Guest Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 We're heading to the UK at the end of the month. I'm dismayed to hear I sound miserable - I used to be such a Pollyanna! I think being in limbo - are we moving, are we not moving, where are we going, how long for, can we afford it - has been wearing me down lately! Not that I see it as "heading back". I do not see the UK as "home" any more - this is a new adventure. I don't think you sound miserable Marisa. I think you're realistic about some of the difficulties inherent in moving countries again, so approaching it as another adventure sounds very sensible to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I don't know your wife.But I know women, so in a way I do. So I know she won't leave as she prefers it here. You'll have to suck it up. You're right, she does prefer Melbourne to the UK, but not as much as she thought she would. When we lived in England, and then in Queensland, she had this notion that Melbourne would be the place that she'd want to settle for good - a European-type city within Australia with all of the advantages that that entails. But, nearly five years in, she's realised that it's just a place like any other really. Some parts nice, some parts not so nice, and a lot of it fairly average. If we can afford to stay then we will, but being able to afford it is the bottom line isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 I don't think you sound miserable Marisa. I think you're realistic about some of the difficulties inherent in moving countries again, so approaching it as another adventure sounds very sensible to me. There are one or two people here who are determined to see me as an "Australia hater", but I'm not - I do try to be realistic. In fact I'd be the first to encourage a single person or young couple to come to Australia for a few years - because when you're young and without ties, living in other countries is a great way to broaden the mind, and it's fairly cheap to do. It does scare me, though, when I see couples planning to emigrate with children in tow, talking about "living the dream" and "a better life". If it doesn't work out - and with unrealistic expectations like that, it probably won't - they eventually find themselves back in the UK, at least $100,000 poorer than when they started. Alternatively, they find themselves stuck in Australia living a less happy life, because they don't want to admit to themselves or their families that they made a mistake. Those are often the people who are most defensive about Australia, because they don't even want to hear any negatives lest it makes them face their own unhappiness. "Methinks thou doth protest too much", as the saying goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) I was perfectly happy with the adventure that was Australia until my husband changed the goalposts on me and declared he had no intention of ever living in UK again. We'd both been married so long we took for granted that we knew what the other was thinking. I can honestly say that the day those iron bars clanged shut the depression kicked in big time. I know exactly where you're coming from Quoll. When I met my partner she'd basically escaped to the UK from an unhappy situation in Brisbane - massive work stress, hating the QLD climate and being totally bored of what Brissy had to offer her as a single woman. From how she described the place, and how happy she was to be living in London in those days, I made the lazy assumption that she never wanted to return to Australia. More fool me! In fairness though, I wasn't the only one guilty of making assumptions. She assumed that I would jump at the chance of moving to Australia, because, hey, all British people would love to, right?!. Wrong! :nah: Oh dear, the curse of assuming that you know what your other half is thinking! :wink: Edited April 6, 2015 by User70277 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I went back for twelve years, including six years without coming to Australia. Perhaps I should have stayed for good, or at least another six years to get a better pension from Royal Mail. It's strange looking back, at how those twelve years developed. My parents had moved seven miles north to Marchwood, away from Blackfield, where I grew up. At first, I missed Blackfield, but eventually, Marchwood became my 'home.' Going back to live is like 'emigrating' all over again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sustain Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I feel quite settled wherever I am as I have balance in my mind and soul. Will forever be moving as that is in my nature I pass on choice and capability for my kids to choose where ever they wish to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I feel quite settled wherever I am as I have balance in my mind and soul. Will forever be moving as that is in my nature I pass on choice and capability for my kids to choose where ever they wish to be. Doesn't bother my hubby niether he will settle anywhere " my hubby doesn't miss home like me lol he misses certain things but he's not like me ha ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 He would go back if I stamped mt feet and threw a fit though haha but I won't do that wouldn't be right ! ...but obviously if he couldn't get work he would have no choice but I doubt it will come to that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 I went back for twelve years, including six years without coming to Australia. Perhaps I should have stayed for good, or at least another six years to get a better pension from Royal Mail. It's strange looking back, at how those twelve years developed. My parents had moved seven miles north to Marchwood, away from Blackfield, where I grew up. At first, I missed Blackfield, but eventually, Marchwood became my 'home.' Going back to live is like 'emigrating' all over again! What made you decide to move back to Australia after those twelve years? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicF Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 People change, circumstances change, what suits you today may not suit tomorrow. You don't have to migrate half way across the world to change your life and you don't have to change your life just because you have moved. The idea that one country will automatically offer a better life is flawed (in the same way that thinking your life will change just because you loose weight is flawed) although sometimes it takes a big move to push us in to making the changes to our lives to make them better. Australia has been good for us as the area we live in now has more to offer for our kids than the one we left in the UK. My eldest is able to take himself off to events that he enjoys and there are far more sporting activities for my youngest than he had in the UK. The heat has never really been that much of an issue for us and hasn't stopped us doing anything - on a really hot day we would just opt to go to the outdoor pool rather than kicking a ball on the oval. Financially we are worse off but we always knew we would be. We could have moved in to an area with more to offer in the UK but we would have taken a similar hit financially and we would not have been near any family. At least here we are near my OHs family. Australia is home for now but who knows what the future holds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I so dislike that "Living the dream"thing.No one lives the dream!We all live with reality,and all that it entails,the good bad and ugly,where ever we live!"Living the dream"insinuates that somehow you'll move and all will be a perfect dream of what you expect it to be like. Marisa,I have never thought you sounded miserable.Realistic and balances yes,but never miserable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I so dislike that "Living the dream"thing.No one lives the dream!We all live with reality,and all that it entails,the good bad and ugly,where ever we live!"Living the dream"insinuates that somehow you'll move and all will be a perfect dream of what you expect it to be like.Marisa,I have never thought you sounded miserable.Realistic and balances yes,but never miserable! Spot on Jacaranda! If there's one thing that makes me want to chunder, it's the "Golden ticket" for the "new life" to "Live the dream" and the "better life/style for the kids". It's life, you only have one of them, get on with it! It'd be lovely if the plane trip to Aus endowed you with a bank balance of a couple of million, 50 more IQ points and a face and body like Elle McPherson (or Hugh Jackman for the boys - well, maybe no, not him, he's had skin cancers taken off) but it doesn't - it takes a lot of money, a lot of emotional stress and a good deal of intestinal fortitude and you end up with "life" just as you had it before but in a different place. As an aside - having lived in Australia for around half my life I'm still bemused that the Poms insist on calling it Oz - visions of red heels and yellow brick roads!(which may be why they're intent to live the dream? LOL, they're just confused about where they'll be ending up) Few if any of the Aussies I know ever call it that although there are a few businesses that do it - probably with tongue firmly in cheek at the allusion! Marisa - I've never seen you as miserable! You're far more balanced than I am! Good luck with the next step I your adventure ladder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Spot on Jacaranda! If there's one thing that makes me want to chunder, it's the "Golden ticket" for the "new life" to "Live the dream" and the "better life/style for the kids". It's life, you only have one of them, get on with it! It'd be lovely if the plane trip to Aus endowed you with a bank balance of a couple of million, 50 more IQ points and a face and body like Elle McPherson (or Hugh Jackman for the boys - well, maybe no, not him, he's had skin cancers taken off) but it doesn't - it takes a lot of money, a lot of emotional stress and a good deal of intestinal fortitude and you end up with "life" just as you had it before but in a different place. As an aside - having lived in Australia for around half my life I'm still bemused that the Poms insist on calling it Oz - visions of red heels and yellow brick roads!(which may be why they're intent to live the dream? LOL, they're just confused about where they'll be ending up) Few if any of the Aussies I know ever call it that although there are a few businesses that do it - probably with tongue firmly in cheek at the allusion! Marisa - I've never seen you as miserable! You're far more balanced than I am! Good luck with the next step I your adventure ladder. You and Marisa are both balanced as far as I am concerned. And you have both 'been there, done that' so always worth paying attention to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadas Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I know exactly where you're coming from. We arrived here more by default than intention. It was our fourth country since leaving the uk so we were never approaching this as a 'golden ticket' My wife and I are in a fortunate position that I have a great job, but I don't really feel that I belong here. We won't be leaving anytime soon as our kids enjoy it, schools are great and quality of life suits them. So while, deep down we would prefer to be back in Spain or France, that is for when the kids have left home. That knowledge does make for difficult periods sometimes when this place frustrates me, but they sort themselves out and you get on with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 What made you decide to move back to Australia after those twelve years? My life in both Australia and the UK has been a series of opportunities, and being in the right place at the right time. I came here in 1978 on a WHV, and before my visa ran out, the government held an amnesty for illegal immigrants, and I was here before the cut off date, so I got permanent residence. Then in 1996, I was made redundant from my job in Sydney after 15 years, which really upset me, but I bought a round-the-world ticket and went back to England to see my parents, intending to stay for up to a year. Two weeks after I got to England, I applied for a temporary job with Royal Mail in Southampton, and I ended up staying there for twelve years. It was a great job, maybe the best one I've had, but I always intended to come back to Sydney, and after my parents died, I did come back, as I have a brother here, and no family in England. I could have stayed in England, and perhaps I should have done, at least until I retired from Royal Mail. Odd really, as I doubt if either of my brothers would have come to OZ, if I hadn't 'blazed the trail' yet I was also the only one who went back to England. Now, I've 'emigrated' three times, twice to Australia, and once to England, and it's been much the same experience each time. It's not the same as going for a holiday! You are going to 'live' there, get a job, forge new social links. Maybe I'm actually getting better at it! 'Practice makes perfect!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I know exactly where you're coming from. We arrived here more by default than intention. It was our fourth country since leaving the uk so we were never approaching this as a 'golden ticket' My wife and I are in a fortunate position that I have a great job, but I don't really feel that I belong here. We won't be leaving anytime soon as our kids enjoy it, schools are great and quality of life suits them. So while, deep down we would prefer to be back in Spain or France, that is for when the kids have left home. That knowledge does make for difficult periods sometimes when this place frustrates me, but they sort themselves out and you get on with it. I went on a South Pacific cruise in February, with two stops in New Caledonia, in Noumea, and The Isle of Pines. I've been there before, 35 years ago, but that was a resort holiday. This time, I got to see Noumea itself, and it's a 'proper' French city. I thought 'I'm coming back here for a few weeks.' Perhaps, if you miss France, and you have not been to New Caledonia, that would give you your French 'fix?' I got talking to a lady on a souvenir stall on The Isle of Pines, and we had a nice little 'half French/half English conversation. She was from near Calais and had met and married a guy on The Isle of Pines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I so dislike that "Living the dream"thing.No one lives the dream!We all live with reality,and all that it entails,the good bad and ugly,where ever we live!"Living the dream"insinuates that somehow you'll move and all will be a perfect dream of what you expect it to be like.Marisa,I have never thought you sounded miserable.Realistic and balances yes,but never miserable! I can't remember if I ever thought I would be 'living the dream!?" (Who coined that expression?) I think I had this vague idea that Aussies were all like the Australian Cricket team (especially Dennis Lillee, Rod Marsh and Jeff Thomson) and they did their schooling on the radio, and needed The Flying Doctor when they got sick. I still remember going into my cabin on the ship at Singapore, to meet my first three Aussies, all of whom shook my hand. I just 'lived the life' rather than 'lived the dream.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Best way MR!I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations when they think they'll be "Living the dream" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I so dislike that "Living the dream"thing.No one lives the dream!We all live with reality,and all that it entails,the good bad and ugly,where ever we live!"Living the dream"insinuates that somehow you'll move and all will be a perfect dream of what you expect it to be like.Marisa,I have never thought you sounded miserable.Realistic and balances yes,but never miserable! Never got that "Living The Dream" thing either. What the heck does it mean anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Never got that "Living The Dream" thing either. What the heck does it mean anyway? No idea but I have been struck by how fine is the line between dream and nightmare for many migrants. Didn't Tatts have it as a slogan once? (May still do for all I know) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I also don't get how when you move 10,000 miles away you suddenly get given more hours of the day?People complain they have no time in the UK for "Quality family time"or whatever,and for some reason think that emigrating will suddenly magic them more time?:laugh:No one lives in a dream.We all live in reality!And guess what folks?You create that reality where-ever you live!:daydreaming: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 We're heading to the UK at the end of the month. I'm dismayed to hear I sound miserable - I used to be such a Pollyanna! I think being in limbo - are we moving, are we not moving, where are we going, how long for, can we afford it - has been wearing me down lately! Not that I see it as "heading back". I do not see the UK as "home" any more - this is a new adventure. despite what @parleycross thinks, I do not think you sound miserable. You are a voice of reason & reality on this forum, and it seems that being honest and open, is the new miserable... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bora Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) Never got that "Living The Dream" thing either. What the heck does it mean anyway? I think (through my own experience and through hindsight), that living the dream means the bit before it actually happens. The excitement and run up to the realisation/accomplishment of one's goals or aspirations. That's living the dream, working your way to the actual event itself. Once it has been achieved, you've effectively lived the dream (notice past tense), and then it's business as usual. Edited April 6, 2015 by Bora Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 One different point I will make is that if or when you leave a country and return to your original one, because lots of things were wrong, it's not unusual after a while to forget or minimise the unpleasant aspects, and to remember the good. I can speak from experience, having moved countries several times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bora Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 One different point I will make is that if or when you leave a country and return to your original one, because lots of things were wrong, it's not unusual after a while to forget or minimise the unpleasant aspects, and to remember the good.I can speak from experience, having moved countries several times. I agree Ramot, which is why people consider ping ponging. And sometimes the memories of why I returned fade and I might daydream about the good bits. That's when a reality check is needed and to trust yourself implicitly that you didn't make a mistake returning. It's because your in the right place second time around that you forget the bad bits at a faster rate than you remember the good bits, which is a good signal IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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