How Long before you realised that Australia was or was not the place that you wanted to spend the rest of your days ?

[Quoll]

On 04/11/2020 at 14:15, Bulya said:

Here in the Capital Region it just happens to include the Southern Highlands, like England but often greener.  Centuries old pubs/taverns hiding where you least expect.  Also the booming country towns like Yass, Goulburn, Crookwell etc.  Highlands standouts are Berrima, Moss Vale, Exeter, Robertson, Fitzroy Falls, Bundannon, and Bowral.  Bowral alone is worthy of a day trip...

Gosh if that is the best you can come up with for the region around here then we are screwed!  At least Crookwell has the sock factory and Robertson has the big potato but none of the others, not even Bowral, are worthy of a day trip in my book even though it has/had a decent bookshop according to my DH and the flowers were pretty enough (Yass, you've got to be joking!!!!).  

[bug family]

On 04/11/2020 at 11:15, Bulya said:

like England but often greener

really?.....

[Bulya]

9 hours ago, Quoll said:

Gosh if that is the best you can come up with for the region around here then we are screwed!  At least Crookwell has the sock factory and Robertson has the big potato but none of the others, not even Bowral, are worthy of a day trip in my book even though it has/had a decent bookshop according to my DH and the flowers were pretty enough (Yass, you've got to be joking!!!!).  

Yass has changed completely.  Best covfefe in the Capital Region.  You need to look deeper in Bowral, Robertson, etc.  Amazing food for starters and the massive Dirty Janes setup in Bowral is unmatched anywhere.  Maybe you drive through and just look at the flowers?

[Bulya]

8 hours ago, bug family said:

really?.....

Especially now.  But then you’re stuck on the wrong side of the country, a day trip is kinda out of the question...

[ramot]

9 hours ago, Quoll said:

Gosh if that is the best you can come up with for the region around here then we are screwed!  At least Crookwell has the sock factory and Robertson has the big potato but none of the others, not even Bowral, are worthy of a day trip in my book even though it has/had a decent bookshop according to my DH and the flowers were pretty enough (Yass, you've got to be joking!!!!).  

I really like the Southern Highlands, but it gets too cold in winter for me to move there.I realise no one place suits all, but we are entitled to like different areas, I enjoy going there as it’s a contrast to Queensland, so I enjoy the contrast.

Edited November 5, 2020 by ramot

[ramot]

4 minutes ago, ramot said:

 

 

Edited November 5, 2020 by ramot

[Bulya]

Remiss of me but I forgot Braidwood.  English scones and homemade jam at the bookshop, 8 hour lemony lamb at the Albion, organic bread from Dojo, victuals from the amazing Provisions deli.  That’s after a mornings cheese or cider  making workshop at Sully’s in the Old Cheese Factory.  There’s so much hidden away in every town/village in the Southern Highlands.

[MARYROSE02]

On 05/11/2020 at 14:37, bug family said:

I am sorry Maryrose but i have absolutely no idea what you are talking about...I miss the place ...as in Great Britain and all that comes with it, where am i contemptuous? and how do I not consider charles dickens or Jane Austin as not being part of the history of great Britain?....you have totally lost me there

Sorry, I guess  I was thinking of people who say that Australia is too "new" with no history to talk about, when it has over two hundred years of colonial history to investigate. I seem to recall you implying that Perth's history was limited to Fremantle Gaol? After the 16th visit there is nothing else to do? When was Perth settled? 1829. Nearly 200 years ago in the era of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, when people had to wait three months for another instalment of one of Dickens' stories. So, I'm thinking there must be quite a bit of history to investigate once you are tired of Fremantle Gaol?

[Lavers]

On 04/11/2020 at 20:21, Bulya said:

Took quite a few years but I got there.  Those who think they’ll feel ‘settled’ in 3 months or a year or two always make me laugh...

For some though you can, I can honestly say that it feels like I've been here for years instead of 4 months. And if I encounter any bumps in the road then I will deal with them as I would have done if living in the UK.

[MaroubraAndy]

It’s so funny for me to read everyone’s stories as they remind me of my own story so much.

Everything from being the UK immigrant that’s been living in and loving Sydney for years, then being almost offended when visitors from the UK don’t immediately want move too.. 

Through to moving back to the UK after 10 years and feeling like a square peg in a round hole..

Personally I’m trying hard not to be the ping pong pom and am determined to try and make my next move back to Sydney my last. This time I’m going to settle and that will be that. He says  

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, Lavers said:

For some though you can, I can honestly say that it feels like I've been here for years instead of 4 months. 

It's a very individual thing.   I felt at home from the first day I arrived in Sydney.  Once upon a time, if you'd told me about Brits migrating to Australia and struggling to settle, I'd have thought "they're not trying".  But I've learned otherwise since being on PIO, and I think it's important for all migrants to appreciate that not everyone reacts the same. 

Some people have a deep, abiding attachment to their home country - which they're often not even aware of, until they try living somewhere else. Then, they feel a strange emptiness which they can't explain, and which gets worse and worse the longer they're away.  They may be having a fabulous life in Australia but none of it satisfies.  They feel obliged to offer explanations - not enough pubs, not enough history, missing family - but they're all nonsense.  They just say them because it's too embarrassing to say, "I can't explain it, I just don't belong here".  It's incurable.

Then there are the people who have a deep, abiding attachment to their family and/or a close circle of friends. They're used to being constantly surrounded by people, and to suddenly have zero family and zero friends is a huge shock.  The loneliness is awful, even if you have a partner - and while Aussies are friendly and you'll soon find people to chat to, they are acquaintances.  Not people you could ring at 2 in the morning in a crisis, or close girlfriends you can confide your private troubles to.  Some people can get over that if they can find a couple of real buddies, but some people never do.

Good to hear you don't fall into either of those camps, and I hope your partner is equally happy to be here.  Sounds like you've landed on your feet!

[Lavers]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

It's a very individual thing.   I felt at home from the first day I arrived in Sydney.  Once upon a time, if you'd told me about Brits migrating to Australia and struggling to settle, I'd have thought "they're not trying".  But I've learned otherwise since being on PIO, and I think it's important for all migrants to appreciate that not everyone reacts the same. 

Some people have a deep, abiding attachment to their home country - which they're often not even aware of, until they try living somewhere else. Then, they feel a strange emptiness which they can't explain, and which gets worse and worse the longer they're away.  They may be having a fabulous life in Australia but none of it satisfies.  They feel obliged to offer explanations - not enough pubs, not enough history, missing family - but they're all nonsense.  They just say them because it's too embarrassing to say, "I can't explain it, I just don't belong here".  It's incurable.

Then there are the people who have a deep, abiding attachment to their family and/or a close circle of friends. They're used to being constantly surrounded by people, and to suddenly have zero family and zero friends is a huge shock.  The loneliness is awful, even if you have a partner - and while Aussies are friendly and you'll soon find people to chat to, they are acquaintances.  Not people you could ring at 2 in the morning in a crisis, or close girlfriends you can confide your private troubles to.  Some people can get over that if they can find a couple of real buddies, but some people never do.

Good to hear you don't fall into either of those camps, and I hope your partner is equally happy to be here.  Sounds like you've landed on your feet!

I couldn't agree more with you Marisa and you have to do what feels right at present time and no one should feel embarrassed about it, as to try it takes alot of courage which majority of people dont have.

People move to Aus as it feels like the right thing to do, then further down the line if the UK is calling then go for it.

Theres no shame for moving back atleast you have had an experience of living in a different country and theres no what ifs later on in life.

My wife has settled well, she maybe thinks of the UK more than me but now she has Uni coming up (all being well) she has plenty to get her teeth stuck into.

[Marisawright]

17 minutes ago, Lavers said:

People move to Aus as it feels like the right thing to do, then further down the line if the UK is calling then go for it.

Theres no shame for moving back atleast you have had an experience of living in a different country and theres no what ifs later on in life.

...but that ignores the cost of doing so.  For people with high-paying jobs or a lot of money behind them, it's a practical attitude.  But I'm sure you've noticed here, how many families use all their savings, or a huge chunk of the equity in their UK home, to make the move.  It would take them years to afford to return home - and many won't, because how could they stand the shame of moving back and having to buy a much smaller house?  

For people with children, it's also dangerous.  We used to have a private section of the forums for those who wanted to go home and there was a very sad thread, full of women (and a few men) who yearned to go home, but were trapped in Australia, because they couldn't take their children with them. (I don't know if you're aware of the Hague Convention).  

[Lavers]

36 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

...but that ignores the cost of doing so.  For people with high-paying jobs or a lot of money behind them, it's a practical attitude.  But I'm sure you've noticed here, how many families use all their savings, or a huge chunk of the equity in their UK home, to make the move.  It would take them years to afford to return home - and many won't, because how could they stand the shame of moving back and having to buy a much smaller house?  

For people with children, it's also dangerous.  We used to have a private section of the forums for those who wanted to go home and there was a very sad thread, full of women (and a few men) who yearned to go home, but were trapped in Australia, because they couldn't take their children with them. (I don't know if you're aware of the Hague Convention).  

I know many spend a fortune to come and I personally cant buy a house until my wife is working as we will still have to get a good sized mortgage.

But houses and cars etc are just things, I am earning alot less in Aus compared to the UK, but instead of 55hours a week I am working 38 here and enjoying spending more time with the family.

If I felt like the UK was right for us in 5 years time then I will be more than happy to do it even if it meant buying a £80,000 terraced house.

The splitting up with your partner is a different kettle of fish and yes I am aware of the Hague convention as is my wife. Not a nice situation and I hope i that it's not one i have to deal with. Like I say though no one should feel any shame wanting to move back as it takes big to make the move in the first place.

[Marisawright]

18 minutes ago, Lavers said:

Like I say though no one should feel any shame wanting to move back as it takes big to make the move in the first place.

I agree, but it's surprising how many people stay in Australia because they say their family and friends will think they're failures - so many Brits think Australia is such a paradise, they can't conceive that someone might just prefer the UK!  It's a pity that people let themselves be influenced by such things, but some people are very sensitive to what the neighbours think.

Edited November 7, 2020 by Marisawright

[ramot]

I do wonder how this pandemic will affect people? It has split up families and shaken up our world. Has it made people now rethink their long term plans, about where they really want to live long term?

It was easy previously for us to go to UK for 3 months every year to spend time with our son and grandsons, so although we live on the other side of the world we felt well connected with them and their lives. We take flying in our stride as we are both ex airline, but I genuinely don’t know when or if I will be ready to fly long haul again.

Many people go back to UK annually, and if there was an emergency could get there fairly quickly. It’s a bit scary since the pandemic started how things we took for granted have now impacted on our lives.

We live in Qld and haven’t even seen our daughter who lives in Sydney for nearly a year, let alone our UK family.

We won’t go back to live in the UK, we have 2  children here, but no grandchildren, and this is home, but it’s tough when you have your children in different countries, and have to face the prospect of not sure when you will see them again, We didn’t think we would have to worry about that for quite a few years yet  before covid, 

[starlight7]

Covid certainly has changed lives. We keep getting adverts for really cheap cruises and lovely trips but we wouldn’t even think of it, even just to New Zealand - who knows where the crew have been before for a start? More and more of us will be spending holidays within Australia which might help our economy after the long,long lockdown. Tassie is looking very attractive and so is Adelaide when they let us in.I feel more emotionally distant from friends and cousins back in the uk because I know we will not be seeing them again. Friends feel the same, maybe a bit of Stockholm syndrome?

[Home and Happy]

On 24/10/2020 at 12:16, bug family said:

Just wondering, at what stage did you realise that Australia was the place that you wanted or did not want to spend the rest of your days ?

For me before I had even set foot in Australia I knew and voiced, that I would want to return home to the UK one day,  As a couple we set a goal of 10 years then we would return, with hindsight this was a bit naive I now realise this, as a lot can and has happened in the 9 years we have been here, for example, we are no longer living as a married couple (we are like best buddies and share the house still), my wife no longer would consider going back home, we also have two children now, where as we came with only one,  and finally all my wife's family now live here, so she is settled......but me...I will still go home one day of that I am sure, .........................what about you?

Pretty quickly...we never gelled with the place from day one. We stayed thinking it just may get better but it never did.  We felt just too cut off from the whole world and we found far too quiet compared to U.K. like some big retirement town.  The slow quiet conservative way of life wasn’t our thing back then and we weren’t ready for it, quite a culture shock really.  That said we do like the quieter life now that we are in our 50s, but would never want to live away out there again in that burning dry heat. 

[Bulya]

9 hours ago, Home and Happy said:

Pretty quickly...we never gelled with the place from day one. We stayed thinking it just may get better but it never did.  We felt just too cut off from the whole world and we found far too quiet compared to U.K. like some big retirement town.  The slow quiet conservative way of life wasn’t our thing back then and we weren’t ready for it, quite a culture shock really.  That said we do like the quieter life now that we are in our 50s, but would never want to live away out there again in that burning dry heat. 

So why didn’t you move somewhere that isn’t quiet and doesn’t have ‘burning dry heat’?  These posts just never make sense...

[bug family]

8 hours ago, Bulya said:

So why didn’t you move somewhere that isn’t quiet and doesn’t have ‘burning dry heat’?

possibly because they did not realise until they had tried living here....just like i did not realise i suppose

[Bulya]

9 minutes ago, bug family said:

possibly because they did not realise until they had tried living here....just like i did not realise i suppose

Nonsensical.  I moved between four states/territories before finding the right place.  Are you suggesting most poms are incapable of moving once?  

[calNgary]

18 minutes ago, Bulya said:

Nonsensical.  I moved between four states/territories before finding the right place.  Are you suggesting most poms are incapable of moving once?  

I am not sure i could handle trying 4 different states before i spat my dummy with the country but our golden rule before we moved was if we didn't like Brisbane we would try elsewhere (possibly WA)before returning to the UK. I guess ,to an extent, it depends on the reasons why you dont like where you are though.

 Cal x

[Bulya]

31 minutes ago, calNgary said:

I am not sure i could handle trying 4 different states before i spat my dummy with the country but our golden rule before we moved was if we didn't like Brisbane we would try elsewhere (possibly WA)before returning to the UK. I guess ,to an extent, it depends on the reasons why you dont like where you are though.

 Cal x

At least you considered moving.  You see it’s an attitude problem.  They play pin the tail on the donkey selecting a location, knowing diddly squat about Australia, then refuse to move when they obviously chose poorly. When you arrive here you need to look at it as the start of the journey, they look at it as the end.  Not surprisingly it often goes pear shaped...

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, bug family said:

possibly because they did not realise until they had tried living here....just like i did not realise i suppose

...but the two of them stayed for over 20 years, in spite of "knowing they hated it" from day 1. 

I understand why you're still here, bug, because you can't take your children with you. I've yet to hear an explanation from Home and Happy'.

[Athena]

On 24/10/2020 at 22:16, bug family said:

Just wondering, at what stage did you realise that Australia was the place that you wanted or did not want to spend the rest of your days ?

For me before I had even set foot in Australia I knew and voiced, that I would want to return home to the UK one day,  As a couple we set a goal of 10 years then we would return, with hindsight this was a bit naive I now realise this, as a lot can and has happened in the 9 years we have been here, for example, we are no longer living as a married couple (we are like best buddies and share the house still), my wife no longer would consider going back home, we also have two children now, where as we came with only one,  and finally all my wife's family now live here, so she is settled......but me...I will still go home one day of that I am sure, .........................what about you?

I came here excited and completely sure  I would make Sydney home, but found it pretty hard to settle in the first few months. When we did buy a home, find jobs we 'liked, I felt like I had invested too much to even think about giving it up. 8 years later...and almost everyday I think about returning to the UK.

With my husbands family being Australian, the move is still very much a one way conversation. However, despite our roots being planted more firmly here (kids, finances, comforts) my desire to return to the UK only increases.  

I am working on setting up the admin to make the move smoother, and chipping away at my husband slowly.