blobby1000 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) Hello We returned from Australia in December 2012 after 26 months living near Melbourne and in Torquay on The Great Ocean Road. Although we did many things in our time in Australia, we had generally negative feelings about it as a country and about our lives there. These feeling ebbed and flowed a bit but I think it's fair to say (and is reflected in my posts at the time) that I was mostly negative. We found some perspective on leaving and were able to be more pragmatic and left without any of the bitterness or anger that had been present during much of our stay. We moved back to the UK but instead of returning home we started another new life in Cornwall. In was awful and we left after 8 months and came back to live in our house in cheltenham. I returned to my old job. Mrs Blobby got a new job. Our boys aged 6 and 4 have really settled Into fantastic schools/preschools. we have bought a trailer tent to go off on holidays, we have a new puppy to go along with our ageing Retriever who had travelled to Australia and back with us. I'm on the verge of promotion at my work (just as I was when I left in 2010 and just as I was when I left Australia, but I never stayed still long enough!) The funny thing is when we talk about Australia, which seems to be getting more frequent we don't really talk about the endless boiling summers when we couldn't go outside, the terrible chicken in their takeaways, the terrible standard of rental property and the high interest rates which would have meant buying our dream home would always be very very difficult,. We don't talk about the appalling drivers, the way they treat their dogs, the poor standard of nursing, the racism, homophobia and general aggressive attitude of people. We don't speak much about the difficulty in making new friends or the overwhelming feeling of misery at Christmas! Good Lord no.... We talk about the fact we don't really have the time to spend with many of our friends. I don't particularly want to spend my days off drinking down the pub with my mates I would rather spend the time with my young family. We tire of the competitive nature of parents in the school playground. Many of the actual things and places that I really missed when in Australia when I now revisit I have this overwhelming feeling that I have done this all before. We are skint, just as we were when we left the UK, and, for the next 20 years at least, that isn't going to change. We look back on Australia and miss the opportunities, the sense of freedom that meant we felt we could do whatever we wanted with our lives. And it was nice not to work for the NHS and to finally have some money! Holidays in Bali, Sydney, W.A, anywhere we wanted really......and I could murder a flat white! Even if we could afford to go back to Australia it would be completely unfair on our children, and our wider families who have been very pleased to have us back and are all getting old (although we don't live near hem and don't see them all that often). Returning would mean selling the house, and putting everything in One Australian basket.....and, when we got there, can I be sure we wouldn't be focussing on the terrible chicken in the takeaways? In truth, although our lives are really quite good, we don't really feel like we belong anywhere anymore! Edited May 6, 2014 by blobby1000 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Do most people actually feel like they "belong" somewhere though. I can't say I ever have nor that I ever will. Perhaps I am unusual in that I don't feel that is very important. It is probably just the daily grind getting you down and that is the same for most of us, most of the time, and it doesn't matter where you are for that. Perhaps you are looking for more out of life than there actually is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I can definitely relate to what you've written and feel like I belong in both places to a degree. Sorry, that's not much help is it? But maybe knowing that you're not alone might make it feel a bit more 'normal' (although I'm not sure many people would call me that!!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I think once you've moved you are a mover by inclination. I definitely "belong" in UK but I have itchy feet just the same and when the sh*t hits the fan here as, of course, it does from time to time even I can look back on life in Aus with some positivity even though whilst there I loathed it! Curse of the expat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 move back and within 6 months you will pine for your life in the uk, classic example of a ping-pong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I can empathise with your situation. I am really looking forward to going back to the UK - mostly to regain that feeling of belonging but I'm sure there will be many aspects of life here that I miss. I do wonder sometimes that if we had a circle of friends here, and in particular if I had some close girlfriends, whether we may have made it our forever home. But the grass is always greener, and I'm sure it won't take long once I'm back to get itchy feet again! I suspect that when you have found the courage to move countries once, it opens choices and possibilities that many dismiss out of hand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Hello We returned from Australia in December 2012 after 26 months living near Melbourne and in Torquay on The Great Ocean Road. Although we did many things in our time in Australia, we had generally negative feelings about it as a country and about our lives there. These feeling ebbed and flowed a bit but I think it's fair to say (and is reflected in my posts at the time) that I was mostly negative. We found some perspective on leaving and were able to be more pragmatic and left without any of the bitterness or anger that had been present during much of our stay. We moved back to the UK but instead of returning home we started another new life in Cornwall. In was awful and we left after 8 months and came back to live in our house in cheltenham. I returned to my old job. Mrs Blobby got a new job. Our boys aged 6 and 4 have really settled Into fantastic schools/preschools. we have bought a trailer tent to go off on holidays, we have a new puppy to go along with our ageing Retriever who had travelled to Australia and back with us. I'm on the verge of promotion at my work (just as I was when I left in 2010 and just as I was when I left Australia, but I never stayed still long enough!) The funny thing is when we talk about Australia, which seems to be getting more frequent we don't really talk about the endless boiling summers when we couldn't go outside, the terrible chicken in their takeaways, the terrible standard of rental property and the high interest rates which would have meant buying our dream home would always be very very difficult,. We don't talk about the appalling drivers, the way they treat their dogs, the poor standard of nursing, the racism, homophobia and general aggressive attitude of people. We don't speak much about the difficulty in making new friends or the overwhelming feeling of misery at Christmas! Good Lord no.... We talk about the fact we don't really have the time to spend with many of our friends. I don't particularly want to spend my days off drinking down the pub with my mates I would rather spend the time with my young family. We tire of the competitive nature of parents in the school playground. Many of the actual things and places that I really missed when in Australia when I now revisit I have this overwhelming feeling that I have done this all before. We are skint, just as we were when we left the UK, and, for the next 20 years at least, that isn't going to change. We look back on Australia and miss the opportunities, the sense of freedom that meant we felt we could do whatever we wanted with our lives. And it was nice not to work for the NHS and to finally have some money! Holidays in Bali, Sydney, W.A, anywhere we wanted really......and I could murder a flat white! Even if we could afford to go back to Australia it would be completely unfair on our children, and our wider families who have been very pleased to have us back and are all getting old (although we don't live near hem and don't see them all that often). Returning would mean selling the house, and putting everything in One Australian basket.....and, when we got there, can I be sure we wouldn't be focussing on the terrible chicken in the takeaways? In truth, although our lives are really quite good, we don't really feel like we belong anywhere anymore! Awwwwww nooooooOOOOOOO! not again blob?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinsmom65 Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Hi Blobby,Yep curse of the ex-pat I am afraid. It is perfectly normal when you are in the midst of daily life, to look back on your time in Oz with almost rose tinted glasses. We tend to only remember the good things, and put the negatives out of our mind.Have a look at your old posts on here when you were living in Oz, and that will show you how you really felt about the place.I don't know where I belong, don't belong in the UK, don't belong in Oz and not sure I belong in Canada. But I will not uproot my family again, and so I just have to make the best out of my life here in Canada. It's not a bad life after all and I could do a lot worse.CheersKaren Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Other side of the hill is never greener than the one we are on. Green patches maybe. I think it came to me what Australia has done for me when my sister visited from UK recently. She told me that I was so laid back. When I look it yep I am and that is what living here has taught me. Its not a bad thing either what it means is that we do not worry about what we cannot change and we know that things will get sorted. No sweat etc. I remember how unhappy you were and unfortunately you probably have the nature that will always be looking for that missing link. I know my parents were exactly the same. That said they had a wonderful life, not much money, rolling stone gathers no moss and my Mum is about to move house once more at 95. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I wonder if you just have the wonderlust? Perpetual itchy feet? You tried it you definately didnt like it, in Australia in fact I'd go as far as to say you hated it. You clearly didn't like it in Cornwall. Maybe Its not the places maybe its you? What are you missing? What is not fulfilling you now? I think you are going to have to answer those questions before you are going to feel happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I think you need to try a bit of stability for a time tbh blobby I think your feelings are quite common, and especially so for those who have gone back to where they came from in their original country but things have moved on and they don't feel the same (or as they expected they would) about those things/places But you've tried another country, and I recall from posts that you really didn't like it. You tried another place in England and really didn't like that either. Changing again I think would just have you chasing something that maybe isn't there. IIRC in Aus it wasn't just heat/aggression/rentals etc you didn't like - there was lots about working practices you disliked as well. So whilst working for the NHS might be a grind (is it he bureaucracy?) you didn't like the way it was over here much either. There's lots in your posts that comes across as work-based frustration. Try and work out what it is that is frustrating - it's often due to people feeling disempowered, them not liking the way things are done but not being able to change or influence it. Will that promotion help? It may give you control over at least your area of work, that can help? It should certainly help, a bit, on the money front. As for the leisure/social life part, rather than disempowerment frustration this comes across more as "stuck in a rut" ism......wanting to spend time with family rather than on the pop is a good start, are there activities you can do as a family that will get you a new social circle, a bit of exercise, a new direction maybe without costing the earth? I'm thinking about outdoor pursuits of some kind I guess. You're very close in your neck of the woods to some fantastic countryside and outdoor activities in Cotswo;ds/Forest of Dean/Wye Valley/Black Mountains I dunno. I do think moving again isn't the answer. Competitiveness amongst parents is endemic I'm afraid, you just have to try and shut that one out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolvesaussie Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 oui... who deleted my post... I was just saying I dont think she is looking back at Australia with rose tinted glasses, shes calling us racist and saying our kids are out of control. I was just pointing out that the kids in the area she lived in (according to my girlfriend who teaches them) are very polite and 1000 times better than the UK gangsters she used to teach. Why is this being deleted but she is allowed to accuse me (as an Australian) of being a racist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 My post was just deleted too... Twinsmom is that you doing this ?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belinda Au Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Hi Blobby - even though I'm Australian and live here currently, I can really relate to what you say. Due to a chronic illness that has prevented travel for the last 8 years (thankfully resolved) I often feel the way you do which is then followed by a move. I have lived here and in the UK on and off for 20 years. My lifestyle here is better but I feel more "connected" in the UK. I wish I could explain why that is but I can't. I'm never really happy in Oz. Even though I feel more "at home" in the UK, I then get strangely homesick and I'm back in Oz again!!! The fact I'm not married or have children or pets makes the ping-ponging even easier to do. I'm sure none of that is any real help to you but as someone else has already mentioned, perhaps it will make you feel a little less like there might be something wrong with how you're feeling if you know you aren't the only one. In fact, Northshorepom has some excellent ideas worth exploring - I think I might explore them myself. :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Belonging somewhere is personal. OK I admit I am almost 70 (not sure how that has happened). I'm not sure I have ever belonged anywhere. I have never lived anywhere longer than 11 years, but that has been 3 different places. Father in army, moved and moved, including Germany for 4 years. 11 years in south west London. Then joined airline, took a chance and went to Zambia. Met husband there, he was in the RAF, so more constant moving. 11 years in Nottingham then 9 years in Brunei, and now 11 years on the Sunshine Coast. so where is home? For now definitely here, some of us can adjust to new places and make them home and others can't, but no one has the right to criticise any one for their decisions. I have had some amazing times and experiences though, and as 2 of our 3 children have moved here don't plan on moving again, but who knows!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 ........there's nothing wrong in ping ponging if it makes you happy.....IMO.... .......absence makes the heart grow fonder.....and familiarity breeds contempt... .......both being the curse of an expat...... ........the good of a place/situation growing brighter.... .......the bad fading...... .........is moving around as we get the urge to explore a different scenario so wrong...? ........must we settle for ever if our curiosity is awakened...? ........if its possible.....do it.... ........as they say life's a journey......enjoy it..... .........the best of luck to you and yours...........tink x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinsmom65 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 oui... who deleted my post... I was just saying I dont think she is looking back at Australia with rose tinted glasses, shes calling us racist and saying our kids are out of control. I was just pointing out that the kids in the area she lived in (according to my girlfriend who teaches them) are very polite and 1000 times better than the UK gangsters she used to teach. Why is this being deleted but she is allowed to accuse me (as an Australian) of being a racist. Hello all, Sorry had to delete a few posts, as the OP had been edited and therefore those posts that were referring to the unedited post were out of context. Hope this explains why they were deleted. Oh and yes Parley Cross, it was me that deleted your post as well. Cheers Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Don't do it Blob! Resist the temptation, that way lies madness! Honestly, I think it's natural for our memories to scrub away the unpleasantness of an experience you didn't enjoy. IMO that is a protective adaptation: it explains why women get pregnant again, despite saying 'never again' immediately after the terrifying experience of giving birth. Trust your instincts: you were deeply unsettled in Melbourne and Torquay. I wouldn't entertain any thoughts of returning (even for holidays) until the kids have finished school. Just my opinion, mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) .......and therefore harpodom by the same token as women get pregnant again..... ........would not blobby have a chance of enjoying an experience this time round.....? .......to not try somewhere purely on past experience.... ......is to not let yourself move forward.....IMO.... .......to let go of the past.... .......it's hanging on to what was..... .......that often hinders our choices..... ........look forward,.....and explore what life has to offer if where your at doesn't provide all your needs.....and IMO of course....tink x Edited May 7, 2014 by Guest16631 Spelling ..punctuation...grammar.....though still sadly lacking.....! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinker78 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 if you wanted, i could say some negative things about life down under to remind you?! like how we too are currently at the mercy of an insane right wing dictatorship who is slowly destroying public services and heading us into a recession?! Anyway, i won't, but i think raising a young family, you know, it's bloody hard work wherever you do it, and it's normal to daydream about how life could be easier elsewhere....but it's not really. As for the playground stuff, i get that here! it's no different, and i just avoid the crazy ones...don't get involved. find friends elsewhere. lots of people feel like this when they have lived elsewhere. one things for sure though- i'm really going to miss my awesome coffees here- sipping one as a write- sure can't get those in the uk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 A lot of people migrate for reasons they take with them. I think nsp hit the nail on the head. Hopefully it's the job and not the wife. I also need my eyesight checked, as all this time I had thought nsp was feeding a baby lamb! Should have gone to spec savers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hi Blobby - even though I'm Australian and live here currently, I can really relate to what you say. Due to a chronic illness that has prevented travel for the last 8 years (thankfully resolved) I often feel the way you do which is then followed by a move. I have lived here and in the UK on and off for 20 years. My lifestyle here is better but I feel more "connected" in the UK. I wish I could explain why that is but I can't. I'm never really happy in Oz. Even though I feel more "at home" in the UK, I then get strangely homesick and I'm back in Oz again!!! The fact I'm not married or have children or pets makes the ping-ponging even easier to do. I'm sure none of that is any real help to you but as someone else has already mentioned, perhaps it will make you feel a little less like there might be something wrong with how you're feeling if you know you aren't the only one. In fact, Northshorepom has some excellent ideas worth exploring - I think I might explore them myself. :hug: Being single and without children could be a part of the reason the UK is preferable. When in your situation I certainly found it to be so. There a certain cosiness and with that comfort in nearness found there also not readily found in a lot of Australia's sprawling cities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 .......and therefore harpodom by the same token as women get pregnant again.............would not blobby have a chance of enjoying an experience this time round.....? .......to not try somewhere purely on past experience.... ......is to not let yourself move forward.....IMO.... .......to let go of the past.... .......it's hanging on to what was..... .......that often hinders our choices..... ........look forward,.....and explore what life has to offer if where your at doesn't provide all your needs.....and IMO of course....tink x True tink, my analogy did rather fall apart there! But in Blobby's case (like many others), I think the situation is complicated by having young kids who IMO could do with a bit of stability for now. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd say go for it. BUT there was something about Aus which really rankled with Blobby: he will ignore that at his peril Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 A lot of people migrate for reasons they take with them. I think nsp hit the nail on the head. Hopefully it's the job and not the wife. I also need my eyesight checked, as all this time I had thought nsp was feeding a baby lamb! Should have gone to spec savers. She ain't such a baby lamb any more: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) True tink, my analogy did rather fall apart there! But in Blobby's case (like many others), I think the situation is complicated by having young kids who IMO could do with a bit of stability for now. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd say go for it. BUT there was something about Aus which really rankled with Blobby: he will ignore that at his peril .......I must disagree again.... .......and have come to this conclusion through experience and hindsight.......! ........which I concede that without foresight.... .......many of us fail to take advantage of the unknown..... ........Each and every experience is unique.... .........it's only by holding onto past experiences do we limit our selves.... .........children adapt and thrive on challenges...... .........if those they rely on encourage it...... .........our children look to us for guidance...... .........and as such it's our reactions to situations that shape theirs.... ........so for me....... .........the chance to explore something new...... ..........when where you are is needy...... ...........should be seriously considered..........IMO......tink x Edited May 7, 2014 by Guest16631 .....spelling.....though I do blame spell check..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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