Computer restriction in children / teens , your thoughts ?

[Jojoe]

I’ve recently put  my 13 year old on a computer restriction time and he wasn’t at all happy about it at first but he has actually surprised me over the past few weeks how well he has kept to it and how well he has adjusted to  it . My son got a new computer for Christmas and would regularly  join games with his school friends on line and be talking to them and laughing and joking with them with his headphones on . I saw no harm in this as considered he’d been at school all day that this was his down time and although not playing out with his friends after school like I did that this was his play time with his friends after school in a different way . He was having fun , he was safe at home , It was only his own fiiends that he was talking to and he was welll aware of computer safety and apart from watching a few YouTube sites for games and game cheats that is where it ended on that score . However the computer became a dominant part of his daily life and began to take over quite quickly .He started to wake up earlier of a school morning to go on his computer to talk to his friends and join in a game and if they weren’t on line would watch a YouTube movie about a game , as soon as he got home from school he would be back again to join in with his friends , and when dinner was ready it was always ‘ I just need to finish this game ‘ it was  a quick eat and back gain he would go .I began to realise then that this was not good but figured that all his friends were doing this also that was I just being old fashioned . Why would he want to spend time with his family when he had all his friends on line on the computer doing the same as he was . When we did do things as a family he was always conscious of time and how much he was missing out with his friends on line which was evident in his questions of ‘how long are we going to be ?’ What time will be back home ? He started to became distant and very reclused to his own little world of his friends , computer and earphones .It was an effort to take time out to get a shower ,he would try skip meals and say he wasn’t hungry ,  he couldn’t sleep at bedtime due to his mind being on overtime to computer games .We had a long talk and many tears from both us were shed , it’s difficult when he knows his friends can go on their computer at any time but he now understands that it was having an impact on his health and wel being and understands why the restriction is in place . His friends now know his restriction and they plan times around him to include him so all is going welll.He is the youngest of four and has a brother whom also likes computer games who is quite close in age but he never diaplayed the dependency that my 13 year old has 

[themaccas]

My son who is 15 likes them too he has all the tech but all of this is easy for him to give up too. He is quite lazy as in forgets to do his jobs and forgot to feed our dog last week so I knew taking his computer/PS4/iphone etc wasn’t going to hurt him so I grounded him and told him he wouldn’t be able to go to football training. That hurt him more than anything could. I’m not sure what to say, if he likes playing games with his friends can you encourage him to meet up with him for some physical games?

[newjez]

7 hours ago, Jojoe said:

I’ve recently put  my 13 year old on a computer restriction time and he wasn’t at all happy about it at first but he has actually surprised me over the past few weeks how well he has kept to it and how well he has adjusted to  it . My son got a new computer for Christmas and would regularly  join games with his school friends on line and be talking to them and laughing and joking with them with his headphones on . I saw no harm in this as considered he’d been at school all day that this was his down time and although not playing out with his friends after school like I did that this was his play time with his friends after school in a different way . He was having fun , he was safe at home , It was only his own fiiends that he was talking to and he was welll aware of computer safety and apart from watching a few YouTube sites for games and game cheats that is where it ended on that score . However the computer became a dominant part of his daily life and began to take over quite quickly .He started to wake up earlier of a school morning to go on his computer to talk to his friends and join in a game and if they weren’t on line would watch a YouTube movie about a game , as soon as he got home from school he would be back again to join in with his friends , and when dinner was ready it was always ‘ I just need to finish this game ‘ it was  a quick eat and back gain he would go .I began to realise then that this was not good but figured that all his friends were doing this also that was I just being old fashioned . Why would he want to spend time with his family when he had all his friends on line on the computer doing the same as he was . When we did do things as a family he was always conscious of time and how much he was missing out with his friends on line which was evident in his questions of ‘how long are we going to be ?’ What time will be back home ? He started to became distant and very reclused to his own little world of his friends , computer and earphones .It was an effort to take time out to get a shower ,he would try skip meals and say he wasn’t hungry ,  he couldn’t sleep at bedtime due to his mind being on overtime to computer games .We had a long talk and many tears from both us were shed , it’s difficult when he knows his friends can go on their computer at any time but he now understands that it was having an impact on his health and wel being and understands why the restriction is in place . His friends now know his restriction and they plan times around him to include him so all is going welll.He is the youngest of four and has a brother whom also likes computer games who is quite close in age but he never diaplayed the dependency that my 13 year old has 

You are me. I could have written that. Our older two weren't addicted like this. He has made friends all round the world, and there is always someone in a timezone online. When I came back from two weeks in Australia I didn't even get a hug. He was straight on the Xbox.

Came to a head last weekend. He had spent twelve hours straight gaming. I placed restrictions on Microsoft. There were tears, but he seems to be coming round. I wouldn't mind so much in winter, but I hope to get him outside this summer.

[Perthbum]

Social media AND THE INTERNET has I am afraid fostered a race of zombies who cannot communicate like we did.

[VERYSTORMY]

Personally, I like this approach. 

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2015/sep/29/the-no-tech-school-where-screens-are-off-limits-even-at-home

It has been found that kids with lots of access to IT do worse. 

The Gloucestershire one also doesn't allow kids to sit any exams. But, has outstanding results in it's kids going to university with every child who applied for uni getting the place they wanted including on some of the most highly rated IT courses. The reason being that instead of kids learning what they need to pass an exam, they are taught to think. 

Kids will spend 40 years in front of a screen once they start work. So, I believe in them having a childhood as there is plenty of time for sitting in front of a screen. 

[LKC]

Our girls are only allowed tech from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon, unless they need it for homework.  I'm careful about what games and things they can/can't have, and don't allow anything where they can communicate with people we don't know.  Eldest uses Minecraft, but only with a couple of the boys she went to school with in Aus, who she used to do coding competitions and things with (and whose parents I know).  I don't and won't allow social media for them, and will be quite firm on that.

I was listening to LBC radio the other day, and James O'Brien had a caller whose daughter had been groomed by a paedophile gang via instagram.  It really shocked me, partly because I thought instagram was just for posting pictures and I might have let our girls do it, but also by the methods used by these people.  It's worth a listen if you have kids.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

2 hours ago, LKC said:

Our girls are only allowed tech from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon, unless they need it for homework.  I'm careful about what games and things they can/can't have, and don't allow anything where they can communicate with people we don't know.  Eldest uses Minecraft, but only with a couple of the boys she went to school with in Aus, who she used to do coding competitions and things with (and whose parents I know).  I don't and won't allow social media for them, and will be quite firm on that.

I was listening to LBC radio the other day, and James O'Brien had a caller whose daughter had been groomed by a paedophile gang via instagram.  It really shocked me, partly because I thought instagram was just for posting pictures and I might have let our girls do it, but also by the methods used by these people.  It's worth a listen if you have kids.

I had a friend in Melbourne post the other day saying her son was groomed by a guy on instagram and was sending nude photos of himself. Thankfully this young man told his mum who took it to the police.

It seems instagram has taken over FB with the young ones, I’m not sure why.

[LKC]

4 hours ago, The Pom Queen said:

I had a friend in Melbourne post the other day saying her son was groomed by a guy on instagram and was sending nude photos of himself. Thankfully this young man told his mum who took it to the police.

It seems instagram has taken over FB with the young ones, I’m not sure why.

I don't know why either.  I consider myself to be a fairly savvy computer/internet user, but I had no idea about instagram being used in that way.  I've used it for posting pictures, and I follow a few people on there, but I've never seen anything like that at all. 

The most harrowing thing for me was the way they groomed this guys daughter.  It all starts off quite innocently, they said they had friends in common, it worked up to her thinking they were girlfriend/boyfriend, one fairly innocuous photo was sent by her (which I think may have been altered by the paedophile so he could use it to manipulate her - that bit wasn't clear), who then threatened that if she didn't send further photos and do live web chat type things, he would expose her to her friends/family.  In the end it got too much for her, so she stopped responding to his/their messages, so they posted the images on her school website.  The whole family has been devastated by it, but of course those images/videos are now on the internet forever.  Every job interview, every new partner will be able to find those images by googling.  I'm actually considering letting my two listen to the call, because although it is pretty hard to listen to, the guy articulates exactly how this stuff happens and what it can lead to.  They are pretty sensible kids, but they need to know how to protect themselves from this sort of thing.  I think that being able to use a computer/the internet is a vital skill, and I don't believe it should be completely taken away, but at the same time I want them to know exactly what they need protection for, even if it leads to some awkward conversations.

[LKC]

Just a comment on the OP too.  My eldest daughter would use a computer/iPad constantly if we didn't put rules in place.  She has Asperger's, and she is somewhat obsessive about tech generally.  She can code (she represented her school in Aus in coding competitions), she is quite probably going to end up working in that field, and she loves nothing more than to mess around on the computer or iPad.  However, like with your son, it becomes too much.  I think she can see though, that when her tech use creeps up it quickly becomes a problem.  Her behaviour deteriorates (and she is a good kid generally, so it isn't nice to see), she becomes grumpy, won't go and play outside, doesn't sleep as well and so on, so she does understand why we impose the rules that we do.  We had lots of tears when we first restricted things, but she's used to it now.

[newjez]

Games aren't all bad. They create a rich social environment which is probably strange for most of us oldies.

My eldest was very unhappy at school until we bought the xbox. It enabled him to fall in with a good group of geek friends and he has never looked back.

Things change - the world moves on. Kids interact differently than we did.

But everything in moderation.

[VERYSTORMY]

1 hour ago, newjez said:

Games aren't all bad. They create a rich social environment which is probably strange for most of us oldies.

My eldest was very unhappy at school until we bought the xbox. It enabled him to fall in with a good group of geek friends and he has never looked back.

Things change - the world moves on. Kids interact differently than we did.

But everything in moderation.

Read my post and follow the links. It has been found to be a pretty bad thing. 

[newjez]

5 minutes ago, VERYSTORMY said:

Read my post and follow the links. It has been found to be a pretty bad thing. 

I think if you subscribed to all the crackpot theories on child raising you would probably end up creating basket cases.

Everything in moderation. My three seem to be turning out quite ok. Very rare for us to need to do any hard parenting.

[Eera]

I only have a 10GB plan, once they use it up speed drops to painful levels so they've learned to self-regulate pretty well.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

57 minutes ago, Eera said:

I only have a 10GB plan, once they use it up speed drops to painful levels so they've learned to self-regulate pretty well.

That’s the best way lol

[Toots]

11 hours ago, newjez said:

Games aren't all bad. They create a rich social environment which is probably strange for most of us oldies.

My eldest was very unhappy at school until we bought the xbox. It enabled him to fall in with a good group of geek friends and he has never looked back.

Things change - the world moves on. Kids interact differently than we did.

But everything in moderation.

Yes, everything in moderation.   So many kids nowadays don't seem to know the meaning of the word 'no' or don't do that'.  Parents seem to be nervous about upsetting their own children.  I had to have a smile when reading the article VERYSTORMY put up.  About one of the children at Acorn School:

"We’re not phobic – we’ve got iPhones and iPads. Zoe knows how to swipe and answer a call from her nanny when she calls, but playing with them – never. Zoe can play with fresh air for hours. She needs so little to be engrossed in play.”    

It does sound like a very nice school but the parents also sound a bit too pleased with themselves and their wonderful children.

[starlight7]

Only one of my 8 grand children is addicted to the things and he is a med student.  Classic nerd and the Lord help his future patients.  Absolutely zero people skills, speaks in grunts but gets High distinctions for most of his uni work.  Blueeeergghh.  Hope he changes as he gets older, but I doubt it somehow.

[Jojoe]

Thankyou all for your responses I really appreciate all your time to comment and have taken them all on board . Although my son wasn't happy about the restrictions and still isn't happy about them he is continuing to follow the restrictions . It's been a difficult one for us to put in place because his school work has never suffered and hes excelling at that , he's got the same well established group of friends that he met when we came out to Australia in 2012 that he also meets up with outside of school from time to time and whom are the ones that he spends so much time on the computer with . For us it was his health and well being that was concerning us the most . His dependency on the computer to life around him at home , his sleep patterns , eating habits , reluctancy to join in with family  activity ,he was becoming distant . He has always been a quiet boy unlike the rest of his siblings so a change in behaviour was not easily noticeable but his energy levels and just general look of health was concerning  enough. Only three weeks on with the restriction and already I can see a change . Waking up naturally with a spring in his step seeking breakfast sure does beat rolling out of bed onto the computer . Home from school is not straight on the computer anymore but he is still eagerly waiting his time  but beginning to utilise this time in other ways .ie he had an early shower one day , did his homework ( that he never gets ) , baked brownies , After the long talk we had three weeks ago I do feel my son has reflected on all of this this and although he has a restriction understands why it has been put in place for him. He still isn't happy about  it though but I guess he never will be  

[JetBlast]

Hello,

A little bit late to the party. Sorry about that!

I was like your son and still am to an extent. I was very much into computer but more interested the geeky stuff like how they work rather than playing games. I would set things up, break them and repair them again. Setup servers etc. I couldn't sleep at night because it was going through my mind non-stip. As I got older I noticed this myself and controlled my exposed and I slept much better. I didn't really miss it and felt better.

Now I work in IT. Sometimes when I am working on a tricky problem or a large project at work I can't sleep and it can be hard to switch off. Its much harder to switch off when your job is involved. Im currently studying to re-certify for one of my IT qualifications, if I don't manage it I don't get my visa so at the moment Im not getting much sleep as I would like!

What I am saying is you're right to restrict him - although you have seen this yourself now.

Hope everything goes well!

JB

[Perthbum]

I am afraid social media and internet gaming is fueling a generation of idiots with no social skills.... a group of young people in a pub not even talking to each other but on their phones gaming or on social media....it looks sad and it is sad.

[Jojoe]

On 30/04/2018 at 04:32, JetBlast said:

Hello,

A little bit late to the party. Sorry about that!

I was like your son and still am to an extent. I was very much into computer but more interested the geeky stuff like how they work rather than playing games. I would set things up, break them and repair them again. Setup servers etc. I couldn't sleep at night because it was going through my mind non-stip. As I got older I noticed this myself and controlled my exposed and I slept much better. I didn't really miss it and felt better.

Now I work in IT. Sometimes when I am working on a tricky problem or a large project at work I can't sleep and it can be hard to switch off. Its much harder to switch off when your job is involved. Im currently studying to re-certify for one of my IT qualifications, if I don't manage it I don't get my visa so at the moment Im not getting much sleep as I would like!

What I am saying is you're right to restrict him - although you have seen this yourself now.

Hope everything goes well!

JB

Thank you so much  for your time to reply , I’ ve never looked at it from an adults point of view of how dependent they have to be on the computer for work related purposes or studying for IT qualifications and how it can impact on their lives . My son uses the computer mainly for play and with the restrictions in place I can already see an improvement  in his well being . I can restrict this for him but it has opened my eyes up to how hard it must be for people working with computers on a daily basis .Good luck wit your visa and hoping it’s a positive outcome after all your hard work 

[Marisawright]

On 4/28/2018 at 13:54, Toots said:

Yes, everything in moderation.   So many kids nowadays don't seem to know the meaning of the word 'no' or don't do that'.  Parents seem to be nervous about upsetting their own children. 

I notice that.   This subject came up on TV and one of the presenters said, "I turn the wifi off. End of story."   The other presenters looked at him in shock, and one of them said something about "my kids would revolt".  What are they going to do?  

It's the kind of thing my dad would've done, and sure there would've been tears and tantrums, but so what?

[CeltInCaulfield]

Always surprises people with my thoughts on this matter (I'm a computer scientist by learning, software developer by trade).  The internet is a dark and bloody terrifying place.  I've been involved in supporting police investigations in the past, and some of what you discover when tracking down perpetrators of truly horrible things can literally leave you vomiting.

I have been warning against the risks of social media for the best part of ten years now.  Up until a couple of recent scandals hit the headlines, nobody gave a damn.  Suddenly, everyone's telling me that I should be really wary about using this stuff - you gotta wonder whether they were paying attention in the first place.

Personally, I think the soundest decision parents could make (until the kids hit the age of 16) would be to say that net access is permitted (with restrictions in place via software) for homework or private study, only. (Maybe a little gaming at the weekend _if_ all of their homework is complete and their grades within the top decile?)

There are plenty of games kids can play offline, and if they want social interaction - for the love of goodness - get them outside or down the library or into a board game club.

I would suggest one exception to this rule, though.

Within the parameters of study, allow for the fact that the kids may themselves be working on engineering projects (games, whatever).  But if this is the case, try and get their collaborators over so that they can all work together in the same room, rather than offline.  Communication skills are the single greatest thing next to mathematical ability that the next generation of software engineers will require (and they're, sadly, often lacking in the current generation).

 

[LouDYorkie]

I think exposure is important and I don’t think restricting kids/teens use to ‘purely for study’ is helpful as even young children can get online these days without you ever knowing if they wanted to [emoji6]
I agree that the web, social media and gaming amongst other things can all be a predators dream.
Instead of keeping kids away from it, parents (and grandparents!) need to take the lead. Become informed, educate yourselves! Do your research-what are these weirdos doing to get access to children, find out how you can best secure your home network, understand that there is such a thing as the ‘dark web’, read news stories about people who have lost their job in 2017 because of tweets or posts on Facebook from 10 years earlier, or the creepy child’s toy that got hacked. Know that search engines, websites and social media all hold search history plus lots of other information about you, your friends, great aunt Norma who’s 87 and just joined Facebook etc for targeted advertising. Also, what steps you can take if you don’t want them to have that information anymore.
Share what you believe to be age appropriate with your children and make changes to your internet security and household rules yourself for the bits you don’t feel you can share yet.
Then keep self-educating, things change quickly.

[s713]

Had our nieces for a sleepover last Friday (9 & 12). Phones never left their hands.

Above all else, it looks absolutely crap being a kid these days. Talk about boring. The older one was watching a youtube vid of someone else playing an online game (Minecraft).

Best years of your life haha

[Toots]

2 minutes ago, s713 said:

Had our nieces for a sleepover last Friday (9 & 12). Phones never left their hands.

Above all else, it looks absolutely crap being a kid these days. Talk about boring. The older one was watching a youtube vid of someone else playing an online game (Minecraft).

Best years of your life haha

Really quite sad isn't it.