When in Rome

[Guest]

My story hasn't changed in the slightest.

 

I'm sure it does happen in the UK, it's never happened in front of me so clearly it's a cultural thing, it clearly is.

 

I don't think it is cultural at all. Just because it never happened to you in the UK doesn't mean it doesn't go on. That is a very large brush to go tarring with.

 

It is a one off occurrence for you in Aus, you've not seen it happen anywhere else in your time there (I can't recall you saying anywhere on here you have). I'd put it down to a family or personal thing to do with that family. It could have happened in the UK in your future, seeing some kid get hit or smacked badly by a parent.

 

I think you were just lucky to never have witnessed it happen to you when living in the UK.

 

I think you just need to decide if you report this or not. And if you continue contact with the family I'd perhaps make it clear to them you don't find smacking or hitting with objects acceptable. Drop it into the conversation if it comes up sometime or there is an opportunity to express your opinion on the matter as a parent. I know its a subject I discuss with other Mums from time to time, usually when its in the news or some such. My friends are all on the same page as me and I've never seen one of them raise a hand to their children.

 

Personally I'd not carry on and form a friendship with someone who I knew smacked their kids like that. Nor would I be letting my child go for play dates there. There are lines for me and if they get crossed, I can't sit by and be ok with it and carry on like nothing has happened. I'd probably say why also if I was asked.

[wakeboard1980]

My story hasn't changed in the slightest.

 

I'm sure it does happen in the UK, it's never happened in front of me so clearly it's a cultural thing, it clearly is.

 

thats is just about the biggest load of cr@p I've heard on here. You are havin a laugh. Go and report it and stop carrying on on here. People have given you their thoughts, after all that's what you would have been after posting on a public forum, so either do something about or SHUT UP.

[wakeboard1980]

I don't think the rest of your post makes it sound any better though!

 

TBH I don't really care what you think, yes you are entitled to an opinion like all of us, but I know what I wrote, and I know what I meant, so do others.

[Sammy1]

I posted a couple of days ago about a very really incident that happened and how it was connected to me and my children. It was heartfelt and I sincerely asked for advice, which I took.

 

PomPrincesses your thread sickens me by the way that you are intimating that abuse is a cultural thing 'When in Rome' etc etc.You are not in any danger, nor have you experienced it yourself here, but the two year old did. You were a casual observer who can actually do something about it without fear of retribution.

 

Abuse is not confined to culture,race or country - it is world wide.

 

Your questions and replies on here are not sincere, your story keeps changing, you are not in crisis and I feel your post is self serving.

[BritChickx]

It wasn't once. In the UK if you made a mark with your hand you'd be prosecuted. If you used anything at all to hit the child with you'd be prosecuted even without marking. It's pretty primitive here wouldn't you say ?

The naughty step is a crock of **** too, but some times every one just needs a moment to calm down and that's a good thing.

Just yesterday on the bus I heard a girl probably just a couple years older than me, screaming in her toddlers face because she was stood up in her seat, not doing anything wrong really, it's disgusting!!

Not the first i've seen of it either. And i know we're not talking about pets here, but yesterday I also saw someone literally dragging their dog by their lead along the pavement, shouting and cursing it, I was staring at him hoping he'd catch me eye cos I really wanted to say something but he didn't....these incidents make me so angry.

[AJ]

Oh with respect. No. I'm going to keep an eye on things from a far. Aside of everything else the marks will have gone down now, the time to act was Friday.

 

In other words you dont really want to do anything you just like sticking your nose in and gossiping about them!

[Petals]

Sadly I have also witnessed instances like this.

While in a Sydney restaurant we watched a mother pull down her young sons pants,bend him over a chair and smack him.We were so shocked we threw money on the table and left.

It does seem to be acceptable here.We have numerous friends who smack their kids quite often.

We did stop being friends with o e family who think its OK to use a belt on their 3 children.Who are all young teenagerx

 

With the laws we have in place I am surprised that this could occur. In Vic it would get reported by someone.

[PomPrincesses]

I posted a couple of days ago about a very really incident that happened and how it was connected to me and my children. It was heartfelt and I sincerely asked for advice, which I took.

 

PomPrincesses your thread sickens me by the way that you are intimating that abuse is a cultural thing 'When in Rome' etc etc.You are not in any danger, nor have you experienced it yourself here, but the two year old did. You were a casual observer who can actually do something about it without fear of retribution.

 

Abuse is not confined to culture,race or country - it is world wide.

 

Your questions and replies on here are not sincere, your story keeps changing, you are not in crisis and I feel your post is self serving.

 

 

 

MY story has not changed in the slightest, I stated I witnessed this event in my first paragraph if you took that to mean I stood in the same room and allowed a 2 year old to be hurt I think that says more about you than me, who the hell would do that ? I was in the house I don't need to have seen it with my own eyes to KNOW what happened.

[Johndoe]

Hate to say this but in some respects it is "cultural". I've had 2 lots of short-term foster kids in my care who had clearly taken a beating but who were returned to the parents after a couple of days. In both instances, the case workers expalined that the parents were not guilty of the abuse but older immediate family members were, when the parents were out working and the kids were left in the care of the grandparents. The families were of "islander" origin and it was explained (to me) that the older generation of islanders had very strong views on corporal punishment and that the courts would likely reject a long-term protection order due to their recognition of "traditional custom". All the department could do was keep an eye on the kids and ask that the family members attends a voluntary parenting programme.

 

That said, abuse occurs ascross all cultures, the only difference being that some cultures don't view it as abuse , but simply as family discipline.

[janine the party queen]

With the laws we have in place I am surprised that this could occur. In Vic it would get reported by someone.

The only reason we did nothing over the restaurant experience,we had only been in Oz a few days and no-one else seem to react to the situation.

The 3 teenagers who are punished with a belt well different story.The father is in defence,the family are known.....however nothing seems to have been done.

One thing I will say however,we see more of this kind of behaviour up here ,the Territory is a law unto itself.We see Indiginous children being mis-treated in public on an almost daily basis.We have yet to see anyone react to a child being belted around the head or kicked up the backside so hard they sprawl across the floor.Even the security guards in the shopping centre look the other way.

[Dublin4]

"It never did me any harm" I've never understood it. What kind of bullshit is that? Just because something doesn't do you any long term harm, doesn't make it o.k!

 

 

My Ma, for the most part, was the disciplinarian in our house. She used to give us a good slap around the head! No big deal. Her words were more effective though. She knew how to demand respect from us. We knew when she meant business. If we did something serious, my Ma would leave it to our Dad. He would send us to our room, let us stew for a bit, and then come up. He never, ever lost his temper, but he would give me a good smack on the arse. It was rare, and only for something like kicking someones fence in. It would hurt, but not that much. It was never a problem, ten minutes later it would be a fresh start. I would not repeat the same mistake twice though.

 

 

You see so many families now where the kid is the boss. It's embarrassing to witness, it really is. Kids with zero respect for their parents. Two of my sisters have kids, one of them takes the time out, naughty step more modern approach, the other is like my Ma, she takes no bullshit from her boys. Guess which one has the more polite, respectful and nicer kids?

 

 

I would not smack a child myself, I could never take anything that serious, but I do have respect for how a parent might discipline their own child. It has nothing to do with me.

 

 

Should the OP report these spoon smackers to the authorities? Maybe! Smacking a kid, even with a wooden spoon is not the same as beating one though. If every parent that smacked their kids were reported to child welfare, they would not have enough time to look after the kids in genuine need of help. You know, the kids being kicked, punched, beaten, molested or starved!

 

 

If I was a social worker I would not want to waste my time on such Mickey mouse trivial bullshit, when there are kids out there that need to be rescued from their homes. What I'm trying to say is...........PomPrincess, in this case, keep your nose out of business that does not concern you!

[Dude]

Shocking. Never came across anything like this in Sydney and hope I never will!

[summerhill]

When I lived in Sydney's inner west I witnessed a neighbour chasing her child out of the house with a stick and tell him never to come back. The child constantly tried to re enter the house and every time he did the mother chased him away. I called the police who came promptly and for good measure I also called DOCS . The person who took the information at DOCS said that the police would file a report about the incident that day but asked me many questions about what I observed as a neighbour , they assured me that the family would not know who had reported them . The family had not lived in the house very long and we had just sold our house and our children were different ages so we had not had play dates with them . As we moved not long after I often wonder what happened to those kids

[Guest51810]

MY story has not changed in the slightest, I stated I witnessed this event in my first paragraph if you took that to mean I stood in the same room and allowed a 2 year old to be hurt I think that says more about you than me, who the hell would do that ? I was in the house I don't need to have seen it with my own eyes to KNOW what happened.

 

Sorry but you cant say "who the hell would do that" and then wait ages to report it but instead start up a forum discussion about how its possibly only a australian thing. If you KNOW what happened then report it!!!!! I can understand why you were hesitant at first but you've got the answers you want from social workers on here so DO something if you feel so strongly about it.

[Kapri]

I can't believe there are people on here who seem to think it is acceptable that a 2 year old baby gets hit with a wooden implement.

 

I don't believe in using physical violence at all to discipline children but I do understand that we are all human and sometimes, in the heat of the moment, an adult may smack a child on the legs. But to do it with an implement that will bloody hurt is awful.

 

As adults, if you made a mistake, or upset someone, and that person hit you, it would be considered assault and unacceptable. So why is it ok for a parent to do it to a child?

 

 

Children need firm boundaries and consistent discipline within a loving environment. Not physical abuse.

[Kapri]

I also think people are being very unfair to the OP. It is very difficult to report potential abuse, especially if you know the people involved.

 

I have to do it fairly regularly in my job and I still find it difficult despite having support from safeguarding officers and colleagues.

[Johndoe]

I also think people are being very unfair to the OP.

 

 

maybe that's due to her past posting history?

[Kapri]

maybe that's due to her past posting history?

 

 

Ah ok, I have no idea about past posting history - I just took this thread at face value :goofy:

 

It's something I feel strongly about. I co-facilitate parenting courses and there are much more effective ways of disciplining children, that encourage good behaviour and strong bonds.

 

There are plenty of people in the UK who think it's OK to abuse children if that's what this is all about :wink:

[Guest51810]

I also think people are being very unfair to the OP. It is very difficult to report potential abuse, especially if you know the people involved.

 

I have to do it fairly regularly in my job and I still find it difficult despite having support from safeguarding officers and colleagues.

 

it's not okay and that's why she needs to report it or even talk to a teacher about it

[AJ]

I can't believe there are people on here who seem to think it is acceptable that a 2 year old baby gets hit with a wooden implement.

 

I don't believe in using physical violence at all to discipline children but I do understand that we are all human and sometimes, in the heat of the moment, an adult may smack a child on the legs. But to do it with an implement that will bloody hurt is awful.

 

As adults, if you made a mistake, or upset someone, and that person hit you, it would be considered assault and unacceptable. So why is it ok for a parent to do it to a child?

 

 

Children need firm boundaries and consistent discipline within a loving environment. Not physical abuse.

 

I dont think anyone has said it is acceptable. The OP is only assuming thats what happened - you cant just go around accusing people of stuff like that unless you know for sure. Also if you were that concerned about a child would you not report it to the authorities instead of coming onto an internet forum.

[fairystar32]

I would of reported it If I had witnessed it. I cannot believe it would legal anywhere to hit a child with an object and also to leave marks.

I disagree strongly with smacking but hitting on purpose with a spoon and a baby who is 2, is disgusting and unacceptable.

 

"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression.

When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility.

When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault.

When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline."

— Haim G. Ginott

[Skani]

As someone who was brought up in the days when most of us were acquainted with the wooden spoon, the strap and/or the cane at school....it is really interesting reading this thread.

How times have changed! Makes me feel like a historical object.:biggrin:

[ali]

As someone who was brought up in the days when most of us were acquainted with the wooden spoon, the strap and/or the cane at school....it is really interesting reading this thread.

How times have changed! Makes me feel like a historical object.:biggrin:

 

Me too

[northernbird]

I've only ever smacked one of my children once when I got out of the shower one day having left her watching TV (she was 4) to find her in the swimming pool, albeit with her life jacket on!! She had pushed her bike over to the gate and stood on the seat to open it. It was frustration and anger and the fear of 'what if' that got her a very sharp smack around her wet thigh!! Using any kind of implement to strike a child is wrong on every level.

[Que Sera Sera]

Now listen I am absolutely no advocate of any type of violence to any child but as a parent especially of teenagers I do find the " there are far better ways of parenting" brigade a tad irksome . You do find your hands tied sometimes by degree waving , positive parenting do gooders, sticking their noses in, often they have never had kids and have never looked after one on a day to day basis .i just try not to judge because let's face it being a parent ain't easy and let's face it your damned if you chastise and damned if you don't . What about the rise in teenage anti social behaviour, to me it all feels like its going wrong somewhere with this so called positive parenting.