Stick it out or go home ??

[ceyclaire]

Hi all , my hubby and kids aged 9 and 11 are totally confused as to whether we should return to the UK or give it a bit longer. We arrived in Brisbane 9 months ago since then we have both secured decent jobs earning a decent wage between us and even saving a healthy sum every week. Our children are happy at school and we are all enjoying Australia so why are we yearning for our old life in the UK ? The main thing that bugs us is that in the UK our kids played out all the time with all of their friends but you just don't see it in OZ (not where we live anyway )!We live 10mins walk from their primary school that has about 1000 students but what do all these kids do after school cause they don't seem to play out and it's driving us and our kids nuts. We really miss our family and friends and all the simple things like going to a real pub with the kids for Sunday lunch or with friends for a drink. We have 3 months left on our rental and can't decide whether to go at the end of that or maybe try another rental in a different area for 6months and then see how we feel at the end of that ?? We love OZ but don't think we could ever truly call it home and not sure we could see ourselves being here forever so do you just bite the bullet and go home rather than prolonging it for another 6 months ???

[beach pig]

Where are you living now,my kids are the same after 7yrs.we are looking going back next year.but I will say after nine months we were living in a holiday mode we loved it.give it time if you are both getting well paid. But I can understand your frustrations.if I knew what I know now after 9 months I would of gone back and not wasted 7 yrs but we stuck it out the good and the bad.Which I sometimes regret because I am always reminded of my decision to come here off my oldest who is 15 and wants to go back.all I can say is give it a bit longer then decide

[mygirlies]

You're not alone. A lot of Brits have a 'wake up call'.... if thats the easiest way to describe it.

I think we are blind sighted with the 'better life down under' but honestly it isn't any better, just different.

I have been here 3 years and it will never be home. I like Australia but I am not convinced by the culture or lack of.

I actually read in the paper this week that statistically Aussie kids are now the most indoor amongst youths! Its crazy isn't. They do not play out until dinner like the UK.

I think we are missing those old traditions. I remember playing out, going to a beautiful country pub on a sunday, scenic walks, mountains! I miss mountains.

 

Its a very odd feeling and I am in it at the moment. I think something hits you after the honey moon period. I don't feel like I belong here and if I am honest I haven't been very welcomed either.

 

I dont really know what you should do. I know of some that just know, they have that feeling (even if they have only been here just a couple of months) they know it isn't for them. Some wait it out. I cant help with any success stories as I don't know any. Im not sure if I will return home. It won't be soon. Too expensive to move. But I dearly miss my old english folk, the british homour and the friendliness back home.

[beach pig]

You're not alone. A lot of Brits have a 'wake up call'.... if thats the easiest way to describe it.

I think we are blind sighted with the 'better life down under' but honestly it isn't any better, just different.

I have been here 3 years and it will never be home. I like Australia but I am not convinced by the culture or lack of.

I actually read in the paper this week that statistically Aussie kids are now the most indoor amongst youths! Its crazy isn't. They do not play out until dinner like the UK.

I think we are missing those old traditions. I remember playing out, going to a beautiful country pub on a sunday, scenic walks, mountains! I miss mountains.

 

Its a very odd feeling and I am in it at the moment. I think something hits you after the honey moon period. I don't feel like I belong here and if I am honest I haven't been very welcomed either.

 

I dont really know what you should do. I know of some that just know, they have that feeling (even if they have only been here just a couple of months) they know it isn't for them. Some wait it out. I cant help with any success stories as I don't know any. Im not sure if I will return home. It won't be soon. Too expensive to move. But I dearly miss my old english folk, the british homour and the friendliness back home.

 

I could not of expressed it better myself in how I feel girl

[Katie22]

If you've got good jobs, your kids are happy, and you're enjoying Australia, I'd stick it out for a bit longer. Search a few of your surrounding suburbs to maybe find somewhere different. The kids in my street are often out in the street playing - driving me nuts!

[Alaska]

I just did a search of your posts as I thought you might be in my area but you are about 20 minutes north of me.

 

Would you consider a different area? Do you think it would help? Is there a sense of community where you are? That is what really helped me feel at home.

[Guest]

I think it can take longer to start to get your feet under the table so to speak. We've been here about the same time as you and it took a fair bit of effort on my part to get play dates and so on going. Now, I get together with other parents after school and the kids play for ages, kicking the footy, playing games. Sometimes we meet up in the park. In holidays and so on we have kids over, go out, hit the park and other things. We never did the play park thing massively in the UK, perhaps once a week after school with a friend. But not every night after school or anything. Nor did my son ever play out after school, not in the way I think you mean. I think it depends on where you came from, the area, you as a family and so on as to the social aspect for adults and kids.

 

I am actually finding my son has more going on here than he did in the UK. Better friendships, better social stuff and so on. And it's been good for us too.

 

I think if this is your stumbling block it's worth making more of an effort or trying again to make those friend contacts for your kids and building up on what has started at school. Kids get together after school but perhaps you need to be more proactive and engage and make some plans to get things going more?

[Quoll]

All depends. If you really can't see yourself living there forever and you believe you could move on to a good opportunity at the end of your lease then go. If it won't really matter job-opportunity wise then have another 6 months and experience somewhere different. Personally I don't get the "we have to keep trying" - very much like banging your head against a brick wall in order to make your headache better as far as I can see. Either it floats your boat or it doesn't! The dearth of kids playing outside seems pretty much universal these days, they like to be inside playing on their wiis

[bunbury61]

You're not alone. A lot of Brits have a 'wake up call'.... if thats the easiest way to describe it.

I think we are blind sighted with the 'better life down under' but honestly it isn't any better, just different.

I have been here 3 years and it will never be home. I like Australia but I am not convinced by the culture or lack of.

I actually read in the paper this week that statistically Aussie kids are now the most indoor amongst youths! Its crazy isn't. They do not play out until dinner like the UK.

I think we are missing those old traditions. I remember playing out, going to a beautiful country pub on a sunday, scenic walks, mountains! I miss mountains.

 

Its a very odd feeling and I am in it at the moment. I think something hits you after the honey moon period. I don't feel like I belong here and if I am honest I haven't been very welcomed either.

 

I dont really know what you should do. I know of some that just know, they have that feeling (even if they have only been here just a couple of months) they know it isn't for them. Some wait it out. I cant help with any success stories as I don't know any. Im not sure if I will return home. It won't be soon. Too expensive to move. But I dearly miss my old english folk, the british homour and the friendliness back home.

 

I wish my neighbours were good old English folk ...the kids , 4 of them are out in the garden from dawn to dusk .....mostly on the trampoline ....from 7am yesterday ( sunday )...noisy little sods ...but at least they are safely enjoying themselves ...let em go for it !

you are right about the friendliness here , it never ceases to amaze me ...most people speak ......I followed 4 old boys around the golf course yesterday .....blue collar brummies ....bloody funny , the way they sledged each other.....and the language , dear me ....but funny .

A lot of the people I meet , haven't got a pot to piss in , but the kettle always goes on , while we put the world to rights ......today its " that bloody putin "

[vickyplum]

from what you've told us, I would give a different area a try for 6-12 months. And as @snifter said, try to be a more active in meeting people, making plans, stuff with other parents/kids from school etc etc.

 

I don't make much effort here in the UK; I see friends every couple of weeks and potter around with my partner at weekends; visit the parents every 1-2 months. But after the big move, am going to have to pull my finger out and put myself out there, so to speak!

[Rachel Tilley]

Where do you feel more at home? UK or Australia?

 

I often wonder if people ever have the same amount of indecision if they've moved to America, UAE, Canada, Spain etc, or is it just Australia because everyone thinks it's the 'dream country' to live in and we must be stupid not to enjoy what everyone else seems desperate to get?

 

Many people don't realise that what they had was actually very good until it's gone. Sometimes it takes something like a migration to make you realise that life before was, in fact, bloody brilliant and you want that old life back. There's nothing wrong with trying a new life, not liking it as much as your old life and making the decision to go back to what was best.

[Gbye grey sky]

Hi all , my hubby and kids aged 9 and 11 are totally confused as to whether we should return to the UK or give it a bit longer. We arrived in Brisbane 9 months ago since then we have both secured decent jobs earning a decent wage between us and even saving a healthy sum every week. Our children are happy at school and we are all enjoying Australia so why are we yearning for our old life in the UK ? The main thing that bugs us is that in the UK our kids played out all the time with all of their friends but you just don't see it in OZ (not where we live anyway )!We live 10mins walk from their primary school that has about 1000 students but what do all these kids do after school cause they don't seem to play out and it's driving us and our kids nuts. We really miss our family and friends and all the simple things like going to a real pub with the kids for Sunday lunch or with friends for a drink. We have 3 months left on our rental and can't decide whether to go at the end of that or maybe try another rental in a different area for 6months and then see how we feel at the end of that ?? We love OZ but don't think we could ever truly call it home and not sure we could see ourselves being here forever so do you just bite the bullet and go home rather than prolonging it for another 6 months ???

 

Where did your kids play out in the UK. Street or park. Too many parked and speeding cars for any kids to play out in the streets in this area. I played in the street all the time as a kid; never seen it in this area. If down the park then sometimes there are other kids there but most often not (or not the same age as mine anyway). Also teenage chavs hang around smoking, swearing spitting and littering so often not a great environment for younger kids.

 

Organised play dates are the norm I find and they take organising and effort. Not easy here in Surrey and don't expect it to be easy in Brisbane either. I suppose it's all a matter of what you're used to.

[Guest]

I would definitely give it more time and perhaps try another area - a new estate maybe where there are likely to be lots of young families.

 

It sounds like there is a lot going for you in Australia and if you return before being absolutely sure there is a greater risk of regetting it.

 

I do know what you mean about the way children play in Australia - we were there for 5 years and I don't think anyone ever knocked on the door for him to play, it was all pre-arranged play dates, very different to what we were used to and after moving back, we hadn't even moved into our house as we were waiting for our container and were just there decorating etc. and kids started knocking on the door for our son - he has so much more freedom here.

 

On the other hand I haven't really got to know the parents, whereas with organised play dates it often lead to a cup of coffee (or wine!) and a natter

[Aunt Agatha]

Most of my Aussie friends have gardens set up like parks with pools, cubbies, sandpits, trampolines, swing sets etc. so the kids don't need to play out in the street or go to a park. However they do have friends over for play dates so they are socialising. I think the kids in the street until tea-time thing is dying out everywhere TBH.

[thinker78]

definitely do not see it here down in adelaide either- it's like the truman show- garages go up at 5pm, and then down till the next morning, not a soul about in between. I have to say that when i lived in rural nsw it was much more 'street' play based and we all hung out on our verandas till bed time- it was very cute and friendly- but, it's not the norm in the bigger cities. you have to be REALLY proactive in gaining new friends- speaking from experience here- it's hard work as an adult i find, most of our energies go on kids and work and the effort required to plug away at a social life a 2nd time around can come as quite a shock. but, if you want any sort of life here you have to 'work' it. i have been in adelaide 2 years (oz 9) and have only just started to make friends. yes, 2 years. and why- because i started to organise ex pat events! it's been fun, a lot of work, but at least we get out the house now and again for a social time. we have only really just started to get invitations to dinner/play after 2 years. 9 months is no time at all.

[Johndoe]

I've recently moved just 1k from where i was before and it's a whole new ball game. We're in a circuit with traffic calmers and the kids are out playing all the time and we love it.....................mind you....................I may think differently if that footy ball continues to bounce off my fourby more often. I guess kids play where there parents allow them to, safety wise, but one thing we've found here is that "doors are more open" to having other kids in your yard...............my kids tended to play in other kids' yards and vice versa when we lived in a high traffic area

[Lucharmily]

You sound like you have a lot going for you as a family in Australia so maybe try another area for 6 months? You may have a completely different experience.

 

On the other hand,for some people despite everything falling into place here, there's just something missing and it's not something you can easily define.

 

I'd probably try somewhere else but if that didn't work out and I still felt the same, I'd go back. Life's too short. There's no shame in it. We make decisions at the time with the information we have; as we go forward in life, the information can change and what was right a year ago may not be the case now.

 

The good thing is all your family seem to think the same.

 

Good luck to you.

[Jacaranda]

I moved to the UK when my kids were 9 and 11.My eldest went straight into high school with no problems at all.You mentioned about moving within Brisbane for 6 mths?Are your kids going to be attending the same school they're at now if that happens?I guess what you owuld have to watch is,say you moved for the 6 mths,kids changed schools?What if you still can't settle,then you'd be uprooting them again to the UK.I'm in Adelaide atm,and I don't see a soul,kids or adults!(I'm in the burbs).Personally the way the world is right now,you might be hard pressed to find any kids playing out in the street where ever you lived!Ok kids aside,lets say you stayed in Aust?The kids get older,so you don't have the play issue?How would you feel then about staying in Aust?Still the same?The older your kids get,the harder it'll be to all move back together to the UK.They would of formed friendships,started uni or work ect,and then can become more complicated.My kids are aussies,and have no intention of returning to Oz to live.

[VERYSTORMY]

Given it was recently reported that Oz kids are the most sedentary of all kids in the developed world it's not to be surprised.

 

I can count on the fingers the amount of times I see a kid in my area over the course of a month.

[ramot]

I am probably going to upset the apple cart here. I find it dangerous when children are playing in the street.

my son has recently moved to a small dead end street, and having to negotiate cars parked on both sides of the short street which has a turning circle at the end, with small children on wobbly bicycles, skate boards etc is not funny.

i'm not a grumpy person, have had 3 children, but children playing outside on the street with no supervision is wrong, and having to brake sharply when a football is kicked across the street is just dangerous for everyone, let alone the child possibly just running into the street without thinking to chase the ball is potentially fatal.

my children are grown up now, but even in my day we arranged or they arranged it themselves to play at each other's houses.

We always had a house or garden full, they were all welcome, but safe.

[Lucharmily]

I am probably going to upset the apple cart here. I find it dangerous when children are playing in the street.

my son has recently moved to a small dead end street, and having to negotiate cars parked on both sides of the short street which has a turning circle at the end, with small children on wobbly bicycles, skate boards etc is not funny.

i'm not a grumpy person, have had 3 children, but children playing outside on the street with no supervision is wrong, and having to brake sharply when a football is kicked across the street is just dangerous for everyone, let alone the child possibly just running into the street without thinking to chase the ball is potentially fatal.

my children are grown up now, but even in my day we arranged or they arranged it themselves to play at each other's houses.

We always had a house or garden full, they were all welcome, but safe.

 

 

I do agree. I think part of the problem now is that the roads are busier and households often have more than 1 car, people use their garages for storage which pushes their vehicles onto the road etc. I grew up playing outside but there were definately less vehicles around and it was a different era.

 

When we were in the UK, my girls loved to play out "the front" so they could have a decent ride on their bikes which wasn't possible in the back garden. Can't say I was completely happy about them out there even though it was a quiet cul de sac and I did spend the entire time peeping out the window at them! I wasn't alone. Our elderly neighbours loved seeing them play outside too. Definately none of that here

[fletchaman]

There is an English pub you can have Sunday lunch at but you need to book :ssign5:

 

http://www.foxandhounds.net.au/

[wattsy1982]

Hi all , my hubby and kids aged 9 and 11 are totally confused as to whether we should return to the UK or give it a bit longer. We arrived in Brisbane 9 months ago since then we have both secured decent jobs earning a decent wage between us and even saving a healthy sum every week. Our children are happy at school and we are all enjoying Australia so why are we yearning for our old life in the UK ? The main thing that bugs us is that in the UK our kids played out all the time with all of their friends but you just don't see it in OZ (not where we live anyway )!We live 10mins walk from their primary school that has about 1000 students but what do all these kids do after school cause they don't seem to play out and it's driving us and our kids nuts. We really miss our family and friends and all the simple things like going to a real pub with the kids for Sunday lunch or with friends for a drink. We have 3 months left on our rental and can't decide whether to go at the end of that or maybe try another rental in a different area for 6months and then see how we feel at the end of that ?? We love OZ but don't think we could ever truly call it home and not sure we could see ourselves being here forever so do you just bite the bullet and go home rather than prolonging it for another 6 months ???

 

 

Wow, I could have written this! (apart from the kids playing outside as our kids are only 4 and 2)

 

Weve been here and year and I dont call this home...because to me its not, and I dont think it ever will be. Negative I know but sometimes you just know.

 

As soon as you say you are thinking of moving home people straight away think you dont like Aus, and like you, we do but is it enough??? For me theres no soul/totem here, I havent/cant seem to bond/become attached to it or have any feelings for it.

 

What you have to think is if you stay and give it longer will you change or want different things, because if you dont are things going to get any better? Are the all kids suddenly going to start playing outside just because you have given it longer?

 

I think its like anything in life, once you have that doubt/idea in your mind it doesnt go away.

 

2 ways to look at it;

 

Why waste anymore time here, just go

 

OR

 

Give it another year, more for the life experience and treat it like a holiday and do as much as you can then go home and carry on with your life...thats what we are leaning too.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[jasepom]

If your children are happy why would you want to leave ? Its far better to keep them safe and secure with both of you working than risk it all. (yes, the uk fans will beat be up again, im sure, cause they always listen with their heart not their head sadly).

[wattsy1982]

There is an English pub you can have Sunday lunch at but you need to book :ssign5:

 

http://www.foxandhounds.net.au/

 

This is only 25mins from me...great, definitely going to give this a look!