Hi Everyone. Not even sure how to begin this as I'm so confused right now, and so desperately unhappy. I've been in Oz since September, following my Australian husband out from the UK. It was traumatic, but the excitement and anticipation kind of eclipsed the bad stuff, and I felt pretty settled as we enjoyed our first 6 weeks or so in Sydney. Things started to go bad for me when the tenants vacated our house and we made the move to the Blue Mountains (aka the Blues Mountains!). I've always HATED being cold and damp, so the climate here in the upper mountains has been my worst nightmare, with temperatures sinking below 12 degrees and ghastly, freezing fog that is worse than any English winter - and this was in the summer! I feel horribly isolated, and as time has gone on, starting to wonder why the hell I moved here. It rains nearly every day, everything is constantly dripping water, my arthritis is giving me hell, and my dog and I were both recently covered in leeches from the quagmire that is our back yard. I have to say I'm not that impressed with Sydney either as every time I go there it's either p*ssing down with rain, or struggling with pathetic, insipid temperatures. My parents were good about me going, all things considered, but this is where the nightmare is really kicking in. My Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor just before I left the UK, and although it is benign and has now been treated, my Dad keeps having seizures and ended up in hospital (first of a number of admissions) on Xmas day. I feel so desperately, utterly guilty for leaving my parents, and the images of our goodbyes are haunting me to the point where I feel as though I'm losing my mind.
I can't stop crying - I burst into tears for no apparent reason, and anything can set me off. Music, a film, even words in a book. Tears are pouring down my face right now. My doctor wants me to see a psychiatrist but I can't afford to -my financial situation is absolutely dire, and another reason for me being so depressed. I have nobody to talk to as I'm frightened of upsetting people. I don't want my husband to start hating me as I pushed so hard for this move, and if I mention any of this to my parents, I'm scared I'll give them false hope that I might come back. I just don't know what to do - I was desperate to leave the UK, but now I'm desperate to return. But I don't know if returning really would make me feel better as I've wanted out for years. I just wish to God that we'd moved to Spain or France - somewhere easily accessible to the UK.
I'm really hating Australia right now. Overpriced, overrated! I'm so sick of being ripped off every time I go shopping to feed us - the prices here are beyond a joke. The weather is utter cr*p - you certainly can't rely on it, and I honestly think it's WORSE than the UK! I hate the way drivers crawl all over your bumper the minute you get on the road - but the police will have you if you go 1km over the speed limit. (My husband got an $800 fine recently on a trap). I hate being so poor, but most of all I HATE being so far from my loved ones.
I just don't know what the hell to do. Either way, someone's going to end up being really badly hurt, whether it's my husband because I've walked out and headed home to the UK, or my family, if I decide to stay here. The price of my "dream" lifestyle is proving way too high - the dream wasn't anything like I thought it would be and has turned into a nightmare. All I can see is the pain in my parents' eyes as they waved goodbye to me and my dog. Knowing they'll probably never see my dog again - who they loved dearly. That our two dogs will never run together again. That it could even be the last time they saw me... I feel as though I'm going crazy with grief. I honestly believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life!