kellyjamie Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hello everyone, just looking for some advice please weve been here 2 years now in brissy and i genuinely love life here. We have bought our house with a pool, hubby has a good job, we are financially 100% better off here and that in turn has just allowed me to have another baby, shes now 6 weeks. But im terribly homesick. Now before you say it, yes im aware hormones will play their part, but ive been like this a wee while now. I initially thought it was brissy but its not, its homesick. Hubbys ok, has his moments but he can see my point since bubs arrived. We have no family here and a few friends. Im thinking of going home for a visit wit the baby see if that helps? My question is should i go home get it out my system or do i ride it out??? Im not one of those suffering from homesickness who despises all things aussie, im the complete opposite but im not sure if the lifestyle is worth the trade off of family n friends. My other daughter (8) said last week she likes it here but its not home, she cries every week on skype to my parents! Thanks Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Do you still consider the UK home ? I do think that is a mindset you need to change to settle here successfully. Try to consciously think and speak of Australia and Brisbane as home, not the UK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roberta2 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Do you still consider the UK home ? I do think that is a mindset you need to change to settle here successfully. Try to consciously think and speak of Australia and Brisbane as home, not the UK. Maybe join a Mother's group and make some new friends. Plenty of them on Facebook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Difficult one Kelly, because if it's the pull of family then that's probably always going to be there. My friend couldn't settle here, to the point when she went back a few of us wondered if she'd come back - she did and had loved it (summer), and went back again the year after for a visit in winter and hated it - she then felt she could settle, she'd enjoyed what she remembered she'd loved but the winter experience has been a reinforcer to stay. Similalrly, my brother years ago, made a trip back to see if he just thought the grass was greener and decided he wanted to stay in Aus - for some the visit back to the UK may be the reinforcer that that's where the future lies. A visit back may help one way or another, but do remember that when you're visiting you're usually the centre of attention, people make lots of time for you and it can feel as if all those holes you've been experiencing have been filled - some people find that when they move back that as people get on with their own lives, some of those holes can reappear. Have you and hubby talked about going back? Perhaps options are to visit, come back short term to get your citizenship in order to give you and the kids future options and then move back. Good luck with whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjamie Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 We qualify for citizenship next jan which we will defo get. I think a visit back for myself is needed to reinforce either way. And to be honest i think it will reinforce why we came here in the first place, or i certainly hope so. And yes i do still call Edinburgh home, but ive always said i couldnt see myself retired here or buried here? But im hoping that by going back, when i return here i will then feel like im returning home. I have joined 2 mothers groups aswell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 It's probably not worth it if you are going to feel like that long term. Swimming pool/more money is nice but at the end of the day hardly the most important part of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjamie Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 It's probably not worth it if you are going to feel like that long term. Swimming pool/more money is nice but at the end of the day hardly the most important part of life. your spot on, hence i think a trip home will help me to decide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Yes if you will always call that home then it will never work unfortunately. Might as well go back now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I always said a "trip to the UK". Like somebody else mentioned, you say a trip home. Ultimately, I think your answer is in there. I returned to the UK in January, but it was to do with work. I was never homesick and quite sad to leave, but settling back has been easy too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dunno. If you belong you belong and if you don't you don't I reckon. There is no rationale about why you should or should not want to spend the rest of your days in one place or the other, both are just first world countries and we are very lucky to have that choice. Every return to UK for me just reinforced that though Australia was where I lived it wasn't "home" in my heart and there is no logical reason for that it just wasn't. Given the attitude you had when you left (golly, was it that long ago) I think you'd know by now if its the place you want to end your days. If you want to go for a holiday then go, if you don't want to go for a holiday then don't, but don't overthink things, that way madness lies. Good luck, feeling displaced is very uncomfortable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 We qualify for citizenship next jan which we will defo get. I think a visit back for myself is needed to reinforce either way. And to be honest i think it will reinforce why we came here in the first place, or i certainly hope so. And yes i do still call Edinburgh home, but ive always said i couldnt see myself retired here or buried here? But im hoping that by going back, when i return here i will then feel like im returning home. I have joined 2 mothers groups aswell. A visit back couldn't hurt I don't think. Like you say it could reinforce why you came in the first place. Me and the wife were lucky I reckon. Neither of us had the homesickness bug or doubts about being here. We didn't go back to the UK for 13 years when we came and couldn't wait to get back here and "home". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjamie Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Yep i agree paul, even tho i still call Edinburgh home, i feel that for me personally its because ive never been back, or left here yet, to be able to physically allow me to call this home,if that makes sense? I have a friend been here 7 yrs, after 4 got suddenly homesick, went "home"only to realise that she was home all along in brisbne, so hopefully that will be the case for myself. Someone posted on another post that alot of people who have babies here end up going home, and thats exactly whats happening with me/us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Yep i agree paul, even tho i still call Edinburgh home, i feel that for me personally its because ive never been back, or left here yet, to be able to physically allow me to call this home,if that makes sense? I have a friend been here 7 yrs, after 4 got suddenly homesick, went "home"only to realise that she was home all along in brisbne, so hopefully that will be the case for myself. Someone posted on another post that alot of people who have babies here end up going home, and thats exactly whats happening with me/us. Our eldest was 2 when we came and our youngest born here. We have never been ones for skype, much prefer a phone call and the kids maybe never got to know their grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, cousins that well. They loved their company when they've been out on holiday and us back there but I don't believe they've missed out on anything. Maybe money as the ones that are back in the UK get a few handouts that ours don't. When I was growing up and the grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, cousins all lived close but me and my Sis used to dread the Sunday afternoon visits to Grans. It was boring and we hung around with friends from school, not our cousins. They just didn't have enough in common with us. My Sister is closer to one of my cousins now than when we were growing up but that is due to her going through a couple of divorces and my cousin experiencing the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm not sure a single trip back will resolve a lot although it may allow the added strength to continue and an appreciation of sorts for what you have. As has been stated no amount of material goods will rid the feeling of what you are missing in human terms or even belonging. My relative went back after 30 years. (Had many visits over the course of that time back.)That was ten years ago and though still travels never set foot again in Australia. Never even disliked the place. Just rediscovered England as being the preferred place to age in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 My other daughter (8) said last week she likes it here but its not home, she cries every week on skype to my parents! I always sense this kind of line is the most revealing. Young children are much more adaptable than adults but they will pick up on their parents happiness or unhappiness. Skyping could be undertaken as a fun way of keeping in touch perhaps but if all the adults feel and exhibit a sense of tragedy then kids pick up the vibe. There are so many threads with the same theme and many who feel like you do end up ping ponging while trying to find the impossible which is the best of both worlds. At least here it seems you and your partner are having similar feelings which is better than others. I can't give any advice because I haven't been there and done it yet but those that have give very conflicting accounts of their experiences so when all is said and done you have to go with your heart I feel. The most important thing for happiness, fulfillment and wellbeing, to me anyway, is to look forward. Looking back is the road to permanent discontentment. Choose to live in the place which lets you look forward wherever that may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I think you have a very clear idea of the issues. It has been pointed out though - and I completely agree - that the main issue may really be semantics. If you continue to view Edinburgh as home, then you will always consider Australia to be foreign. There is just no middle ground on that. Heading "home" will be a good thing to do, but I would still wait a year or so. Why? Because the more time goes by, the more you adapt to Australia, but the more you can from a distance and new perspective appreciate what Edinburgh is. That will make abundantly clear to you if Edinburgh is a place where you want to return full time, or whether you would prefer to call Australia home, and visit Edinburgh on an occasional basis. Like for weddings. My brother is in Edinburgh, has been ever since we moved there from Australia. Sister in the Borders. I may visit them once in 5 years, and that is plenty. I always view the airport in Turnhouse or Heathrow as the place where I return home to Australia. I view Scotland as a beautiful place to visit occasionally, if there is a good reason, but I much prefer to go to Singapore, Thailand or Hong Kong for my holidays. Or Japan. I could go on - Scotland is not a main destination nor a place where my heart says I have to be. And that is your problem - your heart is not focused on where you really want to be. This needs to get fixed. Going to Edinburgh might help you get that focus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'd visit Scotland but maybe not just yet- wait until bubs is a little older. Maybe Christmas? That way your routines will be well and truly established, hormones settled and a good time to go as regards your daughter's school. Stay over New Year- being as it is Scotland and they do it so, so well! Come back late Jan/early Feb ready for the new school year. I'd be a bit worried about the Skype thing- who is making your daughter cry? Sounds like a bit of emotional blackmail stuff going on.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'd stop the Skype TBH. It's so much easier being out of sight and out of mind but the drawback of that is the increased isolation of your little family. Both my sons, now adults with families of their own have expressed the regret at our isolation from extended family and how they wish they'd grown up with grandparents etc around. As a grandparent I think grandparenting by Skype sucks. Difficult one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjamie Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 no emotional blackmail, just my daughter genuinely misses grandma and grandad. my mum doesnt get upset infact she tries to keep my daughter cheery and tells her it wont be long and they will be back for another visit. We had thought of going back at crimbo but we decided against it as we think that could be a very emotional time to go.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FTA Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I agree with you that the new bub should not affect your feelings. You moved with your 6yo to Australia to start a new life and assuming you have been happy since then, another child is a progression, and not a game changer. Can your parents come to Australia for a month or two to help out? I agree with starlight to delay your trip back until Christmas, or even after Christmas to experience the post-Christmas/New Year blues and "settle" into normal hum drum back there. You will then be reminded of what motivated you to leave. Your daughter is a huge influence on your feelings, and you should do what you can to make her happy living there. Take her to the beaches, parks, dreamworld, seaworld, etc. Does she enjoy school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booma Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 be careful about going back. i didnt settle my first time in oz because i missed my family & didnt feel like i belonged in oz. i went back to uk but realised after a few weeks it was a terrible mistake. am back in oz now & happy but wasted a shed load of money working out the problem was my attitude the first time. i kept dwelling on what i left behind instead of what i gained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) We went back to the UK for a visit last October. The first time in 4 years. I knew I actually didn't want to even visit but agreed to go as OH wanted to attend his Brothers wedding. Quite frankly it was all a bit of a disaster and a very costly holiday, and we couldn't wait to return home. Our life is well and truly cemented here, and the trip was great for showing the OH that. I suspect it's more about showing the new baby off. Go , have fun and if you feel you need to return to the UK do so, life's too short to be miserable somewhere. Edited March 8, 2015 by Que Sera, Sera Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 We qualify for citizenship next jan which we will defo get. I think a visit back for myself is needed to reinforce either way. And to be honest i think it will reinforce why we came here in the first place, or i certainly hope so. And yes i do still call Edinburgh home, but ive always said i couldnt see myself retired here or buried here? But im hoping that by going back, when i return here i will then feel like im returning home. I have joined 2 mothers groups aswell. Citizenship is VERY hand to have if you are thinking of going 'home.' I've known people who've been absolutely ADMANANT they are going home for good, and then they change their mind - too late! Most of us suffer the same feelings of homesickness and/or guilt. Whenever I read a post like yours, I think about how I split our family up by coming here. My Nana came to the airport with my parents and I never saw her again. There is no 'right or wrong' decision, either. Try to think of it as two 'right' decisions, i.e. stay here or go home. In 1996, after losing my job, I went back to England for a 'holiday' and stayed for twelve years. Losing my job was the 'silver lined cloud!' I was able to help both my mum and dad through their final years. After they both passed away, I stayed on in England for a while. I had a good job and I'd made a new life - not unlike emigrating in fact, because I was living in a different village to the one where I was brought up. When I came back to Sydney, I emigrated for the third time. The one thing I would say about going back is to do it in winter, and see England at its worst, dark at 8am, dark at 4pm, grey, dank, cold. I'm not trying to put you off. I got used to English winters again in that 12 year stint, but if you go back in spring or summer, you are seeing England at its glorious best! 'Oh to be in England now that April's here!' And if you are going there on holiday, it's more of an 'artificial' feeling. You know, you have this wonderful reunion with family, see your old friends, the countryside is green and lush, the birds are singing, it's light until 10pm. My God, I want to go back now myself! Actually, I don't! But the funny thing is that I am immersed in all things British in my Sydney life. I read the Daily Mail on line every day, watch Sky News UK overnight, spent last all last night watching QPR v Spurs. But I 'LIVE' here, and I'm happy here. Best of luck with your decision. Remember, you are choosing between two 'right' ones! PS I just realized you are Scottish! Sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I need to delete one of those posts I know. Anyway, does this work for Scotland too?! HOME THOUGHTS FROM ABROAD Oh, to be in England Now that April 's there, And whoever wakes in England Sees, some morning, unaware, That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf, While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough In England—now! And after April, when May follows, And the whitethroat builds, and all the swallows! Hark, where my blossom'd pear-tree in the hedge Leans to the field and scatters on the clover Blossoms and dewdrops—at the bent spray's edge— That 's the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over, Lest you should think he never could recapture The first fine careless rapture! And though the fields look rough with hoary dew, All will be gay when noontide wakes anew The buttercups, the little children's dower —Far brighter than this gaudy melon-flower! Robert Browning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzukiscottie Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 No. If it was a Scottish version it would go like this; Now that April's there, RAIN! AND WIND! The end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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