bunbury61 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Hi Everyone. Not even sure how to begin this as I'm so confused right now, and so desperately unhappy. I've been in Oz since September, following my Australian husband out from the UK. It was traumatic, but the excitement and anticipation kind of eclipsed the bad stuff, and I felt pretty settled as we enjoyed our first 6 weeks or so in Sydney. Things started to go bad for me when the tenants vacated our house and we made the move to the Blue Mountains (aka the Blues Mountains!). I've always HATED being cold and damp, so the climate here in the upper mountains has been my worst nightmare, with temperatures sinking below 12 degrees and ghastly, freezing fog that is worse than any English winter - and this was in the summer! I feel horribly isolated, and as time has gone on, starting to wonder why the hell I moved here. It rains nearly every day, everything is constantly dripping water, my arthritis is giving me hell, and my dog and I were both recently covered in leeches from the quagmire that is our back yard. I have to say I'm not that impressed with Sydney either as every time I go there it's either p*ssing down with rain, or struggling with pathetic, insipid temperatures. My parents were good about me going, all things considered, but this is where the nightmare is really kicking in. My Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor just before I left the UK, and although it is benign and has now been treated, my Dad keeps having seizures and ended up in hospital (first of a number of admissions) on Xmas day. I feel so desperately, utterly guilty for leaving my parents, and the images of our goodbyes are haunting me to the point where I feel as though I'm losing my mind. I can't stop crying - I burst into tears for no apparent reason, and anything can set me off. Music, a film, even words in a book. Tears are pouring down my face right now. My doctor wants me to see a psychiatrist but I can't afford to -my financial situation is absolutely dire, and another reason for me being so depressed. I have nobody to talk to as I'm frightened of upsetting people. I don't want my husband to start hating me as I pushed so hard for this move, and if I mention any of this to my parents, I'm scared I'll give them false hope that I might come back. I just don't know what to do - I was desperate to leave the UK, but now I'm desperate to return. But I don't know if returning really would make me feel better as I've wanted out for years. I just wish to God that we'd moved to Spain or France - somewhere easily accessible to the UK. I'm really hating Australia right now. Overpriced, overrated! I'm so sick of being ripped off every time I go shopping to feed us - the prices here are beyond a joke. The weather is utter cr*p - you certainly can't rely on it, and I honestly think it's WORSE than the UK! I hate the way drivers crawl all over your bumper the minute you get on the road - but the police will have you if you go 1km over the speed limit. (My husband got an $800 fine recently on a trap). I hate being so poor, but most of all I HATE being so far from my loved ones. I just don't know what the hell to do. Either way, someone's going to end up being really badly hurt, whether it's my husband because I've walked out and headed home to the UK, or my family, if I decide to stay here. The price of my "dream" lifestyle is proving way too high - the dream wasn't anything like I thought it would be and has turned into a nightmare. All I can see is the pain in my parents' eyes as they waved goodbye to me and my dog. Knowing they'll probably never see my dog again - who they loved dearly. That our two dogs will never run together again. That it could even be the last time they saw me... I feel as though I'm going crazy with grief. I honestly believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life! God bless you beachbum.....my thoughts are genuinely with you .....dont despair it will work itself out .....australia doesn't suit everyone .....dont beat yourself up .....you made a mistake ...WE ALL DO ,ALL OF US ...some far bigger than yours ...the answer will come ...if you ask for it ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinknurse83 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Oh my goodness i really feel for you. I have just moved to queensland and nursed my nan through cancer then buried her 2 days prior to flying. So i understand having a family member ill is stressful enough then moving to the other side of the world on top is one ofthe most strenuous things you will ever doin life except for you your family member is still poorly. But be proud of what you have done and im sure going throuh this phase is just a respinse to all the stress you have experienced. Ut lets face it no country is perfect just try and look at the positives. However, where your living sounds terrible. We have stayed in the sunshine coast in qld, and now iv moved to Mackay for work. And its gorgeous, loads of beaches, hot (and humid)! More like what you may be after? And i think the cost of living may be lower than where you are as we dont find ittoo bad in comparison to the uk? But you must discuss with your husband. Just because it was your idea to move doesnt mean you cant have times when you think "what have i done", i love it yet still feel like that at times. Maybe try another part of australia as where you are doesn't sound the best? At the end of the day its all experience and wether its good or bad you will learn from it and nothings forever. But dont suffer in silence speak to people, even your family. It sounds like to me you are just having a bad time with some major life experiences. Dont be too hard on yourself. Most people wouldn't have the guts to do what you and your hubby have done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfndirt Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Hya, Very sorry to hear this... The only thing I would like to add is that, having been here 10 years, you are correct - Sydney in particular is complete and utter rubbish. As such, please be assured that there are other people (from all over the world) that get here (Sydney in particular) and hate it pretty much straight away. What is a real shame is the massive emphasis British people (most of whom have not been in Oz, or are upper middle class) put in Australia in general. This is backed up by a govt endorsed overseas propaganda campaign that enforces a utopia kinda view of place. In closing, you are correct, Sydney is rubbish unless you are a gazzilion-aire, the drivers are just hateful pretty much everywhere and basically the whole joint is in the process of going rapidly down-hill. Take this as you will but as someone who has been here a good while and very well set up - I can see it, and I agree...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Hya, Very sorry to hear this... The only thing I would like to add is that, having been here 10 years, you are correct - Sydney in particular is complete and utter rubbish. As such, please be assured that there are other people (from all over the world) that get here (Sydney in particular) and hate it pretty much straight away. What is a real shame is the massive emphasis British people (most of whom have not been in Oz, or are upper middle class) put in Australia in general. This is backed up by a govt endorsed overseas propaganda campaign that enforces a utopia kinda view of place. In closing, you are correct, Sydney is rubbish unless you are a gazzilion-aire, the drivers are just hateful pretty much everywhere and basically the whole joint is in the process of going rapidly down-hill. Take this as you will but as someone who has been here a good while and very well set up - I can see it, and I agree...... Well I have been here over 40 years and would not live in Sydney even if you paid me. Sorry to all those who live there and love it. You are correct unless you have mega dollars in the bank to live in the best suburbs life can be very difficult due to sky high prices. Melbourne is not far behind and sadly heading in the same direction. However having said that there are really nice places in Aus. We lived in Mudgee 3 hours from Sydney and loved it. We are now up on the Darling Downs in Qld. have a decent house we picked up for a 1/4 of what you would pay in Sydney or Melbourne. Weather is pretty good to though I would not say no to a bit of rain. The first thing to do BB is to talk to your husband just getting all you are feeling out in the open will be a huge relief, then you can both move forward with what ever you decide to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Have to say I would find Sydney difficult, too- but mainly because for me it seems so impersonal and I guess that is because I don't know anyone there. Have to admit it is a more beautiful looking place than Melbourne ,though. Really, I think it is all down to people- who you meet, what you are interested in, your job etc (still couldn't live in Perth though!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciaranmacgiolla Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 We had our good and bad days in the beginning, after about 18months we decided to look at going back, my brother said give it the full 2 yrs, he reckons it took him about 2 yrs to settle. 10 yrs on still here and loving it... Defo chat to someone, are u tied to there or can u move elsewhere... Melbourne? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisk1700 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 im sorry to hear you feel somewhat like this, but in some cases i can relate. iv been here just over 2 1/2 years, and after a recent spat of unemployment im sick of the place, im employed now but i absolutly hate my job and find it hard to think of anything else other than to just go home. its a huge decision you have to make, im 26 single and have no family or tie downs and its one of the hardest decisions i am ever going to make. i wish you the best of luck. australia is a great place but you need the support around you to make it work. if i was to offer any advice it would be keep busy. focus on something esle and channel what energy you have into that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 im sorry to hear you feel somewhat like this, but in some cases i can relate. iv been here just over 2 1/2 years, and after a recent spat of unemployment im sick of the place, im employed now but i absolutly hate my job and find it hard to think of anything else other than to just go home. its a huge decision you have to make, im 26 single and have no family or tie downs and its one of the hardest decisions i am ever going to make. i wish you the best of luck. australia is a great place but you need the support around you to make it work. if i was to offer any advice it would be keep busy. focus on something esle and channel what energy you have into that. Chrisk - the best advise I can offer you is being so young with no ties here if you feel the way you do - go home while you can. As you get older you will go through a stage of acceptance, but when you get older if those feelings start again of wanting to go home, the knowledge that you cant and never will be able to go back because of ties you have made in Aus is very hard to deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westie Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hi I am pretty new to this so bare with me. :cute: I feel for you and what you are going threw. I am in the same dilema and trying very hard to cope. I have actually booked a counselling sessions so that i do not burden friends with my issues, and also to get things of my chest. I have even started a little journal to write down my thoughts and feelings. I live in WA (WAIT A WHILE) although its not bad i feel cut off and lonely to. i keep thinking about leaving and returning to the UK where my family is. My husband loves it here. It is over priced here and there seems to be more sharks on the Land than in the sea. I hear stories from people a lot here and we to have been ripped off very badly. The last 2 years have been rough hubby had open heart surgery then had to have pace maker fitted, then he contracted an infection. He has just had a hip operation, and contracted another infection called (please excuse my spelling) Cellulitis Staphacolis. This has spread to his heart and on top of that had pre cancerous cells in bowel. Like you i want to leave but love hubby and feel so confused on what to do. Please try and speak to a coucellor they are so good at listening and might give you a new prospective on things. If you need to let of stem PM me please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beach pig Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hi I am pretty new to this so bare with me. :cute: I feel for you and what you are going threw. I am in the same dilema and trying very hard to cope. I have actually booked a counselling sessions so that i do not burden friends with my issues, and also to get things of my chest. I have even started a little journal to write down my thoughts and feelings.I live in WA (WAIT A WHILE) although its not bad i feel cut off and lonely to. i keep thinking about leaving and returning to the UK where my family is. My husband loves it here. It is over priced here and there seems to be more sharks on the Land than in the sea. I hear stories from people a lot here and we to have been ripped off very badly. The last 2 years have been rough hubby had open heart surgery then had to have pace maker fitted, then he contracted an infection. He has just had a hip operation, and contracted another infection called (please excuse my spelling) Cellulitis Staphacolis. This has spread to his heart and on top of that had pre cancerous cells in bowel. Like you i want to leave but love hubby and feel so confused on what to do. Please try and speak to a coucellor they are so good at listening and might give you a new prospective on things. If you need to let of stem PM me please. Sorry to here that about your husband, but with everything your husband has gone through and still wants to stay. Well you are in deep then. My misses miscarried our fourth baby due to medical negligence:arghh:here then my 2nd daughter got her face bitten off by a dog, then I was out of work for 8 months.been here seven years and what we have been through basically is telling us to go back. Can't take anymore. But we still get on with the daily grind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sorry to here that about your husband, but with everything your husband has gone through and still wants to stay. Well you are in deep then. My misses miscarried our fourth baby due to medical negligence:arghh:here then my 2nd daughter got her face bitten off by a dog, then I was out of work for 8 months.been here seven years and what we have been through basically is telling us to go back. Can't take anymore. But we still get on with the daily grind. Holy Cow BP that is awful, so very sorry to hear that. I hope your 2nd daughter is not to disfigured. Some people paint such a rosy picture of life down under, yet in reality many of us are doing it tough and when things are tough being where your heart is can be a great comfort, and if your gut is telling you to "go home" then maybe that is what you should do. I hope things improve for you very soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisk1700 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Chrisk - the best advise I can offer you is being so young with no ties here if you feel the way you do - go home while you can. As you get older you will go through a stage of acceptance, but when you get older if those feelings start again of wanting to go home, the knowledge that you cant and never will be able to go back because of ties you have made in Aus is very hard to deal with. hey, i appreciate any advice given to me be it what i want to hear or not. i fully understand your comments and also feel like its hard to leave now with the ties i already have. i dont wan to head back to the uk thinking its for the best to then realise the grass actually wasnt greener. its a horrible state of limbo, i love it but i hate it, also like i love england but i hate it, all i ever wanted to do was leave. my dilemma boils down to work. i hate my job, i hate panel beating, australia was my last chance with panel beating and i hate it. to stay in aus im looking at residency, with a skills assesment and circa 6-7k to boot. is it worth the investment? and with the visa taking some 8-12 months to process, will i last that long in my current job? gut feeling is no, heart says yes but im my own worrst enemy, i say what i feel and if i disagree you will no about it. Im the new guy at this place, and proving myself over and over is a chore yet this time i cant, im that unhappy it reflects in my work and that gets me further down. at least in england i can resort to another career, here im trapped with the conditions of the visa. the towel isnt far from being thrown.............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 hey, i appreciate any advice given to me be it what i want to hear or not. i fully understand your comments and also feel like its hard to leave now with the ties i already have. i dont wan to head back to the uk thinking its for the best to then realise the grass actually wasnt greener. its a horrible state of limbo, i love it but i hate it, also like i love england but i hate it, all i ever wanted to do was leave. my dilemma boils down to work. i hate my job, i hate panel beating, australia was my last chance with panel beating and i hate it. to stay in aus im looking at residency, with a skills assesment and circa 6-7k to boot. is it worth the investment? and with the visa taking some 8-12 months to process, will i last that long in my current job? gut feeling is no, heart says yes but im my own worrst enemy, i say what i feel and if i disagree you will no about it. Im the new guy at this place, and proving myself over and over is a chore yet this time i cant, im that unhappy it reflects in my work and that gets me further down. at least in england i can resort to another career, here im trapped with the conditions of the visa. the towel isnt far from being thrown.............. Would it be possible to take leave and go back for even a month ? Would that give you a better perspective as to where you really want to be ? Sadly bullying is everywhere be it in Au or the UK as you said at least in the UK it will be easier to look for a change of direction. Just dont feel you failed if you decide to go back Aus is not for everyone, and it is totally different to the UK in many respects. I wish you all the best with such a difficult decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisk1700 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 such an option is to expensive to consider, although favourable. its one or the other but for now the general feeling is ill be heading sooner rather than later. sanity and well being are worth more than the 'chance' of a better life in australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 such an option is to expensive to consider, although favourable. its one or the other but for now the general feeling is ill be heading sooner rather than later. sanity and well being are worth more than the 'chance' of a better life in australia. There is no better life in Australia. It's not better, it's not worse, it's just different. Some people will find that different lifestyle suits their personality and needs better, so they'll ultimately have a better life - some people will find it doesn't suit them, so they'll have a worse life. It's very individual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westie Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and the hell of losing a baby. Trying to prove medical negligence, is so hard. I feel like we get no answers from the hospitals but later find out that one of the hospitals has the worse infection rate and whats more paying out loads of money for private health care??? I have a new found respect for the NHS it really is a good thing. I am the same, all that has happened is it telling us to go back. I feel like i can not put any pressure on hubby at the moment, he has been threw so much. One day when i feel it is right i will talk to him. What ever decision you make as long as you are all together thats what matters at the end of the day. Yes money comes into play but at what cost to your health and family? I wish you all the good luck. westie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booma Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Hi Everyone. Not even sure how to begin this as I'm so confused right now, and so desperately unhappy. I've been in Oz since September, following my Australian husband out from the UK. It was traumatic, but the excitement and anticipation kind of eclipsed the bad stuff, and I felt pretty settled as we enjoyed our first 6 weeks or so in Sydney. Things started to go bad for me when the tenants vacated our house and we made the move to the Blue Mountains (aka the Blues Mountains!). I've always HATED being cold and damp, so the climate here in the upper mountains has been my worst nightmare, with temperatures sinking below 12 degrees and ghastly, freezing fog that is worse than any English winter - and this was in the summer! I feel horribly isolated, and as time has gone on, starting to wonder why the hell I moved here. It rains nearly every day, everything is constantly dripping water, my arthritis is giving me hell, and my dog and I were both recently covered in leeches from the quagmire that is our back yard. I have to say I'm not that impressed with Sydney either as every time I go there it's either p*ssing down with rain, or struggling with pathetic, insipid temperatures. My parents were good about me going, all things considered, but this is where the nightmare is really kicking in. My Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor just before I left the UK, and although it is benign and has now been treated, my Dad keeps having seizures and ended up in hospital (first of a number of admissions) on Xmas day. I feel so desperately, utterly guilty for leaving my parents, and the images of our goodbyes are haunting me to the point where I feel as though I'm losing my mind. I can't stop crying - I burst into tears for no apparent reason, and anything can set me off. Music, a film, even words in a book. Tears are pouring down my face right now. My doctor wants me to see a psychiatrist but I can't afford to -my financial situation is absolutely dire, and another reason for me being so depressed. I have nobody to talk to as I'm frightened of upsetting people. I don't want my husband to start hating me as I pushed so hard for this move, and if I mention any of this to my parents, I'm scared I'll give them false hope that I might come back. I just don't know what to do - I was desperate to leave the UK, but now I'm desperate to return. But I don't know if returning really would make me feel better as I've wanted out for years. I just wish to God that we'd moved to Spain or France - somewhere easily accessible to the UK. I'm really hating Australia right now. Overpriced, overrated! I'm so sick of being ripped off every time I go shopping to feed us - the prices here are beyond a joke. The weather is utter cr*p - you certainly can't rely on it, and I honestly think it's WORSE than the UK! I hate the way drivers crawl all over your bumper the minute you get on the road - but the police will have you if you go 1km over the speed limit. (My husband got an $800 fine recently on a trap). I hate being so poor, but most of all I HATE being so far from my loved ones. I just don't know what the hell to do. Either way, someone's going to end up being really badly hurt, whether it's my husband because I've walked out and headed home to the UK, or my family, if I decide to stay here. The price of my "dream" lifestyle is proving way too high - the dream wasn't anything like I thought it would be and has turned into a nightmare. All I can see is the pain in my parents' eyes as they waved goodbye to me and my dog. Knowing they'll probably never see my dog again - who they loved dearly. That our two dogs will never run together again. That it could even be the last time they saw me... I feel as though I'm going crazy with grief. I honestly believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life! you you were unhappy in the uk & you are unhappy in oz. maybe there is really something else you are unhappy about. i went to the blue mountains for the first time a couple of weeks ago & it was 31c the day i were there so maybe you arent seeing things as they really are because something else is wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 I always thought the Blue Mountains had typically British weather especially during the winter though it does gets very hot there in the summer. I wouldn't live there - all those trees and the risk of bushfires. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 you you were unhappy in the uk & you are unhappy in oz. maybe there is really something else you are unhappy about. i went to the blue mountains for the first time a couple of weeks ago & it was 31c the day i were there so maybe you arent seeing things as they really are because something else is wrong. Maybe the poster just doesn't like Aus as much as you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Maybe the poster just doesn't like Aus as much as you do? I think that is a distinct possibility to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 you you were unhappy in the uk & you are unhappy in oz. maybe there is really something else you are unhappy about. i went to the blue mountains for the first time a couple of weeks ago & it was 31c the day i were there so maybe you arent seeing things as they really are because something else is wrong. Believe it or not...some people do not like living in Oz, funny that as it is the "lucky country" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elmo01 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) I only read the first post and am sorry you feel this way. Guilt/homesickness isn't something you can just forget about unfortuneatly. Defo talk to your husband so he can share your burden and hopefully you find a solution that will make you both happy. I heard food and rent is very expensive but we worked out that after rent and food we would have 700-800 aud left (if we both got jobs for 700aud a week) Oh wow so sorry to hear about your daughters child its a horrible thing to overcome, my deepest sympathy Edited April 17, 2015 by elmo01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) i went to the blue mountains for the first time a couple of weeks ago & it was 31c the day i were there so maybe you arent seeing things as they really are because something else is wrong. It was 31c the day I went so it must be 31c every day and anyone who says it isn't always 31c must be wrong. Der. Edited April 18, 2015 by Ozmaniac Removed insult Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 I only read the first post and am sorry you feel this way. Guilt/homesickness isn't something you can just forget about unfortuneatly. Defo talk to your husband so he can share your burden and hopefully you find a solution that will make you both happy. I heard food and rent is very expensive but we worked out that after rent and food we would have 700-800 aud left (if we both got jobs for 700aud a week) Oh wow so sorry to hear about your daughters child its a horrible thing to overcome, my deepest sympathy Transport is another thing to factor in to your budget. Public transport costs are high and driving distance may come as a shock unless you can afford to live very close to the center of a major town, even then there are times you will need to travel for various reasons. For example we just drove 2.5 hours each way to go to a certain retailer, nothing unusual in that for us or most Aussies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elmo01 Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Transport is another thing to factor in to your budget. Public transport costs are high and driving distance may come as a shock unless you can afford to live very close to the center of a major town, even then there are times you will need to travel for various reasons. For example we just drove 2.5 hours each way to go to a certain retailer, nothing unusual in that for us or most Aussies. Yea in Darwin we know that our grocery shop is only done every 2 weeks and its 2.5hr drive each way so I'm expecting that . Not sure about where shops etc are in Perth to where were staying, hopefully not far. We aren't 100% staying forever maybe only 3 months (just depends on how we like it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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