LostMyWay Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 First up I know it's unlikely but please don't judge me as I feel bad enough that I am even contemplating this decision! However I know this is a forum and some of you are likely to give me a harsh dose of judgement so I have prepared myself.....but I really would like to hear what you would do as I just can't decide for the best....... Do we take our dog home with us? I got Rufus my toy poodle when we landed back in Aus in 2012 after having wanted a dog for a couple of years and believing that Australia was definitely where we wanted to be (having already pingponged home the year before). To be honest I think he was filling a void/longing for a baby. My hubby is not a 'pet' person, it's not that he's cold hearted, he just doesn't get the appeal. He told me I could get Rufus but I was to understand he would be my dog and my responsibility. My hubby has stayed true to his word and he tolerates Rufus, at times has warmed to him, but as soon as Rufus misbehaves or does something wrong then my hubby is quick to get quite annoyed and reminds me that he never wanted a dog. We plan to go back in Nov and I have always said that I would want to make sure we had enough money to cover his costs, but I fell pregnant unexpectedly and our plans to move home have been accelerated and we have only a few more months to get together enough money to get us all home. Now, if we budget correctly we will have enough money to take him back however it obviously is going to effect the overall amount of ££'s we return with. If we take him we can probably land with a months wage in our pocket, if we don't take him it will probably buy us a cheap car from the word go. it all boils down to money. We won't be going home with much so on the one hand is his ticket home going to make much difference, but on the other hand his ticket home IS going to make all the difference!! I hate that I am comparing him to material things and I feel that we should be sacrificing our comfort so that we can take him, however we don't want to feel we have to come back to Australia and the sad reality is, is the more money we can go home with to settle ourselves as quickly as possible, the best possible chance we will have of settling and not regretting the decision. my hubby has said it is my choice, he won't tell me I can't take him and a few weeks back (after I had prepared myself that we would re home him) he came to me and said we should take him- that yes he annoys him but he's part of the family (I think he likes him more than he lets on!!) but then only a few days ago Rufus did something to annoy him and the comment I got was "really? We're paying $3500 to take him?"!!! I feel extremely guilty for not insisting we take him but then at the same time I know my hubby will complain for the rest of rufus's little life! As he has done for the last 3 years! This would be a straight forward decision if both of us loved him, but all the love is coming from me which puts all the responsibility and decision making on me and I just don't know What to do for the best......?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Personally, we took our dog back and there was never any discussion about it. He is part of the family. That is OUR situation of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 No discussion for us either, we just returned with three cats. Their fares were as inevitable as our own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 i am a great animal lover but given the fact your husband isn't that keen on poor wee Rufus, you are having a baby and moving back to the UK, it would be very hard but I would find Rufus a good, caring home here for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tina0101 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 When it boiled down to money, we left our two cats behind, which really upset me. Fortunately, they are with the in-laws and are probably happier where they are and I get regular updates and photos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzukiscottie Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Take Rufus. He's family. You might end up landing on your feet and getting jobs and money straight away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I reckon your OH probably likes the dog more than he lets on. I have a love-hate relationship with our dog, and my OH has a love-hate relationship with our cats - yes you say stuff when they do things that drive you mad (I have been known to say to my OH "will someone please shoot that damn dog") but at the end of the day I don't really mean it..well I do...but I don't. I think you will feel better about yourself if you take him, and I'm sure deep down your OH would miss him if you didn't - even just to have something to moan at! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Personally i think id have to take my dogs with me if i moved back, regardless of cost.. However that is easy to say when im not in your position so do consider re homing, i purchased one of my dogs from a family returning to the UK and he is dearly loved so they are people out there willing to love your baby as much as you do. Lots of luck with your decision, it isn't an easy one to make Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Not a returnee - but we brought out cat, the only way we wouldn't have was if the vet had said it wasn't in her best interest due to age (he told us she was fit as a fiddle and that would be 150 GBP please lol). I agree with others that your hubby probably likes the dog more than he lets on, my hubby was the same but was the first to say we'd had the cat longer than the kids and wanted to bring her. I think it's easy for us to say yes or no, but if it really isn't financially possible then you should try to come to terms with giving him up now rather than nearer the time - which will probably already feel an emotional time for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aconcannon Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 We've just been through a similar issue with our cat - as much as we wanted to take him to Australia we just couldn't afford to do it and sadly nobody would look after him 'short term' until we could afford to send him to Australia and so we've had to give him away which has broken our hearts. I personally couldn't imagine leaving a dog behind as a bond between a dog and his owner is a lot stronger than with a cat and their owner. Do you have a friend in Australia who could look after the dog until you can afford to pay to have him sent to the UK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I'm an animal lover but I'd say- rehome him. Your husband already complains about Rufus every time there's a slight setback. Think about the future - what will happen when you need something for the baby after you get back to the UK? Will your husband be saying things like, "you can't have it, you spent all the money on Rufus"? Every time money is tight, will he be throwing it in your face? I feel that if you take Rufus back, you're storing up a lot of potential conflict in the future, the last thing you need right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Hard hearted Hannah here but if you can find a nice home that you're happy with, I'd re-home him. But, then, I refuse to have a pet because I know I'd become too attached (I cried when my son's rats died!). Pragmatically you probably can't afford it. If you did decide to re-home, your local Poodle club would probably help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I'd look into rehoming first and see how it goes You might find the perfect family to take it in You might not Give it a try first then go from there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 Thank you for the all the input, and I look forward to reading more. In the short time between now and posting the thread my husband and I have changed our minds on the matter several times!! I have decided to start looking into rehoming him. I'm thinking that the experience of doing this might help me to make a decision one way or the other. If I find the 'perfect' family then I will feel less guilty, and if I find that people seem 'unsavoury' then it will cement my feelings that I can't leave him. Either way I think until I start the ball rolling my decision to take him or leave him will change very 5 minutes!! as I said before if he was 'our' dog, money wouldn't come into the equation....we'd find it regardless of what we sacrificed, but because it is all on me.....including the future well being of all my family (hubby, 2 year old and new born) the decision is just that bit harder! I feel absolutely rotten about it, but at the same time I need to be logical......he's just such a gorgeous dog....I don't think I will find it hard to find him a new loving home at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BacktoDemocracy Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Personally I would concentrate on finding a good home for him now and know he's settled before you have to go and it's a last minute thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I think you should take him. You've committed to him for life as we do when we adopt/buy a dog. We left our dog in England when we came out...I regret that decision every day...but we could not afford to bring her and convinced ourselves we were doing the right thing. I would not leave a dog again. It's a commitment for life. If you can afford it. take him with you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I think you should try to re-home him - if he is a happy dog then chances of him finding a loving home are very good and he will be very content. We are taking our cat back - would re-home him if we could but because he is timid and not particularly friendly, I know that he would probably not find a home and be put down. I am sure that the journey will be really stressful for my cat, but can't bear the alternative - it is not his fault that he had a bad start in life and is a little bit feral. I couldn't live with him being put down as I have committed to keep him safe for life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adelenaylor Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 10years ago I left my dog in the UK to move to Australia, with the wondering of rent and worrying about the dog we decided against bringing her. It was a difficult day handing her over but she actually went people I knew and she was a lot more spoilt than at home. But it's a choice only you can make x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelensvaleHoward Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 10years ago I left my dog in the UK to move to Australia, with the wondering of rent and worrying about the dog we decided against bringing her. It was a difficult day handing her over but she actually went people I knew and she was a lot more spoilt than at home. But it's a choice only you can make x We made a similar decision with our dog and rehomed her in the UK before we left Very hard to do We did it about 4 months before our move to make sure she settled The new owner was in touch regulary sending us pictures and saying how much they loved her Was it the right thing to do We think it was and what does it matter what others think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackboots Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Have you looked into a specific breed rescue / rehome ? I volunteer for a Dalmatian one , they nearly all have their own . They would have homes waiting and vetted or help by putting feelers out . Good luck not an easy choice by far , it's so personal and emotive . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToowoombaBlue Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I feel you're pain as we were in a similar situation when we moved out to Oz. Deep down I knew that we couldn't afford to bring our two dogs and I had always said that wherever we go the dogs go too. We got them through all the vet checks, vaccinations etc before we realised that we had missed something rather expensive out of our budget. So we had to sit down and have the dreaded conversation as to whether we were going to stretch ourselves financially and bring them. After loads of tears and huge amounts of guilt we decided they would stay in the UK on the condition that I was in charge of their rehoming as there was no way I would just drop them off at a rehoming centre. In the end I put one of them on a flight to Cyprus (£1000) to go and live with our son and the other dog went to live with a friend. This has meant that we get regular photos and often see them on Skype. The key thing here is that the dogs are blissfully happy in their new homes and I'm quite sure they don't miss us one bit. It was purely us humans thinking that our dogs in a sense were human like too and would find being apart from us too hard. Try not to let your emotions get in the way and do what is right for yourself, your husband and your baby. People won't judge you and if they do they are not worth your friendship. I miss my girls all the time and we regularly talk about how much fun they would have here. Good luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsPOB Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Definitely don't let guilt drive your decision or what you think others might think of you ... you need to do what's best for you, your family and Rufus. As an outsider looking in, my opinion would be to re-home him, it might sting at the beginning but as long as you can see him settled with a good family it will, in the long run, probably be the best decision for all. Like most on here, we are pet owners and we've made several big moves with our beloved Fraggle - we couldn't image leaving him behind, there was never a discussion about leaving him behind it was a given he'd be moving with us - wherever we went. To discuss it would be like having a discussion about whether my husband would like to stay behind. But that's us and everyone is different. I've had friends who've given their beloved pets to good families... they made the same loving decision we made - what's in the best interest of the family and pet. It's a hard decision, so sending you good vibes and best wishes in whatever you decide to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Thank you for the all the input, and I look forward to reading more. In the short time between now and posting the thread my husband and I have changed our minds on the matter several times!! I have decided to start looking into rehoming him. I'm thinking that the experience of doing this might help me to make a decision one way or the other. If I find the 'perfect' family then I will feel less guilty, and if I find that people seem 'unsavoury' then it will cement my feelings that I can't leave him. Either way I think until I start the ball rolling my decision to take him or leave him will change very 5 minutes!! as I said before if he was 'our' dog, money wouldn't come into the equation....we'd find it regardless of what we sacrificed, but because it is all on me.....including the future well being of all my family (hubby, 2 year old and new born) the decision is just that bit harder! I feel absolutely rotten about it, but at the same time I need to be logical......he's just such a gorgeous dog....I don't think I will find it hard to find him a new loving home at all! Obvious question is, what if you go back again? There are many people who would give Rufus a good home and love him as much as you. On the opposing side, we gave our setter away when I was a child and we left Sydney, and I was heartbroken when we received a letter telling us she'd been run over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Well we took two dogs to the UK,Then Brought them Back here.They are part of our Family. As we have had them for 13 years. Don't know where you have been, to get a quote for $3500 for one little poodle.We only paid $3200 for both our dogs from Brisbane.You need to shop around.Nobody can really advise you on this.It's your choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 I feel you're pain as we were in a similar situation when we moved out to Oz.Deep down I knew that we couldn't afford to bring our two dogs and I had always said that wherever we go the dogs go too. We got them through all the vet checks, vaccinations etc before we realised that we had missed something rather expensive out of our budget. So we had to sit down and have the dreaded conversation as to whether we were going to stretch ourselves financially and bring them. After loads of tears and huge amounts of guilt we decided they would stay in the UK on the condition that I was in charge of their rehoming as there was no way I would just drop them off at a rehoming centre. In the end I put one of them on a flight to Cyprus (£1000) to go and live with our son and the other dog went to live with a friend. This has meant that we get regular photos and often see them on Skype. The key thing here is that the dogs are blissfully happy in their new homes and I'm quite sure they don't miss us one bit. It was purely us humans thinking that our dogs in a sense were human like too and would find being apart from us too hard. Try not to let your emotions get in the way and do what is right for yourself, your husband and your baby. People won't judge you and if they do they are not worth your friendship. I miss my girls all the time and we regularly talk about how much fun they would have here. Good luck with whatever you decide. We have been much the same, he was coming with us and there was no question about it, but we haven't saved as much as we had anticipated in the short time we have had and it is looking like we'll financially screw ourselves if we were to pay for it. I am trying to take the emotion out of the equation and be logical. Ive told myself that if I can re home to a loving family then what difference does it make if it is mine or someone else's? I've also told my hubby that we are not leaving him to a rescue centre and if we cannot find a suitable home for him then we'll just have to use the credit card and pay it off once we're in England. I feel rotten because he hasn't come top of our priority list of getting us back to the UK but we have already pinged back once and so I worry if we don't set ourselves up the other end to the best that we can then we'll ping back here....and where will that leave the dog that we paid the money to ship back?! And you're right, I know as soon as he's given some attention and fed he'll soon forget us!! I am currently chatting to a young couple who are looking for a 2nd dog as a companion to their dog, she works from home and they have a good sized back yard, I almost feel it'd be cruel not to re home him to this family, I actually think they could give him a happier life than we can!! I do feel rotten though, since my hubby and I have decided to consider rehoming I feel like I've let him down big time and I feel like overnight I've just gone "I don't love you anymore" because I know there are loads of people out there who would sell a kidney if it meant they could take home their pets! But I need to stop worrying about what other people think! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.