When in Rome

[PomPrincesses]

Exactly, I have a 2 year old, this little chap is his friend. My little one cannot go to that house again i couldn't even have him witness something like that.

[PomPrincesses]

You don't really know it won't be taken seriously - your report may be one of many against the family, they may already be on the DCP radar

 

That's true.

[ali]

That's true.

 

I spoke to DCP about something that concerned me and they were very helpful and the child was already known to them (which I didn't know at the time).

[movingbacktoaus]

Everyone who goes to court states their version of events and it's up to a jury to decide based on the evidence presented to them. It would appear whilst it ought to ruin these parents lives unless it's happening with regularity or severity it's not taken seriously in Australia, so they'll be fine, unlike their 2 year old.

 

You worry that the child will not be ok yet at the time you did not confront the parents about it you simply made your excuses and left. And you have not reported either as you seem more concerned that may come back on you. If you feel that strongly about it then act instead of seeking approval for your actions on here.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Have some things shocked or surprised you about Australian way of life ?

 

We live in a nice area, mix with 99% Australian professionals with a similar out look or so I bloody thought. Went for a playdate at somebody house and witnessed their 2 year old get hit with a wooden spoon for drawing on something, very openly, welts on the child's leg. After I'd picked my jaw up off the floor, made my excuses, went home and googled the Australian stance on this and find it's perfectly acceptable. Obviously we'll be finding new friends but bloody hell.

What's shocked/surprised you ?

 

No I haven't. It was so blatant I'm sure kids get walloped back in the UK but I think most would not do it front of other people and not be so "normal" afterwards, I was shaking like a leaf, the hitter was making tea and waving smiling and saying goodbye.

 

With respect I was there and you weren't.

The child was screaming and I mean screaming. He had visible red welts on his legs that were not there before the father went into the bedroom. The father went into the kitchen and picked up the wooden spoon, took it into the bedroom and then placed it back in the draw when he returned to the kitchen. The father announced the 2 year old had been punished.

He did not tell the mother, he's just fallen off a cabinet by explanation for the crying and injury, he instructed the mother to put the kid down when she's comforting the hysterical 2 year old.

 

If my child accidentally injured themselves and had marks on them, you'd be a) comforting them, b) applying first aid, cream and a cold compress and b) explaining to the other parent WTF happened wouldn't you ?

 

 

 

I am really confused your first post you said you witnessed it, 2nd post you said it was in front of other people then the last one I've quoted you said it happened in the bedroom. Now I really hope that you aren't using this story to have a go at Aussies.

 

If you are seriously concerned about this child you report it, they may ask for your name but it is confidential, they will not go to the family and accuse them of something they have no proof happened but they will see how the child is. Imagine if this is true and the child is often beaten, one day it may go to far and the child could be seriously harmed, could you have that on your conscience I know I couldn't.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Yeah, I bet that two year old was asking for it....

I know you were being sarcastic but no child asks for it. However, none of us, including the OP know what happened

[Guest The Pom Queen]

That's true.

 

So report it then

[Guest51810]

report it

[WeegieDave]

Different country different rules/tolerances. Maybe you don't know the full story behind this. I think there may be more to it than meets the eye. If it is as straight forward as you say it is then they have taken it too far, but like I said maybe what you saw is just the end result.

 

I don't think any kind of violence towards another human being is acceptable but setting about a 2 year old child's legs with a piece of wood is definitely not acceptable. There are ways to discipline children without using violence regardless of the story behind it!

[wakeboard1980]

Yeah, I bet that two year old was asking for it....

 

What about highlighting the rest of my post and 'reading into' that as well. So did I mean the 2yr old was asking for it? Is that what you are assuming?

[Guest]

I know you were being sarcastic but no child asks for it. However, none of us, including the OP know what happened

And Kate, nor is it an anti-Australian slight I'm sure. Speaking as a former UK Child Protection Worker, lots of people find themselves in the same situation as the OP, hamstrung between wanting to do the right thing and unsure of the potential harm that can be done by being seen to have made a malicious accusation. During my career I spoke with countless numbers of concerned relatives, friends and neighbours who, after an occurrence of abuse had come to light, wanted to share with me pre-existing concerns that they'd had about that child, things they'd seen and heard but had not been sure what to do about.

 

The safest thing to do is to call your local CP Team and tell them what you saw and heard. The more information you can give them the better, in order to inform any investigation they may undertake. Based upon my experience in the UK, a referral like this one would certainly be investigated and the child may be examined by a Paediatrician to ascertain if they'd sustained injuries and how and a detailed assessment would be undertaken. Prosecutions are rare, as are removals of children from their parents care. The role of the system is primarily to try and protect children once abuse has been identified and to prevent it from reoccurring.

[Guest]

What about highlighting the rest of my post and 'reading into' that as well. So did I mean the 2yr old was asking for it? Is that what you are assuming?

 

 

I'm not sure what you meant. What did you mean?

[wakeboard1980]

I'm not sure what you meant. What did you mean?

 

I know you are not dumb, I know you can figure it out. Enough said, I'm not getting into an argument with you over a smart ass comment you made. No one ever asks to be hit/abused/assaulted etc.

[PomPrincesses]

And Kate, nor is it an anti-Australian slight I'm sure. Speaking as a former UK Child Protection Worker, lots of people find themselves in the same situation as the OP, hamstrung between wanting to do the right thing and unsure of the potential harm that can be done by being seen to have made a malicious accusation. During my career I spoke with countless numbers of concerned relatives, friends and neighbours who, after an occurrence of abuse had come to light, wanted to share with me pre-existing concerns that they'd had about that child, things they'd seen and heard but had not been sure what to do about.

 

The safest thing to do is to call your local CP Team and tell them what you saw and heard. The more information you can give them the better, in order to inform any investigation they may undertake. Based upon my experience in the UK, a referral like this one would certainly be investigated and the child may be examined by a Paediatrician to ascertain if they'd sustained injuries and how and a detailed assessment would be undertaken. Prosecutions are rare, as are removals of children from their parents care. The role of the system is primarily to try and protect children once abuse has been identified and to prevent it from reoccurring.

 

But will they do that here ?

 

My concern is that, somebody knocks the door, the report can only have come from me, they tell the CP social worker what happened - they aren't ashamed otherwise they wouldn't have done it with a guest in the house - and the SW says oh thank goodness we thought it was something serious, as you were and then firstly I never get to see what happens to that child again, secondly my child is not allowed to play with the other child as a result and no good has come of it. Does that make sense ?

[Guest]

I know you are not dumb, I know you can figure it out. Enough said, I'm not getting into an argument with you over a smart ass comment you made. No one ever asks to be hit/abused/assaulted etc.

 

 

Of course they don't, and I see from your post that you're a father yourself, but your original post did seem quite defensive. Yeah I know I was being a bit tart with you, I was probably expecting you to get defensive about the standard of an Australian's parenting being questioned. Different culture and all that!

[keily]

sounds to me like your more bothered about what your *so called friends * will think of you for reporting it ....you go on about how professional you all are ...yet your more than prepared to let this go ...just incase theres repercussions against your family ....you might aswell took the spoon in your own hand and hit the poor wee soul ....imo your just as bad as them :mad:

 

mrs keily

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Of course they don't, and I see from your post that you're a father yourself, but your original post did seem quite defensive. Yeah I know I was being a bit tart with you, I was probably expecting you to get defensive about the standard of an Australian's parenting being questioned. Different culture and all that!

I can see what WB means so I'm not sure if you can or are choosing to ignore it. This has nothing to do with Australia parents v UK parents

[movingbacktoaus]

I can see what WB means so I'm not sure if you can or are choosing to ignore it. This has nothing to do with Australia parents v UK parents

 

Although the first line in the initial post did make it sound as though it was being set up as a Aus v UK thread.

[Guest]

 

But will they do that here ?

 

My concern is that, somebody knocks the door, the report can only have come from me, they tell the CP social worker what happened - they aren't ashamed otherwise they wouldn't have done it with a guest in the house - and the SW says oh thank goodness we thought it was something serious, as you were and then firstly I never get to see what happens to that child again, secondly my child is not allowed to play with the other child as a result and no good has come of it. Does that make sense ?

 

It does make sense totally, and I'd say your understandable reservations are part of the reason why a lot of concerns remain unreported. I've spoken with Headteachers and Health Visitors and other professionals in the past who've reported concerns, and then when the concern remains unsubstantiated have turned to me and asked "well we didn't really want to refer this as we've got to have a working relationship with this parent after you've finished off here." They're professionals who have a reporting responsibility and if they don't feel comfortable reporting a concern about a child, then your concern about doing so as another parent is entirely understandable.

 

DoCS/ DHS or equivalents can anonymise you when they speak with the parent, but yes, those parents may well guess that it came from you. I guess ultimately it is about following the courage of your convictions and making that call to your local service or the police.

[PomPrincesses]

sounds to me like your more bothered about what your *so called friends * will think of you for reporting it ....you go on about how professional you all are ...yet your more than prepared to let this go ...just incase theres repercussions against your family ....you might aswell took the spoon in your own hand and hit the poor wee soul ....imo your just as bad as them :mad:

 

mrs keily

 

I will probably never see those people again, they aren't people I can be friends with.

I am concerned for my child, yes.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Although the first line in the initial post did make it sound as though it was being set up as a Aus v UK thread.

I agree re the OP but EW was using it against Wakeboard which in my opinion was incorrect.

[PomPrincesses]

 

It does make sense totally, and I'd say your understandable reservations are part of the reason why a lot of concerns remain unreported. I've spoken with Headteachers and Health Visitors and other professionals in the past who've reported concerns, and then when the concern remains unsubstantiated have turned to me and asked "well we didn't really want to refer this as we've got to have a working relationship with this parent after you've finished off here." They're professionals who have a reporting responsibility and if they don't feel comfortable reporting a concern about a child, then your concern about doing so as another parent is entirely understandable.

 

DoCS/ DHS or equivalents can anonymise you when they speak with the parent, but yes, those parents may well guess that it came from you. I guess ultimately it is about following the courage of your convictions and making that call to your local service or the police.

 

If somebody would actually do something, no problem at all, from what I've read that seems unlikely and you aren't telling me as a professional, yes I think based on what you've said action would be taken against them in Australia. I know it would in the UK

[Guest The Pom Queen]

I will probably never see those people again, they aren't people I can be friends with.

I am concerned for my child, yes.

So if you aren't going to see them again please report it, or even give one of us the details so it can be looked in to.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

If somebody would actually do something, no problem at all, from what I've read that seems unlikely and you aren't telling me as a professional, yes I think based on what you've said action would be taken against them in Australia. I know it would in the UK

For goodness sake stop bringing the UK in to it, you have said you witnessed a 2yr old being abused if so report it end of

[PomPrincesses]

So if you aren't going to see them again please report it, or even give one of us the details so it can be looked in to.

 

Oh with respect. No. I'm going to keep an eye on things from a far. Aside of everything else the marks will have gone down now, the time to act was Friday.