blobby1000 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Hello everybody! We have now been back in the UK longer than we were in Australia and have returned (via a failured venture in Cornwall for 8 months) to the same house and town that we left in Gloucestershire . We have been back 31 months and were in Australia 26 months? Its been an interesting time and generally quite unsettling for the adults! Our children have settled into a great school, our oldest has been well behind due to not starting in Australia (and attending a rubbish school in Corwnall) so effectively missing the first 2 years of education. But he is catching up and both our children are happy. Our trusty dog (now 10) is still alive and has been joined by a new puppy. I have a job that I enjoy and Mrs Blobby has a job that she doesn't (no change there) I suppose the point of my post is to say that although we seem to be doing quite well (and are hopefully about to move house as well) we have found it difficult to get Australia out of our heads. It was a while ago, but you may recall that during the 26 months we spent in Australia, I spent most of my time on here moaning. Towards the end I saw the error of my ways, but Mrs Blobby grew to absolutely abhor Australia and all things Australian. It's fair to say I would have given Australia one more chance in terms of moving whilst we were there to try a third location...but coming home was my idea at first...and it was always going to end that way after we agreed we wanted to leave....having said that we NEVER expected to be back in the same town, the same house (and until recently, me doing the same job)....we had hit a wall in Australia and just couldn't see anything good about it......it was all to do with absolute total negative thinking (everyone on here told me that,,,but I didn't listen). Anyway, now we are back there are some positives and negatives that I think would be interesting to mention. I genuinely find English people nicer than Aaustralians..friendlier, funnier, more intelligent....(I'm talking generally...as we all know there are plenty of ignorant, unamusing, unfriendly thick English!).... And I do prefer England as a country...the greenery, the seasons, Christmas, swimming without constant worry about being eaten or drowning, the humour, the pubs, the ale, the football (although I've gone off that)' National Hunt racing (flat racing sucks!), snooker (!!!), being able to drive my car without being tailgated, sworn at and driven off the road, not getting speeding fines every week, sensible weather (not 46 degrees!) BUT life just doesn't feel the same! I'm lucky...I have a lovely family...believe me I'm not saying life is dull...it is not. But our time in Australia, looking back, was so exciting! We had the whole country to go at...we didn't really know where we would be living from one year to the next...we could get in the car and go on road trips having no idea what we would find....we lived by the beach...the coffee was great...the scenery was incredible, we could spend our time looking for whales, trying not to get eaten by sharks, seeing Dolphins, watch our son dive into our own private pool in Bali and swim a width before breakfast, never knowing when it's going to rain and when it rained did it bloody rain,,,and the electrical storms....never seen anything like it. And you did get in a car wondering if you would die! It was really edge of the seat stuff at times! And we had money, and we didn't know what to expect from one day to the next (although at the time I kept saying I was bored) it's funny but I have good family and friends and loads of stuff I like to do that I can only do in England. In a sense, when these things come around England feels special but it also gets me thinking 'was it REALLY worth coming home for this? Is Cheltenham Race Week really that important?!!! i guess you can only make a decision based on how you feel at the time. And at the time I genuinely think we were both a bit depressed and actually quite paranoid. I look back now and really do think that. im not saying we made the wrong choice but I miss the adventure. And funnily enough, Mrs Blobby would return to Australis tomorrow if I would agree! I wonder if that would work? (We are NOT coming back! Too risky. And too much upheaval for the kids!) anyway just a few thoughts In conclusion, I have to say... Life is never quite the same after you've emigrated!,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 This is a classic "ping pong" Get back to Oz and within 9 months you will be heading back. Just get on with life mate. p.s I agree it is never the same after emigrating...for some they realise what they never noticed and took for granted....The UK is fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Fabulous update, it sounds like you miss the adventure and the wild ride rather than Australia itself and I get that totally, my avatar is chosen with care I think the key is to have new adventures without necessarily uprooting your home, even the latest buzzword 'microadventures' It was probably my love of adventure that got me to Australia in the first place but then once there the opportunities for adventures dwindled due to our particular circumstances. So last year it was a month travelling Europe with a wedding vows renewal in Paris and right now I can't decide between a holiday home in France, a Harley Davidson or a 1950s Airstream - whichever I decide on life will never be boring Don't look back, look forward to the next adventure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Never say never to being a ping pong,lol. Our friends return in a couple of weeks after an 18mth stint back in the UK they had similar views to what you seem to have above. Its good to hear your kids are settled though that must make things run smoother for you. Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davlap Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Hey Blobby Your post was very interesting to me as I have your pre-return 'blues'. Don't really know what I am doing here anymore. Make the generic 'boring, culture-less, brain dead' kind of sweeping statements a lot. Keep thinking going back to the UK is a better option. I have only worked 3 months in the last 18 in a 'proper' job and now working as a Coles casual, which exemplifies all that is bad about Aussies - both the staff and customers. Don't really go anywhere or go out anymore, mainly because it was just the same things all the time. Being in Aus has killed the love of almost any sport for me because I can't stand the blatant bias towards Aussie sport. AFL - no thanks. Got no hobbies or interests for income ideas or leisure pursuits. Made some awful decisions since being here regarding exchange rate, (not) house buying, jobs taken or quit, coming over for our son to have opportunities - but he dropped out of school during year 10. There is nothing that can be done about it, but it eats away. I don't blame Aus for them, but almost feels like I am doomed to keep getting it wrong in the (un)lucky country. OH has a job she loves and son will probably stay as he is 2 years into an apprenticeship. And also feels like marriage is stale and needs something to change. OH says she will move, but avoids any proper conversation and is unlikely to leave son in case he goes off the rails again. Buying a house (or even carry on living here) in Melbourne / Vic is a future I couldn't face. The reason for staying is old age - or getting closer to it at a rapid rate. Warm winters and places to see and go to would keep me here. I want to give central coast NSW, or Brisbane area a try and if that doesn't work, go back. Prefer a nice place to live and the 'near the beach' lifestyle in an affordable nice house. Have been trying to convince OH for a few years that we are just doing same old 9-5 grind. I could easily spend a few years visiting places in QLD/NT. A nice house or 'shack' by the beach/hinterland, giving up booze (more less have already), never watching the crap TV (I go to bed at 9, it is so dire). I would like to stay fit and healthy. I don't really need a job and a few hours a week would be enough for paying bills, provided we bought cheap enough - and I have seen real houses on domain.com that would fit the bill. Again with the UK, it would be an attempt at a kick-back lifestyle. Easier to buy a house with money left over (wasn't that always one of the draws for Aus). I could take my pension early (not much, but a bill payer). Spend some time with my Mum who is 92 and getting frail. The big decision would be where, but again seen houses I would like to go for in south west, south wales (Mum in Swindon). But there were a lot of annoying things in the UK and maybe the warm, blandness and safety of Aus will be missed. I don't really want to be an Aus citizen (been here 7 years), so it would be a one off going back. Would never (never say never) come back if I left. Would prefer to give southern Europe a go first. I'm not really one to spill it all online. But I have literally got no friends in Aus. No family except BIL in Perth who I don't want to have anything to do with. Always been friendly and chatty, but now I put my sunnies on and avoid eye contact or casual chats with people when out and about. I've always been the sort to do something about it if things don't work out, but seem to have just got tired of it all and can't be bothered any more, leading to indecision. Is this a middle (to-upper) life crisis and will be the same anywhere? Am I just a sad old git? Would 6 months or a year in UK by myself help, or just make me even more unsettled and indecisive. I know nobody can answer for me - and I doubt I'd take any notice if they tried. Just good to get it out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Fantastic update - it did make me smile. Good luck with the new job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 No do NOT come back! Just the sentence you find British people nicer than Australians :elvis: s enough to know you really shouldn't . I wish you well in your continuing adventures though. Enjoy.:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I am reading the posts and I thank you all for sharing them, I think the reality is our needs and desires change from year to year and we can only make decisions on how we feel at the present time. We cannot predict the future. Don't hold back on your adventures guys, even if your adventure is only a 2 day random trip in a camper van. No where is perfect and each location has positives and negatives. Perhaps looks to your futures and plan some random trips adventure's to liven up the daily grind of work and no play! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 You're so right! Once you've been an expat you're cursed! It probably is the adventure you crave so I'm with LR - structure some adventure in your life where you are and Australia will recede - it's so easy to compare the good of the past with the bad of the present and "now" never comes out so well! Onwards and upwards hey?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hey Blobby Your post was very interesting to me as I have your pre-return 'blues'. Don't really know what I am doing here anymore. Make the generic 'boring, culture-less, brain dead' kind of sweeping statements a lot. Keep thinking going back to the UK is a better option. I have only worked 3 months in the last 18 in a 'proper' job and now working as a Coles casual, which exemplifies all that is bad about Aussies - both the staff and customers. Don't really go anywhere or go out anymore, mainly because it was just the same things all the time. Being in Aus has killed the love of almost any sport for me because I can't stand the blatant bias towards Aussie sport. AFL - no thanks. Got no hobbies or interests for income ideas or leisure pursuits. Made some awful decisions since being here regarding exchange rate, (not) house buying, jobs taken or quit, coming over for our son to have opportunities - but he dropped out of school during year 10. There is nothing that can be done about it, but it eats away. I don't blame Aus for them, but almost feels like I am doomed to keep getting it wrong in the (un)lucky country. OH has a job she loves and son will probably stay as he is 2 years into an apprenticeship. And also feels like marriage is stale and needs something to change. OH says she will move, but avoids any proper conversation and is unlikely to leave son in case he goes off the rails again. Buying a house (or even carry on living here) in Melbourne / Vic is a future I couldn't face. The reason for staying is old age - or getting closer to it at a rapid rate. Warm winters and places to see and go to would keep me here. I want to give central coast NSW, or Brisbane area a try and if that doesn't work, go back. Prefer a nice place to live and the 'near the beach' lifestyle in an affordable nice house. Have been trying to convince OH for a few years that we are just doing same old 9-5 grind. I could easily spend a few years visiting places in QLD/NT. A nice house or 'shack' by the beach/hinterland, giving up booze (more less have already), never watching the crap TV (I go to bed at 9, it is so dire). I would like to stay fit and healthy. I don't really need a job and a few hours a week would be enough for paying bills, provided we bought cheap enough - and I have seen real houses on domain.com that would fit the bill. Again with the UK, it would be an attempt at a kick-back lifestyle. Easier to buy a house with money left over (wasn't that always one of the draws for Aus). I could take my pension early (not much, but a bill payer). Spend some time with my Mum who is 92 and getting frail. The big decision would be where, but again seen houses I would like to go for in south west, south wales (Mum in Swindon). But there were a lot of annoying things in the UK and maybe the warm, blandness and safety of Aus will be missed. I don't really want to be an Aus citizen (been here 7 years), so it would be a one off going back. Would never (never say never) come back if I left. Would prefer to give southern Europe a go first. I'm not really one to spill it all online. But I have literally got no friends in Aus. No family except BIL in Perth who I don't want to have anything to do with. Always been friendly and chatty, but now I put my sunnies on and avoid eye contact or casual chats with people when out and about. I've always been the sort to do something about it if things don't work out, but seem to have just got tired of it all and can't be bothered any more, leading to indecision. Is this a middle (to-upper) life crisis and will be the same anywhere? Am I just a sad old git? Would 6 months or a year in UK by myself help, or just make me even more unsettled and indecisive. I know nobody can answer for me - and I doubt I'd take any notice if they tried. Just good to get it out there. I feel it is that right there in bold. I recognise pretty much all of those sentiments (from my 40s) except I had never the left the UK (I am 54 now). The same applies to the OP in a way. It is that feeling of unfulfilled ambition and not having any specific interests that you can pursue with a passion. When young it often feels like you have this map with different roads that you can choose to take at any time. To use a rubbish metaphor once you have your own family and you pass a certain age it can seem like you have abandoned the thrill of the open road and you are stuck on a train that is on a track heading in a certain direction and you have no say over where it is going or the timetable. Walking away from an employer that I had been with (and climbed the ranks) for 30 years and changing my career path helped me to get through that mid-life crisis at the time (though there were some major set-backs at first and I got lucky). Clearly moving countries has not worked for either of you. I can only suggest that you seek out and find a challenge that you can channel your energies into - preferably one that is not destructive to your family life. I am guessing but I sense that you really could not just spend a few years visiting places in QLD/NT, it would quickly pall. A kick-back lifestyle may actually be the polar opposite of what you need. Just my random thoughts fwiw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 @davlap, I think you need to spend some time in the UK, not treating it as a holiday but as if you were living there. Try to find a short-term furnished rental and just try it out - you will find the UK has changed since you've been away. Whether the changes will suit you or not, only you can know. You've changed, too - once you've lived in another country, you're never quite the same person any more. You'll see things with different eyes. Again, whether that makes it better or worse, only you can tell - it's different for everybody. BTW I think you're taking totally the wrong attitude about citizenship. You don't need to give up your British citizenship to become an Aussie. You may feel you hate the place but as you yourself said - never say never. You will feel very silly if you walk away and subsequently, for who knows what reason, you need to come back in the future and can't! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hello everybody! We have now been back in the UK longer than we were in Australia and have returned (via a failured venture in Cornwall for 8 months) to the same house and town that we left in Gloucestershire . We have been back 31 months and were in Australia 26 months? Its been an interesting time and generally quite unsettling for the adults! Our children have settled into a great school, our oldest has been well behind due to not starting in Australia (and attending a rubbish school in Corwnall) so effectively missing the first 2 years of education. But he is catching up and both our children are happy. Our trusty dog (now 10) is still alive and has been joined by a new puppy. I have a job that I enjoy and Mrs Blobby has a job that she doesn't (no change there) I suppose the point of my post is to say that although we seem to be doing quite well (and are hopefully about to move house as well) we have found it difficult to get Australia out of our heads. It was a while ago, but you may recall that during the 26 months we spent in Australia, I spent most of my time on here moaning. Towards the end I saw the error of my ways, but Mrs Blobby grew to absolutely abhor Australia and all things Australian. It's fair to say I would have given Australia one more chance in terms of moving whilst we were there to try a third location...but coming home was my idea at first...and it was always going to end that way after we agreed we wanted to leave....having said that we NEVER expected to be back in the same town, the same house (and until recently, me doing the same job)....we had hit a wall in Australia and just couldn't see anything good about it......it was all to do with absolute total negative thinking (everyone on here told me that,,,but I didn't listen). Anyway, now we are back there are some positives and negatives that I think would be interesting to mention. I genuinely find English people nicer than Aaustralians..friendlier, funnier, more intelligent....(I'm talking generally...as we all know there are plenty of ignorant, unamusing, unfriendly thick English!).... And I do prefer England as a country...the greenery, the seasons, Christmas, swimming without constant worry about being eaten or drowning, the humour, the pubs, the ale, the football (although I've gone off that)' National Hunt racing (flat racing sucks!), snooker (!!!), being able to drive my car without being tailgated, sworn at and driven off the road, not getting speeding fines every week, sensible weather (not 46 degrees!) BUT life just doesn't feel the same! I'm lucky...I have a lovely family...believe me I'm not saying life is dull...it is not. But our time in Australia, looking back, was so exciting! We had the whole country to go at...we didn't really know where we would be living from one year to the next...we could get in the car and go on road trips having no idea what we would find....we lived by the beach...the coffee was great...the scenery was incredible, we could spend our time looking for whales, trying not to get eaten by sharks, seeing Dolphins, watch our son dive into our own private pool in Bali and swim a width before breakfast, never knowing when it's going to rain and when it rained did it bloody rain,,,and the electrical storms....never seen anything like it. And you did get in a car wondering if you would die! It was really edge of the seat stuff at times! And we had money, and we didn't know what to expect from one day to the next (although at the time I kept saying I was bored) it's funny but I have good family and friends and loads of stuff I like to do that I can only do in England. In a sense, when these things come around England feels special but it also gets me thinking 'was it REALLY worth coming home for this? Is Cheltenham Race Week really that important?!!! i guess you can only make a decision based on how you feel at the time. And at the time I genuinely think we were both a bit depressed and actually quite paranoid. I look back now and really do think that. im not saying we made the wrong choice but I miss the adventure. And funnily enough, Mrs Blobby would return to Australis tomorrow if I would agree! I wonder if that would work? (We are NOT coming back! Too risky. And too much upheaval for the kids!) anyway just a few thoughts In conclusion, I have to say... Life is never quite the same after you've emigrated!,, your right, emigration starts a chain. i also get now why people stay to get citenzenship,. but life can be an adventure if your willing to take risks. You've learned from your experience....now life and how it pans out is up to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gough Whitlam Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 davlap Loved your post. If I have time I will reply. Just wanted to say loved it though. #honesty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davlap Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hey Gough - don't think anybody has loved one of my post before, cheers ! Marisawright - I have been back to the UK a couple of times in the past couple of years and it feels like I never left, not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Going back is something I am considering, but it could mean a break up of our family as I would be doing on my own. However, I could probably go and come back before the RRV expires in 4 years (just renewed it last year). Getting citizenship to me feels the same as (not) getting married in a church. I won't do it because I don't want to make declarations or swear allegiance to something I don't really believe in just for the convenience of it. Back in the UK I have some friends and family, but here we have failed miserably on that score and that is another reason for going back. To Gbye grey sky, I actually agree with most of what you say and your perceptions are probably spot on. I have been thinking very hard about what I could do, both for work and 'play' and come up blank. Struggling to find a job feels like I am on the scrap heap and one of those miserable sods who has nothing to do after retiring (forced or by choice). I don't want to be like that. We could have a better lifestyle. I am happy in my own company, but don't want to be living in a boring rental and a boring suburb (irrespective of whether I am a boring person). We have some money and could buy a nice house elsewhere in more aesthetic surroundings (its kind of why we came here I thought). That in itself might help me settle, or conversely make me feel trapped. I don't know if it will be enough, but it feels like a comfortable, achievable goal to aim for. I need something to look forward to, but right now the future is a fog. However, OH loves her job here (although I have given things up for the sake of the family a couple of times). I have never struggled so much in my life to make decisions about the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hey Gough - don't think anybody has loved one of my post before, cheers ! Marisawright - I have been back to the UK a couple of times in the past couple of years and it feels like I never left, not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Going back is something I am considering, but it could mean a break up of our family as I would be doing on my own. However, I could probably go and come back before the RRV expires in 4 years (just renewed it last year). Getting citizenship to me feels the same as (not) getting married in a church. I won't do it because I don't want to make declarations or swear allegiance to something I don't really believe in just for the convenience of it. Back in the UK I have some friends and family, but here we have failed miserably on that score and that is another reason for going back. To Gbye grey sky, I actually agree with most of what you say and your perceptions are probably spot on. I have been thinking very hard about what I could do, both for work and 'play' and come up blank. Struggling to find a job feels like I am on the scrap heap and one of those miserable sods who has nothing to do after retiring (forced or by choice). I don't want to be like that. We could have a better lifestyle. I am happy in my own company, but don't want to be living in a boring rental and a boring suburb (irrespective of whether I am a boring person). We have some money and could buy a nice house elsewhere in more aesthetic surroundings (its kind of why we came here I thought). That in itself might help me settle, or conversely make me feel trapped. I don't know if it will be enough, but it feels like a comfortable, achievable goal to aim for. I need something to look forward to, but right now the future is a fog. However, OH loves her job here (although I have given things up for the sake of the family a couple of times). I have never struggled so much in my life to make decisions about the future. I doubt that I, or anyone else, can come up with something that you will not already have thought of. You might like to consider volunteering (if you have any spare time) and/or revisit sports or past-times that you used to enjoy once and see if you can rekindle that enjoyment. It could be that just going back to the UK will restore your mojo but without the family (or dragging them along kicking and screaming) is that likely I wonder. All I can say if this helps is that I remember very acutely feeling much as you do now about 10 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelz Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hey Blobby Your post was very interesting to me as I have your pre-return 'blues'. Don't really know what I am doing here anymore. Make the generic 'boring, culture-less, brain dead' kind of sweeping statements a lot. Keep thinking going back to the UK is a better option. I have only worked 3 months in the last 18 in a 'proper' job and now working as a Coles casual, which exemplifies all that is bad about Aussies - both the staff and customers. Don't really go anywhere or go out anymore, mainly because it was just the same things all the time. Being in Aus has killed the love of almost any sport for me because I can't stand the blatant bias towards Aussie sport. AFL - no thanks. Got no hobbies or interests for income ideas or leisure pursuits. Made some awful decisions since being here regarding exchange rate, (not) house buying, jobs taken or quit, coming over for our son to have opportunities - but he dropped out of school during year 10. There is nothing that can be done about it, but it eats away. I don't blame Aus for them, but almost feels like I am doomed to keep getting it wrong in the (un)lucky country. OH has a job she loves and son will probably stay as he is 2 years into an apprenticeship. And also feels like marriage is stale and needs something to change. OH says she will move, but avoids any proper conversation and is unlikely to leave son in case he goes off the rails again. Buying a house (or even carry on living here) in Melbourne / Vic is a future I couldn't face. The reason for staying is old age - or getting closer to it at a rapid rate. Warm winters and places to see and go to would keep me here. I want to give central coast NSW, or Brisbane area a try and if that doesn't work, go back. Prefer a nice place to live and the 'near the beach' lifestyle in an affordable nice house. Have been trying to convince OH for a few years that we are just doing same old 9-5 grind. I could easily spend a few years visiting places in QLD/NT. A nice house or 'shack' by the beach/hinterland, giving up booze (more less have already), never watching the crap TV (I go to bed at 9, it is so dire). I would like to stay fit and healthy. I don't really need a job and a few hours a week would be enough for paying bills, provided we bought cheap enough - and I have seen real houses on domain.com that would fit the bill. Again with the UK, it would be an attempt at a kick-back lifestyle. Easier to buy a house with money left over (wasn't that always one of the draws for Aus). I could take my pension early (not much, but a bill payer). Spend some time with my Mum who is 92 and getting frail. The big decision would be where, but again seen houses I would like to go for in south west, south wales (Mum in Swindon). But there were a lot of annoying things in the UK and maybe the warm, blandness and safety of Aus will be missed. I don't really want to be an Aus citizen (been here 7 years), so it would be a one off going back. Would never (never say never) come back if I left. Would prefer to give southern Europe a go first. I'm not really one to spill it all online. But I have literally got no friends in Aus. No family except BIL in Perth who I don't want to have anything to do with. Always been friendly and chatty, but now I put my sunnies on and avoid eye contact or casual chats with people when out and about. I've always been the sort to do something about it if things don't work out, but seem to have just got tired of it all and can't be bothered any more, leading to indecision. Is this a middle (to-upper) life crisis and will be the same anywhere? Am I just a sad old git? Would 6 months or a year in UK by myself help, or just make me even more unsettled and indecisive. I know nobody can answer for me - and I doubt I'd take any notice if they tried. Just good to get it out there. Sounds like your having a difficult time and am sorry to hear that for you. Its sounds like your a little low in mood to be honest (if this was a lady posting then some may have the view that the lack of energy, avoiding people, difficulties you may be experiencing amy be signs that you are suffering with some depression. Might be worth possibly considering a trip to the GP or nurse??) - it is hard when plans dont work out - but doesn't mean it has to be the end. I find it interesting that you are considering leaving your family.....to seek some adventure and try to fulfil something elsewhere and without them... when you are not sure what you are missing. A massive step and would surely impact upon your OH and son? Have you spoken with your OH how you are feeling and really tried to make positive changes in your relationship and family life? Do you feel you can find the energy and determination to make life better with your OH and son? Do you go out and do family activties or go out on 'date nights' with your OH? At some point it may be that you become a Grandfather yourself and if you are not with your family would possibly miss out on this (just things to consider). The job situation sounds like it has been difficult too and that you aren't getting any job satisfaction, your son dropped out of school - but if he is doing a apprenticeship then thats great! It may take him on a better path if he enjoys it :-) Doesn'e mean he has failed - simply taking a different route.... Sounds like you are spending alot of time on your own at the moment - Volunteering is a fantastic idea - it would get you out and about meeting new people and maybe lead to another job you may be interested in :-) It would give you something new to talk about with your family, rather than feeling same old...and boring conversations. I hope you manage to have a good think about the future - it will take effort to change things up but nothing will change otherwise....but also try to appreciate what you already have - from what i can gather from your post - you have a partner, a son who is making good progress and have some income coming in and are financially stable. Hope you are feeling happier and more fulfilled in your life soon, whatever decisions to decide to make - Good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 You're so right! Once you've been an expat you're cursed! It probably is the adventure you crave so I'm with LR - structure some adventure in your life where you are and Australia will recede - it's so easy to compare the good of the past with the bad of the present and "now" never comes out so well! Onwards and upwards hey?! Pandora's box. Even if you start inquiring you're cursed. Maybe POMSINOZ should have a warning - Thar be Dragons! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hello everybody! We have now been back in the UK longer than we were in Australia and have returned (via a failured venture in Cornwall for 8 months) to the same house and town that we left in Gloucestershire . We have been back 31 months and were in Australia 26 months? Its been an interesting time and generally quite unsettling for the adults! Our children have settled into a great school, our oldest has been well behind due to not starting in Australia (and attending a rubbish school in Corwnall) so effectively missing the first 2 years of education. But he is catching up and both our children are happy. Our trusty dog (now 10) is still alive and has been joined by a new puppy. I have a job that I enjoy and Mrs Blobby has a job that she doesn't (no change there) I suppose the point of my post is to say that although we seem to be doing quite well (and are hopefully about to move house as well) we have found it difficult to get Australia out of our heads. It was a while ago, but you may recall that during the 26 months we spent in Australia, I spent most of my time on here moaning. Towards the end I saw the error of my ways, but Mrs Blobby grew to absolutely abhor Australia and all things Australian. It's fair to say I would have given Australia one more chance in terms of moving whilst we were there to try a third location...but coming home was my idea at first...and it was always going to end that way after we agreed we wanted to leave....having said that we NEVER expected to be back in the same town, the same house (and until recently, me doing the same job)....we had hit a wall in Australia and just couldn't see anything good about it......it was all to do with absolute total negative thinking (everyone on here told me that,,,but I didn't listen). Anyway, now we are back there are some positives and negatives that I think would be interesting to mention. I genuinely find English people nicer than Aaustralians..friendlier, funnier, more intelligent....(I'm talking generally...as we all know there are plenty of ignorant, unamusing, unfriendly thick English!).... And I do prefer England as a country...the greenery, the seasons, Christmas, swimming without constant worry about being eaten or drowning, the humour, the pubs, the ale, the football (although I've gone off that)' National Hunt racing (flat racing sucks!), snooker (!!!), being able to drive my car without being tailgated, sworn at and driven off the road, not getting speeding fines every week, sensible weather (not 46 degrees!) BUT life just doesn't feel the same! I'm lucky...I have a lovely family...believe me I'm not saying life is dull...it is not. But our time in Australia, looking back, was so exciting! We had the whole country to go at...we didn't really know where we would be living from one year to the next...we could get in the car and go on road trips having no idea what we would find....we lived by the beach...the coffee was great...the scenery was incredible, we could spend our time looking for whales, trying not to get eaten by sharks, seeing Dolphins, watch our son dive into our own private pool in Bali and swim a width before breakfast, never knowing when it's going to rain and when it rained did it bloody rain,,,and the electrical storms....never seen anything like it. And you did get in a car wondering if you would die! It was really edge of the seat stuff at times! And we had money, and we didn't know what to expect from one day to the next (although at the time I kept saying I was bored) it's funny but I have good family and friends and loads of stuff I like to do that I can only do in England. In a sense, when these things come around England feels special but it also gets me thinking 'was it REALLY worth coming home for this? Is Cheltenham Race Week really that important?!!! i guess you can only make a decision based on how you feel at the time. And at the time I genuinely think we were both a bit depressed and actually quite paranoid. I look back now and really do think that. im not saying we made the wrong choice but I miss the adventure. And funnily enough, Mrs Blobby would return to Australis tomorrow if I would agree! I wonder if that would work? (We are NOT coming back! Too risky. And too much upheaval for the kids!) anyway just a few thoughts In conclusion, I have to say... Life is never quite the same after you've emigrated!,, Brilliant post mate. It feels like you've summed up the best and the worst of both countries there. I hope it all eventually settles and you find yourselves at peace either in the UK or here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I feel most of us are having a midlife crisis, we realise that life is passing us so quick and there is so much more we want to do. If it was up to hospitals and drs Id be wired to machines and not able to leave the house but I totally refuse. We only have one chance of this life and we do sometimes have to take risks to make it work. @davlap you aren't the first who has wanted to go back and the partner doesn't. I have seen a number of marriages been torn apart because of Australia and one loving it and one hating it. It may be worth going to a relationship counsellor before totally giving up, if your family knew how unhappy you really were Im sure they would listen and be open to ideas. Personally I never want to go back to the UK but if ever my hubby reached the stage where he HAD to go back then I would go, as at the end of the day does it really matter where you live as long as you have your loved ones around you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I feel most of us are having a midlife crisis, we realise that life is passing us so quick and there is so much more we want to do. If it was up to hospitals and drs Id be wired to machines and not able to leave the house but I totally refuse. We only have one chance of this life and we do sometimes have to take risks to make it work. @davlap you aren't the first who has wanted to go back and the partner doesn't. I have seen a number of marriages been torn apart because of Australia and one loving it and one hating it. It may be worth going to a relationship counsellor before totally giving up, if your family knew how unhappy you really were Im sure they would listen and be open to ideas. Personally I never want to go back to the UK but if ever my hubby reached the stage where he HAD to go back then I would go, as at the end of the day does it really matter where you live as long as you have your loved ones around you. So true...the older you get you want to make every second count. It may be a mid life crises, or its just taking stock. but you realise what's important, and for most it isn't money. money isn't on your mind when your on your death bed or facing an early death. life is beautiful, even the most simplest of things. family are a joy ( talking nuclear family) wishing at the mo, OH wasnt so far away. we live for our weekends together, will be hard these next few weeks, but I suppose its nothing to the wife's that are married into the armed forces or on unfavourable Fifo swings. love and cherish those close. Time really does move so fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 @davlap I haven't read the responses to you and your replies to them so am only commenting with regards to your initial post. Is it Oz has you feel this way? Is it the fact that the OH is doing Ok and you seem not to be? Resentement of her happiness and your lack of direction? Mid life crisis? Who knows? But sometimes, a refusal to acknowledge a (potential) relationship breakdown, can manifest itself in many other ways. Talk to her before this goes beyond being able to sort. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 @davlap I haven't read the responses to you and your replies to them so am only commenting with regards to your initial post. Is it Oz has you feel this way? Is it the fact that the OH is doing Ok and you seem not to be? Resentement of her happiness and your lack of direction? Mid life crisis? Who knows? But sometimes, a refusal to acknowledge a (potential) relationship breakdown, can manifest itself in many other ways. Talk to her before this goes beyond being able to sort. Good luck Communicating is they key...tell your partner how you feel. If you open up, you will be surprised at how supportive they can be. suppose that's all we can ask of a partner, or friend. Be truthful, give them a chance to understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I've said this lots of times but just in case @davlap hasn't read one of my posts - I had a hugely successful career in Perth and my son was in a fantastic school that he loved. I was not unhappy and I'm definitely not the whinging pom type so I got on with life, it was only after a pivotal holiday back to the UK that I floated the idea with my husband that we might be better off back there that he admitted he had wanted to return for 3 years but thought he had made his bed by wanting to come to Australia so had to lie in it. He saw the success my son and I were having as equating to happiness - in fact at the end of the same holiday my son, who was 9 then broke down completely and begged not to go back to Australia. Within a year we were back and none of us have been happier. To be honest if he'd said 'don't be daft' when said what about moving back, I'd have carried on being successful but probably not quite as happy in Perth. You should ask your GP for a mental health plan and get some counselling - ACT might be good, I was referred for this when I was diagnosed with a serious chronic illness and it helped a lot. Have a look here and see if it appeals... http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Some really good posts so I wont repeat what others have said but in terms of your citizenship comment, you see it as a marriage and don't want to swear to something you are not commiting too. That is a good point if that was purely going to have an impact on yourself, but what if your children in years to come want to return to Australia and are not eligible for their own visa. Citizenship gives them that opportunity. You don't know how you may feel at 60, 70 or 80 years old. You don't know how hard or how expensive it may become to get in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BacktoDemocracy Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Hey Blobby Your post was very interesting to me as I have your pre-return 'blues'. Don't really know what I am doing here anymore. Make the generic 'boring, culture-less, brain dead' kind of sweeping statements a lot. Keep thinking going back to the UK is a better option. I have only worked 3 months in the last 18 in a 'proper' job and now working as a Coles casual, which exemplifies all that is bad about Aussies - both the staff and customers. Don't really go anywhere or go out anymore, mainly because it was just the same things all the time. Being in Aus has killed the love of almost any sport for me because I can't stand the blatant bias towards Aussie sport. AFL - no thanks. Got no hobbies or interests for income ideas or leisure pursuits. Made some awful decisions since being here regarding exchange rate, (not) house buying, jobs taken or quit, coming over for our son to have opportunities - but he dropped out of school during year 10. There is nothing that can be done about it, but it eats away. I don't blame Aus for them, but almost feels like I am doomed to keep getting it wrong in the (un)lucky country. OH has a job she loves and son will probably stay as he is 2 years into an apprenticeship. And also feels like marriage is stale and needs something to change. OH says she will move, but avoids any proper conversation and is unlikely to leave son in case he goes off the rails again. Buying a house (or even carry on living here) in Melbourne / Vic is a future I couldn't face. The reason for staying is old age - or getting closer to it at a rapid rate. Warm winters and places to see and go to would keep me here. I want to give central coast NSW, or Brisbane area a try and if that doesn't work, go back. Prefer a nice place to live and the 'near the beach' lifestyle in an affordable nice house. Have been trying to convince OH for a few years that we are just doing same old 9-5 grind. I could easily spend a few years visiting places in QLD/NT. A nice house or 'shack' by the beach/hinterland, giving up booze (more less have already), never watching the crap TV (I go to bed at 9, it is so dire). I would like to stay fit and healthy. I don't really need a job and a few hours a week would be enough for paying bills, provided we bought cheap enough - and I have seen real houses on domain.com that would fit the bill. Again with the UK, it would be an attempt at a kick-back lifestyle. Easier to buy a house with money left over (wasn't that always one of the draws for Aus). I could take my pension early (not much, but a bill payer). Spend some time with my Mum who is 92 and getting frail. The big decision would be where, but again seen houses I would like to go for in south west, south wales (Mum in Swindon). But there were a lot of annoying things in the UK and maybe the warm, blandness and safety of Aus will be missed. I don't really want to be an Aus citizen (been here 7 years), so it would be a one off going back. Would never (never say never) come back if I left. Would prefer to give southern Europe a go first. I'm not really one to spill it all online. But I have literally got no friends in Aus. No family except BIL in Perth who I don't want to have anything to do with. Always been friendly and chatty, but now I put my sunnies on and avoid eye contact or casual chats with people when out and about. I've always been the sort to do something about it if things don't work out, but seem to have just got tired of it all and can't be bothered any more, leading to indecision. Is this a middle (to-upper) life crisis and will be the same anywhere? Am I just a sad old git? Would 6 months or a year in UK by myself help, or just make me even more unsettled and indecisive. I know nobody can answer for me - and I doubt I'd take any notice if they tried. Just good to get it out there. I know exactly how you feel, the same age group, a bit older actually, had all the same feelings and conflicts, and my wife was dedicated to her job, came back to the uk 18 months ago and i would say the following. Properties are expensive and the size is a lot smaller. cost of living is only slightly less than oz so difficult to downsize unless you compromise on area and property so that you have money left over, and fuel bills are high and it gets cold in the winter. My wife is still dedicated to her job here but is slowly realising there are other things in life. The country is overcrowded and has a lot of crass people in it. On the plus side I feel like the food variety and price is better, the beer actually tastes of something, there are a lot of places to go to and europe is on your doorstep. But i do miss the weather and the wildlife of all descriptions and miss the open space and the scenery especially the ocean. But i do feel that i connect with the people better and make better sense of the world around me here in the uk. Don't beat yourself up about money decisions it's almost impossible to get the exchange rate right, and buying property is always a bloody lottery no matter how hard you try. But i really would get your citizenship, you just never know and what does it cost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.