.  Coles and Woolies here just doesn't cut it though thankfully we have a couple of very good independent grocers   ............  also walking distance from home.  

[Quoll]

2 hours ago, Toots said:

You will really miss M&S food hall and Waitrose when you arrive here.  My sister is walking distance (in Edinburgh) from both of those fine places.  Coles and Woolies here just doesn't cut it though thankfully we have a couple of very good independent grocers   ............  also walking distance from home.  

Oh so true! I seriously miss Waitrose and M&S! And the village butcher - now that I really really miss! Oh for some Shelford Specials (sausages).

[Marisawright]

6 hours ago, FirstWorldProblems said:

We currently have to drive 5 minutes north west for a Marks and Spencer’s food hall. In fact we did last last night for a lovely Smokey chicken and bacon pie   

We can also drive 5 mins north east to a different one  

Sometimes that’s inconvenient so I will stop at the petrol station with the mini M&S food shop on the way home.  That’s nearly ten mins away. 
 

But it’s ok. They are currently building a huge one 1.5 miles from home. 

Not that it’s all roses.....it’s a full 15 mins to a Waitrose. 

You'll miss both in Australia, big time!   Don't get me wrong, there is some great produce here, but Australian supermarkets are not good at value-adding.  You'll  need to make your own pies and sausages and paellas and beef bourguignon from scratch, because there's not a big range available in the supermarkets.  I still miss the meal deals in M&S!     

During the Covid lockdowns, some cafés and restaurants have been surviving by selling ready meals (i.e. cold meals you take home and heat up) as well as straightforward take-away, so it will be interesting to see if that continues,

[bunbury61]

8 hours ago, Toots said:

You will really miss M&S food hall and Waitrose when you arrive here.  My sister is walking distance (in Edinburgh) from both of those fine places.  Coles and Woolies here just doesn't cut it though thankfully we have a couple of very good independent grocers   ............  also walking distance from home.  

There is nowhere in the world ,like the u.k for convenience , including the United States and Europe  

Thats food , electricals , sportswear etc etc 

We are spoilt .

[MARYROSE02]

Admittedly,  there is less than zero possibility of my 'acquiring' a partner, but all the same, these posts frighten the @#$% out of me!

I could be happily ensconced in either England or OZ then one day my partner says "I'm homesick for Bourke or Barrow and I want to go home RIGHT NOW!"

[MARYROSE02]

2 hours ago, bunbury61 said:

There is nowhere in the world ,like the u.k for convenience , including the United States and Europe  

Thats food , electricals , sportswear etc etc 

We are spoilt .

Well, whilst food is essential,  Aussie food is quite acceptable and so far as I know all the etcs here are also ok. I bought a Chrome Book the other day for $500. Was i ripped off? How would I even know? ( from J & B HiFi at Pacific Fair - could have been Curry's or whatever the names are now?)

But I digress. Would I move to the UK for food, electrical, sportswear (if my family weren't coming with me?)