Don't ever self doubt, you post here for a reason, you want to leave australia, go for it!

[kiwiathome]

I appreciate what you have said Rachel, always happy to listen.:wubclub:

[speakeasy]

Maybe for you at the moment it's the constant looking at the big picture which is making things so hard to bear. On paper you should be happy but obviously things have caused discomfort and anxiety. Don't worry about the why. Our reasons for doing or saying things are our own. Just focus on the little things that you can. And remember they can knock out your front teeth but the back teeth they'll have to prise out.

[bunbury61]

Thank you tea4too, I was feeling so upset I withdrew.

 

I never meant to offend others or take others down. I guess some have been fairly right, I may come across as defensive.

 

I am trying to go back to NZ with my kids. I had worked hard this year to renovate our house and complete a course.

 

My hubby lost quarter a million dollars in an investment. He never listened to me. We are broke. My kids are always angry at me. I warned hubby, but he prefers screens over me. I know this is not a counselling forum,

I just know I need to go home to NZ. And then reassess once youngest has got through high school. I may have put too much on this forum, I just could not make friends here.

 

 

But it is ok, our house on market, I completed my study, while dealing with my mom dying from kidney cancer, and I still try everyday and say, we have a lot to be grateful for. I know we are v lucky compared to others.

 

No intention to put down, I just like to talk. I always try and feel positive.

 

I have never said. Till now. I just want to go home. I am tired.

 

Yet my kids still blame me for everything, yet my husband ignores me. It is fine. I should not put this amount of pressure on a forum, or rely on it. I just could not find a friend here, living in australia, for 8 years.

 

I am going home soon. We are finding a joint "two home base". NZ and Brisbane. I am trying to find stability again, and money again. All I want is NZ, a vegie garden, family support, 3 bedroom house

good schools for my kids, and just appreciate what we have. We could have been millionaires by now, we are not. I am not blaming anymore, just want to go home and get back to simple and regain confidence.

 

 

t

 

Kiwi ,just read your post above .....DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP ,YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST ,AND THATS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH.

I admire the fact that you are putting it all out there ,emotionally .

Full respect to you ....and NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF .

Now take a deep breath .....and put one foot forward ...keep going

[kiwiathome]

Thank you to the posts and the support above. I have read some recent threads.

 

I actually feel guilty for making a fuss. Yes it is true, I do not like Australia as a country. And I have been negative. And I have had "issues" to deal with.

 

I think now, as I stand here, with qualifications completed, going home, the most sorted I have ever felt, I may have put negative on to some.

 

I am sorry for that. I think the most clarity I have leant, is, family. Even If you don't get on, or have issues, please try and resolve. I think we have learnt, to just support family.

 

I think family, friendship and having a place of social contact, neighbours anything, can even be more important than the country you live in.

We need people, social contact, family or neighbours more than screens.

 

I don't like Australia, or Queensland, but I have finally got to know my neighbour, who I initially avoided as a "busy body". Do we naturally empoy that suspicion the second a neighbour (versus screen)

becomes important????????????????

 

I learnt to expect nothing, here, and I was a bit suspicious at first. And now I will say, after letting my guards down, (through hurt or suspicion, or just not use to getting to know a person), I have had the most

lovely social, positive, like my "mum" being here. And I appreciate it. Let's look around, stop being suspicious and see who we can let in, and maybe we will benefit.

 

Human communication and social, still beats out technologly in my boat. Playing cards, good quality glass of wine, great conversation, kids playing with dogs, having fun. Does that make for a good feeling????

 

xxxx just saying I will eat humble pie. There is good in Australia, Queensland, just simply because I have met lovely neighbours who have become great friends. I think people/family overrule the country.

[kiwiathome]

Oh and I meant to say, I still can't wait to go home to nz. And maybe the "big" plan will be re thought, for my eldest child, due to terroism.

 

But I don't wan this post to be about that. How terroism affects us as individulas, or family, is up to the family. We all have different interpretations.

 

I'm now feeling so excited and happy I could burst. Going home soon, kids happy and excited, 3 grandparents excited, kittens and a puppy lined up, hubby now

saying, maybe I can transfer to nz for work. That up to him. We support him being away and about career, but welcome him back.

 

I leave queensland, knowing even falling out with my sister, she is alive just dis owned me as we are very different, there is much good to be found here. My neighbour, who has

been just amazingly lovely to me, and going for walks in Redcliffe by the sea, then just simply having an ice cream.

 

We all know deep down in our heat what is true and where we should be. I do say, again, sorry to repeat, I think people/family make the place! If you can find the balance, and achieve both, wonderful.:wubclub:

[kiwiathome]

My spelling above is terrible, I hope you get what I am saying. Just love people around you, and live in the country that gives you people. xxx:rolleyes:

[fish.01]

My spelling above is terrible, I hope you get what I am saying. Just love people around you, and live in the country that gives you people. xxx:rolleyes:

 

Speaking of that, maybe you could tell us a little about where you are going ?

 

I love dreaming about the different lives I could lead in different houses, suburbs, different cities and different countries. You sound very excited so it would be nice to hear some of your dreams, what sort of 3 bedroom house you will be looking for, in what sort of area and what sights and sounds and people are you dreaming about ? Only if you feel like it of course...just thought it would be nice to dream the dream with you ...

Edited November 23, 2015 by fish.01

[kiwiathome]

That is nice above, fish. I also love dreaming about different lives, houses, etc. Our first house we renovated in England was a terraced 2 bedroom + box room off main bedroom , bathroom downstairs off kitchen. Big garden, lovely neighbours.

 

It is some of our happiest memories. It was little, but cute. We renovated it, and it was our best social life we ever had. And just felt comforting!

 

I have lived in big houses in Australia, with lots of tiles. I just don't get the same "homey" feeling. I do love interior design.

 

There is a practical element to our decision, a two or three bedroom aparatment in Mango Hill for our Australian base, practical, minimalist, modern, close to amenities and railway line etc.

 

But, my fun starts back home in NZ. Where it is just easy! and friendly! and social! We are going to Palmerston North, North Island, where family are all around us and it is my home town (city for NZ, 88,000). But no traffic

jams or impatient drivers.

 

It is great for education, but has wide streets, tree lined, blossom in spring, autumn leaves in autumn. Does not snow, but you do get seasons. In summer we go to the esplanade to have jazz concerts at dusk on a picnic rug.

 

A lot of the houses are character, and well built. I look forward to growing vegetables again and having a herb garden. Also we are getting two kittens, and a small dog to go walking at night as a family.

 

We have family over there so can commit to pets.

 

We want a simpler life with family gatherings, my girls joining netball, swimming and tennis, maybe hockey. I will return back to tennis.

 

Quality cafes/restaurants when you need that.

 

It is a set year plan while our youngst (10) does her schooling. Who knows what will happen after that. But I don't need to know that at this stage.

 

Just best move for us at moment. And why wait? Life is short. 8 years here, time to go home and have some wonderful few years ahead. Very excited. :wubclub:

[kiwiathome]

Thank you Tink. I have so much to say, forgive me. It is not negative, how about this thread could change to our happiest memories and moving forward? All positive comments?

 

I don't feel very negative anymore. I have realised the simpler things in life, people, ease of living and where you feel you "belong" can be achieved. And it does not have to be expensive or complicated.

 

My hubby and I were saying earlier, how much we were looking forward to walking again at night. In Harpenden in England before we had our first child, we would walk each night holding hands, v nice.

 

Then when we had our first baby, we walked every day, and took her to the park, and always had to race away from the swans!! but a memory. I look forward to walking again at night. It stays light at night in

summer in NZ, like England.

[Guest241083]

..........I have loved reading your thread......

..........you have a way of drawing the reader in....!

..........sharing your memory's......your dreams.....

..........Thankyou......and I wish you and yours all the luck in the world.....Xx

[kiwiathome]

Oh, that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me for a long time. Thank you. I have always said I would thrive living back in "Jane Austen" time, I don't always quite fit the modern world.

 

I wish you all the best and would love to hear your story. Isn't it nice that people still want to communicate (and I'll pretend to forget it is over a computer, and we are at a lovely café with a nice wine and a jazz band in the background).

 

:rolleyes: x

[Guest241083]

...............the modern world....!

...............a challenge for many.......

...............and what a lovely thought.......a glass of wine and good music.....

...............but here has been a good place to make good friends ime....

...............some I have met.......and only confirmed that..!

[JockinTas]

Oh, that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me for a long time. Thank you. I have always said I would thrive living back in "Jane Austen" time, I don't always quite fit the modern world.

 

I wish you all the best and would love to hear your story. Isn't it nice that people still want to communicate (and I'll pretend to forget it is over a computer, and we are at a lovely café with a nice wine and a jazz band in the background).

 

:rolleyes: x

 

I can relate to you there Kiwi. I don't fit very well into the modern world either. I could happily live without a TV or many modern 'gadgets'. I don't like how many folk don't have manners anymore and lack respect for others.

 

By the way, I took my little dog for a walk earlier tonight along by the river and it was still quite light at 9:15 pm with no street lights. Safe to walk around here at night too which is comforting.

[kiwiathome]

Cheers JockinTas, I appreciate that. I absolutely get what you are saying. How wonderful to take your dog for a walk by the river, and I am glad you stayed safe.

 

Isn't it sad now, in this day and age, we question safety over "nature, beauty and communication"?

 

We, as you all know are in the process of going home to NZ. We have got our house on the market. And I got upset today, because my 5 bedroom, huge, tiring house that I do not want, is looking perfect! Flowers, perfect towels, amazing décor etc.

 

Yet my real estate agent communicates to me via text or e mail. And I don't get that. And I get upset. And my "logical hubby" says, this is how it is this day in age.

 

Now I don't mean to mean negative in, I am only about positive for ever more. I will not get beaten down by living here for 8 years. Am I expecting too much for verbal communication in this day and age????

 

When I got out to dinner (not often) or to a café for lunch, conversation means more to me than food.

 

Just interested in others opinion. I personally always enjoy company, conversation, a little wine sure, helps, but not priority over company and conversation. I feel yes we need to embrace the modern world, sure, but

can we still fight to find a place for people????? I make my kids come to the family room every night at 5pm, no matter what we have on, no matter who is there. No screens. Family time. We play cards, family games

and we talk. And I keep saying, you must always find time for family.

 

Let's all make an effort around family members and share stories. Nice. xxxx Kiwi.

 

I am sure a lot don't get me, and I understand technology has a place, I just think talking, family, basic family values, down time, exercise, fresh air, pets, all have a place.

[kiwiathome]

Oh and I meant to say Jock, that I always wanted to go to Tasmania. It looked beautiful to me, and I think I would have "got it". It may be similar to NZ and England, which I love.

 

Now this is not putting down Australia, far from it. I know I use to come on here and moan and put down Australia as a whole. Some of you were patient with me, some of you got cross at me.

 

I think once you come to a peaceful decision, and get a decision made, you get clarity.

 

I use to put down Australia in general. Now I know there are places here I would think are pretty good, like Tasmania and Melbourne. Just never got there.

 

But if I have ever come across as negative to others who like it in Australia, I apologise. I just feel more clear now I know I am going home.

 

So,"some parts in Australia" I very do not like. But all the best of luck to others on here, who are doing good and feeling peace and "home" with their choice.

 

And Jock, I would one day like to come back and check out Tasmania. I think it looks amazing and beautiful. What a wonderful choice you have made. :wubclub:

[kiwiathome]

I am signing off soon, good book to read. Maeve Binchy. I think she wonderful. even though she now RIP, her books keep coming out. And they are nice.

 

I looked back over this thread. And there were responses from many, who have not since replied.

 

I just wonder how are you all going? Please come back on and seek support or just talk. x

[fish.01]

That is nice above, fish. I also love dreaming about different lives, houses, etc. Our first house we renovated in England was a terraced 2 bedroom + box room off main bedroom , bathroom downstairs off kitchen. Big garden, lovely neighbours.

 

It is some of our happiest memories. It was little, but cute. We renovated it, and it was our best social life we ever had. And just felt comforting!

 

I have lived in big houses in Australia, with lots of tiles. I just don't get the same "homey" feeling. I do love interior design.

...

 

You sound like us. We had a big modern house with acres of tiles in a newer suburb of Brisbane and I didn't like it either. Not just the lack of homeliness, also the quiet streets, lack of high streets, lack of history, car dominated life, few cafes etc. We live in an older suburb now in a character home and it is so much better for us. I love the character and history of the houses/streets and the extra street life/cafes etc. And hardly have to drive at all now, cycle most places, so no long distance traffic stress either. Bliss. Of course modern suburban suits some, so not slating it for everyone, just not good for us. Funny that out of all our houses my wife hankers the most over a tiny little Paddington rental we had between houses where almost literally you could not swing a cat

 

But, my fun starts back home in NZ. Where it is just easy! and friendly! and social! We are going to Palmerston North, North Island, where family are all around us and it is my home town (city for NZ, 88,000). But no traffic

jams or impatient drivers.

 

It is great for education, but has wide streets, tree lined, blossom in spring, autumn leaves in autumn. Does not snow, but you do get seasons. In summer we go to the esplanade to have jazz concerts at dusk on a picnic rug.

't

A lot of the houses are character, and well built. I look forward to growing vegetables again and having a herb garden. Also we are getting two kittens, and a small dog to go walking at night as a family.

 

We have family over there so can commit to pets.

 

We want a simpler life with family gatherings, my girls joining netball, swimming and tennis, maybe hockey. I will return back to tennis.

 

Quality cafes/restaurants when you need that.

 

It is a set year plan while our youngst (10) does her schooling. Who knows what will happen after that. But I don't need to know that at this stage.

 

Just best move for us at moment. And why wait? Life is short. 8 years here, time to go home and have some wonderful few years ahead. Very excited. :wubclub:

 

Sounds great. Don't know Palmerston North but went to Napier (amongst others) last year and seemed like a nice little place. For a small town it had a cafe to die for on the main street, good shopping and some nice architecture. I would have liked to stay longer.

 

Your family must be excited that you are coming back. Are there tourist places you are planning to visit/revisit now that you have been away a while and can look at with fresh eyes ?

Edited November 26, 2015 by fish.01

[ScottieRoo]

This makes me feel so much better! 10 years on and we have no real Aussie friends. I can't relate! Some people I work with are just horrible to me. I get on well with most folks usually! I've met some lovely people of course but they're never moving past the acquaintance stage. It's sad but it seems we're very culturally different which is unexpected since we come from the same ancestors. I wonder how we lost that connection. That's a whole anthropological study right there! I'm exhausted after every work day. It's just exhausting. We don't share the same sense of banter and humour. I feel like I'm fulfilling that 'whinging pom' stereotype and you know, I don't care anymore! We had q a few Aussie friends back home. We went out of our way to welcome them into our social circles and families and we had a blast. Some of the best nights out in memory! It saddens me that we are not welcomed. It's very superficial. I've given all I can and it's just depressing. I feel like I can't be me. I'm a different person. Feeling down and breaking down. Time to move back home? We're citizens too now. We'd miss the amazing diversity of this beautiful land and its beautiful wildlife but the diversity stops there. I'm sick of being looked at as if I'm a 3-headed alien! I came here to see if ur was just us. It's sad to see it isn't. But it's also such a relief. I rarely hate anything and right now I hate being here.

[bristolman]

This makes me feel so much better! 10 years on and we have no real Aussie friends. I can't relate! Some people I work with are just horrible to me. I get on well with most folks usually! I've met some lovely people of course but they're never moving past the acquaintance stage. It's sad but it seems we're very culturally different which is unexpected since we come from the same ancestors. I wonder how we lost that connection. That's a whole anthropological study right there! I'm exhausted after every work day. It's just exhausting. We don't share the same sense of banter and humour. I feel like I'm fulfilling that 'whinging pom' stereotype and you know, I don't care anymore! We had q a few Aussie friends back home. We went out of our way to welcome them into our social circles and families and we had a blast. Some of the best nights out in memory! It saddens me that we are not welcomed. It's very superficial. I've given all I can and it's just depressing. I feel like I can't be me. I'm a different person. Feeling down and breaking down. Time to move back home? We're citizens too now. We'd miss the amazing diversity of this beautiful land and its beautiful wildlife but the diversity stops there. I'm sick of being looked at as if I'm a 3-headed alien! I came here to see if ur was just us. It's sad to see it isn't. But it's also such a relief. I rarely hate anything and right now I hate being here.

 

One word stands out for me and one that I see often, superficial. It's very accurate.

[ScottieRoo]

Thank you for your reply @bristolman ..sorry my 1st post is so negative. It's just how I feel right now & I feel I have no outlet for it. Everyone at home thinks it's all beaches & paradise here...like real life doesn't go on. I think I need a dose of home. Thanks again. It's comforting to know it's not just us.

[starlight7]

What can I say? Nothing, really, except my experiences are so very different with Aussies. Guess it is luck when it comes down to it- and where you live,too. Also- if people really find they can't get on with Aussies there are heaps of other nationalities here- surely they can't all be superficial??

[bristolman]

That's OK, everyone has different experiences. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

[Johndoe]

That's OK, everyone has different experiences. I wouldn't let it bother you too much.

 

Seems like it bothers you if you go out of your way to comment. Like starlight said, Australia is made up of many different nationalities and I doubt that the moment they set foot in Oz that they conform to your opinions, let alone your "accuracy" of their relationships being superficial.

 

I hazard a guess, based on my knowledge of Aussie nouse, that superficial relationships say more about thos who complain of them, that those who are accused of them.

[Brumbles]

ScottieRoo I couldnt agree more. Our experiences are much the same as yours. The only thing different for me is in my workplace they all bitch about each other too. It is so tiresome, in my 30 years of working in the uk i never came across so many backstabbing colleagues. In our 10 years here we have made few friends. Oddly enough i find australians either really like poms or they treat us with suspicion and contempt. I have made one true Aussie friend out here, which after all this time I think is sad. I truely believe Australians now are more now like Americans...they don't get our sense of humour. Living in a country town means I have few opportunities to mix with "other cultures" but I doubt "other cultures" would be welcomed in my area anyway. When we first avrrived we were full of hope and optimism for our new lives in Australia, however over the years it has been eroded away. We tried living in different areas, different states but we have given up trying and are going back home. We were glad for the opportunity and have some wonderful memories..but its time for our next chapter. Isle of Wight here we come in January 2016...

[Chortlepuss]

S

I hazard a guess, based on my knowledge of Aussie nouse, that superficial relationships say more about thos who complain of them, that those who are accused of them.

 

No. Not this. I have met a lot of lovely Ozzies and they quite openly state that they don't have time for relationships - too busy with work/existing friends/church/family commitments. Come over when you're a bit older and you 'miss the slot' to make contextual relationships (most friends I have are from university, work, school when my kids were younger etc..). I have no close Aussie friends and I think that's a shame but it really isn't from want of trying - like others here I have no problems with meeting and keeping British friends. Perhaps the cultural gap is too wide, perhaps I refuse to whinge about the UK, perhaps I'm not sporty enough, probably people are just too damn busy and really don't have time in their lives to make and develop friendships. Whatever the reason I have met quite a few expats in the same boat and they are nice, approachable people who have not been afforded a way into Aussie social circles... Plus I do think the Brit sense of humour can be a block - other Brits may appreciate it but Ozzies for all their brave talk can be sensitive souls and take offence very easily..... I also think many Ozzies are pretty independent types and don't seem to need the closer, more profound relationships with people outside of their immediate family that Brits often miss from the UK....