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Found 12 results

  1. Faced with very difficult choice Our PR visa was granted in 03/2013 and at the time my husband didn't want to move to OZ. Two years fast forward and my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She has been battling the disease for almost 3 years now and we wanted to care for her but she refused to move in with us. She says she will only do so when she is incapacitated. We live 2 1/2 hours flight away from her and only see her twice a year. She has 2 other children that don't live in the same city as hers but her brother does and he has been a big help. Our 5 year visa expires in 03/2018. I still want to move to oz and my husband says that if his mother passes before the visa expires he will move. Part of me feels that our live has been on a hold for a while and I've been trying to let go of the tought of moving but can't get over it and if we did go I'm afraid that her and the whole family would resent us forever and I would probably regret being so selfish.
  2. Beachbum

    Biggest Mistake of my Life!

    Hi Everyone. Not even sure how to begin this as I'm so confused right now, and so desperately unhappy. I've been in Oz since September, following my Australian husband out from the UK. It was traumatic, but the excitement and anticipation kind of eclipsed the bad stuff, and I felt pretty settled as we enjoyed our first 6 weeks or so in Sydney. Things started to go bad for me when the tenants vacated our house and we made the move to the Blue Mountains (aka the Blues Mountains!). I've always HATED being cold and damp, so the climate here in the upper mountains has been my worst nightmare, with temperatures sinking below 12 degrees and ghastly, freezing fog that is worse than any English winter - and this was in the summer! I feel horribly isolated, and as time has gone on, starting to wonder why the hell I moved here. It rains nearly every day, everything is constantly dripping water, my arthritis is giving me hell, and my dog and I were both recently covered in leeches from the quagmire that is our back yard. I have to say I'm not that impressed with Sydney either as every time I go there it's either p*ssing down with rain, or struggling with pathetic, insipid temperatures. My parents were good about me going, all things considered, but this is where the nightmare is really kicking in. My Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor just before I left the UK, and although it is benign and has now been treated, my Dad keeps having seizures and ended up in hospital (first of a number of admissions) on Xmas day. I feel so desperately, utterly guilty for leaving my parents, and the images of our goodbyes are haunting me to the point where I feel as though I'm losing my mind. I can't stop crying - I burst into tears for no apparent reason, and anything can set me off. Music, a film, even words in a book. Tears are pouring down my face right now. My doctor wants me to see a psychiatrist but I can't afford to -my financial situation is absolutely dire, and another reason for me being so depressed. I have nobody to talk to as I'm frightened of upsetting people. I don't want my husband to start hating me as I pushed so hard for this move, and if I mention any of this to my parents, I'm scared I'll give them false hope that I might come back. I just don't know what to do - I was desperate to leave the UK, but now I'm desperate to return. But I don't know if returning really would make me feel better as I've wanted out for years. I just wish to God that we'd moved to Spain or France - somewhere easily accessible to the UK. I'm really hating Australia right now. Overpriced, overrated! I'm so sick of being ripped off every time I go shopping to feed us - the prices here are beyond a joke. The weather is utter cr*p - you certainly can't rely on it, and I honestly think it's WORSE than the UK! I hate the way drivers crawl all over your bumper the minute you get on the road - but the police will have you if you go 1km over the speed limit. (My husband got an $800 fine recently on a trap). I hate being so poor, but most of all I HATE being so far from my loved ones. I just don't know what the hell to do. Either way, someone's going to end up being really badly hurt, whether it's my husband because I've walked out and headed home to the UK, or my family, if I decide to stay here. The price of my "dream" lifestyle is proving way too high - the dream wasn't anything like I thought it would be and has turned into a nightmare. All I can see is the pain in my parents' eyes as they waved goodbye to me and my dog. Knowing they'll probably never see my dog again - who they loved dearly. That our two dogs will never run together again. That it could even be the last time they saw me... I feel as though I'm going crazy with grief. I honestly believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life!
  3. judyq

    big mistake ....

    Been awhile since i have posted so bear with me, wanted to tell our story and also to know what other people have done in our situation. We left the u.k for the sunshine coast in Spring, myself, partner and three children. The usual massive trauma and effort made including selling house,shipping everything we owned, selling stuff, farewell parties etc. Any person who says it is easy is lying,I think we were a little, naive,unprepared in many ways but we got on with it and slowly made a go of it all, my partner getting a good job, kids settling and my eldest daughter in particular embraced the sporty healthy life style and was so happy. After just a year the call came, my father seriously ill I came home within a few days, he was so ill I thought maybe even wouldn't make it. I have a sibling but my parents were struggling.I did all i could in three weeks then returned. When I look back now I have no idea why we did it, guilt, feeling we had no choice, i don't know but we made the decision to come back to support the family. Being so expensive the other way we borrowed alot of money, sold just about everything and returned this summer. I think we thought we had no choice but should have listened to our gut.All we did for the last month was cry, our eldest daughter devastated. To this day I don't know why we didn't look at other options, but we didn't and arrived, knowing almost immediately that we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. My father now home was and is well cared for, will never be the same but safe and warm and well supported. My family , on the other hand have been through hell. My partner could not find work,because we had been away we were unable to access any support and had to live in a friends caravan.Everywhere we went they were asking us to prove our right of residence despite being british and only away 14 months. We were desperate and nobody, including my parents seemed to have any idea what we had given up.Then you could say why would they, nobody asked us to come back although I think an expectation was there. We had nowhere to live, in three months going from employed in a nice rental and comfortable to homeless with no income, we had just had to present as home less when thank goodness my o.h got a job and we were able to secure a rental. Six months later we are miserable,bordering on depressed and my daughter skypes her friends in Australia every week.We have a wonderful relationship of near;y eighteen years but at times I have feared for it. We feel totally let down by friends, family, u.k everything. And it s all our fault !! Sorry for the rant but now the hard bit....my parents obviously think it for good and to be honest already take us for granted. I am torn between my family and their needs.I feel torn, a terrible daughter if i return to Australia but a terrible wife and mum if I deny my family a life they loved so much . It isa condition of our visa that we must return by 2016 or my partner would lose the right to enter Australia. There is no easy answer,we have to go back and want to like a physical pain but obviously have no money,now owe alot to a family member and have to leave aging parents who will be devastated!! What a mess!! My first regret is that we did it at all....we lost so much and will never be the same...we were quite content before we left.My far bigger regret however is coming back and sacrificing my family to be a 'good daughter'. Thanks for reading this, know there are no easy answers but would love to hear any input or if anyone has had a similar experience. xxx
  4. I guess this is what it says on the tin. Love Australia, would like to give it another go, potential job opportunities have come up whilst they're disappearing here, BUT my main issue is the guilt of leaving my Dad behind (he's 82 & wouldn't travel), and we have a 2 year old who he really enjoys seeing. What do people do to minimise this? Skype is great, but he seemed to have alot of problems with it!! Thanks:wink:
  5. knew it was too good to be true, my parents were being very positive and upbeat since we had our visa but now weve booked our flights its all change and the guilt trip, mood swings and negativity starts. they know we have to rent the house out as its not selling and say they agree its a good idea given the market and also if we need to come back but obviously we will have to save like mad from now till jan so my dad says were stupid going with not enough money and no job etc etc which yes i see his point but its like they think we havent thought any of this thru or that im incapable of making correct decisions for myself and my family. i love them and will miss them and cant wait to be able to show them round australia but at the same time im happy to finally be able to cut my apron strings, i just dont need the negativity and attitude it hacks me off:no:
  6. Hi everyone I know some of you have probably gone through this already but any advice , encouragement and support welcome We are moving to Oz early part of next year, we recently told my parents who initially took the news very well, however, having had time to reflect on this their emotions are running very high and we had a showdown last night where by my dad is absolutely devastated that we are taking the grandkids away (12 and 9) My parents have and still play a huge part in our childrens lives and it is heartbreaking to see my kids and my parents so devastated. It starts to make you think why are we doing this and then all the positives start to come out.. my 12 year old son is taking this move especially hard Please can anyone give me some advice on how to keep strong and handle this situation Thanks in anticipation hazelxx:sad:
  7. I am being put on a huge guilt trip by family and being called all sorts of things, selfish mainly, for announcing Im moving back to the U.K. It got me wondering, how many others were treated in a similar way when they moved to Aus or back to the U.K?
  8. This is another one of those struggling to make a decision posts, there are certainly a few of us. I have been here almost 2 years and am finding it all very difficult. I don't actually miss the UK, it's just the family. I have huge guilt issues. I know we all have the right to make our own decisions and live how we choose, but what about those back at home who have been forced into difficult circumstances and you know that by going home you can make their lives easier. I have a sister whose children have an serious health condition, was diagnosed the week before I left UK, My Mum is not in the best health, physically or mentally, I lost my Brother 18mths ago. How can I leave my sister to cope with yet more difficulty with my Mum? and my inlaws are just so devastated that their only grandchildren live on the other side of the world. I actually love living in Australia but i'm just not sure I can carry around this guilt anymore. My husband loves it here, my kids are all happy. Despite having a great deal of emotional trauma the last 2 years I always try to remain positive and get the most out of life. We have to make a decision in the next 6 months, My husband's employers want to take him on permanently at the end of his contact, we are here on a 457 We can't just stay a few more years and then decide which would be the ideal, as this solution will totally mess up my son's secondary education. I know there is no magical answer but I just had to get this off my chest to those who are in the know of just how hard it can be. I'm off home in a few weeks for a visit, not sure this will bring any insight into the best thing to do but I can always hope!
  9. Hi, we have just told the relatives here that we are going home and while they have tried to understand (although they can't grasp it at all)and be supportive- they are obviously devastated- particularly my MIL & FIL as they are in their mid 70's and not in the best of health to fly. We have only been here 4 months but knew from day one we hated it and it has got worse every day. We've made friends here but we feel like aliens. We had a lovely life in the UK but felt our 3 young children were missing out on all their family here-the trouble is my husband left Oz over 20 years ago and feels like he belongs in the UK. The family here are wonderful, aunts uncles etc-but ours are the youngest grandchildren by far and we feel so terrible to be takng them away but just feel like the walls are closing in. The emotional stress this is putting on my husband is huge- as well as a very stressful job long hours with 4+ hours a day commute and the stress of moving here in the first place and knowing it is wrong. I know that we can't live our lives for other people but hurting people when you've raised there expectations is just horrible-has anyone had a similar situation.:sad:
  10. Guest

    Struggling with guilt

    Hi everyone. I was just hoping someone else would help me with my dilema and let me know if they have been in the same position. My parents are very upset about the thought of us moving. I have had my mum in tears and my Dad telling me that I shouldn't take their grandchildren away. I believe moving would be the best thing to do for myself and my children but I finding the guilt very hard to deal with. It seems to be a no win situation. Either my partner or I will be away from our family wherever we live. Can anyone relate? Ruth :frown:
  11. My parents have been over today to look after my daughter due to the teachers strike. Although we have discussed our desire to move to Oz with them before we had not discussed anything concrete. My mum was pretty harsh when I first told her- I was the most selfish daughter ever etc. Then we decided to keep our progress quiet and they seemed to assume we had changed our minds. Anyway, I decided that as we have our visas now and are looking for jobs, they needed to know. I was expecting a load of abuse, which now I almost wish I had got instead. I told them then started to cry, then my mum started to cry and said it was okay, she didn't blame me and could understand why we wanted to go. Then I had to go to work and had a really stressful day. Then to top it all off, when it was time for my parents to go home my 6 year old clung to Nanny's leg sobbing for her not to go, she would miss her too much - they are only 45 mins away and we will be seeing them next week! How the heck am I going to cope with the guilt of taking my mother's grandchildren away? I feel like a complete s**t. Really sorry about the depressing rant, I thought it might make me feel better to write it down but actually it doesn't...:sad:.:cry:
  12. kellyjamie

    Given the guilt trip again!!!

    Hi all, apologies if i ramble but im so bloody peeved off this morning. We wont be moving to OZ for about another 2 years yet so plenty of time, anyhow my mum and dad were up last night and were all having an enjoyable relaxed pancake feast when my mum begins this conversation!!!......... "i spoke to anne (her friend) last nite who was asking how your plans are going, and i told her you will defo be going to oz, and that we will visit ONCE just to see where you settle, and then when i thought about it, i realised that after that initial visit, me and dad will never see you all ever again!!" at which point i was ready to start getting into the discussion but just thought whats the point?? she,ll just say that theyre only ever visiting once etc etc. and im very close to my parents and they are the only thing thats making me scared to go so this continual guilt trip is making it 100 times worse!!!! shes sly aswell as its never said in a nasty way so as to annoy me but always in a nice make me feel awful way, i know many of you go through this but how do you cope when you get there? i just wish theyd say go for it and we,ll visit:sad::cry::sad: