wattsy1982 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Hi, Ive not been on here for well over 6 months, probably nearer 9 months if I'm honest. Some of you will know/remember me and some won't. We (myself, my wife and our 2 young boys) moved to Australia, Gold Coast in 2013 after my wife got offered a job as a midwife. It came at a time where id had enough of commuting to London for work and things just felt a bit stale so when the chance to emigrate came about we though why not, our boys were only 3 and 1 at the time. The initial job contract was for 2 years by which time our eldest would have been starting school whether we stayed in Australia or came back to Uk so the timings worked well also. Those 2 years flew by and we decided to stay 'a bit longer'. Shortly after making that decision in 2015 we got the opportunity to build our own house, something id always wanted to do in the UK but it was just never possible. We moved into the house in March 2016 and then came back to the UK for a months holiday in july 2016 for my sister in laws wedding. The holiday was great and we forgot how much we'd missed the late summers evenings....the kids asked "does it ever get dark here" Once we got back to Australia after the holiday we settled back into normal life after having our 'family fix' but by mid 2017 (after the birth of our 3 child, little aussie daughter) we started talking about moving back to the UK to be nearer to family etc. Like anything, once you mention it it doesn't go away until you do something about it...so in July 2018 we sold our house, made a good profit and moved back as a family of 5 with an aussie dog in tow too! The UK summer of 2018 was amazing, we didnt have any rain until early october and the days seemed to go on forever. We visited the in-laws in France and all was good. Then October came and boy had we forgotten the grey, cold, wet, mud, darkness and the depression that comes with it. The kids are really struggling with the weather and when they do get outside they hate the cold and mud.......and must agree with them! Were trying to buy a house with the large deposit we brought back from Australia and we just can't find anything we are content with to pour our life savings into...YES WE'VE CHANGED! I never thought I'd changed after being away but what most people I know here put up with/accept i just can't bring myself to do it. The kids (eldest 2) miss the beach, sun, parks, our pool etc. I was the driving force behind the move home. (I can now see it was because I was feeling guilty for my parents not seeing the kids grow up) but at the time i thought it was the right thing for us a family.....now i don't think it is. My eldest child (9) said "dad, i don't think ive got another winter in me" It doesn't feel the same to be back, i don't feel settled like I though I would. What used to make me content before we moved now doesn't. When we lived in Australia we never felt we needed a holiday but after only 4 months back here we were craving a break, something to look forward to and some warmth on the skin! Some of you may know I was the most pro uk person but even I am now seeing it through different eyes. Not sure what the future holds for us but lets say we are all looking forward to the spring/summer! ...and yes, we are all Aus citizens so that leaves doors open that might not have been before. Thats about it from me for now but I look forward to hearing others thoughts and comments. 12 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alltogethernow Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Look, you might have made a bad call going back, but all is not lost, I'd be making a move back here mate, sharpish. Make a promise to go back to the UK once a year to visit rellies. And stick to it. ATN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 2 minutes ago, Alltogethernow said: Look, you might have made a bad call going back, but all is not lost, I'd be making a move back here mate, sharpish. Make a promise to go back to the UK once a year to visit rellies. And stick to it. ATN Once a year would be too much but once every 2 years would be fine. We could then pay for our parents to come out every other year. Cheaper than a family of 5 going back and less upheaval with school and jobs etc. My wife has said maybe we should give it 2 years here, im thinking see it out until september this year then head back after summer holidays. Curse of a migrant i guess! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Sorry to hear it's not working out how you hoped it would - have you settled at work and children in school? There are two trains of thought irrespective of which way you're moving - the first is the 'give it more time' and the second is 'if you know it's not going to work don't make yourself miserable and go back'. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 (edited) Its 'worked out well' on the basis of jobs, school, old friends, family, lovely rental house etc......but the 3 main things are weather, opportunities and the kids growing up. So many people seem to wish the year away for "wait til spring or summer" surely you can't go through life wishing 75% of it away?? Edited January 22, 2019 by wattsy1982 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 It’s really strange but goodness knows why I was wondering the other day how you and others were getting on. Really sorry that your return hasn’t lived up to your expectations. Don’t have any advice, everyone has to make their own decisions, but good luck with whatever you decide, you are very welcome if you return here. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Share Posted January 22, 2019 Funnily enough it kind of feels.....good, to feel like this.....like a can draw a line under it, accept it and move on. I would NEVER have settled there without coming back here so its far from a waste of money/time etc. Thanks for your kind words @ramot 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Sorry to hear that it isn't working out for you! I recall the plans you had for your return when you were fitting more into 5 weeks than you had in your whole 5 years in Australia! I guess I don't get the weather thing but I hate the heat (and the DH isn't keen on it any more and has promised air con on our return). Life's an adventure huh and there's nothing in the rule book that says you have to settle down! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 To a greater or lesser extent we all change as we experience life. Quoll frequently says you can’t ‘go back’, you can only move on, and I think she is right. Ultimately the British weather is what it is – a series of unpredictable seasons, and that is either a big deal, a manageable deal, or no big deal at all. But it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or feels, you don’t get to choose which category you fall into. It might matter less though if other key areas of life were ticking boxes, but not if your heart is really elsewhere. I guess the big dilemma is how long do you hang on in the hope that life improves, or how soon can you reasonably say you gave it your best shot and return to Aus? It doesn’t matter which question you prefer as both will lead you to the next stage of life, and that’s all it is, the next chapter. All the best @wattsy1982 I wish I could reassure you that the weather will pick up shortly but Spring is still a little way off, although I did see some lovely snowdrops the other day so I’m hopeful it hasn’t been cancelled just yet! T x 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber Snowball Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 7 hours ago, wattsy1982 said: Hi, Ive not been on here for well over 6 months, probably nearer 9 months if I'm honest. Some of you will know/remember me and some won't. We (myself, my wife and our 2 young boys) moved to Australia, Gold Coast in 2013 after my wife got offered a job as a midwife. It came at a time where id had enough of commuting to London for work and things just felt a bit stale so when the chance to emigrate came about we though why not, our boys were only 3 and 1 at the time. The initial job contract was for 2 years by which time our eldest would have been starting school whether we stayed in Australia or came back to Uk so the timings worked well also. Those 2 years flew by and we decided to stay 'a bit longer'. Shortly after making that decision in 2015 we got the opportunity to build our own house, something id always wanted to do in the UK but it was just never possible. We moved into the house in March 2016 and then came back to the UK for a months holiday in july 2016 for my sister in laws wedding. The holiday was great and we forgot how much we'd missed the late summers evenings....the kids asked "does it ever get dark here" Once we got back to Australia after the holiday we settled back into normal life after having our 'family fix' but by mid 2017 (after the birth of our 3 child, little aussie daughter) we started talking about moving back to the UK to be nearer to family etc. Like anything, once you mention it it doesn't go away until you do something about it...so in July 2018 we sold our house, made a good profit and moved back as a family of 5 with an aussie dog in tow too! The UK summer of 2018 was amazing, we didnt have any rain until early october and the days seemed to go on forever. We visited the in-laws in France and all was good. Then October came and boy had we forgotten the grey, cold, wet, mud, darkness and the depression that comes with it. The kids are really struggling with the weather and when they do get outside they hate the cold and mud.......and must agree with them! Were trying to buy a house with the large deposit we brought back from Australia and we just can't find anything we are content with to pour our life savings into...YES WE'VE CHANGED! I never thought I'd changed after being away but what most people I know here put up with/accept i just can't bring myself to do it. The kids (eldest 2) miss the beach, sun, parks, our pool etc. I was the driving force behind the move home. (I can now see it was because I was feeling guilty for my parents not seeing the kids grow up) but at the time i thought it was the right thing for us a family.....now i don't think it is. My eldest child (9) said "dad, i don't think ive got another winter in me" It doesn't feel the same to be back, i don't feel settled like I though I would. What used to make me content before we moved now doesn't. When we lived in Australia we never felt we needed a holiday but after only 4 months back here we were craving a break, something to look forward to and some warmth on the skin! Some of you may know I was the most pro uk person but even I am now seeing it through different eyes. Not sure what the future holds for us but lets say we are all looking forward to the spring/summer! ...and yes, we are all Aus citizens so that leaves doors open that might not have been before. Thats about it from me for now but I look forward to hearing others thoughts and comments. My eldest child (9) said "dad, i don't think ive got another winter in me" oh bless him!!! I think you know what you need to do and you have a sort of plan already. If things are bugging you now they aren’t going to be better in 2 years. Odd things bug me on my return to the UK, in June this year, but I don’t dwell on them and will put up with them in order to be here. You are obviously not feeling that and if you are all in agreement it’s a no brainer. Only you know what timescale suits you best. All the best and enjoy your ping, or is it pong(?) back to Australia. Be happy! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 (edited) 12 hours ago, wattsy1982 said: Once a year would be too much but once every 2 years would be fine. We could then pay for our parents to come out every other year. Cheaper than a family of 5 going back and less upheaval with school and jobs etc. My wife has said maybe we should give it 2 years here, im thinking see it out until september this year then head back after summer holidays. Curse of a migrant i guess! That's what we did @wattsy1982 Mum came here from November 'til round about March every second year. I went back with our 2 boys on the alternate year every school summer holiday (6 weeks) until Mum died. Of course it was the middle of winter when we went back but the boys never seemed to notice the cold ........................ I did though. Heaps of folk don't mind the UK/Scottish winters but they are not for me anymore. Good luck with wherever you decide to stay. Edited January 22, 2019 by Toots 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) Thanks for your replies and input @Quoll @tea4too @Amber Snowball and @Toots Its certainly a tough decision but I think if I stay here it will be more because I think I should and be it for other people rather than myself/us as an immediate family of 5. Theres no doubt that xmas', birthdays etc are much better here with family around for the kids but for the remaining 360 days of the year day to day life is just easier/'nicer' in Australia. I'm not the same as I was 6 years ago when we left here but the UK is so it just feels like square peg, round hole i guess. Not that its not nice here or its not a good place to live but that it just doesn't satisfy/suit me anymore. Im happy to give it a year+ (june will be a year), see the summer out here and then either move before kids go back to school here in sept or stay. Its taken moving back here to realise and prioritise my immediate family and whats best for us, especially the kids, rather than pleasing grandparents etc and trying to re-create my childhood for my kids. Who knows where we'll end up... Edited January 23, 2019 by wattsy1982 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 5 minutes ago, wattsy1982 said: Thanks for your replies and input @Quoll @tea4too @Amber Snowball and @Toots Its certainly a tough decision but I think if I stay here it will be more because I think I should and be it for other people rather than myself/us as an immediate family of 5. Theres no doubt that xmas', birthdays etc are much better here with family around for the kids but for the remaining 360 days of the year day to day life is just easier/'nicer' in Australia. I'm not the same as I was 6 years ago when we left here but the UK is so it just feels like square peg, round hole i guess. Not that its not nice here or its not a good place to live but that it just doesn't satisfy/suit me anymore. Im happy to give it a year+ (june will be a year), see the summer out here and then either move before kids go back to school here in sept or stay. Its taken removing back here to realise and prioritise my immediate family and whats best for us, especially the kids, rather than pleasing grandparents etc and trying to re-create my childhood for my kids. Who knows where well end up... How does your wife feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) She LOVED Australia, the weather, lifetsyle etc so i feel really bad about driving the move back here but once we had our daughter in oz in 2017 and we had 2 new born nieces back here too she was on board and willing to move back...at the same time not wanting to leave Aus. She's a very positive person and is a hard person to read, never shows her feelings and sometimes does things just to save face. She's finding it cold and grey and misses the beach and the kids being outside all the time. She's thinking that 1 year back here might not be enough and maybe 2 would be better. There is no right or wrong answer i guess. Edited January 23, 2019 by wattsy1982 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 3 minutes ago, wattsy1982 said: She LOVED Australia, the weather, lifetsyle etc so i feel really bad about driving the move back here but once we had our daughter in oz in 2017 and we had 2 new born nieces back here too she was on board and willing to move back...at the same time not wanting to leave Aus. She's a very positive person and is a and person to read, never shows her feelings and sometimes does things just to save face. She's finding it cold and grey and misses the beach and the kids being outside all the time. She's thinking that 1 year back here might not be enough and maybe 2 would be better. There is no right or wrong answer i guess. That's good to know. At least you agree that you would both like to return to Australia someday. I'm not really surprised that she thinks 2 years would be better. It's a big trip to make all over again so soon with three children plus a dog and who knows you may find you are both happy to put down roots in the UK. You will feel so much happier when the decent weather arrives. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I'd be coming back to Australia myself. Hats off to you for taking the plunge and going back and trying but if you are happier here- come home! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s713 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 You sound like you're treading water waiting for something to just 'click'. It might not, don't worry about face-saving, do what's right for you and your kids. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tricky Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 We came back with our daughter and dog in August after 8 years. Reasons were mainly down to bring far away from family and our daughter and family not having that closeness, and the feeling of isolation living in Adelaide, which is a personal feeling, but I love the fact Europe is so close together and so much to see. I miss Australia, but I think really the only thing I truly miss is the weather. If the climates were the same, I'd choose the UK everytime. And that for me is enough to make me happy here. Yes the weather is a bit dodgy for a third of the year, but meh. It's weather. But life is short and you have to be where your happy. I'm not ruling out moving back in 5 years, but it'd be to a different city for a new adventure. 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I’ve been thinking about your thread Wattsy and thought I’d share my own experience for what it’s worth as when we relocated, it was easily two years before I stopped thinking of the place we left as ‘home’. Returning for visits the final 10 miles to my mum’s front door were so familiar that even with my eyes closed I knew where we were. And I found that reassuring as it was comfortable, part of who I thought I was. I wasn’t unhappy though as we quickly settled into our new home, found work, made really good friends. Life was very different but we discovered a place that fitted us – there was no struggle to make the move work. Yet despite that a piece of me remained with the family and the part of the UK that we had left. In our case it was a move of 100s rather than 1000s of miles, yet it took longer than I expected for those ties to loosen and to be honest I don’t think it is simply about distance or country. A lot of threads get bogged down in where is better, Aus or UK, when in fact it is about what you need to blossom (for want of a better word) and where you can find the environment that will help you to do that. Life moves on while we ricochet from one decision to another but there’s no exam, we decide for ourselves what is a pass or fail, what works and what doesn’t. Knowing where you and the family are most likely to bloom is possibly the key, and having now lived at both ends of the earth you will have a better sense of what that means for you. All the best in making it happen. T x 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home and Happy Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Ping ponging can be expensive but good luck anyway whatever you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 You express yourself very openly and honestly but before you reach any decisions I would strongly recommend that you trawl back through PIO and read all your past posts. They have the advantage of being written contemporaneously. Just like you were reviewing life in the UK through rose-tints then you may be doing the exact same in reverse now. Things like the UK winter were not a major factor in your initial move (as they were for me, for example) so you will get used to it again over time and the kids will adapt for sure. Personally I would never go back.....after 3+ years here I have not even had a proper holiday yet (I had 2-3 every year in the UK, mainly winter sun breaks) though we are planning New Zealand at the end of this year woohoo. So far I have yet to work up the enthusiasm to even visit the UK but I know that I shall one day. We are all different though and I remember the yearning in your past posts. Maybe it is ‘out of your system’ now but read your old posts and reflect on the person who wrote them then. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinker78 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 We've all been there but I honest to goodness think you'd find that a few years into Aussie life, the same problems would rear their heads. chances are you may never feel settled (although many ping pongers get it out of their system at some point) and you've not even been here a year! There is no perfect place and kids take a while- mine now embraces winter as much as the other seasons as we focus on other stuff. I appreciate that not everyone is into what we are and may prefer to outside doing sports, but never forget that a brisbane summer also renders some of the day useless too from heat. I did a few pings and when i ponged I knew i was done- it's a bit like when people describe having their last child and 'knowing' that's it for them. After going back and forth I knew where home was and knew i'd be happy to do a long UK stint. I dont miss Australia BUT even with this feeling it still took us about a year to get into the groove of UK life. We'd been away longer than you and felt like complete outsiders. However, 3.5 years on and it's all good. I'd personally give it a bit longer. If you've small kids it's no biggie. high school kids are a harder move. good luck. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber Snowball Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 19 hours ago, Gbye grey sky said: You express yourself very openly and honestly but before you reach any decisions I would strongly recommend that you trawl back through PIO and read all your past posts. They have the advantage of being written contemporaneously. Just like you were reviewing life in the UK through rose-tints then you may be doing the exact same in reverse now. Things like the UK winter were not a major factor in your initial move (as they were for me, for example) so you will get used to it again over time and the kids will adapt for sure. Personally I would never go back.....after 3+ years here I have not even had a proper holiday yet (I had 2-3 every year in the UK, mainly winter sun breaks) though we are planning New Zealand at the end of this year woohoo. So far I have yet to work up the enthusiasm to even visit the UK but I know that I shall one day. We are all different though and I remember the yearning in your past posts. Maybe it is ‘out of your system’ now but read your old posts and reflect on the person who wrote them then. Ok, I didn’t link @wattsy1982 with your previous posts which was silly of me as I had actually followed alot of your story and remember feeling awful for you when you didn’t settle when you had been so excited to go to Australia initially. @Gbye grey sky makes excellent points above. I retract my earlier post and echo the above. Have some reflection on your journey to here before making your next move. However my final statement stands, “be happy”. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Wow, that’s a surprising read @watsy1982! Very pertinent to me - I have made a few trips back - one even for over a year in 2016 and tbh the weather didn’t bother me - I have experienced extraordinary weather in the UK each time though, hitting both major heatwaves and a very mild winter in the Southeast of UK. I still crave retirement in the UK, which is tricky as adult kids are in Brisbane but it’s the Brisbane summers that I can’t stand, and maybe I need to experience a real British winter to make my mind up. Good luck for whatever you decide - i’ll Be following your story with interest. I’ve always felt that a ‘half and half’ lifestyle would be ideal but no use for younger people who need to earn a living, and as I’m finding out as I research- tricky from tax/pension point of view even in retirement 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamwolf Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Thanks for your post. Your nine year old sounds old before his time !! Definitely a sun worshipper ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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