Mikkieboy73 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hey all first post. I know the answer to this already but just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with the same issue... Me (25) and my girlfriend (20) moved to brisbane from NW England in February 2015, on a working holiday visa, I've always wanted to come back and make a better life for myself out here after a holiday when I was 10years old, first place I walked into here I got a job that has now lead to a sponsorship opportunity (nomination submitted) . My girlfriend has been suffering with homesickness on and off since a few months in and I'm really worried she might leave. we have made a really good life out here, money is great, renting a nice house, go on nice holidays around Australia, it's more than I've ever achieved back home and it's only been 10months. She was living in a 1bed flat working 60hrs a week back home and I was also working 60hours a week still living with my parents. For me it's a no brainer this is where I need to be at least till I get a permanent residencey under my belt as opportunity like this don't happen often. But as for my girlfriend she's incredibly homesick, missing her friends mostly. I just think if she was to throw this opportunity away she would regret it in time to come. The future we can have here is so much more than ever possible back in the UK. I would miss her too and really really don't want to pick between my dreams and love. What can I do to help her? She has no hobbies and isn't really interested in getting one. No friends here other than myself and gets anxious about meeting new people, and has the mind set of but there not my friends..... All her friends are telling her to come home we miss you blah blah blah, my friends are opposite and praying I get my visa granted. Anyone had a partner leave to go home? What happened next? I apologise for the un-structured rant and bad punctuation, I'm on my phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Flight ticket for one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikkieboy73 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hoping not, we are planning a holiday back home in March if we get the visa granted, if not immigration will have solved the dilemma fpr me and we will be back in feb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I feel for you mate but in a nutshell, it seems like she's tied to her friends back in the UK and not to you or the life that you envisage for you both. It seems from the manner of your posting ie she has no friends in that, "they're your friends not hers", which sounds to me like a rejection of what you find attractive in others, no hobbies and not interested in getting one, and..............."anxious about meeting new people"..............is she really, or is it that she simply can't be arsed because she doesn't want to be here? You're young, and have plenty of time to decide what is more important to you................losing a love can hurt immensely, but so can giving up what you wish for in order to keep the one that you love............but love can be fleeting.............I followed my loved one out here 20 yrs ago with two rug rats, purely for love..............20 yrs down the track she's buggered off and I'm stuck here with the kids who know little of the UK. I'd go back in a heartbeat to be with my older kids, but I can't as I have kids and grandkids in both countries. What am I saying? That I wouldn't have been in this situation if I had followed my own desires and not that of my partners. If I'd have told her how important my older family in the UK was to me. Follow your own dreams, whether it be that ( currently) she may seem more important to you or not..............regrets later can only sully the relationship that you may choose to continue, albeit at your own expense. Compromise for love is one thing, total abdication of your own dreams and desires is another. Sorry that I can't help you any other way, but after 20 yrs of being here because that's what my partner wanted, I now realise how much I gave up, and now can't regain, albeit your case is the opposite. Don't get me wrong, I love Oz and Aussies, it's simply that I know deep down that if I hadn't experienced Australia, I would have been happier following my own path, with or without her. Follow your dreams, not her history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lebourvellec Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Let her go if that's what she wants, you are both so young, she will resent you if make her stay. On a visa point of view, since you were not living together before your move to Australia you would not be seen to be in a defacto relationship for 12 months before applying if it's PR visa you have applied for therefore once the WHV expires she will not have a visa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I feel for you mate but in a nutshell, it seems like she's tied to her friends back in the UK and not to you or the life that you envisage for you both. It seems from the manner of your posting ie she has no friends in that, "they're your friends not hers", which sounds to me like a rejection of what you find attractive in others, no hobbies and not interested in getting one, and..............."anxious about meeting new people"..............is she really, or is it that she simply can't be arsed because she doesn't want to be here? You're young, and have plenty of time to decide what is more important to you................losing a love can hurt immensely, but so can giving up what you wish for in order to keep the one that you love............but love can be fleeting.............I followed my loved one out here 20 yrs ago with two rug rats, purely for love..............20 yrs down the track she's buggered off and I'm stuck here with the kids who know little of the UK. I'd go back in a heartbeat to be with my older kids, but I can't as I have kids and grandkids in both countries. What am I saying? That I wouldn't have been in this situation if I had followed my own desires and not that of my partners. If I'd have told her how important my older family in the UK was to me. Follow your own dreams, whether it be that ( currently) she may seem more important to you or not..............regrets later can only sully the relationship that you may choose to continue, albeit at your own expense. Compromise for love is one thing, total abdication of your own dreams and desires is another. Sorry that I can't help you any other way, but after 20 yrs of being here because that's what my partner wanted, I now realise how much I gave up, and now can't regain, albeit your case is the opposite. Don't get me wrong, I love Oz and Aussies, it's simply that I know deep down that if I hadn't experienced Australia, I would have been happier following my own path, with or without her. Follow your dreams, not her history. I respect your post and your honesty JD ...admirable . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 You are potentially switching a temporary 1 year WHV to a temporary 457 visa sponsored by an employer. It may lead to PR in the future but, equally, it may not. Bear that in mind when considering the following. You are both very young. It may well be that the commitment to each other, long term, may not be there. OTOH she may well imagine that she has been dragged to Oz ultimately on a false pretense in that it was originally a 1 year max thing and it is clear that you have other ideas. Easy for me to say I know but I think I would advocate that you go for the sponsorship and allow the split up. If it is the real deal for you both the split will be unbearable and you or she would need to make a decision. If she prefers her UK friends and life to a life with you in Oz, which is your dream, then is she really THE ONE? I married when I was 27 despite some nagging doubts. Ultimately we divorced 11 years later and I found my soul mate later in life. This is an extreme situation but ultimately a good test of your long term future compatability. Is she your soul-mate that you cannot live without and does she feel the same way. If so one of you will need to make a sacrifice for the other which is not a great foundation long term I suspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 The fact is that some people can merrily wave their family goodbye at the airport, happy in the knowledge they'll catch up in a year or two - whereas others are in tears, and start missing everyone desperately before they've even stepped off the plane. It sounds like you (like me) are in the first group - whereas your girlfriend is in the second group. It's hard for us to understand the second group, but you can't change them - they need their family and friends and that's just how they are. I've been on these forums for a while and it's the MOST common reason people go home. So, sad to say, I think you do have to make a choice. You can't make things better for her. If you persuade her to stay, it's likely to be only temporary - especially if you stay long enough to start a family. When women have babies, they tend to want their family and friends more than ever, so it will only get worse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Some people, like you, have a chosen path from, like you say a v young age. your GF though is still v young, sounds like she still needs the stability of what she has grown up around. maybe you looked at the move as a end goal, she has looked at it as an adventure. if your motives for coming here werent clear and you Didnt discuss with her, that it wasnt just an adventure, then of course it may have thrown her. To me it sounds like you've found the perfect life for now. You can see its better for you, your GF may need a bit more of adjustment time. Its true, if its meant to be, you will find a way round it, even if a separation is on the cards. Don't give up, she may head back, take stock and realise with you she wants to be. Or it might so happen you miss her and head back. best thing is for you both to want the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Ah the old people vs place dilemma. You can't make things better for your gf, she either belongs or she doesn't. It's not necessarily family and friends it really is whether you feel you belong or you don't. At some point you will be faced it's the question of whether you are each the people you want to grow old beside. If the answer is yes and you can't see life with anyone else then you have to address the issues of which is more important to you - people or place and go from there. It may well be, however, that if she has no interest in anything it is because she is depressed and don't discount that it may be the situation she finds herself in which is leading to that depression. She could approach her GP for advice but on a WHV she may not be entitled to a Mental Health plan which is what she might expect if PR. I guess, just understand that it's perfectly normal not to want to stay in Australia - there's nothing in the rule book that says you have to. You shouldn't assume you know what's best for her just because it's best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shak Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Friends you make in oz wont have a patch on the friends you have back home,but she defo needs to try.i'v been terribly homesick here too,and i have tried my best to adjust to life here,everytime my husband was meeting up with his friends and their wives,i tag along too.i admit im not best mates with anyone,but they made life a little bearable here.just yesterday i met an irish girl whos in the same boat as me,makes me feel better that im not the only one.so yeah you should defo convince her to meet new people here,she doesn't have to be best mates with them or anything.hope it works out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Unless you are convinced this girl is the one you want to marry I would let her go back. You and she are young so I would follow your dream if I were you and let her go back if she wants to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Sorry mate it's not going to end well. You will have to choose between her or Oz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PommyPaul Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hey all first post. I know the answer to this already but just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with the same issue... Me (25) and my girlfriend (20) moved to brisbane from NW England in February 2015, on a working holiday visa, I've always wanted to come back and make a better life for myself out here after a holiday when I was 10years old, first place I walked into here I got a job that has now lead to a sponsorship opportunity (nomination submitted) . My girlfriend has been suffering with homesickness on and off since a few months in and I'm really worried she might leave. we have made a really good life out here, money is great, renting a nice house, go on nice holidays around Australia, it's more than I've ever achieved back home and it's only been 10months. She was living in a 1bed flat working 60hrs a week back home and I was also working 60hours a week still living with my parents. For me it's a no brainer this is where I need to be at least till I get a permanent residencey under my belt as opportunity like this don't happen often. But as for my girlfriend she's incredibly homesick, missing her friends mostly. I just think if she was to throw this opportunity away she would regret it in time to come. The future we can have here is so much more than ever possible back in the UK. I would miss her too and really really don't want to pick between my dreams and love. What can I do to help her? She has no hobbies and isn't really interested in getting one. No friends here other than myself and gets anxious about meeting new people, and has the mind set of but there not my friends..... All her friends are telling her to come home we miss you blah blah blah, my friends are opposite and praying I get my visa granted. Anyone had a partner leave to go home? What happened next? I apologise for the un-structured rant and bad punctuation, I'm on my phone. been in a similar situation myself mate, it is a really hard choice, just ask yourself.. if she leaves you and heads back to the uk and you end up single again will the new life you have still be better than living in the uk and being with her, also if you do decide to go back it's no use bringing up australia anymore, you'll just need to settle with that life back in the uk and enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 My tuppence worth...20 is very young. The 20 - 30 age group is for trying many different things and working out who you really are and what you really want (although for some of us that take decades. :rolleyes: ) Not many 20 year olds form long lasting relationships. So it is possible that you go back - unwillingly in your case - and separate anyway. How will you feel about that...and will you be able to comply with visa requirements and return to Oz if that is your wish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 My tuppence worth...20 is very young. The 20 - 30 age group is for trying many different things and working out who you really are and what you really want (although for some of us that take decades. :rolleyes: )Not many 20 year olds form long lasting relationships. So it is possible that you go back - unwillingly in your case - and separate anyway. How will you feel about that...and will you be able to comply with visa requirements and return to Oz if that is your wish? I'm inclined to agree with Skani. 20 years old is so young and there is so much to see and do at that age. Does your girlfriend have a job - maybe she doesn't have time for hobbies or time to make friends if she is still working the same long hours she was working in the UK. Not much help from me with your dilemma but you also have to think of your own happiness. Hope things work out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlornaxx Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I would tell her this Is your dream and you are going to stay here until you achieve PR to ensure your options, she can go back to uk while u do this or stay in Aus but just as she is prioritising her pull home, u also need to prioritise your life..if you are meant to last it will still work out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 She needs to find something to do that she enjoys and get out and meet people, they wont replace the friends she has left but over time new friendships grow and it sure helps. If she isnt wiling to do this ,i dont think there is much you can do to make her stay, other than maybe offer her holidays back every year but i doubt she would be happy with that if she has no friends here at all. Good Luck , i hope things work out for you Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I agree, 20 is very young. Most people that age have not fully cut their ties to their home, their immediate family and flown the nest and so on. Many will be studying, home in the holidays, finding their first job, perhaps backpacking round the world for a year or two. Not trying to migrate to a country with their boyfriend (with whom they had only dated, not lived with before then) with a view to staying there long term. Of course her friends are telling her to come back. She's 20 and not particularly happy nor does it seem she wants to make the effort for whatever reason to try to build a life and forge friendships and so on. Migrating takes a big effort and unless you really are committed and want it, its always going to be a struggle. Even if you do want it and are committed to it it can be tough so imagine how it is for someone who is half hearted or only went because their partner wanted to go. And her age can make it ever harder as those friendships are so vital and hard to imagine being without. Personally, if it were me with just this to go on, I'd let her go back and would probably choose to remain in Aus myself. Knowing what I know now about my relationship when I was that age and having 25 years of hindsight to look back on, I am eternally grateful we broke up and went our different ways. Didn't't mean we hated each other or anything, in fact we are good friends to this day but life means we only see each other now and again (and for a few years after we broke up it was difficult for me more than it was for him so we didn't see each other then but kept in touch via letter and the odd phone call). But being with that person past that age, that time nah, we wanted different things, I wasn't ready to go where he was going (I was a few years younger than him) and he didn't want to be where I was. Our feelings at the time aside, I remember feeling devastated and he was gutted also, it was the best thing we broke up and he went on travelling and I went at my own pace and forged my own path. However, we had no animosity or falling out of love with each other and so wanted to remain friends and have done so. I can share in his life now and he in mine and we are happy we can see each other now and again and our families grow up and everything. There is no resentment, no hard feelings, just an appreciation we had the time we did and were both able to move on and be happy in life and to share in each others still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 When I was 20,settling down with someone was the furthest thing from my mind.No doubt your gf's mates will be encouraging her to come home because they miss her,and also might harbour feelings of jealousy!I guess though your gf needs to ask herself this?Will these mates still be around in years to come when they're all married,got kids etc? I think I would just let her go.You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders,with your job,future plans etc.I doubt you'd have much trouble finding someone else if that's what you chose to do.Best wishes and good luck for a happy bright future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wojtek Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 she will resent you if make her stay. . And you will resent her if she makes you leave. I think its a very tough situation but if you know your place is in Oz, and she knows here place is in the UK - unfortunately theres only one way to go. The truth of the matter is just like labourvellec wrote. She will resent you if you make her stay, and it will work the other way around also. Especially that you wrote that she has no hobbies and friends and doesnt really want to do anything to change that. With that attitude theres not much chance that she will wake up in the morning thinking that its time to give it a shot! One way tocket for one person mate IMHO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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