Toots Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 14 minutes ago, Zack said: We have been here 32 years and never made genuine Australian friends. My wife has made Friends ,through the art club she belongs to. We go to tea now and again and Xmas get togethers.But i would say they are just acquaintances. I have had Mates when i was working ,but not mates ,that wanted to take their wives out. they never wanted to go out for a meal in a group of couples to the RSL at Twin Towns at Coolangatta. The Pommy friends we had have all gone back to the UK .We used to go to Twin Towns at Coolangatta all the time .But Aussies Don't seem to want to mix. Maybe it's just Brisbane. Brisbane Used to be known as a graveyard with lights. I suppose the Aussies you mention already have friends they've known for years so aren't that interested in making new friends. I've Aussie (Sydney) close friends I've know for well over 20 years. Thing is we keep moving around. I've moved to Tassie and they have all moved to different areas in NSW - one to Nelson Bay, one to Bowral and the other to Ballina. I'm happy to say I've made friends here in Devonport too. Maybe it's easier for women - I don't know. OH has mates he plays golf and goes fishing with. Two of the women I know well here in Tassie are originally from the UK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulya Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Most Aussies are very wary of poms for obvious reasons. You have to work hard to prove you’re worth the effort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saurer Pfirsich Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I've been here 10 years now and it took me about 4 years to really feel settled here and to accept that my life was here for the foreseeable future and no longer in the UK. That coincided with the birth of our second daughter, but also with me stopping to consciously 'fit in,' something that I was never very good at anyway. The increased responsibility coming from having a second child meant that I became even more family focussed, instead of agonising over whether I liked it here, or why I hadn't made friends. I think the trick is to focus upon what you enjoy and not waste time on what you don't. We're city folk and so Melbourne suits us - great parks and activities for the kids and a European-style metro culture for my wife and I. I used to do a bit of hill and fell-walking back home, but nowadays we're not outdoors types, so beaches and camping don't interest us. It took me those first 3-4 years of trying those activities before I realised that I wasn't obligated to pursue them and that it was ok to do other things with my (admittedly very limited!) free time. Everyone finds their own way of making living in Australia work for them, but if it doesn't then there's absolutely no shame in going home as far as I'm concerned. Melbourne suits us right now, I suspect that this will change when the kids have flown the coup. I quite fancy retiring to the Kent coast, whereas the missus has an eye on Tassy, but to be honest I'd be happy with either location for my last adventures. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unzippy Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 (edited) 7 hours ago, Bulya said: Most Aussies are very wary of poms for obvious reasons. You have to work hard to prove you’re worth the effort With an attutude like that you are clearly not worth the effort. Edited March 21, 2018 by unzippy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 7 hours ago, Bulya said: Most Aussies are very wary of poms for obvious reasons. You have to work hard to prove you’re worth the effort Why? A large percentage of Aussies have a pommie background - parents, grandparents, great grandparents. I've not come across any Aussies who are suspicious of poms. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goofy2018 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 In my opinion Aussies (for the sake of this conversation, I'm referring to people who were born and raised here) are generally friendly but it's very hard to make genuine friends here. Most Aussies I've ever known here still have the same few friends from their home town, school, uni or sports club etc. They don't really seem to let any new people into their existing friendship circle. Most of them have a partner and/or kids in addition to a busy job and family commitments so that doesn't leave a lot of time to hang out with other people. I'm not sure this is just an Australian thing though. I think there is a difference between friendships formed during childhood/teenage years/uni and friendships formed as an adult, so if you move to another country as an adult you'll always be a bit of an outsider. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bulya Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 35 minutes ago, Goofy2018 said: In my opinion Aussies (for the sake of this conversation, I'm referring to people who were born and raised here) are generally friendly but it's very hard to make genuine friends here. Most Aussies I've ever known here still have the same few friends from their home town, school, uni or sports club etc. They don't really seem to let any new people into their existing friendship circle. Most of them have a partner and/or kids in addition to a busy job and family commitments so that doesn't leave a lot of time to hang out with other people. I'm not sure this is just an Australian thing though. I think there is a difference between friendships formed during childhood/teenage years/uni and friendships formed as an adult, so if you move to another country as an adult you'll always be a bit of an outsider. This Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clz363 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I have been here 6 1/2 yrs and I still don’t feel settled and like other comments I am struggling to make friends - I know that Brisbane is a better place to live for the kids and yet I can’t shake this feeling of limbo. I wonder if it will ever go away. I haven’t been back for a visit though so think if I go back then I will realise that it isn’t as good as I maybe remember it? I am hoping to visit next year - so you are not alone. Which is good to know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tea4too Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, clz363 said: I have been here 6 1/2 yrs and I still don’t feel settled and like other comments I am struggling to make friends - I know that Brisbane is a better place to live for the kids and yet I can’t shake this feeling of limbo. I wonder if it will ever go away. I haven’t been back for a visit though so think if I go back then I will realise that it isn’t as good as I maybe remember it? I am hoping to visit next year - so you are not alone. Which is good to know I don’t necessarily subscribe to the general view that Australia is a better place for children as it’s possible to raise happy, well-adjusted, well educated kids in both countries. However a sense of belonging is different, something that can be hard to define and even harder to achieve. Perhaps your memories have become distorted over the last six and half years, in which case a trip back to the UK may be all that is needed to reset your emotional clock. On the other hand it may confirm that you are happiest elsewhere, and while that could present new dilemmas at least you would know what you are dealing with. Either way try not to be too hard on yourself as migration is not an exam. We all want to find a place where we can be happy and raise our children safely, and only you can decide where that place is for you. T x Edited July 1, 2018 by tea4too 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 2 hours ago, clz363 said: I have been here 6 1/2 yrs and I still don’t feel settled and like other comments I am struggling to make friends - I know that Brisbane is a better place to live for the kids and yet I can’t shake this feeling of limbo. I wonder if it will ever go away. I haven’t been back for a visit though so think if I go back then I will realise that it isn’t as good as I maybe remember it? I am hoping to visit next year - so you are not alone. Which is good to know What Tea4too said. I think you are quite correct, knowing that you are not Robinson Crusoe with not loving Australia is very liberating - I thought I was bonkers until I found this and other boards and it was very empowering in its way. A trip back will either kill you or cure you as they say. It really is 50/50 whether you get off the plane, kiss the ground and cry buckets when you have to leave or whether you are at the airport to leave 3 days before your flight goes. Remember that you can never go back to what you had (in general, one or two have struck it lucky and slipped right back in) and any move from here on will be a move forward. If you decide that, yes, Australia is where you want to grow old and die, then you've got it made. If, OTOH you decide that the thought of staying there forever is going to drive you crazy then move on. Your kids are going to be privileged in either country. They're not going to be disadvantaged by living in Australia but they aren't necessarily going to be advantaged by it either. Lots of good things going on for kids in UK. Get your citizenship, if you havent already, and the world is your oyster. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saurer Pfirsich Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 2 hours ago, tea4too said: I don’t necessarily subscribe to the general view that Australia is a better place for children as it’s possible to raise happy, well-adjusted, well educated kids in both countries. However a sense of belonging is different, something that can be hard to define and even harder to achieve. Perhaps your memories have become distorted over the last six and half years, in which case a trip back to the UK may be all that is needed to reset your emotional clock. On the other hand it may confirm that you are happiest elsewhere, and while that could present new dilemmas at least you would know what you are dealing with. Either way try not to be too hard on yourself as migration is not an exam. We all want to find a place where we can be happy and raise our children safely, and only you can decide where that place is for you. T x Completely agree tea4too. Just got back from a family holiday back home and my nieces and nephews there are no less healthy, respectful and motivated than their Australian peers. My wife and I are so happy that our girls - one born here, the other brought up here - connected so well with their cousins. Our oldest was born in London and proudly tells her school-friends that she's British and will be going to live in London when she's old enough! This might be a demonstration of the sense of belonging that you mentioned in your post that no matter where you grew up, where you were born plays a huge part in who you are. For our kids, those connections are stronger with family in the UK rather than those in Australia. I don't know why that is, possibly it's due to my family making them feel more welcome than my wife's Australian family in QLD does. Whilst this is all great, it means that we're under pressure from the kids to commit to another family holiday back home again next year which is pretty hard on the wallet!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I've been in your shoes, and I know exactly how you feel. I persevered and tried to make things work, because I thought the kids (and OH) were happier and better off in Aus. It wasn't that I was homesick as such, just that the more time that went by, the less settled, out of place and lonely I felt. I put a smile on my face and went out and tried to meet people and make friends, but in the end I realised that I just didn't fit in and I wasn't ever going to make friends, no matter how hard I tried (and I really did try). We went back to the UK for a holiday, and whilst we were having a break from the family-visiting part of our trip, on holiday up in the highlands of Scotland, I finally told my OH how I felt. The thing was, it turns out he was a bit 'meh' about Australia too, and we agreed that we'd at least talk about moving back once we had settled back after our trip. Getting back on that plane to Australia was incredibly hard, and I'd have been quite happy to let my OH go without the kids and I. We moved back to the UK in September 2017, and it is without doubt the best thing we have ever done. We moved to a different area of the UK from where we had lived before (we came from Suffolk but moved back to the southern edge of the Scottish Highlands), by choice. We didn't want to move back to where we'd come from since we figured we'd changed too much, but wanted a new challenge. We have been welcomed into a great community. The kids attend excellent schools, we've made friends individually and as a family, been invited to barbecues, for drinks, to community events, we have neighbours who babysit and who trust us with their kids, whose chickens feed in our garden in exchange for eggs etc. The weather has been great. We got snowed in in February, but the community came together to help each other out, and honestly the good weather far outweighs the bad. There is no right or wrong answer really. Both countries are great for kids, and in neither will kids enjoy life more or less. A visit back to the UK might make you feel better, or it might make you feel worse, but at least you'll know, one way or the other, how you really feel about Australia and the UK. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 As an older poster I think it depends a bit where you settle. We retired here 15 years ago and moved to the Sunshine Coast, and I can honestly say we were made welcome from the first. We have a good mix of friends and also many who you could call good acquaintances. There is a real mix of people here on the Coast, many Australian retirees from out west of Qld who had farms, they are a fantastic group, love chatting about how different our lives have been. Then many more who have moved here from all sorts of countries.I don’t have a ‘best friends’ that’s my husband, but do have a very special group of good friends, Australians and other nationalities. I accept that in many ways I will never be Australian as I didn’t grow up here, but I love living here, it’s a very caring place, well in my age group it is, almost any interest/hobby is up and running to join, we are in several groups that regularly go out for lunch. You never need to be bored here. One of the things a lot of us say is that this is somewhere we have chosen to live,not somewhere that we have to live. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, ramot said: As an older poster I think it depends a bit where you settle. We retired here 15 years ago and moved to the Sunshine Coast, and I can honestly say we were made welcome from the first. We have a good mix of friends and also many who you could call good acquaintances. There is a real mix of people here on the Coast, many Australian retirees from out west of Qld who had farms, they are a fantastic group, love chatting about how different our lives have been. Then many more who have moved here from all sorts of countries.I don’t have a ‘best friends’ that’s my husband, but do have a very special group of good friends, Australians and other nationalities. I accept that in many ways I will never be Australian as I didn’t grow up here, but I love living here, it’s a very caring place, well in my age group it is, almost any interest/hobby is up and running to join, we are in several groups that regularly go out for lunch. You never need to be bored here. One of the things a lot of us say is that this is somewhere we have chosen to live,not somewhere that we have to live. It certainly does depend a bit where you settle. I'm also retired and couldn't wait to get away from the hustle and bustle of city living. I wanted to live in a temperate climate and have animals to look after. Here on the NW Tassie coast we have long, warm summers and cold winters but without ice and snow. The winters tend to be wet and stormy but we also have plenty of gorgeous clear, sunny days. I share the upkeep of 4 horses and a goat with friends and there are loads of lovely places to go for long walks with my dog. I do like to be living almost at the bottom of the world away from 'stuff' that is happening in many countries. How and where I live wouldn't suit many folk but I love it. OH agrees with me and he used to be a real city person. I've never had a problem making friends. I've made two very good friends since moving here and I know lots of other people socially. My very best friend is someone who lives in Scotland and we've known each other for well over 50 years. I am trying to get her to come here for a holiday. We are in touch all the time via Skype. She also has horses and dogs so finds it hard to leave them plus one of her sons is now back home living with her since his relationship went belly up and he has the full-time care of his two little sons with the result my friend is now more or less cooking and cleaning for them all plus the school run. She deserves a holiday away from it all. It's times like this I wish she was a lot nearer. Edited July 2, 2018 by Toots 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s713 Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Initially, I felt unsettled but, holiday mode kicks in. Then I felt totally settled for about 4 years, no probs. For the last 6 years I have been unsettled, now very much so. The friends thing is a big deal, we have some friends since moving here but it's not the same, it's make-do. And they're Brits, not Aussies, I've given up trying to relate to them, sad but true. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clz363 Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Thank you all for your comments, it feels so good to hear from other people who have been in a similar situation and from a variety of situations where it has worked - whether that he staying here in Australia or moving back to the UK. It’s hard to know what to do and honestly I don’t think there is a right answer - we have dual citizenship now which is a good thing and we will go back next year and I think that will make or break us as you say. Its a a funny feeling to feel this limbo feeling, it’s like I am waiting for something to happen. I wish I could connect more to friends too but I just can’t and that is hard for me and also my husband struggles with it too despite him being very outgoing. If anyone is in Brisbane - I’d be happy to be in touch 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPRINTER Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 On 01/02/2018 at 14:27, Toots said: It seems to be all about that on this forum at times. Probably human nature though. The most boring place I ever lived with the unfriendliest people was Switzerland but maybe that was just me. Perhaps other people find it friendly and interesting. Totally agree with the post, just left Switzerland after 10 years and found the people where we lived in the German part the most unfriendly, arrogant people anywhere. It was actually a culture shock coming here after that to find what I call normal people. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 1 hour ago, SPRINTER said: Totally agree with the post, just left Switzerland after 10 years and found the people where we lived in the German part the most unfriendly, arrogant people anywhere. It was actually a culture shock coming here after to find what I call normal people. I was in the French part. I was only there for a year. This was a long time ago when I was used to going to live music venues in the UK and the USA. Switzerland had nothing like that happening - very boring - so I used to go over the border into Germany to listen to good live music. France hadn't much happening on the music scene either. I made two friend when I lived in Switzerland. One was American and one was German. Agree about many Swiss being unfriendly and arrogant - they are not interested in 'outsiders'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPRINTER Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 We used to go down to the French side which was tolerable, a few things used to happen in the Morges area on Lake Geneva, but we also spent a lot of time in Germany to find life. You will always be an "outsider" or "Auslander" as they called us, they couldn't accept that without the 25% foreigners that lived there the country would not work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 1 hour ago, SPRINTER said: We used to go down to the French side which was tolerable, a few things used to happen in the Morges area on Lake Geneva, but we also spent a lot of time in Germany to find life. You will always be an "outsider" or "Auslander" as they called us, they couldn't accept that without the 25% foreigners that lived there the country would not work. I was just outside Nyon on the shores of Lake Geneva. My German friend lived in Lausanne and the American one lived in Geneva. Still in touch with them both after all these years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 I always found Aussies very friendly and welcoming but you do have to be the same back. I found Tassie more difficult than Victoria and the friends I made there were all' incomers' like me. That was in the North West though and people stayed in the same village for ever so they were naturally a bit suspicious of outsiders. Never had any problems though, and we had a few laughs about people being inbred which was a bit cruel, looking back. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPRINTER Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 2 hours ago, Toots said: I was just outside Nyon on the shores of Lake Geneva. My German friend lived in Lausanne and the American one lived in Geneva. Still in touch with them both after all these years. Used to travel the road from Lausanne to Geneva quite regular going to the only Morgan car dealer in Switzerland at the time in Geneva. So many speed cameras on that road that all you could see were brake lights. Luckily they didn't get me. There used to be a big festival near Nyon, took them ages to clear the site afterwards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 55 minutes ago, starlight7 said: I always found Aussies very friendly and welcoming but you do have to be the same back. I found Tassie more difficult than Victoria and the friends I made there were all' incomers' like me. That was in the North West though and people stayed in the same village for ever so they were naturally a bit suspicious of outsiders. Never had any problems though, and we had a few laughs about people being inbred which was a bit cruel, looking back. We live on the edge of Devonport - population of 25,000 and yes I've come across a few parochial locals who seem to be a bit suspicious of 'outsiders' but really they are well into the minority. So many UK accents - usually from folk who have lived here for donkey's years. On the whole we have been welcomed by most locals and our neighbours are really lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Hi Toots, Devonport is the big smoke compared with outskirts of Wynyard ( Fossil Bluff). Stunning place that it is. Used to go and harvest oysters on the Black River, never eaten so many in my life. In those days a crayfish sarnie, packed with meat, was $4 . Worth living there for that alone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 22 minutes ago, starlight7 said: Hi Toots, Devonport is the big smoke compared with outskirts of Wynyard ( Fossil Bluff). Stunning place that it is. Used to go and harvest oysters on the Black River, never eaten so many in my life. In those days a crayfish sarnie, packed with meat, was $4 . Worth living there for that alone. Often go to Penguin, Wynyard or Stanley for lunch. Lovely wee places. Inland from the coast I like Sheffield but it can get really cold there. Some of the other small places I really couldn't live in - nice for a visit but a bit too out of the way for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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