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Rustybarnacle

Returning to the UK

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We have lived in Adelaide for 10 years quiet happily, but now we have a hollow feeling and want to go back home to be with family.

Since moving to Australia we have had our first child, since his arrival we miss the comfort of family and the feeling of belonging. Suddenly we feel very alone.

Australia has been very kind to us and our lives have changed dramatically since our arrival, we had a busy life enjoying all Australia has to offer but now none of that seems to matter.

We understand that Covid has a lot to play in how we feel and not being able to see family for so long has certainly bought feeling's to the forefront, but it has also made us appreciate them more and understand what is important in life.

Does anyone else feel like this or felt like it?

 

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Posted (edited)

I never have but it’s extremely common especially after having a child. Suddenly you appreciate the importance of family, which you always took for granted before

We have many  members here who have gone home and are happily settled. The ones who are happiest with their decision seem to be the ones who didn’t go back to their old town but looked for somewhere else in the UK that offered the lifestyle they wanted.

Edited by Marisawright
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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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It's a long time ago now but I had two very good friends who moved back to Scotland after having their babies.  They just felt very homesick and missed their families more than they had before children came along.  I never felt that same pull to go back 'home'.

Two of the daughters of my friends now live in Sydney.  They have dual citizenship.  Mum and Dad still in Scotland.  

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Were also in Adelaide and two of our friends we met here - one Scots, one Irish - moved back to their respective homelands in 2019.  This was a bit surprising in that they were always very 'pro Oz' and saying how the lifestyle was so much better here - I felt like the odd one out as I always (and still do) missed things about the UK.   They both have young families so clearly that played a huge part.  Both families doing well although work-wise in Ireland not as good as here, thats in construction.

Family can be a strong pull in strange times like these.  If its something you do end up doing, practically/financially not a bad time to be doing it - if you have a property or even just car to sell here you'll do very well and the exchange rate is pretty good historically in terms of pounds you'll get for your AUD.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Rustybarnacle said:

We have lived in Adelaide for 10 years quiet happily, but now we have a hollow feeling and want to go back home to be with family.

Since moving to Australia we have had our first child, since his arrival we miss the comfort of family and the feeling of belonging. Suddenly we feel very alone.

Australia has been very kind to us and our lives have changed dramatically since our arrival, we had a busy life enjoying all Australia has to offer but now none of that seems to matter.

We understand that Covid has a lot to play in how we feel and not being able to see family for so long has certainly bought feeling's to the forefront, but it has also made us appreciate them more and understand what is important in life.

Does anyone else feel like this or felt like it?

 

Sometimes it is really determined by how you set your mind. Something clicks and takes the shine off everything around you. Have you had a holiday back to the UK to see how things are?

This year we are covid ravaged and the summer has been constant rain, and it's pretty depressing so the UK at the moment is not something to be missed. I usually love living in the UK, and last summer was brilliant even with covid. But it's just damp everywhere now. In the south anyways.

Maybe have a holiday over here next year and see how you feel?

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Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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2 hours ago, Johnny Kash said:

Were also in Adelaide and two of our friends we met here - one Scots, one Irish - moved back to their respective homelands in 2019.  This was a bit surprising in that they were always very 'pro Oz' and saying how the lifestyle was so much better here - I felt like the odd one out as I always (and still do) missed things about the UK.   They both have young families so clearly that played a huge part.  Both families doing well although work-wise in Ireland not as good as here, thats in construction.

Family can be a strong pull in strange times like these.  If its something you do end up doing, practically/financially not a bad time to be doing it - if you have a property or even just car to sell here you'll do very well and the exchange rate is pretty good historically in terms of pounds you'll get for your AUD.

 

 

People are always leaving Adelaide.  I’m surrounded by them.

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22 hours ago, newjez said:

Sometimes it is really determined by how you set your mind. Something clicks and takes the shine off everything around you. Have you had a holiday back to the UK to see how things are?

This year we are covid ravaged and the summer has been constant rain, and it's pretty depressing so the UK at the moment is not something to be missed. I usually love living in the UK, and last summer was brilliant even with covid. But it's just damp everywhere now. In the south anyways.

Maybe have a holiday over here next year and see how you feel?

That's funny. I am in central west Scotland, normally one of the wettest parts of the U.K. and it has been a very hot and sunny summer so far. 

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44 minutes ago, VERYSTORMY said:

That's funny. I am in central west Scotland, normally one of the wettest parts of the U.K. and it has been a very hot and sunny summer so far. 

We had an Australian summer last year in the south and heard of floods in the north.

It's amazing the degree of weather variation on such a small cluster of islands.

We had not a drop in April, and then it's rained ever since. Not a problem pre covid, but pretty depressing with covid. Especially with numbers increasing rapidly with Delta.


Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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On 03/07/2021 at 04:17, Marisawright said:

I never have but it’s extremely common especially after having a child. Suddenly you appreciate the importance of family, which you always took for granted before

We have many  members here who have gone home and are happily settled. The ones who are happiest with their decision seem to be the ones who didn’t go back to their old town but looked for somewhere else in the UK that offered the lifestyle they wanted.

After 3 years in Perth we returned to our "old town"......we found it to be exactly as we left it 3 years earlier.....the only thing that had changed was us.....we had realised that the lifestyle we actually wanted was right there in front of us the whole time.....its funny because you often don't realise what you had/have until you have lost it.....unlike the OP we never came back because of family....we just felt our lives were empty in Perth and we were going through the motions.....could have stayed for another 10 years but wisley chose to return and its not a decision we have ever regreted or even dwelled on.....To the OP.....dont be unhappy.....life is too short to be unhappy.....its a great time to return.....there is a good vibe in the country at the moment......its coming home!

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On 03/07/2021 at 13:17, Marisawright said:

We have many  members here who have gone home and are happily settled. The ones who are happiest with their decision seem to be the ones who didn’t go back to their old town but looked for somewhere else in the UK that offered the lifestyle they wanted.

I went back to my hometown after living away for about 45 years and it was the best! There was so much that was familiar yet so much that was new. All my old friends had scattered to the winds so it was really a matter of starting all over again and it all worked out beautifully but I think if we didn’t have the imperative to live “at home” with my folk we could have chosen anywhere in the country (except, perhaps, Bradford or Bolton) and been very happy. I think the key is not expecting to go back to what you had but moving forward to something new, albeit, maybe, in a familiar place. I know a few who have moved back and slotted right in as if they’d never gone though so some do get lucky. 

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17 minutes ago, Quoll said:

. I think the key is not expecting to go back to what you had but moving forward to something new, albeit, maybe, in a familiar place. I know a few who have moved back and slotted right in as if they’d never gone though so some do get lucky. 

Yes, I think that's what I was getting at.  You can never go back, truly.  Things will have changed. So sometimes, it's better to choose somewhere else where you're not constantly going to be looking for "the way things were".  

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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2 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Yes, I think that's what I was getting at.  You can never go back, truly.  Things will have changed. So sometimes, it's better to choose somewhere else where you're not constantly going to be looking for "the way things were".  

I don't feel like I could ever 'go back'....not that I want to. Too much has changed. We've changed. I agree if going back, go elsewhere, a different town...nearby to 'home' if necessary.. Unless of course you've been away a short time and everything you want and need is in your home town. 

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Posted (edited)
On 03/07/2021 at 12:55, Rustybarnacle said:

We have lived in Adelaide for 10 years quiet happily, but now we have a hollow feeling and want to go back home to be with family.

Since moving to Australia we have had our first child, since his arrival we miss the comfort of family and the feeling of belonging. Suddenly we feel very alone.

Australia has been very kind to us and our lives have changed dramatically since our arrival, we had a busy life enjoying all Australia has to offer but now none of that seems to matter.

We understand that Covid has a lot to play in how we feel and not being able to see family for so long has certainly bought feeling's to the forefront, but it has also made us appreciate them more and understand what is important in life.

Does anyone else feel like this or felt like it?

You're not alone. Maybe we underestimate the importance of family when we're younger. In our 20's and 30's it tends to be "all about me", but at some point (often when children arrive) we start to appreciate family far more, and the structure and support they provide. I'm sure if I'd had siblings I would've never considered migrating to Australia, and it's only been since my last surviving family member passed on do I no longer feel the pull to return to the UK. That said, I wish I was over there right now to watch the football in the pub!

You've summed up how you feel very thoughtfully, and based on that returning to the UK would seem the right choice for you. Always good to hang on to that Aussie citizenship though, as you never quite know what the future may bring.

Edited by Wanderer Returns
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On 03/07/2021 at 12:55, Rustybarnacle said:

We have lived in Adelaide for 10 years quiet happily, but now we have a hollow feeling and want to go back home to be with family.

Since moving to Australia we have had our first child, since his arrival we miss the comfort of family and the feeling of belonging. Suddenly we feel very alone.

Australia has been very kind to us and our lives have changed dramatically since our arrival, we had a busy life enjoying all Australia has to offer but now none of that seems to matter.

We understand that Covid has a lot to play in how we feel and not being able to see family for so long has certainly bought feeling's to the forefront, but it has also made us appreciate them more and understand what is important in life.

Does anyone else feel like this or felt like it?

 

I doubt you are on your own with those feelings, I think a lot of people were ok pre covid that if that feeling crept in you could quickly sort a trip back or family could come out , The biggest anguish for me is the not knowing when we can travel again and it’s starting to play on my mind. 
good luck 

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14 hours ago, kungfustu said:

After 3 years in Perth we returned to our "old town"......we found it to be exactly as we left it 3 years earlier.....the only thing that had changed was us.....we had realised that the lifestyle we actually wanted was right there in front of us the whole time.....its funny because you often don't realise what you had/have until you have lost it.....unlike the OP we never came back because of family....we just felt our lives were empty in Perth and we were going through the motions.....could have stayed for another 10 years but wisley chose to return and its not a decision we have ever regreted or even dwelled on.....To the OP.....dont be unhappy.....life is too short to be unhappy.....its a great time to return.....there is a good vibe in the country at the moment......its coming home!

Thanks for the advice, that is how we are feeling, we could stay here forever but would be going through the motions not actually living.

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3 hours ago, Rallyman said:

I doubt you are on your own with those feelings, I think a lot of people were ok pre covid that if that feeling crept in you could quickly sort a trip back or family could come out , The biggest anguish for me is the not knowing when we can travel again and it’s starting to play on my mind. 
good luck 

And to you, it's very hard and I feel for everyone during this time. Hopefully things change very soon.

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11 hours ago, Wanderer Returns said:

You're not alone. Maybe we underestimate the importance of family when we're younger. In our 20's and 30's it tends to be "all about me", but at some point (often when children arrive) we start to appreciate family far more, and the structure and support they provide. I'm sure if I'd had siblings I would've never considered migrating to Australia, and it's only been since my last surviving family member passed on do I no longer feel the pull to return to the UK. That said, I wish I was over there right now to watch the football in the pub!

You've summed up how you feel very thoughtfully, and based on that returning to the UK would seem the right choice for you. Always good to hang on to that Aussie citizenship though, as you never quite know what the future may bring.

Thank you, I think you summed it up perfectly, you don't know what you appreciate until it's gone.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Rallyman said:

I doubt you are on your own with those feelings, I think a lot of people were ok pre covid that if that feeling crept in you could quickly sort a trip back or family could come out , The biggest anguish for me is the not knowing when we can travel again and it’s starting to play on my mind. 
good luck 

One of the vagaries of mind of the human condition - wanting what we can't have. If the borders were open, how many of us would be going back for an annual, or even biannual, trip? You need to be rolling in it, in addition to it sucking up your holidays for the entire year. I also feel that, from my own experience, it wasn't healthy going back every year when I did it (while my mum was still alive) - it just made the homesickness worse when I returned to Australia.

Edited by Wanderer Returns
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2 minutes ago, Wanderer Returns said:

One of the vagaries of mind of the human condition - wanting what we can't have. If the borders were open, how many of us would be going back for an annual, or even biannual, trip? You need to be rolling in it, in addition it sucks up your holidays for the entire year.

I had planned to go back to Scotland last year to stay with my sister in Edinburgh for a few weeks.  I accepted the situation.  You are right though.  A lot of the frustration and emotional outpourings is down to wanting what we can't have at this time.  

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3 hours ago, Wanderer Returns said:

One of the vagaries of mind of the human condition - wanting what we can't have. If the borders were open, how many of us would be going back for an annual, or even biannual, trip? You need to be rolling in it, in addition to it sucking up your holidays for the entire year. I also feel that, from my own experience, it wasn't healthy going back every year when I did it (while my mum was still alive) - it just made the homesickness worse when I returned to Australia.

I was speaking about myself, we are all different. I run my own business here so it’s up to me what time I take off I am not restricted. 
Cost is not a factor to me either if I want to return I would under normal conditions, pre covid a flight could be had for around a $1000 bucks not having to be rolling in it to afford imho. 
 

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2 hours ago, Rallyman said:

I was speaking about myself, we are all different. I run my own business here so it’s up to me what time I take off I am not restricted. 
Cost is not a factor to me either if I want to return I would under normal conditions, pre covid a flight could be had for around a $1000 bucks not having to be rolling in it to afford imho. 

A return flight? With whom?... I'm all ears!

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1 hour ago, Wanderer Returns said:

A return flight? With whom?... I'm all ears!

That was pre covid , if you did a Internet search you would find cheap flights.

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We returned to the U.K. on Boxing Day 2020 after eight years in Adelaide. It was a difficult decision but we don’t regret one minute of it!! We love being home and it has absolutely 100% been worth the stress and heartache. Good luck xxx

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Did you make any decisions? I’d be keen to hear from anyone who returned with older kids, (mine are 12 & 19). 
I’ve been homesick off & on for 10 years so have now decided to head back with my husband & 2 kids. We sold out gorgeous Aussie home this weekend. I have wanted this for so long but now that it’s happening, the doubts are setting in big time! I left for a reason & I still believe that Aus has given my kids a better life but I miss so much about my old life. Plus, I’m worried about the political landscape in the UK at the mo. However, I’ve never felt at home in Aus & I constantly worry about my family not being around for much longer & I feel more disconnected from them with every passing year. It makes me sad that they barely know my kids & I am a wreck here at Christmas time. However, the thought of returning to UK pub / youth culture for my kids is giving me some serious regrets already! Will we ever be happy?! 😞 

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