Geordie girl Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Hi everyone, well last year was a really difficult year for us when my hubby lost his job after being there 25 years. Anyway we toiled with the idea of moving back to England for months then decided to do it. Our 2 teenage daughters were not so keen on the idea tho.......especially the oldest. Anyway we sold our beautiful home, sold most of our furniture, packed up the rest of our belongings, i left my job of 9 years and we said goodbye to family and friends and made the trip back to England.......however even though we did all of this it never "felt" right. Anyway, we have been back for 1 month and things have been HARD to say the least. We have managed to get our children into a great school but our oldest daughter just cries every day - omg this is heart breaking to watch because that's exactly what i did when i first moved to Australia. She hates the school and is struggling in every way We are struggling to find a house and realise now that our money isn't going to stretch as far as we thought. The weather is so cold and wet and miserable and i have had the flu, a cough and sore throat for the whole time i've been here.....as has one of my daughters. No-one seems to have any oomph to do anything and everyone just seems so content to plod on doing what they've done for ever. I know it sounds like i'm just whinging and moaning - but i'm not....i'm being honest and realistic. There's lots of good points too, the main being that my family here are great and have been so very helpful and people in general are more friendly and helpful......... I know its early days but i am SO worried about my daughter and the whole settling in thing in general. ANY words of wisdom would be great Thanks heaps Geordie Girl x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srh82 Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Persevere. Early days X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Hopefully early days blues. The closing of the dark winter months over the approaching weeks, will hopefully witness a rising of spirit as Spring makes its presence felt. Kids are Kids. They can take time. She may well love it by this time next year. They adapt quickly. More important how you are coping and feelings that the right thing was undertaken. Just give it time. Let us know how things pan out. Good Luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaynemw Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 We did a similar thing, moved to Uk last June. My partner is from the Uk and I'm Australian. I have struggled and still are struggling, best thing I found was to talk it through with your partner. We have decided to give it 6 more months and then return in July, if I'm still not settled. Everyone tells me you need to give it a year, and some say your feelings may not change ! After we decided to give it 6 more months, I felt a lot better, there was a light at the end of the tunnel and we would be more financially able to do the move back again. All you can do is give it your best shot, and then decide on where your heart lies, I know mines back in Oz, but I don't want to give up too quickly after all it's taken to get us here. Hope that's of some help xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 (edited) So sorry to hear that you're struggling. Have a word with school and see what pastoral care is available to support your daughter through the transition. Being able to talk about it and not bottling things up is helpful and you may feel that when spring arrives the change in weather can also lift your spirits. Good luck x Edited January 23, 2016 by ali Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 It is early days - some of us take longer holidays. I'm guessing that your daughter is probably finding herself quite far behind her peers - as Ali suggested, I would be having a chat with the school to see how they can support your daughter. They're generally very good at taking care of kids new to the system. Moving in either direction is always harder the older the kids are but once they get a mate that clicks they'll be fine - and once spring and Summer arrives it will be different. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jordan99 Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 (edited) Hi Geordie Girl we returned to the uk after 6 years in Oz. we have been back since June and my 15 year old hated it, he stopped talking stopped eating never came out if his room and just wanted to return. We struggled finding a place to rent with no credit history, struggled finding a school and college for my 16 year old as he didn't have any gcse results. All a nightmare really. We gave in and sent the younger son back to school in oz and stayed with a friend. He returned to his old self within a couple of weeks. I return next week to look after him. Fortunately we kept our house so we can go and live there. My husband and older son will rerun also in a few months. The summer is so lovely here in the uk but the winter is long and miserable. We did feel homesick for the Uk and for family and friends but this expensive experience has made us realise where we want to be. We will return here for holidays as much as possible. I feel for you. It's a hard decision and all those goodbye again is a killer. Good luck with whatever you decide. Edited January 23, 2016 by Jordan99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amibovered Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 You can't expect to feel settled after a month, I'm sure you realise that anyway, even though you've returned home it's still a massive move, for the first six or so months I felt the same, and I've done it three times!!, give yourself time, in six months from now we'll have those long summer days to enjoy, unfortunately that settling in time is just something to be endured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Are you in the NE as your username suggests? If so, I'm not at all surprised you're finding it tough. This winter has been horrible - wet, grey and miserable. I can't wait for it to be over. However, it has only been a month and it does take time to settle, especially when you've been away for so long. I think you expect to slot back into life straightaway when you 'come home', but the reality is that you've moved to a new country - your girls even more so! I'd echo what others have said about getting in touch with the pastoral care team at school and see what they can offer your daughter - it must be so tough for her. Once she makes proper friends (and she will - our girls have moved so many times and it's always hard, but they do make friends) I'm sure she'll feel differently. She always has the option of returning to Australia when she's left school, if that's what she wants by then. What sort of things does she enjoy doing? Does she like music? It'll be spring soon and all the festivals will be starting again. Our girls enjoy going to those and there are plenty for younger teens too, where they go for then day and you pick them up at the end. Our youngest went to one in Gateshead when she was 13 and it was well organised and a safe introduction to the music festival scene. Ours also love travelling and have been interailing, travelled with friends around the UK and to Europe etc, which are easier and cheaper to do from the UK. There is so much for young people here, but it is a different life in some ways, so it'll be a voyage of discovery for your daughters until they find what they enjoy doing as much as they did in their old lives. I can honestly say it took me a good two years to settle back into life in the UK when we returned the first time. I could only see the negatives and, like you, looked around me at all these people who seemed so content to plod on with their never changing lives. In the end I almost felt envious of their contentment. Why couldn't I feel like that?! For me, it was making friends (who are now my closest friends) and getting out and having having fun which changed my mindset (that and a little help from a few months of St John's Wort ). It's a different lifestyle in some ways, but just as good when you find what you like doing again. Finding a house to buy took months because I found fault with every one I saw - I didn't want to make that kind of 'permanent' commitment to the UK, but actually being pressured by the rest of my family into buying somewhere did help. Having my things around me was comforting and settling, so hopefully when you do find somewhere, you'll feel the same. I really feel for you. It's really tough - in some ways tougher than the emigration in the first place, but most, given time, do settle. It's the 'giving it time' which I found so hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishDigger Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Sorry, no advice for you Geordie Girl but anyone found whinging about life in The Land Down Under and wanting to return from whence they came should be referred to this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imapla Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Hi everyone, well last year was a really difficult year for us when my hubby lost his job after being there 25 years. Anyway we toiled with the idea of moving back to England for months then decided to do it. Our 2 teenage daughters were not so keen on the idea tho.......especially the oldest.Anyway we sold our beautiful home, sold most of our furniture, packed up the rest of our belongings, i left my job of 9 years and we said goodbye to family and friends and made the trip back to England.......however even though we did all of this it never "felt" right. Anyway, we have been back for 1 month and things have been HARD to say the least. We have managed to get our children into a great school but our oldest daughter just cries every day - omg this is heart breaking to watch because that's exactly what i did when i first moved to Australia. She hates the school and is struggling in every way We are struggling to find a house and realise now that our money isn't going to stretch as far as we thought. The weather is so cold and wet and miserable and i have had the flu, a cough and sore throat for the whole time i've been here.....as has one of my daughters. No-one seems to have any oomph to do anything and everyone just seems so content to plod on doing what they've done for ever. I know it sounds like i'm just whinging and moaning - but i'm not....i'm being honest and realistic. There's lots of good points too, the main being that my family here are great and have been so very helpful and people in general are more friendly and helpful......... I know its early days but i am SO worried about my daughter and the whole settling in thing in general. ANY words of wisdom would be great Thanks heaps Geordie Girl x Yes know exactly what you are saying - from day 1 I knew it was wrong and also hadn't been excited by the decision to return before we made the journey and shipped everything over (although it was totally my decision no one forced me - for the same reason as the number one reason to return to friends and family) but unfortunately you have given up every aspect of your life - house, job, friends, weather and all the little things that were in place which you didn't even think about - dr, gym, hairdresser etc etc and it is a big shock to the system. I myself plan to return to Aus as I wasn't planning to move back permanently but I thought I could do a few years at least but now I just don't think I can which might also be hard - a) saying goodbye to parents and family again and b) will we get back to the same life or will this move have changed us. Worst time of year to return for you too - I had forgotten how dark the winter is. We came back in July so moved gradually into winter but doesn't make it any easier. How old is your daughter - is it an option for her to return to aus to finish her schooling ? - I know that may be hard on you but if she finds happiness again that will help you a lot and nothing that we decide is for ever. Good luck and from the responses there are quite a few people out there who are feeling your pain - I don't believe anyone who hasn't gone through it can actually understand it or even imagine how hard it is to feel that you have made a bad emotionally and financially expensive decision Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 ... unfortunately you have given up every aspect of your life - house, job, friends, weather and all the little things that were in place which you didn't even think about - dr, gym, hairdresser etc etc and it is a big shock to the system. I myself plan to return to Aus as I wasn't planning to move back permanently but I thought I could do a few years at least but now I just don't think I can ... I had forgotten how dark the winter is. We came back in July so moved gradually into winter but doesn't make it any easier. ( I've had exactly the same experience: we debated long and hard over whether we could really afford the move, but I remember us both saying, "Even if we don't like it, we'll manage to stick it out for two years". It's not even a year yet and I'm really struggling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Sent you a pm Geordie girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMP Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Hi everyone, well last year was a really difficult year for us when my hubby lost his job after being there 25 years. Anyway we toiled with the idea of moving back to England for months then decided to do it. Our 2 teenage daughters were not so keen on the idea tho.......especially the oldest.Anyway we sold our beautiful home, sold most of our furniture, packed up the rest of our belongings, i left my job of 9 years and we said goodbye to family and friends and made the trip back to England.......however even though we did all of this it never "felt" right. Anyway, we have been back for 1 month and things have been HARD to say the least. We have managed to get our children into a great school but our oldest daughter just cries every day - omg this is heart breaking to watch because that's exactly what i did when i first moved to Australia. She hates the school and is struggling in every way We are struggling to find a house and realise now that our money isn't going to stretch as far as we thought. The weather is so cold and wet and miserable and i have had the flu, a cough and sore throat for the whole time i've been here.....as has one of my daughters. No-one seems to have any oomph to do anything and everyone just seems so content to plod on doing what they've done for ever. I know it sounds like i'm just whinging and moaning - but i'm not....i'm being honest and realistic. There's lots of good points too, the main being that my family here are great and have been so very helpful and people in general are more friendly and helpful......... I know its early days but i am SO worried about my daughter and the whole settling in thing in general. ANY words of wisdom would be great Thanks heaps Geordie Girl x Hello Geordie Girl Just think of the positives that you now have and not the negatives. There will be lots, you just need to really focus on them. Fact is that you are here now so live for this now and not for what you have lost. This isn't just empty talk from someone who has never experienced it. I previously lived in France with my husband but we returned to the UK last year when he was ill. He then died and I no longer had either husband or the lovely home, friends and life which I had previously. There are always positives though - it was exciting to have a window cleaner, a bus stop at the end of the road, a local pub and a fish and chip shop!! Stick with it and tell yourselves "this is where we are", it will help you to get on with it and to settle in. It really is very early days for all of you, being ill won't have helped and it will all work out eventually. As my children are in Australia I am now looking to move out there but there will definitely be things here that I will miss and yearn for - including family and friends who I will leave behind and cold, frosty mornings. Big hug - to hopefully help you start to feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Hi everyone, well last year was a really difficult year for us when my hubby lost his job after being there 25 years. Anyway we toiled with the idea of moving back to England for months then decided to do it. Our 2 teenage daughters were not so keen on the idea tho.......especially the oldest.Anyway we sold our beautiful home, sold most of our furniture, packed up the rest of our belongings, i left my job of 9 years and we said goodbye to family and friends and made the trip back to England.......however even though we did all of this it never "felt" right. Anyway, we have been back for 1 month and things have been HARD to say the least. We have managed to get our children into a great school but our oldest daughter just cries every day - omg this is heart breaking to watch because that's exactly what i did when i first moved to Australia. She hates the school and is struggling in every way We are struggling to find a house and realise now that our money isn't going to stretch as far as we thought. The weather is so cold and wet and miserable and i have had the flu, a cough and sore throat for the whole time i've been here.....as has one of my daughters. No-one seems to have any oomph to do anything and everyone just seems so content to plod on doing what they've done for ever. I know it sounds like i'm just whinging and moaning - but i'm not....i'm being honest and realistic. There's lots of good points too, the main being that my family here are great and have been so very helpful and people in general are more friendly and helpful......... I know its early days but i am SO worried about my daughter and the whole settling in thing in general. ANY words of wisdom would be great Thanks heaps Geordie Girl x What were your reasons for returning, and are they still valid? I've always said it's hard to move teenagers. I didn't appreciate it much. As for winter, it'll be spring soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booma Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 i knew almost straight away i made a terrible mistake going back & started saving to come back to oz. after the initial joy of seeing family it hit me i wanted the life i had in oz more than i knew when i was here the 1st time. sometimes you have to go back to realise what you really want. its expensive ping ponging but some of us have to learn the hard way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I think it's hard to settle when you move either way. I hated it in Australia when I first arrived and wanted to move home within weeks, then after a few years when I was finally able to come home I wanted to stay there but couldn't. Returning to England was what I'd wanted so much but it still took me a good 18 months to finally fully settle back in England and once I did I've never looked back. Of course, we're all so different, but for me life picked up again when everything started to fall in to place and I got a decent job and my house back on track and that took over a year. Yes, the weather here is crap at times, but that's what I grew up with, and for me, I'd rather be happy in the rain than miserable in the sun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 As others have said it's early days, we all adapt in different ways. For us it was right almost from day 1 but for others it takes longer. I love spring summer and autumn but don't love the couple of months of real winter, the rest of the year more than compensates though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Sorry, no advice for you Geordie Girl but anyone found whinging about life in The Land Down Under and wanting to return from whence they came should be referred to this thread. Of course we could also refer them to the many success stories, all the people that have happily made the return to the UK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I'd also say put a time limit of, say, a year and if things are still bleak- return. Life's too short to be miserable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Of course we could also refer them to the many success stories, all the people that have happily made the return to the UK. I think the point is you have to look at both sides of the coin. People who say "go for it, we love it, so you'll love it too" should be shot. Equally people who say "don't even consider it, Australia is perfect, you'll regret it" should be shot too. Both countries have their good and bad points and which one is "best" is a very personal choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I think the point is you have to look at both sides of the coin. People who say "go for it, we love it, so you'll love it too" should be shot. Equally people who say "don't even consider it, Australia is perfect, you'll regret it" should be shot too. Both countries have their good and bad points and which one is "best" is a very personal choice. Exactly, and that choice can change depending on which stage of life you're at. Those of us who have that freedom of choice are very lucky! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanga Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I came back to the UK early 2015 to be with my elderly mother after being in Australia for 35 years. Unfortunately after a long and healthy life my Mother had a bad fall and passed away very suddenly 4 months ago. I have no regrets about coming back to spend this time with her, but I will be returning to Australia in 2016. My dog came too, so he's in for another adventure. Personally, I love Australia. However, it pays to remember what someone told me when I first went to Australia in my early 20's, that Australia is a foreign country and although English is the first language, the way of life is completely different to that in the UK. Some love it and settle in for life, others can't wait to leave. Sure there are plenty of beaches and BBQ's but its not a holiday and you still have to work. I have lived in both Brisbane and Adelaide. Brisbane is sub-tropical, great beaches, hardly any Winter and can be very humid at times. Property can be expensive the nearer to the City you get, but as someone already mentioned, real-estate.com is a good way to start looking. Adelaide is a lovely City with a lot of parklands. Very easy to drive around. Climate is more seasonal with hot Summers and cold Winters (not as cold as UK though, as days can be quite sunny). It has been referred to as a big country town, but the folks are friendly and the houses a bit cheaper. I wish you all the very best in your decision and hope you decide to give it a go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I think the point is you have to look at both sides of the coin. People who say "go for it, we love it, so you'll love it too" should be shot. Equally people who say "don't even consider it, Australia is perfect, you'll regret it" should be shot too. Both countries have their good and bad points and which one is "best" is a very personal choice. Indeed but that wasn't the point of the post I quoted. The point seemed to be if you are thinking of returning to the UK then read this thread because someone has regretted it. Loads of us haven't regretted it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanga Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Sorry wrong thread, my comments were meant for someone else! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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