Rachel Tilley

If you moved to Australia for a better quality of life then clearly you are not having one! I'm sure your husband did not move there to increase his working day to so many hours. 457 visas are only temporary and you are all trying to build a long lasting life in Oz on something that can be taken away or expire. You and your daughter are totally dependent on your husband for the right to remain in Australia and his mental health can only last for so long before stress takes its toll. If he was to take a long period of sick leave due to stress or anxiety he would probably worry that he would lose his job, so he's in a vicious circle to keep going, hoping for something else to come up but with no guarantee. Do you have a home to come back to in the UK or did you sell up? If you are having less quality time as a family then have a good think about where you all had more time for each other and more fun together. If that was back in the UK then you have your answer.

How old are your children that are in Australia? The Hague Convention will apply for you, they are now 'habitually resident' in Australia and your wife can't take them to LIVE in another country without your consent. The HC applies to children under the age of 18, but if they are 16 or over it's unlikely a UK court would issue a return order to send them back to Oz. However, if your wife wants to take the children to the UK for a HOLIDAY then you should negotiate this with her and a solicitor is not necessary. If she did not return with the children when she said she would then the HC is still on your side for an 'unlawful retention' of the children in the UK and you would get free legal advice and legal representation through the Central Authority in Oz to get them back. Visas and entitlement to live in Oz don't come in to it. The ludicrous situation of this could be that you successfully get the return of the children to Australia where absolutely none of you then have the right to live there! In this legal scenario the Family Law and the Immigration Law are in total conflict. My son and I were both sent back to Australia under the HC when both of us were on temporary visas. As I could not legally live there the judge had the sense to allow us to come home, and the whole debacle cost in excess of £30,000! Think long and hard about what you do here. 'Winning' a family court case is not the be all and end all. 11 years on from my case and my son is deeply affected by all that happened and still has two parents in two countries and has tried living between the two countries for years, tried living in Oz last year, returned to the UK at Christmas to live, and despite now wanting to remain in the UK is having emotional issues because he's not seeing his dad. If your relationship with your wife is good then it will be far better for your children to have you all living together in one country. My son has told me many a time that he doesn't care what country he is in, he just wanted a mum and dad in the same one.

Hi there, I was having a conversation with my brother yesterday about a house that he owns and rents out. He was considering selling it but as the interest rates are so low in the UK at the moment he said it really wasn't worth having the money in the bank and he's better off having more tenants for the next few years and making money on the rent (he owns the house outright with no mortgage). I suppose it would depend on what you would do with the money if you sold it? Investing it in the UK is not going to make you much interest BUT it does relieve you of the worry of tenants not paying, trashing it or doing a runner with some of the contents, and relieve you of a mortgage. It could be a nest egg to come back to, or to transfer to Aussie dollars in the future (maybe when the exchange rate picks up). Personally, I would find leaving a home vacant a bit worrying. You'd still have to pay some utility bills (Council Tax) and if word got round that it was empty you could end up with vandalism or squatters and then you'd have the worry and hassle of dealing with this from afar. You may also have problems with keeping it adequately insured for vacant possession as most insurance companies want to know if a property will be left for periods of 28 days or more. Renting it out may be your best option for investment reasons. My brother has had a tenant in his house for the last 13 years with no issues whatsoever and the house and garden has been kept in great condition. He is also a good landlord and has done everything required of him, including fitting a brand new, good quality bathroom for the tenant a couple of years ago, a new kitchen and new carpets when required. It all depends on the tenant really, if you get a good one then you're sitting on a great investment, but if not, well, you'll have problems! When we moved to Oz we kept our house and rented it out. Thank God we did. We were also on temporary visas and the move didn't work out for me. At least I had a home to come back to, even though the second lot of tenants had left it in a disgusting state. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you keep a bank account open in the UK, even if it only has a small amount in it. Change your address with the bank to one of a trusted relative and opt for online statements only. It would seem that people who are coming back to the UK after some years in Australia are having trouble opening up bank accounts again so don't end up in that situation yourself.

Hi Jessie, To answer your question, yes, I've thought about suicide as a 'way out' on a few occasions through my life but I've never actually tried. During some of my darkest moments I have thought about how I would do it, what I would leave in my note, plan it all in detail... and then shut the door on the idea and think of another solution or way of coping. I have had quite a lot of counselling over the past 12 years and learnt that it is quite normal for people to consider suicide as an option when they feel they are unable to cope with life but only a few actually go through with it. Sadly, those 'few' do amount to several thousand people per year. One counsellor I saw explained the thought process as a bit like those puzzles you see for children where a lot of squiggly lines lead to different things. I was in the middle and had to follow each line through all the mess and the tangles to an open door, and behind each door was a solution. If I didn't like the solution behind that door then I could close it and return to the middle and start again. One of the lines would always lead to a door where suicide was an option. For me, I closed that door, but for some they will leave it open and return to it time and again, until sometimes, sadly, it's the only door left open. As others have already suggested, some of the things that were behind the other doors of my squiggly lines were: Talk to someone you trust (friend or relative) about how you feel Talk to your GP Call a helpline Take medication Get counselling or other therapies Take some time out for yourself to have some peace and do something entirely for you Ask for help with whatever it is that is getting you down (it could be that your work load is too much to cope with for instance) I've learned that it's okay to ask for help and I often wear my heart on my sleeve. This was difficult for me to start with as I was brought up in a family where things were kept private. My mum still does keep things very private and would never tell friends certain things. She'd be horrified to know what sort of things I post on a public forum about myself for instance, she just wouldn't understand why I'd expose such private matters to people. However, I soon found out that trying to keep that stoic "I'm fine and I can cope" attitude didn't do me any good at all. I think forums like this can be a great help to people. Most of us will have no idea who each other is, where we live, whether we use real names or not, yet we can tell by the nature of the posts we write whether we are caring people or not. So in the modern world we can also add community forums as a source of help in times of crisis too.

I was a single parent in Australia and found it very difficult. I'm still a single parent back in England and it is hard work, but here's what I have in England that I didn't have in Australia: When my son is ill I have family who will come and stay during the day so that I can go to work and know he is being looked after When I am ill I have family who will help out, get me some shopping, come and stay to keep me company, entertain my son or take him out to give me some rest. I am also able to go to the doctor, the dentist, or the hospital for appointments by myself as family will look after him whilst I do these things When my son does my head in (which is frequently!) I have a great support network I can have a whinge with - these are long term friends who also have children the same age so we can compare notes and laugh about whose child has the worst/smelliest/untidiest bedroom or whatever the latest gripe is! When I need some 'adult' time I have two lot of grandparents who are happy to have my son overnight so that I can have a night out - I also get the odd weekend away with girlfriends for a spa break due to that loving, family support Sometimes it gets a bit boring that my son just has me for company, so we often have family over for Sunday lunch, or go to other family members where we are all together, play cards, board games, dominoes Things change as the age of the children change. When I was a single parent in Oz my son was 2-4 years old and I had to take him everywhere with me (doctor, dentist, solicitors, shops) and he'd be bored to death but I had no support network that I could count on to drop him off with whilst I did these things in private. I'm not saying it's not doable being a single parent in Oz, but I do know many mums who would rather be a single parent back in their home country than in a foreign one. As the children get older, make friends and have sleepovers that frees your time up a little bit so you can get a social life of your own. If you have PR, Citizenship and a job that provides a great income and concessions for childcare then it will help. In my case I was not entitled to any concessions and the cost of childcare for me outweighed the benefit of me getting a job as I'd have been worse off. The difference between me and you though is that I didn't go to Oz to be a single parent as myself and partner split up after we moved there, but you are going as a single parent. What you need to establish is how much support you have here that you rely on and how much you need to factor that in to your situation if you were to lose it. If you are pretty self sufficient and self reliant then it won't impact you as much as it did me. When it comes to finances, we often take for granted that in the UK our children have free dental treatment, free prescriptions, free schooling, but this is not free in Oz so it's another cost you need to budget for when considering salaries.

That's exactly how I use a CC to my benefit too! Most UK credit cards don't have any annual fees at all so it really doesn't cost me anything to have one. On the odd occasion it does cost an extra 2% to buy on a credit card then I'll use the debit card, but apart from holidays there is very little I buy that I would have to pay the extra percentage on for the privilege of using a credit card. I turned a credit card down when I lived in Oz because I didn't want to pay an annual fee for one so I continued to use my UK one. As the exchange rate was in my favour at that time it actually turned out cheaper for me to pay the dollar rate and have it converted to the GBP rate for final payment.

That's a bummer :sad: I can't believe a bank would be willing to turn away a potential customer with £20,000 to deposit. Customers are able to have two accounts with them, one being a joint account, so perhaps a returning resident could be a named account holder with a trusted family member in order to get on the credit rating ladder, especially if they have a family member who already has an account with them?! Not sure how that would stand, but if you're coming back to the UK with a large sum of money from the sale of a house then that's the best place to put it at the moment. I didn't realise it was so hard to open a bank account as a British Citizen, thank God I kept mine going when I was away. I know my ex still has one here too with just a few pounds in it and he's been gone 12 years.

For those of you about to return home and needing to open up a new bank account then one of the best deals around at the moment is the Santander 123 Account. They offer 3% interest on the first £20,000 of your savings which is better than any ISA or savings account in the UK at the moment. Also, from April 2016 you don't pay tax on your interest earned up to £1000. The Santander 123 Account pays the interest monthly. It also gives you cash back of 1,2 or 3% on some of your direct debit costs for your council tax, phone bills, water rates, electric/gas bills. To qualify for this account you have to pay in a minimum of £500 per month, have a minimum of two direct debits set up and there is a monthly fee of £5 - but that is easily offset against the interest earned if you have enough savings in there. Thought I'd share this as I've been looking to change my bank account recently due to the one I've had for over 30 years not giving me anything! After lots of searching I found that this was the best available and have just switched to it.

Hi Chortlepuss, Have you only tried to get one with your bank? Mine is through one of the large supermarkets (Tesco) and I've had it for years. Like you, I pay it off each month and I've never paid any interest on it but I use it to buy everything in order to earn points. Every quarter Tesco convert the points in to cash and send me vouchers. So for example, if I get £20 in Tesco vouchers I can either spend them in Tesco towards my shopping or fuel and they equate to £20, or I can convert them online in to vouchers for other places and they are worth four times the face value, so £20 becomes £80. I find that a really handy way to use them. As it's half term this week I've just turned £10 of my Tesco vouchers in to £40 of Pizza Express vouchers so I can have a slap up meal with my son and it won't cost me a thing! I know not many people are fans of credit cards, but I use it to my advantage and over the years I've had about £1000 worth of vouchers that have given me days out at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, Blackpool Tower, Drayton Manor Theme Park, Alton Towers Theme Park, meals at Bella Italia, Ask, Pizza Express, Cafe Rouge. You have so many options to use them on.

It's human nature to blame whatever is making you unhappy unhappy! So if people are unhappy living in Australia then they are going to blame the particular place they live for their unhappiness - I know I did to start with. The OP has stated she is homesick, so if this is the main cause of her unhappiness then no matter what city or state of Oz she lives in she will probably be unhappy there. The other reason she is struggling is because she doesn't have as much family time as she'd hoped to have as her husband works long hours. To be honest, if you are homesick and not getting enough quality family time then it doesn't matter where in the world you are living, you are unlikely to feel fulfilled with life and wish to return to the place where you were happier and had better times. Likewise, if you can't find a job in the city you're living in and you can't sustain a standard of living you've been used to then you're also likely to be unhappy, and as the unhappiness is linked to the town/city you are in you are unlikely to like that place. Whether you like somewhere or not, or think it's exciting or boring all comes down to the state of mind it gives you from the experiences you have had. Clearly, these are individual and unique to everyone. For the people who have migrated to Australia and CANNOT find that happiness for whatever reason then they are likely to contemplate a return to the UK and look for help/guidance/support/understanding on this section of the forum. For the people who have migrated to Australia and HAVE found they are totally content there and their lives have even improved they may not have the same empathy for someone who isn't happy in Oz. I now have some very happy memories of Adelaide and certainly do not slag off Australia even though much of my time there was pretty awful. If I had to live in Australia again I would happily return to Adelaide and not even consider another city or state - yet some people find Adelaide extremely dull! However, I have a better standard of living and a better quality of life where I currently live in England, although I must admit there are some places in England that I'd hate to live and would rather return to Australia than live there!! As I've said before, one of my favourite quotes is: It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do or how much you have. It's who you have beside you. If the OP doesn't have her family and support network beside her, well... refer to the above quote!

I thought they were blue and pink and indicated the sex of the member who had created the post! :rolleyes: What does a little house by the side mean?

Vinnie, you seem to be an extremely caring and thoughtful man and your wife is very lucky that you are considering her needs as a priority. I really hope that you succeed in your career back in the UK and are even happier together than you are in Oz. As a woman, having the support of my family to help care for my son was invaluable. I never felt like I was asking for a favour; it was like he was an extension of me so if I needed help in any way then it was automatically there. I got on with my in-laws extremely well and they were also keen to help, however, asking them to help seemed like I was 'putting on them' or asking a favour, or in some way feeling like they thought I couldn't cope with my son and was taking an opportunity to 'off load' him on to them for a few hours. Even though my son had two lots of loving grandparents who were happy to help out, the help from my own mum was asked without any guilt whatsoever, the help from my in-laws was asked with a bit of guilt and a sense of feeling a failure. At the end of the day, they weren't my parents to call upon. It may be that your wife feels a bit like this too. If so, it may be worth having a chat with your parents and they could assure her (if that is indeed the case) that they are happy to help out with their grandson at any time and she is welcome to ask them. I agree with others that your wife should stay to get her Citizenship before you return to the UK. I am back in the UK with my son, his father stayed in Australia. My son and his father both have Citizenship and I have nothing (not even PR as we all went over on temporary visas). If my son chose to live in Australia when he was older then the only option I'd have is to visit on a tourist visa which means I'd lose out in the future on a life of grandchildren etc. That is one of my biggest worries for my future. Your wife would not want to be in the same position, believe me. Best of luck to you both.

There are a few posters on here who want to go home but their husbands don't. When you have children neither one of you can return home with the children if the other party doesn't want to and/or won't give permission for you to take the children home with you. Once your baby is born you may fall in this category if your husband decides that he wants to remain in Australia. Lots of women feel the pull to go home even more once they have a baby. If you both went home before the baby was born then you won't have to cross that bridge! There's a huge amount of info on this thread here http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html As long as you are forewarned and fully aware of the situation you could face then you can make informed decisions now. Most of us don't know about the law in this area until it's too late and then we find we're stuck in Australia because we don't want to leave our children.

There's been an increase in fatal road traffic incidents over the past few years in the area that I live, so this could reflect nationally. Also, deaths due to the use of legal highs has increased significantly over the past few years, as has suicide. I assume these would all be taken in to account when recording the amount of 'deaths' in a year.

What type of law do you specialise in? Just wondered whether you could do some volunteering for a Citizens Advice type organisation to help people out on a voluntary basis to start with to see whether this could lead to some employment using your legal experience in the short term until you've had the baby and have the time/funds to do the studying? If, on the other hand, you know you want to move home to the UK then there are legal reasons why it would be more prudent to do it before the baby is born...