sarah Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Been with me fella for over 6 years now, after my 1st child, we was having problems but worked it out and had a 2nd, we always new we wanted to emigrate back to Australia (Where we met) we always got through it and some how thought moving here will solve everything. Well now my kids are loving it, as is my partner, and to be honest me to. Its just I'm not in love with partner, i do love him though. What do i do, If we split we will go home. But then i don't want to split. I just don't love him like i should though and i can feel myself being short with him just so he doesn't want to get close. Ahhh so confused. Any one have any answer/advice? because i just don't no what to do. I think the spark has gone, the things i used to like really bug me. Everything is starting to bug. And i feel really bad for feeling like this but i just can't help it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I have no relationship advice for you, but your grammar could do with some work. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I am sure you need professional help, go see your Dr for a referral to a counselor or such. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarah Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 i know i'm a bit behind. I always had to get my Grandad to go through my uni work. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciaranmacgiolla Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Relationship councillor is needed.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Relationships Australia - there'll be an office near you. You don't need a referral, just call them. Don't worry about the place you live or whether you are going to stay or go, get the relationship sorted or ended and see how the chips fall. Read up on The Hague Convention while you're at it (the sticky about what happens if you want to go home and your partner doesn't) - you might not have a choice about the place you want to be. Good luck with it! Don't hang about prolonging the agony, get it sorted one way or the other - kinder all round. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Relationship counseling as Quoll and others suggested. Many sessions are free through places such as Anglicare. If you are also after advice such as returning to another country with children, well that is a whole other story and you will not be able to move the children to another country without the permission of your partner. If that is the case, then you will need legal advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 You don't sound that old. Maybe you should have thought about the relationship a bit more before you had a couple of kids. It always gets a bit same, same when you've been with one partner a long time. Did you get married young? If so you might have got to the stage where you have started thinking you missed out on something. Splitting up when you have kids just makes things 10 times as hard I would imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 D'you know what? If you love him, do you really need to be "in love" with him? Is he a good husband? does he respect you and treat you well? is he a good father? If the answer to all of these is yes, then I think you would be throwing away something really special if you broke up the family. Stop thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere and start to really appreciate what you have. If it's really vital for you to get that "in love" feeling back then you are going to have to work at it - have a date night once a week where you get a babysitter in and go out for a meal together, where you really make an effort to have a conversation with each other (leave the phones at home!), talk to each other and listen to each other, talk about what's happening in the world, talk about your children, reminisce about things you've done as a couple and family and places you've been. Love, liking and respect is a much firmer basis for a long term relationship than hearts-and-flowers heart-pounding stomach-flipping lust, and you could easily fall in lust with someone who is a total failure at the relationship thing. Don't throw away something good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicF Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 D'you know what? If you love him, do you really need to be "in love" with him? Is he a good husband? does he respect you and treat you well? is he a good father? If the answer to all of these is yes, then I think you would be throwing away something really special if you broke up the family. Stop thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere and start to really appreciate what you have. If it's really vital for you to get that "in love" feeling back then you are going to have to work at it - have a date night once a week where you get a babysitter in and go out for a meal together, where you really make an effort to have a conversation with each other (leave the phones at home!), talk to each other and listen to each other, talk about what's happening in the world, talk about your children, reminisce about things you've done as a couple and family and places you've been. Love, liking and respect is a much firmer basis for a long term relationship than hearts-and-flowers heart-pounding stomach-flipping lust, and you could easily fall in lust with someone who is a total failure at the relationship thing. Don't throw away something good. This x 10. In a long term relationship, especially with kids, things aren't going to be the same as that first year or two. I sometimes forget my OH is my husband as well as my best friend but I would never be without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 D'you know what? If you love him, do you really need to be "in love" with him? Is he a good husband? does he respect you and treat you well? is he a good father? If the answer to all of these is yes, then I think you would be throwing away something really special if you broke up the family. Stop thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere and start to really appreciate what you have. If it's really vital for you to get that "in love" feeling back then you are going to have to work at it - have a date night once a week where you get a babysitter in and go out for a meal together, where you really make an effort to have a conversation with each other (leave the phones at home!), talk to each other and listen to each other, talk about what's happening in the world, talk about your children, reminisce about things you've done as a couple and family and places you've been. Love, liking and respect is a much firmer basis for a long term relationship than hearts-and-flowers heart-pounding stomach-flipping lust, and you could easily fall in lust with someone who is a total failure at the relationship thing. Don't throw away something good. Spot on. This is just what I thought when I first read the OP this morning but I didn't know how to start wording something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 D'you know what? If you love him, do you really need to be "in love" with him? Is he a good husband? does he respect you and treat you well? is he a good father? If the answer to all of these is yes, then I think you would be throwing away something really special if you broke up the family. Stop thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere and start to really appreciate what you have. If it's really vital for you to get that "in love" feeling back then you are going to have to work at it - have a date night once a week where you get a babysitter in and go out for a meal together, where you really make an effort to have a conversation with each other (leave the phones at home!), talk to each other and listen to each other, talk about what's happening in the world, talk about your children, reminisce about things you've done as a couple and family and places you've been. Love, liking and respect is a much firmer basis for a long term relationship than hearts-and-flowers heart-pounding stomach-flipping lust, and you could easily fall in lust with someone who is a total failure at the relationship thing. Don't throw away something good. Well said! That's absolutely what a good relationships counsellor will work through with both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 D'you know what? If you love him, do you really need to be "in love" with him? Is he a good husband? does he respect you and treat you well? is he a good father? If the answer to all of these is yes, then I think you would be throwing away something really special if you broke up the family. Stop thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere and start to really appreciate what you have. If it's really vital for you to get that "in love" feeling back then you are going to have to work at it - have a date night once a week where you get a babysitter in and go out for a meal together, where you really make an effort to have a conversation with each other (leave the phones at home!), talk to each other and listen to each other, talk about what's happening in the world, talk about your children, reminisce about things you've done as a couple and family and places you've been. Love, liking and respect is a much firmer basis for a long term relationship than hearts-and-flowers heart-pounding stomach-flipping lust, and you could easily fall in lust with someone who is a total failure at the relationship thing. Don't throw away something good. Spot on. Because we were over 40 when we started out we always laughingly referred to our early years as our "honeymoon period" and astonished that it lasted so long. What replaces it is something deeper and altogether more enduring based on shared experiences and friendship. We promised each other at the start that our respective goals was to make the other happy and it has stood us in good stead so far. 12 years in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bora Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Been with me fella for over 6 years now, after my 1st child, we was having problems but worked it out and had a 2nd, we always new we wanted to emigrate back to Australia (Where we met) we always got through it and some how thought moving here will solve everything. Well now my kids are loving it, as is my partner, and to be honest me to. Its just I'm not in love with partner, i do love him though. What do i do, If we split we will go home. But then i don't want to split. I just don't love him like i should though and i can feel myself being short with him just so he doesn't want to get close. Ahhh so confused. Any one have any answer/advice? because i just don't no what to do. I think the spark has gone, the things i used to like really bug me. Everything is starting to bug. And i feel really bad for feeling like this but i just can't help it. From reading your post, maybe analyse the things you used to like that now bug you, their the tangibles that maybe could be resolved. This could be the answer as 'irritations' can lead to a gradual decline in anyones relationship. After 19 years with my wife (we met as teenagers) the fireworks, heart palpitations, and amazing feelings have of course given way to a foundation of contentment, love, and warmth. And I'm grateful for that. Things about her bug me, and likewise for her, but another crucial element is to simply accept that we are different, and we are who we are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephensteve Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 D'you know what? If you love him, do you really need to be "in love" with him? Is he a good husband? does he respect you and treat you well? is he a good father? If the answer to all of these is yes, then I think you would be throwing away something really special if you broke up the family. Stop thinking the grass is always greener elsewhere and start to really appreciate what you have. If it's really vital for you to get that "in love" feeling back then you are going to have to work at it - have a date night once a week where you get a babysitter in and go out for a meal together, where you really make an effort to have a conversation with each other (leave the phones at home!), talk to each other and listen to each other, talk about what's happening in the world, talk about your children, reminisce about things you've done as a couple and family and places you've been. Love, liking and respect is a much firmer basis for a long term relationship than hearts-and-flowers heart-pounding stomach-flipping lust, and you could easily fall in lust with someone who is a total failure at the relationship thing. Don't throw away something good. Very well said...!! Write a list of ALL the good things about him...and be generous, then write the bad things... and count your blessings...good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I am probably old fashioned but I simply do not see not being in love as a good enough reason to separate when you have children. I have no moral objection to divorce and if you had no children or he was abusive I'd say absolutely to leave but this is no longer about you.If it helps psychological studies have found that relationship satisfaction is lowest during child rearing years and I can certainly agree with that, my son is now almost 12 and as I said to a frirnd recently we are falling in love all over again. Relationships have ups and downs, peaks and troughs - that's life. Love doesn't stay the same year in year out and if you quit on this relationship now, 6 years into the next one you'll feel exactly the same - relationships are hard work but if you don't put in the effort you don't get the rewards that come with a proper mature long termrelationship.I agree with others that counselling is a good idea and I would also read ACT with love - this is chapter 1 http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/ACT_with_Love_-_Introduction_&_Chapter_1.pdfGood luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 As an older poster married for almost 45 years, all I will say, is that you work on it every day, through good times and bad, and how you love each other changes from the first (lust) years into something much more rewarding over the years. Child rearing is hard work a lot of the time, but they do grow up, and then it's your time again. Hope you work things out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlornaxx Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 What has changed ur feelings? Has he changed? U changed? Or r u maybe just bored n wanting butterflies again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike@Bonbeach Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I have no relationship advice for you, but your grammar could do with some work. :wink: What a really helpful reply that was.!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamsinF Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 And the grass is always greener where you water it. a long term relationship isn't about feeling 'in love' all the time, its about having that deep connection of love and respect that gets you through these times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Been with me fella for over 6 years now, after my 1st child, we was having problems but worked it out and had a 2nd, we always new we wanted to emigrate back to Australia (Where we met) we always got through it and some how thought moving here will solve everything. Well now my kids are loving it, as is my partner, and to be honest me to. Its just I'm not in love with partner, i do love him though. What do i do, If we split we will go home. But then i don't want to split. I just don't love him like i should though and i can feel myself being short with him just so he doesn't want to get close. Ahhh so confused. Any one have any answer/advice? because i just don't no what to do. It's normal not to be madly "in love" with your husband, the "spark" doesn't last for anyone. That "honeymoon period" when you're both all over each other lasts a couple of years at most. At the end of that time you either look at each other and realise you're not really suited, or your feelings change into something different and longer-lasting. So that's one thing to think about. However, I'm wondering if (reading between the lines) this is about sex rather than love? It wouldn't be unusual for a woman with two kids to run after, and dealing with the stress of emigration, to lose interest in sex - whereas it doesn't have that effect on men! If you're feeling pressured in that department that can certainly affect how you feel about him at other times. I think it might be worth seeing a counsellor to talk things through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Are you serious? It's not about you now. You have kids who need a harmonious family life with a mum and dad who love and care for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I'm 6 months separated after 30 yrs of marriage. Think long and hard. Any decision that you make now can haunt you if you ever feel like recovering what you gave up on. My ex has taken steps that she regrets with a vengeance but will not seek help to return to what she has left. She is far too ashamed to face those she left behind and feels commited (aka trapped) in a relationship that she thought would help her find what she thought was lacking in ours............By 'commited" I mean that she hasn't the fortitude to hurt the other, when she has already hurt us. The "butterflies" as someone has mentioned, don't last and burning bridges can sometimes not be rebuilt. What should last is safety,security, familiarity, forgiveness/acceptance and a deeper more "pure" love, albeit not as intense, as the one that you may be hoping to experience again. The aforementioned (IMHO) should be enough for any person who is pondering their future with a view to leaving a partner who is not abusive and who is a "good bloke/sheila". The grass may look greener but there'll likely be another drought a few years down the line. A bird in the hand............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beach pig Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I'm 6 months separated after 30 yrs of marriage. Think long and hard. Any decision that you make now can haunt you if you ever feel like recovering what you gave up on. My ex has taken steps that she regrets with a vengeance but will not seek help to return to what she has left. She is far too ashamed to face those she left behind and feels commited (aka trapped) in a relationship that she thought would help her find what she thought was lacking in ours............By 'commited" I mean that she hasn't the fortitude to hurt the other, when she has already hurt us. The "butterflies" as someone has mentioned, don't last and burning bridges can sometimes not be rebuilt. What should last is safety,security, familiarity, forgiveness/acceptance and a deeper more "pure" love, albeit not as intense, as the one that you may be hoping to experience again. The aforementioned (IMHO) should be enough for any person who is pondering their future with a view to leaving a partner who is not abusive and who is a "good bloke/sheila". The grass may look greener but there'll likely be another drought a few years down the line. A bird in the hand............ Shits on the wrist.:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I would recommend, for anyone who is expecting their life to be full of excitement, plenty of sex, looking forward to seeing your partner every day etc. Not to get married and swap partners often. That is every time you get a little bit bored. I'm sure it's do-able in this age of on-line dating and Tinder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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