Ribbon Katie Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hi there I am new to this forum and was wondering if anyone had any advice and had been in a similar situation. Have been here in Oz for 8 months with husband and children. Living in Perth. Husband very settled, children very settled. Me (mum) not very settled....... Totally underestimated the value of strong friendships. I had many friends in Blighty as I'd lived in the same place for 16 years and was a bit of a social butterfly. Because my children are older there are no toddler groups etc to go too and they walk to school on their own so not a lot of opportunity to meet new people, plus I am working full time. Realise I have to give Oz longer as 8 months is far too short to make any rash decisions. The problem is I have a return flight back to the Uk soon (This is the return part after we decided to get a return ticket when we left UK last year). We were all going to go home as a family but we knew we would have needed to have booked one way tickets to then get back to Oz. The price of tickets have soared and we can't find any cheap one way fares for less than £1,1150. Husband and children weren't that bothered about going back so have decided to forget about trip and forfeit tickets. He says I should go back as I am so unsettled. But is this a good idea? Will it make me more unsettled? I'd obviously love to go back dearly to see friends and my widowed Father, but will it set me back? The other issue is that I feel I'd be neglecting my kids if I went back as I'd be going over school holidays in July. I can't change the date of the trip as I am working full time and I lodged the leave a while back and this would be difficult to change. So it would mean I'd be going back while the kids are off school. Hubby says he would take four days off to spend some time with them, but I am worried they'll be at a loose end during the two week hols when he is working. So should I go home to Britain for the two and a half weeks, which I'd like too, but have the possible risk of feeling more unsettled and miserable on my return or should I abandon the idea and stay put and enjoy some time off work with my kids in the hols? Any advice appreciated Cheers:wub: Ribbon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Do it, you're not just a Mum, you're a friend and a daughter and a wife and a sister (possibly) etc etc etc, so don't let your Mum guilt put you off. Sounds like your OH is really supportive, and I think being back in England while your family are here will mean you will miss them and hopefully the place, and realise that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Also, start building up your social circle here. Maybe organise a meetup with some others from this site in your area, or perhaps if your kids do sport at weekends, try and get to know some of the other parents through this, or invite some of your kids friends over after school or at weekends, and invite their parents in for a coffee when they come to pick them up/drop them off. Good luck, but imho if you don't go back to England for a visit, you'll build it up into something fantastic in your mind. Go and enjoy it, and look forward to seeing your OH and kids again here at the end of it. If it helps, apparently vacation care is great fun for the kids here too, if yours are young enough to need that. And if not, it will make them appreciate everything you do for them at home all the more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Go! What's to stop you taking the kids if they have their return tickets too? It'll be cheaper to buy new returns from UK anyway. The kids may love being back too, especially in the summer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 If your husband and family are giving you the go ahead, then really it's only their permission you need. I would say though to think about how long it took you to develop the friendships you had in the UK - this was one of the things I missed when we moved, but those friendships had become what they had over years and not months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Is there any way you could go as a family and buy your tickets back to Aus while in the UK? Flights are considerably cheaper when bought in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I think that is a tricky one to be honest. It could unsettle you even further but on the other hand, moving should not be an endurance test. You are allowed to go back, see your family and enjoy yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Go. If the ticket is there you would be mad not to use it. im sure your kids will understand....like you say they are settled. 8 months is no time....although it can feel like it is if your not settled. i don't have the answer, thankfully I Didnt work full time when we first came....that gave me the opportunity to go out and make friends. now I do work full time and if those friends disappeared for whatever reason ....I don't know how I would make more, cos by the time I get home, walk dogs, have tea etc etc its nearly bedtime. Weekends are good but that's family time and I don't want to give that up. thankfully the friends I have made, hubbies all get along too, so we can do things together. They are my Oz family now. just remember though ...you don't need lots of friends, a few that will be there for you whatever is better than loads of fair weather friends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Its a holiday, go enjoy it. Try not to have expectations, overthink things when you are there or put everything under the microscope. Just enjoy the holiday. Time to reflect and ask questions later after you are back in Aus a while. It seems your kids and hubby are happy to stay in Aus while you go so I'd make the most of it. I personally do think its a short time gap to be heading back for a holiday but that is me. You seem unsettled due to friendship issues. As Ali said, remember friendshps don't happen overnight and can take a long while to build up. Many of us migrating are facing similar and so can appreciate its not easy. I think its a very personal thing and not everyone is as self sufficient or able to cope as well being away from family or friends. It is however a cold hard fact to face for many after they make the move and can often be a big stumbling block to being able to settle or really get into life in Aus. Usually it hits one or two in the family, not all. Makes it harder again then. I think if you are liking Aus otherwise, hopefully you will be able to overcome things and start to feel more settled as time goes on. Work at building friendships, it won't happen quickly and there is no instant fix. Its time, effort and more but it can be rewarding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennylid Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I would say go home , it is a bit soon but you would always think i should have gone to see how i felt, so go and see how you feel, and absence makes the heart grow fonder so go and come back to your family who will have missed you . Also think how happy your dad will be to see you .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Definitely go. Your family seem comfortable with the idea. Will it unsettle you - who knows? It might do the opposite and make you realise you made the right move. If you don't go you will never know ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 You've had some good advice. It's only a short while away and your family sound like they will cope well. I did similar last year but for much longer. I felt guilty about leaving hubby & kids but craved the company of friends and family and familiar surroundings. It served to top up my tank and I came back with renewed confidence. I wish I knew the trick for making friends here, but just can't seem to- although I know a few nice people who are acquaintances and that will have to do till I get home for good. I hope you have a wonderful time - sounds like you deserve it. IMO mums don't put themselves first nearly enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 The major problem I can see is that is quite lovely this time of year. Spring is always beautiful. You may like it too much, but then it may be enough to re charge your batteries. My wife wanted us back in the UK because of friends she missed, but we never see those people anymore. We made new friends in the UK. It was easier than making friends in Perth, and I'm from Perth. Perth people are pretty strange. But I think you need to be more forceful if you want to make friends with Perth people. Australia's don't obide by the same social etiquette that the English do. All this thank you cards for gifts, and thank you emails for the thank you cards, and then a thank you text for the thank you email. Doesn't really work like that. They don't understand that you like them unless you tell them. Or you could try and find English friends in Perth. There's enough there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Do it, I think you may well find it has the opposite effect you'll find you can use the break to confirm you made the right decision, people have carried on back in the UK and all you left behind is still there. you'll enjoy it and poss enjoy the flight back to Perth too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 should I go home to Britain for the two and a half weeks, which I'd like too, but have the possible risk of feeling more unsettled and miserable on my return or should I abandon the idea and stay put and enjoy some time off work with my kids in the hols? You should use the ticket. Yes, there's a risk you'll feel more unsettled when you come back, because you've been reminded of all those great friendships. BUT you'll also be reminded of all the things that caused you to leave in the first place! The longer you delay a trip home, the more rose-tinted your glasses are going to get - so head back there and remind yourself what it was really like, the bad as well as the good. A few things to check - try getting on a UK site to book a one-way fare to Oz, and see what the price is. It's much, much cheaper buying a flight in the UK than here. They're sneaky - they won't let you buy at that price from an Australian address, but you could get someone in the UK to book it for you. it's worth asking if there's any refund available on the other tickets, or if they can be exchanged for something else. Sometimes there is even though the ticket appears to be non-refundable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motorhead Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 GO...no contest, plenty time to think on the flights, hubby will appreciate you more when u get back too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cappuccino Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'm in the go camp too. Like others have said, it may well make you feel more unsettled when you come back, but you've seen the price of airfares from here now and who knows when you'll next have that chance to go back to visit. I think there's more chance you'd regret not going than going. I concur about making friends here too, it can take a really long time. All the best with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Definitely go back and how you feel when you return to Australia will be enlightening for you. You may find you are more settled than you realised. It's an expensive business and impractical but I wished we had had a trip home to see how we felt before we gave up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 also think its when you come back, if you had come back last year with the superb summer we had it would be a no-brainer you would stay in the UK, come back in the winter and you might find it tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Yeah hope for a rainy drab two weeks and your friends aren't interested in any of your antipodian tales! Then you'll get back to Australia and really settle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britpop Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'd Go but go for a short time so you still get to spend some time with the kids too. Then it's the best of both as spending time in Aus with the kids would maybe be positive too and help you see the opportunities in Aus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolvesaussie Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Im not sure, we just did the same thing.. we moved over in August last year and booked a return to give my girlfriend something to look forward to if she didnt settle well (and also because i want to try to keep buying from the UK)... So this trip back was in April, about 8 months after arriving... it wasnt really required for its purpose though, my girlfriend has settled well found a good job, made new friends did not miss family.. we werent even that excited about going back, it seemed too soon to be flying 24 hours again, I have done the flight many times but normally every 18mths. Anyway I found the trip back actually did unsettle her a little, we have been back three weeks now and shes back into the swing of things again but while she was there she started saying things like she missed her mum etc, then there was a big tearing goodbye at the airport.. So if it had that effect on her, when she was happy in Australia, I worry it may have a worse one on someone who hasnt settled well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribbon Katie Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 Thanks for all your replies, which I have read, it is good to have a sounding board. Most of you have suggested a break home won't be a bad thing, although WolvesAussie I take on board your comments, I don't fancy returning and feeling down again. I still have a few weeks in which to make a decision. Thanks once again. Thanks Ribbon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest km75 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 When we moved out to Australia the first time in 2003 I wanted to return home desperately for the first six months, then suddenly everything fell into place and I decided Australia was the place I wanted to raise our children. We moved back to the UK 2008 - 2013 so my children could get to know my parents, we came back to Australia on 1 Jan 2014, and very settled and happy here, though I feel terrible leaving my widowed mum behind, so very torn still. Anyway, like you, we booked returns as cheaper and we'll all go back in Sept - but that's my story. If I was you, I'd go home for your holiday (with or without your family) and see what you're missing (or not). Being unsettled in that first year is very normal, cut yourself some slack and look after you and your feelings. I am sure your OH and children can cope for a few weeks, and it will help make up your mind either way where you think you should be. How old are your children? I find my school very sociable, have volunteered for a few things (like canteen) and there's lots going on like nights out and picnics, met some lovely people, is your school anything like that? How is work? Hope you settle in time. Good luck with it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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