Does anyone regret bringing their kids up in Oz, if so why?

[scousers]

has anyone regretted bringing kids up in oz?

[Toots]

No regrets at all.  Two sons born here.  As far as missing extended family   ..............  aunties, uncles, cousins etc   ...........   that never really applied because we are a very small family.  They only have two cousins.  Aunts and uncles scattered all over the world at one time.  Only one grandparent and she came here for months every 2 years.  They both enjoyed school - had a nice bunch of friends - went to uni.   Both met their partners here and now the four of them are living and working overseas.  They seem to be happy and well adjusted young men so no regrets.  

[newjez]

1 hour ago, Toots said:

No regrets at all.  Two sons born here.  As far as missing extended family   ..............  aunties, uncles, cousins etc   ...........   that never really applied because we are a very small family.  They only have two cousins.  Aunts and uncles scattered all over the world at one time.  Only one grandparent and she came here for months every 2 years.  They both enjoyed school - had a nice bunch of friends - went to uni.   Both met their partners here and now the four of them are living and working overseas.  They seem to be happy and well adjusted young men so no regrets.  

I grew up in Oz. I never really appreciated what grand parents and uncles and cousins were, and how important they are.

[Bulya]

Definitely not!  My daughter has a brilliant job, her own horse in the best agistment there is in the area, etc.  I came here at the age of 13 and I was chronically ill there, quickly sorted here.  

[steveshe]

No i dont . Best thing i ever done was coming here .

[Marisawright]

It's such a difficult question to answer.   For people who migrated many years ago, when life was tough in the UK and people migrated to get cheaper housing, a better job and better pay, I doubt they'd have regrets, because they were able to provide their children with a better home, better food etc.  For those people, losing contact with extended family would be a price worth paying to see their children well-set-up in life. 

In the last twenty years or so,  a lot of migrants from the UK seem to have had a pretty good life already, and are moving because they want a change or fancy the weather or a new adventure, or prefer the lifestyle. For them it must be harder to answer the question. 

Of course, for you it must be a deep regret because you are so attached to your family.

Edited March 18, 2021 by Marisawright

[steveshe]

4 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

It's such a difficult question to answer.   For people who migrated many years ago, when life was tough in the UK and people migrated to get cheaper housing, a better job and better pay, I doubt they'd have regrets, because they were able to provide their children with a better home, better food etc.  For those people, losing contact with extended family would be a price worth paying to see their children well-set-up in life. 

In the last twenty years or so,  a lot of migrants from the UK seem to have had a pretty good life already, and are moving because they want a change or fancy the weather or a new adventure, or prefer the lifestyle. For them it must be harder to answer the question. 

Of course, for you it must be a deep regret because you are so attached to your family.

I only moved here 21 years ago and have never ever regretted it once . Have a son and grandkids back in the UK and a large family of brothers and sisters and a dad but would never even consider going back . I had a good life back there but so much happier here . My husband who has been here 56  years from a kid even said he would never move back to UK . For us it just holds no appeal at all . For others its all they think of . 

[NicF]

No regrets here either.  We only moved not quite 13 years ago and had a pretty good life in the UK but my OH wanted to move back to be near his family.  My kids have thrived here in a way I’m not sure they would have done in the UK. For me the whole extended family thing is over rated. We actually have more extended family here with my husbands family than we had in the UK but we don’t see many of his family very often.

[calNgary]

We moved 14 years ago with a 3 yr old and 8 yr old. We have no regrets what so ever about raising them here at all. They are both doing well and happy with their lives.

 Cal x

[ali]

None for us - we moved in 2007 with a 7 and 11 year old.  My daughter (now 26) has said that she has been glad to have had her teenage years here in Aus.  I think they would have done well in the UK, but here they've been afforded opportunities that they wouldn't have had (although it might have changed in the time we've been away).  The children did their keys for life (driving theory) whilst at school, my son got his skippers ticket as part of his outdoor education and went sailing for a week.  My daughter was accepted into a GATE program which they didn't have at the HS she started briefly before we came.

[scousers]

I feel like we have just been unfortunate, everyone else seems to think it has been a good move for kids. I only have one daughter and i thought when she was about 8 that i didn't like how i saw the teens here, but family who live here where all convinced this would be better for her. She was a very timid and shy girl and would never put herself out there. She went to private school and got a good education but absolutely hated it but at the same time would not move schools, i tried to move her a few times. Because she found school so stressful has no thoughts on going to uni. She has had a job since leaving school but she could be doing so much better but i guess she is only 22 so there is time. She has been going to psychologists since about 15 , i feel i stuffed her up by having depression from homesickness, who knows, all she says is she is very angry! She was a delightful girl until about 17-18 then we started to have clashes alot. I find her way of thinking is nothing like the families and we always end up arguing, i now avoid talking most of the time. This makes my depression so much worse at times. I really regret bringing her up here i know back home we may not have agreed on things but at least i would have felt more grounded. I have just about give up tying to have a decent life here its just too hard! Been here over 30 years and wanted to go home for the past 15 years approx. 

[Quoll]

My sons say they had a great childhood but both have independently said they regretted growing up without having extended family around. The UK based one said, at first, that he wanted his kids to have the same Aussie childhood that he did but he seems very happy with the opportunities that his son has in UK and isn't thinking of coming back, ever. I don't suppose it's done  them much harm but I think the one who is still here in Australia might not have taken the path he did had we been in UK (self sufficient somewhat  hippy in the bush type) and would have a more productive life. He's the one who would now kill to go and live in UK because he hates the heat and, like me, is a magnet for all biting insects within 100 Miles (his ex would never let him leave with the kids). 

I suspect they would have been quite happy in either place. 

[Toots]

23 hours ago, newjez said:

I grew up in Oz. I never really appreciated what grand parents and uncles and cousins were, and how important they are.

You are lucky you had them even if they were far away.  My sons never missed them because they never really had any close rellies.  My brother and sister both lived in different countries and their other auntie (OH's sister) had a job which took her to Europe a lot though she was mainly based in London.  Their only 2 cousins were born and brought up in Thailand and we did see a lot of them over the years.  We had good friends when the lads were growing up so they  looked upon them as aunties and uncles and the kids were all pretty close too.  

[newjez]

1 hour ago, Toots said:

You are lucky you had them even if they were far away.  My sons never missed them because they never really had any close rellies.  My brother and sister both lived in different countries and their other auntie (OH's sister) had a job which took her to Europe a lot though she was mainly based in London.  Their only 2 cousins were born and brought up in Thailand and we did see a lot of them over the years.  We had good friends when the lads were growing up so they  looked upon them as aunties and uncles and the kids were all pretty close too.  

Christmas was always a quiet affair. 

[emanyalpsid]

Late to this but just to add I grew up in oz thru 90s and 2000s did all my schooling there and came back to UK in my 20s. I am grateful for the upbringing I had there. Althought I suspect it wouldn't be the same there now. Talking to older UK people it seems I had a similar childhood to people who are 3p years older than me here. 

We were out all hours of the day. Going out in boats under 6hp, no lifejacket or silly h&s, caught the bus to the beach. Had annual passes to theme parks and caught busses there in school holidays without phones. Hunting trips with parents. This was all primary school age as well.

Is it still like that there now? Last time me and missus went back the police pulled us for leisurely riding bikes along waterfront without helmets. What a joke. 

Edited May 18, 2021 by emanyalpsid

[Johndoe]

None at all. One son (autistic) is now a qualified teachers aide and works in the school that he schooled in which kept him on as an employee after year 12. My other son is in Phase 2 of Royal Australian Navy Officer Training and is sailing through it (so to speak). My granddaughter by another son who remained in the UK works with Birds of Prey and tours Oz doing medieval festivals so Australia has been good to us.

[ali]

On 18/03/2021 at 20:28, scousers said:

I feel like we have just been unfortunate, everyone else seems to think it has been a good move for kids. I only have one daughter and i thought when she was about 8 that i didn't like how i saw the teens here, but family who live here where all convinced this would be better for her. She was a very timid and shy girl and would never put herself out there. She went to private school and got a good education but absolutely hated it but at the same time would not move schools, i tried to move her a few times. Because she found school so stressful has no thoughts on going to uni. She has had a job since leaving school but she could be doing so much better but i guess she is only 22 so there is time. She has been going to psychologists since about 15 , i feel i stuffed her up by having depression from homesickness, who knows, all she says is she is very angry! She was a delightful girl until about 17-18 then we started to have clashes alot. I find her way of thinking is nothing like the families and we always end up arguing, i now avoid talking most of the time. This makes my depression so much worse at times. I really regret bringing her up here i know back home we may not have agreed on things but at least i would have felt more grounded. I have just about give up tying to have a decent life here its just too hard! Been here over 30 years and wanted to go home for the past 15 years approx. 

Are you seeing someone yourself scousers and have you and your daughter had joint sessions?  

[scousers]

My daughter is seeing psychologist and physchiatrist but i have not been seeing anyone. My daughter tells me i irritate her , i asked her how do i irritate her and she says just everything .She is now 22 and its not getting any better. I have basically given up, she needs to live her own life i think if she moved out it may help her face so realities if life.

[Marisawright]

25 minutes ago, scousers said:

My daughter is seeing psychologist and physchiatrist but i have not been seeing anyone. My daughter tells me i irritate her , i asked her how do i irritate her and she says just everything .She is now 22 and its not getting any better. I have basically given up, she needs to live her own life i think if she moved out it may help her face so realities if life.

Daughters always get irritated by their mums, especially if they're living at home.   Of course she needs to live her own life at 22, she's been an adult for a while now.  Remember the days when children left home at 18?  it really does help you grow up.  What age were you when you left home?

Edited July 5, 2021 by Marisawright

[scousers]

I left home @ 20 and bought a house with hubby , we only lived there for 18 month's then came to OZ. I think the thing i struggle with is i have always been best friends with my mum. We have only ever had 2 disagreements and i remember them clearly, both times i was at fault.  I just don't understand why my daughter makes it hard when we could just be enjoying life. Sorry for my whinge

[ali]

8 hours ago, scousers said:

I left home @ 20 and bought a house with hubby , we only lived there for 18 month's then came to OZ. I think the thing i struggle with is i have always been best friends with my mum. We have only ever had 2 disagreements and i remember them clearly, both times i was at fault.  I just don't understand why my daughter makes it hard when we could just be enjoying life. Sorry for my whinge

You've highlighted that you've wanted to go home for 30 years and have had depression and that may have got in the way of you enjoying life too.  Depression can impact on family members (although you certainly won't have stuffed up her life by having it).  It may be worth you seeing a psychologist or councellor too to help with your feelings around your daughter