CJT Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I know Marisa, unfortunately the world is changed and we need to re think. You do need to be very careful and take all precautions. It is such a shame, because that is the beauty and allure of England/Europe, and now people will be worrying. Who knows where will be targeted next. Yes the Lindt seige was terrible and caught us all up, but how can you even put Paris in perspective???? My eldest (born in England) wants to go back to England in two years time for Uni. I was all for it, now not sure. As a parent I am wanting to wrap my kids in cotton wool and stop them travelling. (which I loved and did when young). NZ seems so small, safe and isolated at the moment. But do we really live a life lived in fear?? And as a parent, it is a hard choice to clip wings or not. ?? And so those who carried out the attack win, they want to create fear and you are playing into their hands. You should probably stop your children from going in cars, crossing the road etc... these are things that are far more likely to cause death/injury than a terrorist attack. What a potentially horrible world in which to live, one where everything is controlled and everyone is paranoid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I know Marisa, unfortunately the world is changed and we need to re think. You do need to be very careful and take all precautions. It is such a shame, because that is the beauty and allure of England/Europe, and now people will be worrying. Who knows where will be targeted next. Yes the Lindt seige was terrible and caught us all up, but how can you even put Paris in perspective???? My eldest (born in England) wants to go back to England in two years time for Uni. I was all for it, now not sure. As a parent I am wanting to wrap my kids in cotton wool and stop them travelling. (which I loved and did when young). NZ seems so small, safe and isolated at the moment. But do we really live a life lived in fear?? And as a parent, it is a hard choice to clip wings or not. ?? Your chances of getting caught up in a terrorism event are infinitesimally small - far less than being hit by lightning. In fact on a per capita basis, someone is more likely to die in NZ from an earthquake than by terror in Peris or London. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Just reading today that more people have died by suicide as a result of benefits sanctions than died in Paris..... Both terrible news but helps put the risks in perspective, the comments about the dangers of travelling by car are spot on - yet most of us do this every day. Re: return to the UK, I'm much more worried about the damage the Tory Govt are doing to the UK to the economy, NHS, growing inequality and deteriorating housing situation then encountering a terrorist attack... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Got to admit, I wouldn't be to happy if someone went on about how they hated my birth country either (Scotland) but at least Kiwi is managing to make the best of a bad situation. Doesn't bother me. Actually I think it's poms that take the most offended, and some Aussies who have never traveled. Are there any of those fish here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 No, and especially to you CJT. Do you have a child wanting to go to England/Europe away from her family??? Did you feel affected by the attacks? Have you been through anything? Well I have been through things. So have my children. It is not a distorted view to know that circumstances can be reality. I want to keep my kids safe, and "good on me". This forum should not be about attacking each other, or being insensitive. How many want to come on and post here, but back off because off stupid and unsupportive comments from certain people. Think before you post. We are just all people doing our best, and some of us get emotional by what is going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 No, and especially to you CJT. Do you have a child wanting to go to England/Europe away from her family??? Did you feel affected by the attacks? Have you been through anything? Well I have been through things. So have my children. It is not a distorted view to know that circumstances can be reality. I want to keep my kids safe, and "good on me". This forum should not be about attacking each other, or being insensitive. How many want to come on and post here, but back off because off stupid and unsupportive comments from certain people. Think before you post. We are just all people doing our best, and some of us get emotional by what is going on. I don't think CJT said anything harsh or out of order. Was just asking the question, so how are you going to protect your children from leukaemia, being king hit, drugs, the wrong partner and any other of a number of things that statistically put them at risk more than the threat of terrorism? It is right and natural to want to protect your kids, but clipping their wings from traveling isn't likely to help much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJT Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 No, and especially to you CJT. Do you have a child wanting to go to England/Europe away from her family??? Did you feel affected by the attacks? Have you been through anything? Well I have been through things. So have my children. It is not a distorted view to know that circumstances can be reality. I want to keep my kids safe, and "good on me". This forum should not be about attacking each other, or being insensitive. How many want to come on and post here, but back off because off stupid and unsupportive comments from certain people. Think before you post. We are just all people doing our best, and some of us get emotional by what is going on. Why such a vitriolic response ? Yes I do have two sons actually who want to take a gap year and travel to Europe - and I would not try and prevent them from doing something they wanted to do (unless it was really dangerous). When your children grow up they are perfectly entitled to do whatever they want, you cannot control them and should not try to. And yes I have done a lot of things in my life and been to numerous places and experienced many things, my parents didn't try and stop me coming to Australia because of the dangerous Sharks/Spiders/Snakes etc... but then they never tried to control my life and wanted me to do what I wanted to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 The response is simple. I have been through a lot, and I want to protect my girls. I dont want to stop them , I am now saying a time in Japan on a univeristy scholarship seems safer than England. I disagree. At 17 and 18, no they are not entitled. This is a new world and any "caring" parent had an input, reply and response. are you kidding????? Sharks/spiders/snakes, they are my worst enemy, add in crocodiles. i have lived here for 8 years. They are not my fear. I quite like your word "vitriloic", I would look it up, but too tired as our house went on market today. Guees what, moving back to NZ to insure my chilrdren have time with their sick, aging grandparents. And, we want to leave Australia, NZ is better. We have ties to England, Europe, . It is interesting your reply, becuase we think similar. I was kicked out of home at 17. Moved to England at 20. I am trying to adjust to me eldest, work with her, I have always been about travelling and exploring the world, I did, but have your input if needed, I feel the world is different now. I love travel, I did it, but I feel the world is changed. Perhaps listen to what I am saying and share ideas in a nice way. T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 "I don't think CJT said anything harsh or out of order. Was just asking the question, so how are you going to protect your children from leukaemia, being king hit, drugs, the wrong partner and any other of a number of things that statistically put them at risk more than the threat of terrorism? It is right and natural to want to protect your kids, but clipping their wings from traveling isn't likely to help much." by Peach" Intersting, not really. Really, so what do you really add to anything rather than just repeating other. When did I ever mention, king hit, drugs or luekaameia. I never said I wanted to clip her wings, I said I had the choice to not go to UK in the wake of terroisim. As I do as a mother about my children. At least it is my own thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJT Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 The response is simple. I have been through a lot, and I want to protect my girls. I dont want to stop them , I am now saying a time in Japan on a univeristy scholarship seems safer than England. I disagree. At 17 and 18, no they are not entitled. This is a new world and any "caring" parent had an input, reply and response. are you kidding????? Sharks/spiders/snakes, they are my worst enemy, add in crocodiles. i have lived here for 8 years. They are not my fear. I quite like your word "vitriloic", I would look it up, but too tired as our house went on market today. Guees what, moving back to NZ to insure my chilrdren have time with their sick, aging grandparents. And, we want to leave Australia, NZ is better. We have ties to England, Europe, . It is interesting your reply, becuase we think similar. I was kicked out of home at 17. Moved to England at 20. I am trying to adjust to me eldest, work with her, I have always been about travelling and exploring the world, I did, but have your input if needed, I feel the world is differentnow. I love travel, I did it, but I feel the world is changed. Perhaps listen to what I am saying and share ideas in a nice way. T At 18 they are legally an adult so can do what they want whether you like it or not. Japan wasn't such a safe place to be in 2011 when it was hit by a Tsunami and 19000 people died - maybe you should stop your girls going there as well. So in your eyes because I want my children to experience life, be independent and capable of looking after/thinking for themselves I am not a caring parent. My boys will know that I am always there for them, my door will always be open - but they will not go through life with me peering over their shoulder, telling them what to do and trying to control them. I don't believe the world has changed - there are always problems somewhere in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 So why are we battling?? I travelled, I know my girls will travel. And yes I worry. When I travelled and did stupid things at 20, I don't remember terrroisism as the threat it is today. And I have been through over circumstances, so I am realestic. I love England/Europe. I know all about the Tsunami, as does everyone. I expect you to be there for your boys like I am there for my girls. I did not say you are not a caring parent, you are coming across as harsh. There must be many parents on here who are worrying about their teenage children. Why not support and listen to each other. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 You have to let your children live their lives once they are grown up. When we lived in Brunei my daughter was caught up in the London bombing, she normally caught the (no 38?) bus to work, but had gone into work early that morning. Had to walk miles home. I would have loved her to have then stayed put somewhere (safe!) but no even though she is epileptic off she went to Mexico and ended up staying there for 3 years through 2 hurricanes, the 2nd one almost destroying her house. Next adventure Kenya for a year, knew people caught up in the bombing there. I am so proud of her, never let her medical condition or fear of the Unknown stop her from doing anything, and as her mother I wouldn't have it any other way, it's her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 Just best wishes to you and your daughter. Soo pleased she OK, and quite a nice story to share. I don't think opinions or judgement matter at this stage. All the best, safe travels too her. . x. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Just best wishes to you and your daughter. Soo pleased she OK, and quite a nice story to share. I don't think opinions or judgement matter at this stage. All the best, safe travels too her. . x. Wasn't clear in my post, daughter went to Kenya a while ago, is now in Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Maybe we can get back to the original post and if you want to discuss parenting we could start a new thread. Thanks x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) No, and especially to you CJT. I want to keep my kids safe, and "good on me". This forum should not be about attacking each other, I don't see anyone attacking you, kiwi , even CJT. When I read CJT's thread I didn't read any aggression in it at all. We were all just trying to be reassuring and help you bring the threat back into proportion. Sorry if you misunderstood. Edited November 18, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Really, so what do you really add to anything rather than just repeating other. When did I ever mention, king hit, drugs or luekaameia. I never said I wanted to clip her wings, I said I had the choice to not go to UK in the wake of terroisim. As I do as a mother about my children. At least it is my own thoughts. You said a few posts up: And as a parent, it is a hard choice to clip wings or not. ?? Taking a swipe at me won't help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brisbane Susan Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I will be interested to follow your journey. I am in a similar position - loved my life in England, came here with husband's job, my adult kids all feel very happy and settled here, but I would prefer to live in England and visit here. Please keep in touch and let us know how it works out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) I would say many people have connections to Europe and are fond of the place. You're not alone there. It is the desire of many to travel, or live abroad and so many inter-marry, have relatives, family and friends abroad. Myself included. More of these types of events could occur in Europe just like there are more kinds of opportunity. We all want Europe with its fascinating culture and rich history and fail to remember that part of the way it arrived with such an abundance was through massive social upheaval, conflict, and unfortunately, bloodshed. Art and stories were used to reflect these chapters in history - an age of which makes Europe special but still a living place which continues to be shaped even in our lifetime. Despite this, I believe its current stability is unprecedented. But in light of such national tragedies you don't see people say, 'I hate France'. Instead it's, 'Je suis Paris'. And I suppose because while many people might live all over the world, the people who belong to their country would never give up on it. The real frenchman would not be running from France but would be running towards. And isn't that the kind of patriotism that has shaped these countries in the first place? So do I care If anyone hates my country? No, because every country will test you. That's how the character of that countries inhabitants evolves - through trials and tribulations. Not through best schools and houses with ocean views. So how are you going to protect your kids If you won't stand and fight? Edited November 18, 2015 by speakeasy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Thank you for the recent "likes". Felt quite upset by above. I obviously upset people, not intentional. I have the unfortunate disposition to get emotional, but it can actually be a positive emotion, and I just want to share. And I actually like to support others, and I am just excited to be going home. I don't have anyone to talk to here, so I guess my mouth runs away with me. I give my apologies if I offended, obviously I have. All good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Cheers Susan. Speakeasy, you are from France?? How do I stand and fight? I have been through a lot in Australia, and NZ before that because of personal circumstances. I am fighting by saying to my eldest child, that our plan to go back to England/Europe might just be on hold for a moment, while we wait and see. So I guess I am fighting by knowing we have options, and knowing terroism has become a real threat, and we do have other options. And I have always stood and protected, and I have nothing against your country, and I have never cared a toss about big houses with views. People matter way more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Cheers Susan. Speakeasy, you are from France?? How do I stand and fight? I have been through a lot in Australia, and NZ before that because of personal circumstances. I am fighting by saying to my eldest child, that our plan to go back to England/Europe might just be on hold for a moment, while we wait and see. So I guess I am fighting by knowing we have options, and knowing terroism has become a real threat, and we do have other options. And I have always stood and protected, and I have nothing against your country, and I have never cared a toss about big houses with views. People matter way more. You are posting in MBTTUK, your thread title is "don't ever self doubt......" and you don't need to defend your intention to move, or how you feel about the country you are leaving / moving to. A separate (members only) section of MBTTUK was established because it became very difficult for people planning a return to the UK to be honest about their feelings. Any hint of a generalisation, any suspected slight of what was was being left behind was regularly jumped on and analysed to death. Little allowance was made for the fact that some people face huge decisions and struggle under the weight and emotions that can go with a 'return'.....rather than a leap of adventure (which moves the other way are often seen as). If you are not a member of the separate section it might be an idea to apply, as I think you will encounter a degree of understanding and support that may not always be around on the main forum. Just be yourself @kiwiinaus but in doing so maybe accept that others are doing the same thing - and we all see life and the world slightly differently? :hug: T x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 Thank you tea4too, I was feeling so upset I withdrew. I never meant to offend others or take others down. I guess some have been fairly right, I may come across as defensive. I am trying to go back to NZ with my kids. I had worked hard this year to renovate our house and complete a course. My hubby lost quarter a million dollars in an investment. He never listened to me. We are broke. My kids are always angry at me. I warned hubby, but he prefers screens over me. I know this is not a counselling forum, I just know I need to go home to NZ. And then reassess once youngest has got through high school. I may have put too much on this forum, I just could not make friends here. But it is ok, our house on market, I completed my study, while dealing with my mom dying from kidney cancer, and I still try everyday and say, we have a lot to be grateful for. I know we are v lucky compared to others. No intention to put down, I just like to talk. I always try and feel positive. I have never said. Till now. I just want to go home. I am tired. Yet my kids still blame me for everything, yet my husband ignores me. It is fine. I should not put this amount of pressure on a forum, or rely on it. I just could not find a friend here, living in australia, for 8 years. I am going home soon. We are finding a joint "two home base". NZ and Brisbane. I am trying to find stability again, and money again. All I want is NZ, a vegie garden, family support, 3 bedroom house good schools for my kids, and just appreciate what we have. We could have been millionaires by now, we are not. I am not blaming anymore, just want to go home and get back to simple and regain confidence. t Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 @kiwiinaus - I am fully getting why you want to go home, I hope you get there soon x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 Oh thank you. I love your picture. It is all about protecting our children huh. I am just trying my best to move an unhappy family forward. And funnily enough, this forum has been the most support or conversation I have ever had. So thank you. And I hope any other mums or dads struggling out there, can maybe say the real thruth. I am going off now to read my youngest a Christmas story, that we are both looking forward too, and means a lot. Look for the simplest things, and just go back to reading your kids a story and giving them attention. Cheers. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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