How long before you feel settled/Happy ?

[Guest]

I must be one of the really really lucky ones. In the six months we've been in Brisbane I have found nothing but lovely, friendly and happy people that I've personally had dealings with. Everyone from teenage boys (who said sorry and excuse me and held the door open when they realised they had pushed ahead!). People on the bus are friendly, my local store and the larger chain supermarket has helpful and nice staff. People from my OH's work have invited us around a few times for a swim and BBQ, people have started up conversations in parks and only last week did I have a fab long conversation with a young mum in a cafe. For us, and perhaps we're in the minority? it's been a lovely friendly place to live and we absolutely adore it here. That's just our personal experience and from our point of view.

Edited February 5, 2018 by Guest

[LKC]

2 hours ago, Ozzie said:

I must be one of the really really lucky ones. In the six months we've been in Brisbane I have found nothing but lovely, friendly and happy people that I've personally had dealings with. Everyone from teenage boys (who said sorry and excuse me and held the door open when they realised they had pushed ahead!). People on the bus are friendly, my local store and the larger chain supermarket has helpful and nice staff. People from my OH's work have invited us around a few times for a swim and BBQ, people have started up conversations in parks and only last week did I have a fab long conversation with a young mum in a cafe. For us, and perhaps we're in the minority? it's been a lovely friendly place to live and we absolutely adore it here. That's just our personal experience and from our point of view.

We had those experiences too, everyone was friendly and interested in where we'd come from and why we were there.  What we found though, was that deeper friendships didn't follow, even with people we saw every day.  People who we'd thought would become friends over time, such as people from playgroup and school, held us at arms length.  They already had friendship groups, and we weren't in them.  The more time that went by, the more apparent that became, and it was only when we'd had some UK friends to stay that I became aware of the difference between the friendliness we'd been shown and had mistaken for friendship and true friendship.

[Guest]

I think it's too early for me to comment on friendship vs friendliness, I was just commenting on my experiences with strangers in Brisbane so far. So far, it's been so lovely! I've got to say, I'll take it any day over the grumpiness I've experienced in the UK!

Edited February 5, 2018 by Guest

[Guest]

58 minutes ago, Ozzie said:

I think it's too early for me to comment on friendship vs friendliness, I was just commenting on my experiences with strangers in Brisbane so far. So far, it's been so lovely! I've got to say, I'll take it any day over the grumpiness I've experienced in the UK!

I should say for those who don't know, I'm Scottish, my comments are a bit tongue in cheek at times (before anyone accuses me of turning this into an Australia vs UK debate, something that happens on this forum many times).

Edited February 5, 2018 by Guest

[Marisawright]

5 hours ago, Ozzie said:

I must be one of the really really lucky ones. In the six months we've been in Brisbane I have found nothing but lovely, friendly and happy people..perhaps we're in the minority? it's been a lovely friendly place to live and we absolutely adore it here. That's just our personal experience and from our point of view.

No, I don't think you're in the minority at all. So much depends on where you've settled.  If I think of Sydney, for instance, I can imagine that someone who settled in St Ives could think everyone was cliquey and standoffish, because it's a very upper class neighbourhood. Whereas I had a work colleague who moved out to Bankstown and nearly fell over when his neighbour spoke to him...

However LKC also has a point, about the difference between people being friendly and open, and people being willing to form deeper friendships.  

Edited February 5, 2018 by Marisawright

[Guest]

Yes, I absolutely agree with the difference between friendliness and deeper friendships, experienced that in lots of countries from people from all walks of life. I couldn't possibly comment on someone else's experience with friendliness vs deep friendships - I was just commenting on my personal experience with Brisbane, we've been delighted so far. Perhaps the sunshine makes people smile more, who knows! I don't know the reason, I just know we all like it

[Toots]

95% of the people I pass on the street here say "Good morning" or "Hi" with a cheery smile.  It is a smaller town so that might make a big difference.  A neighbour brought round pears from her tree this morning and the lady up the street had been to see her daughter on her farm and gave me half a dozen lovely brown eggs.  I usually give away lettuce, cucumbers and other stuff from my allotment in return.  I tried to grow strawberries but he birds ate them all.  Will have to put netting around them next time.

[bristolman]

2 hours ago, Toots said:

95% of the people I pass on the street here say "Good morning" or "Hi" with a cheery smile.  It is a smaller town so that might make a big difference.  A neighbour brought round pears from her tree this morning and the lady up the street had been to see her daughter on her farm and gave me half a dozen lovely brown eggs.  I usually give away lettuce, cucumbers and other stuff from my allotment in return.  I tried to grow strawberries but he birds ate them all.  Will have to put netting around them next time.

Absolutely right, I couldn't imagine living anywhere but a village now. Even previously in the 'burbs it was rare to get to know anyone well and there was little neighbourly behaviour. 

[calNgary]

19 hours ago, Ozzie said:

I must be one of the really really lucky ones. In the six months we've been in Brisbane I have found nothing but lovely, friendly and happy people that I've personally had dealings with. Everyone from teenage boys (who said sorry and excuse me and held the door open when they realised they had pushed ahead!). People on the bus are friendly, my local store and the larger chain supermarket has helpful and nice staff. People from my OH's work have invited us around a few times for a swim and BBQ, people have started up conversations in parks and only last week did I have a fab long conversation with a young mum in a cafe. For us, and perhaps we're in the minority? it's been a lovely friendly place to live and we absolutely adore it here. That's just our personal experience and from our point of view.

We are the same but have been here 11 years. The locals are friendly always willing to help, local shop staff ask about the kids and despite living on acreage we know our neighbours sideways and across the road. To an extent i think it does depend on the sort of person you are, if you smile and are willing to talk to anyone and help where needed, you do meet happy friendly people. Walk around grumpy like your king dick or the world owes you living and people will avoid you.

My best friend now is someone i met 9 years ago via my youngest making friends with her child at school, its was great as she knew we had no family support so would offer to mind the kids if we needed ,collect them from school if i was stuck somewhere etc. Hubby fishes regually with his friends (2 or 3 of them) ,they too have been friends 8 or 9 years now, (mix of aussies and poms)hubby isn't one for small talk and meaning less friendships so its good he has these guys to get out and about with.

 Don't get me wrong we have come across some real pricks whilst here but thankfully not that many and none i have to see often if at all anymore. 

  Cal x

[Guest]

" Walk around grumpy like your king dick or the world owes you living and people will avoid you. "

This did make me smile.

Friendly and unfriendly people exist everywhere! I do agree it can come down to the type of person you are and the vibes you give off. I'm probably someone who blethers on too much ha!

I'm just glad we so far have had a lovely welcoming start and six months in Brisbane, although we had no pre-conceived ideas about how people would be we've been very pleasantly surprised, folk are so friendly here. Love it!

[Toots]

42 minutes ago, Ozzie said:

" Walk around grumpy like your king dick or the world owes you living and people will avoid you. "

This did make me smile.

Friendly and unfriendly people exist everywhere! I do agree it can come down to the type of person you are and the vibes you give off. I'm probably someone who blethers on too much ha!

I'm just glad we so far have had a lovely welcoming start and six months in Brisbane, although we had no pre-conceived ideas about how people would be we've been very pleasantly surprised, folk are so friendly here. Love it!

That probably has a lot to do with your cheery personality Ozzie.  

Don't know what it is about me but no matter where I go, bus, train, plane, just out and about etc but folk always like to tell me their life story.  Some people really wear their heart on their sleeve.  I'm not a bad listener but I am fairly private about my own life.  Telling people I hardly know all my life's trials and tribulations, ups and downs horrifies me.

Edited February 6, 2018 by Toots

[jimmyinoz]

On 1/29/2018 at 11:19, Clm said:

Hi , 

we as a family ( me, my OH and our two daughters) moved to Brisbane over two years ago.

However I still feel very unsettled - my OH and youngest daughter feel very settled. 

But myself and my eldest daughter 11 have struggled.

I miss home , friends and family, but the hardest thing I have found is genuine friendships?

i feel like there is not many people here - well I have yet to meet genuine sincere people. Who don't play mind games - take advantage of kindness , play keeping up with the jones - gossip or are just mean to friends when they are not around.

it just all seems very fake - I've sincerely met some of the rudest people in my life here! I'm not a negative dweller - far from it! I'm polite pleasant and will go out of my way to be kind and friendly. I miss friends that I could share problems with - that were kind , friends you can socialise with and  laugh till you cry. 

But I'm starting to feel like an alien here. What I think are basic morals , manners and respect - others don't ,and the whole - playing mind games within friendship isn't me.

I guess in my baffle , what I'm trying to say or ask is - how long before people made genuine friendships or has anyone else felt isolated or met these hurdles ? 

 

Thanks for reading ?

I know how you feel ive been here 13 yrs and im heading home in about another 5 ..  however ive met some of the most genuine friend s im ever likely to meet here  for instance when my dad died in 2010 they had a whip round for me and helped keep my business on its feet while i was back home sorting things out .ive lived in Qld and NSW ,i must admit i like NSW better . It sounds like you live near Brisbane  lol it appears to be the norm around there i lived a bit further up in Gladstone ......Youll find country people here more genuine  than city types ..i guess you get this wherever you go ..I spent most of my life in London but came from a wee town in Scotland so i may be a bit bias lol .

.I hated the atmosphere in London it sucks , maybe thats the solution is to  move 

Ive travelled all over the eastern part of this country conducting business ..it seems the further south you go the more Euro it is ..my advice is dont chuck the towel in just yet,develop a thick skin [Aussies are pretty much  the same as working class brits ]and maybe investigate other states ..

Edited February 6, 2018 by jimmyinoz

[Clm]

52 minutes ago, jimmyinoz said:

I know how you feel ive been here 13 yrs and im heading home in about another 5 ..  however ive met some of the most genuine friend s im ever likely to meet here  for instance when my dad died in 2010 they had a whip round for me and helped keep my business on its feet while i was back home sorting things out .ive lived in Qld and NSW ,i must admit i like NSW better . It sounds like you live near Brisbane  lol it appears to be the norm around there i lived a bit further up in Gladstone ......Youll find country people here more genuine  than city types ..i guess you get this wherever you go ..I spent most of my life in London but came from a wee town in Scotland so i may be a bit bias lol .

.I hated the atmosphere in London it sucks , maybe thats the solution is to  move 

Ive travelled all over the eastern part of this country conducting business ..it seems the further south you go the more Euro it is ..my advice is dont chuck the towel in just yet,develop a thick skin [Aussies are pretty much  the same as working class brits ]and maybe investigate other states ..

Thank you - we will stick it out and do enjoy being here - just have found it more difficult  than anticipated and in different ways - I guess for me I just wanted to know I wasn't alone in feeling this way - I will definetely will take your advice and travel more ? 

Yes we live 10 mins away for Brisbane city. 

But I agree on the tough skin - it's something I certainly didn't have coming here - it's slowly growing ?

 

Thank you you for your positive input ? And not the - " go home " or " Australia  won't change for you "- much appreciated. 

[jimmyinoz]

youre welcome 

 

[Bulya]

Qld is kinda backward.  Try somewhere else

[ali]

This popped up again and make me think about the Happy part.  We were happy in both UK and Aus - for me personally, I feel more content here than I did before.  That may not be Aus, it may just 'that time of life' lol, but reading lots of posts from both sides of the globe, those that are happiest seem to have found some contentment.

[bristolman]

47 minutes ago, ali said:

This popped up again and make me think about the Happy part.  We were happy in both UK and Aus - for me personally, I feel more content here than I did before.  That may not be Aus, it may just 'that time of life' lol, but reading lots of posts from both sides of the globe, those that are happiest seem to have found some contentment.

Yes I tend to agree, I was never unhappy in Australia (my wife was) but just hàd a feeling of it all being a bitter vanilla, now it's chocolate lol

[Sandgroper]

Some will never settle it's in their makeup, regardless of the location they will want to be back in their safe bubble. Some people just do not make good travelers other than the annual Benidorm trip then back to what they have known and where they have felt safe for the last however many years.

I could not imagine still living in the place I was born surrounded by the same people doing the same things week in week out I would have a real sense of failure if that was how my life and panned out.

Some people can adapt to new places others retreat back to what they know best.

[Marisawright]

27 minutes ago, Sandgroper said:

Some will never settle it's in their makeup, regardless of the location they will want to be back in their safe bubble. Some people just do not make good travelers other than the annual Benidorm trip then back to what they have known and where they have felt safe for the last however many years.Some people can adapt to new places others retreat back to what they know best.

That comes across as a wee bit harsh, I assume unintentionally.   I agree that some people make good travellers and some don't, but it's not always about "retreating back to a safe bubble".  

Many people who don't settle either mention missing family and friends, or you can read between the lines and see that's their real issue  Those people probably think us independent travellers are downright heartless, being able to abandon our nearest and dearest without a second thought, and happily not see them for months or even years on end!

[Quoll]

2 hours ago, Sandgroper said:

Some will never settle it's in their makeup, regardless of the location they will want to be back in their safe bubble. Some people just do not make good travelers other than the annual Benidorm trip then back to what they have known and where they have felt safe for the last however many years.

I could not imagine still living in the place I was born surrounded by the same people doing the same things week in week out I would have a real sense of failure if that was how my life and panned out.

Some people can adapt to new places others retreat back to what they know best.

Some people need to just keep moving, they stultify living in the same place for a long time. It’s not always about going back to their safe cocoon, it’s a need for variety and new things. I am not, I think, by nature, a settler. I think I’m more comfortable being an adventurer. Plenty of time to settle when I’m dead. 

[Sandgroper]

3 hours ago, Marisawright said:

That comes across as a wee bit harsh, I assume unintentionally.   I agree that some people make good travellers and some don't, but it's not always about "retreating back to a safe bubble".  

Many people who don't settle either mention missing family and friends, or you can read between the lines and see that's their real issue  Those people probably think us independent travellers are downright heartless, being able to abandon our nearest and dearest without a second thought, and happily not see them for months or even years on end!

Wasn't meant to be harsh just an opinion, the missing and family and friends card gets pulled all to often I believe it's used as an excuse to return to the safe bubble.

[LKC]

2 hours ago, Quoll said:

Some people need to just keep moving, they stultify living in the same place for a long time. It’s not always about going back to their safe cocoon, it’s a need for variety and new things. I am not, I think, by nature, a settler. I think I’m more comfortable being an adventurer. Plenty of time to settle when I’m dead. 

We're the same.  We went to Australia for an adventure, to experience something different.  We returned to the UK, but to a (very) different part (Scotland) again for an adventure and to experience something different.  We are closer to family, and will be able to see them more often, but returning to be closer was only part of the story.  Before we left for Australia we lived in the Suffolk/Cambridgeshire area, and moved something like 8 or 9 times in 10 years, like Quoll we are not settlers.  Having said that, we did settle in Australia (same place for almost 9 years), but were content with exploring our new country, and we've now committed to settling here until the kids are out of high school/uni (another 10 or so years) but will spend time exploring the UK and Europe with the kids.

[ramot]

1 hour ago, LKC said:

We're the same.  We went to Australia for an adventure, to experience something different.  We returned to the UK, but to a (very) different part (Scotland) again for an adventure and to experience something different.  We are closer to family, and will be able to see them more often, but returning to be closer was only part of the story.  Before we left for Australia we lived in the Suffolk/Cambridgeshire area, and moved something like 8 or 9 times in 10 years, like Quoll we are not settlers.  Having said that, we did settle in Australia (same place for almost 9 years), but were content with exploring our new country, and we've now committed to settling here until the kids are out of high school/uni (another 10 or so years) but will spend time exploring the UK and Europe with the kids.

Wait till you get to your 60's/70's. I never want to move again. The house that we have now lived in for the 15 years we have been in Oz is the longest I have ever lived in the same house in all my life. Father in the army, lived in Germany, went to 5 different Primary schools, lived in SWLondon for senior school, went to Africa on my own, then married someone in the Airforce. 27 married moves later finally am settled and as mentioned never want to move again. Have had some fantastic times and adventures, still up for adventure, just not moving house. I was definitely nomadic before coming to Oz, but content to explore Australia and travel overseas for holidays at last.

Edited February 9, 2018 by ramot

[Toots]

1 hour ago, ramot said:

Wait till you get to your 60's/70's. I never want to move again. The house that we have now lived in for the 15 years we have been in Oz is the longest I have ever lived in the same house in all my life. Father in the army, lived in Germany, went to 5 different Primary schools, lived in SWLondon for senior school, went to Africa on my own, then married someone in the Airforce. 27 married moves later finally am settled and as mentioned never want to move again. Have had some fantastic times and adventures, still up for adventure, just not moving house. I was definitely nomadic before coming to Oz, but content to explore Australia and travel overseas for holidays at last.

I'm the same Ramot.  Done a fair bit of living in different places in the UK then different countries then different states in Australia.  Don't much fancy moving from where we are now.  We will still go on holiday to various places but we will never move house again ............................  I hope.

[Zack]

On 29/01/2018 at 10:19, Clm said:

Hi , 

we as a family ( me, my OH and our two daughters) moved to Brisbane over two years ago.

However I still feel very unsettled - my OH and youngest daughter feel very settled. 

But myself and my eldest daughter 11 have struggled.

I miss home , friends and family, but the hardest thing I have found is genuine friendships?

i feel like there is not many people here - well I have yet to meet genuine sincere people. Who don't play mind games - take advantage of kindness , play keeping up with the jones - gossip or are just mean to friends when they are not around.

it just all seems very fake - I've sincerely met some of the rudest people in my life here! I'm not a negative dweller - far from it! I'm polite pleasant and will go out of my way to be kind and friendly. I miss friends that I could share problems with - that were kind , friends you can socialise with and  laugh till you cry. 

But I'm starting to feel like an alien here. What I think are basic morals , manners and respect - others don't ,and the whole - playing mind games within friendship isn't me.

I guess in my baffle , what I'm trying to say or ask is - how long before people made genuine friendships or has anyone else felt isolated or met these hurdles ? 

 

Thanks for reading ?

We have been here 32 years and never made genuine Australian friends. My  wife has made Friends ,through the art club she belongs to. We go to tea now and again and Xmas get togethers.But i would say they are just acquaintances. I have had Mates when i was working ,but not mates ,that wanted to take their wives out. they never wanted to go out for a meal in a group of couples to the RSL at Twin Towns at Coolangatta. The Pommy friends we had have all gone back to the UK .We used to go to Twin Towns at Coolangatta  all the time .But Aussies Don't seem to want to mix. Maybe it's  just Brisbane.  Brisbane Used to be known as a graveyard with lights. 

Edited March 21, 2018 by Zack
mistakes